Sing Me To Sleep, a doctor who fanfic

Hello again, dearies! Let me just say, I don't own Doctor Who or any of it's characters - That's BBC. I also don't own 'Asleep' by the Smiths - the Smiths own that.

I really love the song, and I thought it'd make a cool fanfiction... so, yeah... Thanks :)

Shock. Pain. Misery. Emptiness. Numbness. Horror. Ripping. Tearing. Dying.

Any of these could be used to describe the Doctor as he walked across the grated floor of the T.A.R.D.I.S. Most of them would be accurate. But the thing that would describe every multi-faceted thought in his mind.

Alone.

Donna had promised him forever. She had said she would be there for him, no matter what. To hold his hand. To help him. To knock him down a peg when his ego got the best of him.

She had promised him forever. But now, forever was lost, along with her memories. All because she had saved the lives of billions.

Cruel justice, is what it was. The Doctor had always been the one saving the world and such, and he had always lost the things he cared about. Was is not fair that it happened to everyone else who tried to save people as well? But not only did Donna lose. So did the Doctor. The Doctor always seemed to lose. Sacrifices were always made, and the things he cared about were lost to the darkness.

But this, this was different. He not only lost something he cared about. No. He lost something he loved.

He had always loved each of his companions, to some degree. Sarah-Jane he had loved closely, like a sister, because they were so much alike. They each had inquisitive minds and curious hearts, but they were closer to siblings that lovers. Rose, he had loved closely, but still, she had always been...different. Not really taking him down a notch when he probably needed to be taken down. Not really interefering or stepping in his way when he needed someone to block his path. He had loved her, but as best mates. Not exactly lovers. He loved Martha, but it was a platonic love. More like a distant cousin that a lover.

But Donna...Donna was different. Fiery, and strong-willed, and steadfast, and...brilliant. She was never afraid of speaking her mind, and she seemed to contradict him in everything. Which was sometimes a good thing. She had never been afraid to take him down a notch, or tell him the bone-jarring truth, even when it hurt. She'd comfort him, but she wouldn't lighten the blow, which was something he needed. She was there for him. She was close to him. She'd grown on him. Even though they argued and bantered,she was always there for him. Also, she saw him as an alien. None of the others really saw the rattling truth of just how alien he was - they tried to think of him as a normal bloke that had a time-traveling police box. But Donna... she knew. And she wasn't afraid to tell him that either!

And now... it was gone. A fall. That's all it took for him to lose everthing. A simple fall. A bump on the head, and it was all gone.

Now, as he dragged himself to the controls of the T.A.R.D.I.S., he wondered when it would end. The vicious cycle of picking up someone who he thought would make a nice companion, growing close to them, getting attached to them, and having them ripped away in an instant.

In a way, he saw it was a vicious sort of poetic justice. He had taken things away from them ; normalcy, family, friends. He had whisked them away, putting their lives in jeopardy every time he led them out on another adventure. He selfishly risked their own lives, just so he could have a bit of company on his seemingly never-ending journey. Then, as he grew attached to them, they were whisked away. Ripped away from his life, leaving a gaping hole in it's wake. He just wondered how many more holes could be torn before there was nothing left. He knew the answer: none. No more could be torn. Because Donna was gone. Donna was gone, and there was nothing left. Nothing but a few fragile memories, and memories fade.

Sometimes he just wanted it to end. Everything to just fade to black. Dissappear. Sometimes he longed for his hearts to still. For his respiratory bypass to freeze. For everthing to end.

Sometimes, he wished for death.

After all, hadn't he lived long enough? He was almost a millinium old - hadn't he had enough? Seen enough? Done enough? Surely there were others that could run around, protecting the human race and all that. Wasn't it time for him to take a permanent vacation? Was he finally past retirement age?

The Doctor didn't know. He couldn't think. Couldn't function correctly.

His fingers were clumsy as they swept across the control panel. sending the T.A.R.D.I.S. whizzing up into the time vortex, and letting it float in the stream of time.

He turned and walked slowly from the control panel, walking down the long hallway until he came to Donna's room, where he promply opened the door and stepped inside.

Everything screamed Donna. The lingering smell of vanilla, the color of the walls, the pictures on the nightstand. Even the bed spoke of Donna.

The Doctor crossed over to the bed, sitting on the soft comforter before swinging his legs over the side and resting his head on the pillow that still smelled of Donna. His eyes slid closed, and he wished he could just burrow down into some dark corner of his mind and never come out.

Sing me to sleep

I'm tired and I

I want to go to bed

The Doctor could imagine Donna's voice, talking to him, calling to him. He could almost feel her, hugging him, holding his hand.

Sing me to sleep

And then leave me alone

The Doctor just wanted to be left alone with his memories. Wanted to revel in Donna's presence in his mind.

Don't try to wake me in the morning

'Cause I will be gone

Don't feel bad for me

I want you to know

Deep in the cell of my heart

I will feel so glad to go

The Doctor would be glad to go. To just drift off into nonexistance, never having to go through all the pain and suffering of loss anymore. Wishing he could just melt into the T.A.R.D.I.S. and never leave. Wish he would never have to return anymore. It would be a pleasure to be able to do that. A blissful escape that would make him extradorinarily happy.

Sing me to sleep

I don't want to wake up

On my own anymore

Sing me to sleep

I don't want to wake up

On my own anymore

Or maybe that would be better than death. Having Donna back in his arms. Feeling her warmth. Seeing that flash of ginger hair as they ran. Waking up in the morning to see her face. Being with her. That would be better - a life of bliss.

Don't feel bad for me

I want you to know

Deep in the cell of my heart

I will be glad to go

But since that was impossible, he would settle for death. It would be peaceful.

There is another world

There is a better world

Well, there must be..

Well, there must be...

Well, there msut be...

Well...

There had to be a better world out there, right? One free of sorrow and pain. One free of loss and suffering. One where he could see Donna again one day. Right?

Bye bye

Bye...

He could feel himself slipping, falling into the darkest corners of his mind. Tumbling end over end into the dark abyss that resided in the corner of his soul. Leaving his body, and moving on.

Goodbye...

Well, thanks for reading that! The song belongs to the Smiths, the characters belong to BBC, and the plot belongs to me!

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