Let Me In-Chapter Thirteen
Annotation: Forgive me Reader, for I have sinned; it's been thirty-seven days since my last posting…
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The art of breathing is fascinating.
Isabella watches as air is internalized and then expelled with the forceful push of reflexive muscles.
Ahhh…how she wishes to be one molecule of oxygen so that she is internalized by the slumbering Edward Cullen.
Maybe it's the fact that the blood within him carries said oxygen molecules to nourish all of him. For his nourishment is now her utmost concern and his existence dictates hers; her survival necessitates his.
Yet, does he need her?
In fact, it seems that Edward might fare better in life if he refrains from females who have the constant need to gorge themselves on his blood.
Isabella is still in his arms as these ideas ravage her mind. She is fixated on his rhythmic vein.
Will either of them survive the separation that she is contemplating?
Edward is more than a tasty meal to her…right?
His entire family has elicited her humanity and crippled the monster that for so long defined who she has always been. They have saved her in the matter of a few days and she does not want her involvement to create any more harrowing experiences. She understands that Alice and Edward will require an explanation about the incident. The truth may do more damage than good but they deserve honesty for exposing themselves to death.
She peels herself from Edward and enters the guest bedroom. She can hear Carlisle's increased heart rate and isn't surprised when he checks in on her. She does not feign sleep but simply gives Carlisle a smile when he mumbles his apology for waking her.
She does follow him downstairs as he makes coffee for anyone who needs it. His side glances do not go unnoticed by Isabella as she cradles a hot mug of coffee between her hands. She focuses on the abnormal physiological change; her hand is now the same temperature as the mug and the heat is slowly dissipating throughout her body.
Her coffee is dark and murky; with no cream to tinge its color to a light shade of tan.
Carlisle clears his throat and she understands this human gesture to get her attention.
"Bella, Esme and I can go with you to a lawyer this afternoon to take care of all of Charlie's financial affairs."
"There's no need, everything is in my name already."
Carlisle's eyebrows inch towards his forehead. It is very odd that a minor has rights and access to all financial assets in a family. He knows the Swans are wealthy from the leeway his wife had with the renovations; so he is doubtful that Bella fully understands all the paperwork that may be involve for her to access any funds as a minor.
"Well, it's still a good idea to visit a lawyer to make sure that you will never have a problem accessing all your family's assets."
Bella removes her hand from the steaming cup of coffee as she contemplates how to dissuade Carlisle. Maybe the truth will not do too much damage…
"Charlie and I were always wary of something happening; we went to a lawyer a long time ago…"
Bella visit Jenks soon after Charlie was a significant part of her life. If anything happened to her, Charlie would need for nothing. She did not tell Carlisle that the meeting was to ensure Charlie's financial security not hers; the money was always in her name. Jenks had to make changes to her birth date every once in a while to match her credentials, yet it always worked out.
Carlisle's scrutinizing look does not bother Bella and he isn't surprised by her lack of reaction. He has noticed that Bella is unlike most teenagers. He knows that there is more to what she is telling him because as he deduces there is much more to Bella. He looks closely at her but is soon distracted by a loud thumping of feet down the stairs.
A rumpled Edward emerges looking around wildly. Bella smiles as his gaze lingers on her and his groggy, bewildered face turns into a relieved smile.
"Where were you? I woke up and you were gone…"
He finally notices his father giving him an inquiring glance. He trails off and distracts himself by getting a cup of coffee. The three of them remain at the counter in mutual silence. Carlisle and Edward sip their coffee, each in their own thoughts. Bella focuses on the accelerating heartbeats from Esme, Alice and Carlie. She also hears a car with four heartbeats turn onto the street.
Esme and Alice join the coffee drinkers downstairs while Carlie starts an animated conversation with Bella. She is disturbed that no one thought to invite her to the apparent slumber party that took place in her home. Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Tanya walk in during Carlie's long speech about the injustices of not including her. Esme and Carlisle exchange cautious glances. Someone has to tell Carlie about Charlie's death.
Jasper, Tanya, Rosalie and Emmett all give Bella sympathetic smiles that she returns rather awkwardly. She has never had this much human interaction and it unnerves her. She can also see the guilt wash over Edward as Tanya settles near him.
