Chapter 4

Kel was just about to grab her Glaive and head down to the practice courts when there was a knock at her door. She was startled to see Alanna standing there. " oh, lady Alanna, Im sorry it must be later than I thought. I will be ready in just a minute."

" No, Kel, Please sit down, I'd rather talk with you than practice if that's allright?"

" of course milady, please have a seat. What did you want to talk about?"

" You actually Kel. I saw you this afternoon, you were sitting with Sergeant Domitan then all of sudden you were up and running off towards your rooms, I wanted to know if you were ok? Do I need to have Raoul give him a lesson in jousting?" Kel opened her mouth to answer but Alanna cut in, " … and before you try and tell me it was nothing and you're ok, remember I am married to the Spymaster of Tortall and I know more than a little bit about how to tell if people are lying, even if those people happen to have a Yamani mask."

Kel gave the older knight a shocked look. " Well first off, please don't tell Raoul I was upset, he is so happy right now I don't want anything to ruin it for him. Second, Dom was being a perfect gentleman, I was just being silly, but really I am fine now." Kel gave Alanna what she hoped was a winning smile that would dispel her concerns. Alanna wasn't buying it.

" Do you want to tell me what it was that was so silly that it had you running for your rooms looking like you were about to cry? Sometimes it helps to talk to a woman and since Buri and Yuki seem rather occupied I can do my best. I am not exactly a traditional woman, but I can do my best."

Kel almost giggled at Alanna's comment, to say she wasn't a traditional female had to be the understatement of the century. Kel thought a minute, if anyone would understand it would be Lady Alanna.

" Can I ask, Lady Alanna, how did you meet your husband?"

Alanna was ready for almost anything but the question took her by surprise. She was certain everyone in Tortall had heard the story by now.

" Well, I met him when I was a page, I was disguised as a boy then as you know and we formed a odd sort of friendship. He taught me some unconventional fighting methods and I went to him when I needed a healing woman. His mother, Eleni, taught me how to be a girl when I was a squire and helped me sort out all those girly feelings I wasn't so good with. He was always my friend and he just eventually became my lover. He waited for me to be ready and then we married. Why do you ask?"

" Well, its just… do you think I'll ever find someone. Someone who can see past the fact I'm a knight, someone who will even notice I am a girl. All the men I know, I command them or fight with them. To them I am asexual, like it comes as a shock to them that I am even female. Its just lonely I guess. Like I said to Dom, I love my job and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but why do I have to give up everything for it when no one else does."

They sat in silence for a while, Alanna studying the young woman before her. What Kel was saying was oddly reminiscing of what she had felt as a young woman. Finally she spoke,

" I can't tell you who he is, but Kel trust me there is some guy out there who will love you for everything you are, I can't possibly have gotten the only man who is sensible or crazy enough to love a lady knight. Listen, if I was able to marry and have three children, I don't see why you should be any different at all. Give it time and don't be ashamed to remind those boys that you are female."

Kel smiled, she hadn't thought it would, but talking to Alanna had helped. "Thanks Lady Alanna. Now, are you sure you don't want to do a little bit of practice with the Glaive? I am going to do a few exercises before I turn in"

" Sure youngling, but I'll keep it brief, I have to get at least a little sleep tonight and I plan to beg a massage off George before bed, my back is nothing but a giant ache."