It's been a bit of a while hasn't it? Well I hope this chapter answers why Rachel doesn't just quit Glee and gives a bit more of an insight into how she sees the other Glee members and herself as well.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee
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Rachel didn't go to the mall often. The only times she went there were with Finn on their dates to the bowling alley. She didn't know why he kept on dragging her there, honestly his obsession with it was frightening her now that she didn't have to keep on making excuses for his behaviour any more. And that was yet another point against him.
That list was growing very, very long.
"Why am I here again?"She asked herself sinking her face into her palms. She was sitting in a food court where she couldn't eat anything (the woes of being a vegan), all alone surrounded by a million people only to find her parents an Anniversary present.
A loud group of people neared the area and when a familiar laugh rang out, she turned to see who it was.
It was her precious Glee club complete with a shiny Finn and Santana walking by laughing completely unaware of their female co- captain watching them. Even Lauren was there although all she was doing was raping Puck with her eyes. Oh if there was ever a time when Rachel Barbra Berry wanted to curse people with eternal misfortune that was it.
Because seriously? Everyone was there and they didn't even bother asking her if she wanted to join them? Seriously?
But as the anger and rage boiled within her she couldn't help but pity them.
Rachel was a lot of things but a hypocrite was not one of them. She was not blind to her many faults and accepted them as a part of who she was. And she never pretended to be anyone else. Yes she was a diva and yes for all her confidence she still needed validation from others. She was bitter at times and easily jealous but she didn't pretend not to be. She may not be the most pleasant of people but she was well aware of exactly what kind of a person she was.
But those Glee kids that became a dysfunctional family and preached acceptance of everyone, were the very ones who weren't capable of it. They didn't seem to realise that by excluding her to such an extent and by accepting Finn and Santana without question for what sins they had committed, they were no better than the bullies that they claimed tormented them every day.
They saw themselves through rose tinted glasses. And one day those glasses would break and so would that perfect picture they had painted of themselves.
But then she saw Kurt with them and the anger grew again. Because after what Kurt had gone through and how close they'd become in the aftermath of his bullying and the consequent transfer, she thought that they were at least in the process of becoming friends if not already at that point.
She thought of going up to them and giving them a piece of her mind but decided against it. It wouldn't make any difference to them and it would be more fun (and easier) to watch them squirm a bit. With that in mind she dialled Kurt's number making sure to keep an eye on them while being out of sight herself.
She saw his face smile just that bit more when he heard Defying Gravity, their personal ringtone for each other ring out and grew a bit confused. Wasn't he supposed to be annoyed that the diva was calling him when he was out with the other gleeks?
"Hey there Divalicious!" Her confusion only grew as she saw him blatantly admitting in the other glee kid's presence that he was talking to her. Did he honestly have no idea what had happened in the past weeks? Was he actually unaware of how she was being ostracized by their 'friends'?
"Hello Kurt I was just wondering what you were doing today and if maybe you'd be able to help me with shopping for my parents? It's their anniversary and I have no idea what to get them!" From where she was, she could see him frown a bit while the others stiffened as they realised whom he was talking to.
"But I thought you weren't feeling that well? Isn't that why you aren't here with us?" She saw him throw a confused look at Mercedes who didn't even bother even meeting his eyes at this point.
She laughed in a seemingly genuine manner, all the while thanking her acting coach silently in her mind. "Where did you hear that? I'm absolutely in perfect health. Actually I'm just in the mall right now and-oh hey there you are! I didn't see you there before!" She said pretending to have just noticed that they were all there and waved to him (and the rest) with a wide albeit fake smile on her face.
He shot them a disgusted look and went over to Rachel who had gotten up from her seat and hugged her a bit before sitting down next to her. From over his shoulder she saw them clearly avoiding looking at her .Most of them shuffled their feet while Santana glared and Quinn rolled her eyes at her. Finn kept on looking at her and then ducking his head awkwardly.
As hurt as Rachel was, she was still smug at being able to make them uncomfortable like that. On some level though she was just amazed she had any sort of influence on them at all.
"I am so sorry Rachel, I had no idea-" He sounded so sincere that Rachel's fake smile turned real as she waved it off .It was the first time somebody had apologised to her and that realisation almost brought her to tears. Because she deserved an apology but not from Kurt and this was probably as close as she was going to get to it.
"It's okay Kurt. This is not the first time I've been snubbed and probably won't be the last time either. I've gotten used to it actually. Before it made me a bit mad but then..."She trailed off and Kurt who hadn't stopped feeling horrible for what had just happened prompted her to continue.
"They're just kids Kurt. They don't realise that their actions have consequences. They're afraid and this is the world they live in and they're trying to fit in so hard. I don't blame them for what they're doing honestly, I just wish they'd see the hypocrisy of it all. I don't care as much about their behaviour much as their inability to own up to it." She gave him a small, sad smile. "I don't really have any right to talk about it though. I noticed you all quite a while ago. I just called you up to see your reaction. You're the most honest person I know and the fact that you hadn't told me to my face that you just barely tolerate me too was ...disconcerting to say the least."
"Rachel, I don't know what to say! I just didn't realise it was this bad!"
"Don't even think about it, it's fine really. Now any ideas for an anniversary present to get for the best Dads in the world?" She said jokingly hoping to distract him.
"I can't believe you're still in Glee after all this!"He said incredulously before verifying that. "You are still in Glee right?"
Seeing that her attempts to distract him weren't working she sighed. "Yes I am still in Glee. I told them that if they find a replacement then I am out of there but since they need twelve members I'm still in Glee. Not that they have actually been looking or holding auditions or anything." She added as an afterthought.
"Why don't you just quit?" Kurt knew he had left Glee club in lurch as well when he left but he never felt any guilt about it and he was sure Rachel wouldn't either.
"Well in essence I have. Unless my presence is absolutely necessary I do not attend Glee practices and Mr Schue's team-building exercises are non-existent for me really, but I just don't want to leave any strings attached you know? I don't want them to hold it over my head, telling me I took the coward's way out, quitting just because I didn't get solos. It has to be a clean cut no uneven edges left. When I leave Glee I want there to be no way in hell that they can guilt me into coming back!"There was a determined light in her eyes that told Kurt that she was not going to be convinced otherwise.
"I just can't believe Finn never told me this! Why didn't he stick up for you? And for that matter why isn't he here now?"
Rachel just stared at him in disbelief.
"You have really been out of the loop haven't you?"
"Start from the beginning and don't leave anything out."
"Help me find a present and it's a deal."
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