Esme busies herself with making everyone a hearty breakfast but she keeps trying to indicate that Carlisle should take Carlie to the den to talk to her.
Carlie stops only when she makes everyone swear to include her in all nightly activities that include Bella remaining for the night. Bella is only partly paying attention to Carlie because she is bothered by Tanya and Edward being together. This was a first for her; she had never really cared about their romantic relationship before now. She knows she is feeling susceptible because of the trauma from Charlie's death. Being with Edward last night had been intimate and she does not want him to experience that with anyone else. She needs to get out of the kitchen.
Bella gives Carlisle a pleading look before she turns to Carlie, "hey Carlie, I need to tell you something. Can we talk in the den?"
"Sure" Carlie's answer is light. This makes Bella swallow reflexively because she does not want to be the source of sadness for this child.
Esme watches as the two girls disappear into the den and she is prepared to move in to comfort her youngest daughter if necessary
Bella remains standing and watches as Carlie plops herself on the couch. She lays with her hands splayed behind her head as her eyes remain glued on Bella.
"Carlie, my father died last night."
The delivery is calm. Each word is even, without any change in tone as to minimize the news. Bella doesn't even understand why she chose to tell Carlie in this manner. It's not because she wants to diminish the impact of the event. It isn't to make it easier to tell a young human something that has changed her entire life. This was the way the words came from her lips.
Carlie sits up then ambles towards Bella. She tugs Bella until they are eye level and the does the only thing she knows to do. She hugs Bella as tightly as her thin arms can and she holds her. She holds her together and at the same time she tears her apart. This small child propels the hurt that is buried inside of Bella to the surface and it nearly shatters her. Bella has the familiar urge to channel her hurt into destructive fury but refrains because she has never had anyone hold her like that.
This is purest form of concern that contains no words or pity…it is a sincere gesture from a child trying to pour her soul through a hug. She is filling the gap that Charlie left and she used no words to perform the act. Carlie senses that Bella is not well and that she could never understand what was happening to Bella but she can give her the comfort that she needs.
It is too much.
Bella abruptly pushes Carlie from her, "you have to stay away from me."
Carlie isn't hurt; she is merely surprised as she lands with a huff. She looks up at Bella and sees the darkness creep around her eyes. Brown turns to black then to red while Isabella stares down at this small human who made her feel broken. She had been waiting to crack when she saw Tanya glue herself to Edward's side but she took that in stride. Now a simple hug from a small human would be her undoing.
This family is affecting her in entirely new ways.
She needs to leave.
The crisp outdoor air is void of the Cullen essence. Her sock-covered feet trample the snow in the back yard. She can still smell the faint hint of Charlie's blood and Mason's ashes. It is an odd mix. The familiarity of both men causes the two beings in her to wail with agony. She was relieved to find that Edward was the reason she was attracted to Mason in the first place. Her being is so attracted to Edward that when she ran across his ancestor, Mason, she formed a bond with him. Yet he seemed to ignite the worst in her while Charlie and the other Cullens remind her of her humanity.
She is frustrated that she still feels like a monster. She is well aware of her humanity and that's why she refrains from drinking Tanya dry. She understands that Edward is with Tanya for a reason. They have been together for a long time and Tanya can give him so much more than Bella. She can grow old with him; she can have children with him and provide many other human experiences that Bella cannot even fathom. Yet she attempts to list all the things that Edward will miss if he was with her. She needs to convince herself that she is not good for him. That she has no reason for her to feel this possessive towards him.
It makes her weak, it makes her feel broken and losing Charlie has only made the wound greater. Had she never known Charlie, then she would not know pain like this. She could live sans the effects of death. She would not have thought twice of killing a nine-year old girl or abandoning the Cullens, instead here she is breaking down in the snow.
She did not realize that she was sinking to the ground as her tears leaked from her eyes. Even her tears betray her. They are not the clear saline liquid that humans leak from their eyes. No, hers are red and they kiss the unadulterated white snow…brutality against purity. That's what she is and that's what her tears are proving. They are thick streaks of blood against her pale skin and the darkness of her eyes deepens with the redness in her pupils.
"Bella"
That one voice is the one she does not wish to hear in this moment. Their eyes lock as Edward sees her…truly sees her. The creature that he is enamored with is just that…a creature…
"You have to tell me what you are so I can help you!"