Chapter 5: The War to Unravel a Tangled Web.
Nagihiko POV
It was these three questions I kept asking myself as I had prepared for bed and now as a paced back and forth through my room in my pajamas. She had deserved to know the truth about Nadeshiko, but I was too much of a coward to tell her. I was afraid that she would agree with my predictions and think badly of me, as she rightfully should. She would hate me and never talk to me again and I just couldn't bear the thought of our friendship dissolving because I was so ashamed. What a tangled web I have weaved. I let out a long sigh. Now I really had a problem though, I had come to realized that my spur of the moment decision to ask her to hang out tomorrow so I could straighten out this mess wasn't very well thought out. I couldn't just tell her something like this. I stopped my pacing and found myself standing in front of my mirror.
"Hey Amu-chan, I just thought you should know that I have been lying to your face for the last couple years. Nadeshiko doesn't actually exist, you see, she is really just me in girls' clothing. My real name is Nagihiko and Nadeshiko is just an alias of mine that I use to uphold a family tradition. I hope you'll forgive me. No hard feelings, right?" I recited to the mirror. I played around with the words in my head, but no matter how it was rephrased it still sounded terrible. I couldn't stand to look at myself anymore so I walked over to my bed and had a seat on the edge away from the mirror.
The war in my mind raged on. I held my head in my hands as the thoughts continued to buzz and throb until I began they began to give me a headache. More thoughts were flowing in and mixing in with the previous ones now.
I should have told her long ago, but I didn't want to scare her away. Tadase and Kukai may have accepted me, but not without some shock and a bit of playful teasing. The fact that Amu is a girl would make matters much more difficult though. Even I think it would be weird and unnerving for a girl to discover that someone she thought was a girl was actually a boy in disguise. Maybe it is family tradition, but it's still a hard thing to accept.
I felt like a fraud, like I betrayed her. I was so tired of deceiving her, and I didn't want to have this horrible feeling resting within me. I wanted to be someone that she could trust and that she could depend on, and albeit she may think of me that way now, it wasn't the real me. The trustworthy and dependable me would tell her about Nadeshiko. So was I really going to tell her then? Is that what I was going to tell her on our outing tomorrow? Just Amu and I and all the time in the word to tell her.
Just Amu and I… It almost sounded like a date. I lifted my head now and continued my train of thought. I certainly didn't think about that at the time. I wonder what she thought of that. Maybe she didn't think of me that way at all. She certainly wouldn't think much of me after I told her about Nadeshiko anyways, so I guess it didn't really matter. In all honestly that bothered me the most, I didn't want to be ruled out. I wasn't even sure if I really liked her as more than my best friend, but it's not like I saw it as impossibility. She was humble, considerate and easily flustered, which I found to be endearing. The way her cheeks would deepen from a light rosy hue to bright red and her golden eyes would widen in shock whenever I would take her slender hand in mine never failed to make me laugh. I was going to miss that. I fell back onto my bed and exhaled. My eyes stared at the plain white ceiling that was in my direct view. I wondered what its thoughts on my soliloquy were. I imagined it to have a disapproving expression.
"Yeah, I know." I said and shut my eyes. "But I am going to tell her. No matter what, I am going to tell her. Even if she never speaks to me again." I trailed off in a melancholic tone. I scrunched my right eye and opened my left slightly to see the ceiling's now sympathetic expression. I think I liked disapproval more than sympathy. It was more in line with what I was feeling and although the sympathy felt nice, I don't think I deserved it. I covered my eyes with my hand and didn't take off my hand until I was standing upright. I went to turn off the lights then sluggishly crawled into bed without looking up at the ceiling again. I closed my wary eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Amu POV
I grumbled as I heard the piercing sound of my alarm clock for the third time before I had decided I really needed to get up. I yawned, stretched, and reluctantly sat up from my comfortable sleeping position. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the time. It was 9. Time to get up; I don't want to make him wait. I stumbled out of bed to prepare for my day with Nagihiko.
Nagihiko POV
I awoke at my usual time of 8 o'clock to the bright light of morning sun. I fluidly removed my covers and stood beside my bed. I made my bed and smoothed the wrinkles out of my comforter. It was now time to get ready for my day with Amu.
Amu + Nagihiko POV
I felt a bit nervous when I thought about what the day might have in store for me.
Woah, parallel thoughts at the end there. Next chapter should be longer. It's going to be pretty much all about the 'casual outing' they have together. It's gonna be pretty neat and really fun to write. "See you next thyme". Haha, Souplantation pun. Disclaimer: I don't own Souplantation and its clever puns. Or Shugo Chara. Sad face.