Between the Lines of Reason
Chapter 2 : A Million Little Pieces

One short week later, Zuko was back in the Fire Nation.

If one said Zuko was unprepared for what he was to discover upon his return, it would be the understatement of the century.

As he made his way through the halls of the palace he quickly took note that guards, and most other people, were looking at him. This in an of itself wasn't unusual, but it was the way they were looking at him. It was just a little stranger than their typical stares. In fact, the more Zuko thought about it, the more he had noticed the same sort of behaviour on his ship as well. While he had been travelling home from Ba Sing Se, there had been a shift in the attitudes of those with him.

It reminded him of the time immediately following his coronation as Fire Lord. People were just awkward around him, unsure of how they should act, what to say, what they could say to him.

The difference of course, was that back then Zuko had understood. To them, he'd practically waltzed in and changed the very ideals their nation had worked towards for the past century. They were afraid of him. Azula and Ozai had been terrifying, but so long as one showed proper respect and carried out their orders they were safe, most of the time. They didn't know what to think about Zuko, what he might expect, what he might do. He tried to made it clear that he was not one to be feared, but the very notion of the change he brought terrified the people in the palace. For so long they had been so used to Ozai's way of thinking, and Azulon's before him, and then Sozin's before him. The Fire Lord demanded respect and fear. And while Zuko didn't agree with that notion, it didn't change the way that his people had lived for so long.

At least not right away.

However, in the months that followed, people started getting used to him, and his particular way of doing things. The initial uncertainty had subsided. While respect had been demanded from his successors, Zuko had been different in that he reciprocated that respect. He genuinely cared for the people around him, and though he was the leader he didn't act as though he was superior or better than anyone.

Zuko was unsure what could be responsible for the sudden revert to that behaviour all over again. Still he wasn't overly concerned about it. If it was something truly important someone would have informed him about it. Perhaps it was all in his head. Maybe the nostalgia of seeing his group of friends had brought back those old memories of what it was like in the beginning.

The young Fire Lord did his best not to think about it as he continued on to his personal quarters. He'd not seen or heard from Mai in over two weeks, and was eager to see her face again.

However, before he was able to open the door he noticed something strange. Perhaps even more strange than the looks he'd been getting. The door was locked, which left Zuko feeling even more confused than he had been before. He couldn't think of any reason why that would be necessary, though he did try.

While he was distracted, he was approached by the head of his guards.

"What's going on?" Zuko asked, nodding towards the door before the guard had a chance to get a word in edgewise. Zuko was starting to get irritated with the fact that everything seemed to be so different from the way that he had left it. Had his absence really caused this much of a disturbance?

"We request your presence in the war room," the guard said seriously, not really answering Zuko's question. "It's..." he paused as he searched for the right words, careful to avert his gaze from Zuko's. "It's important."

Zuko frowned, wondering what could possibly be so pertinent that it couldn't wait until the morning. However he trusted the guard's word that it was indeed that important, so he simply nodded and began to the lead the way to the war room. Certainly Mai would understand his delay once he explained the reason why.

There was no small talk between them, or around them, instead a thick silence trailed the pair. It was blatantly obvious as Zuko looked around that the looks he'd written off earlier were not imagined at all.

Something was definitely not right.

As they walked, the Fire Lord grew increasingly more nervous as to what exactly was wrong. He mentally cycled through every possibility he could think of. Perhaps something had happened to the Avatar after he had left Ba Sing Se. Or in his brief absence from the Fire Nation either the nobles or the commoners had began revolting and they were on the verge of civil war. Maybe the treaties he'd signed with the rest of the world were failing, everything was falling apart, and the war was starting again.

"You should probably have a seat," the guard said as he followed the Fire Lord into the war room.

Dark thoughts continued to cross his mind, every black scenario he could think of, save perhaps one. Because it was the one thing he could never have seen coming, and never been prepared for.

"While you were away," another man seated at the table began, and like the head of the guard, avoided eye contact with the Fire Lord. "There was an incident."

"An incident?" Zuko asked, beginning to get annoyed. He was getting tired of the pussyfooting around. How was he to be expected to fix anything if he wasn't told exactly what had happened?

"Yes," he said, daring to finally look at Zuko's face. "There was an attack on the palace."

Zuko's face hid any sign of surprise; attacks on the palace were rare, but they weren't completely unheard of. Since the war had ended, not everyone had been overly fond of Zuko's new policies. Some were still convinced that the old way was best. That balance was not necessary.

"An attack?" he pressed. "Why was I not informed immediately?"

"Well, sir, it seemed to be a very calculated attack. Whoever it was knew exactly what they were doing and exactly who they were after. We're still piecing together what happened, and we thought it was best we waited until we had a clearer picture, or until you returned home," the guard rambled on and once again avoided eye contact with Zuko.

Who they were after? Zuko thought, and quickly felt sick to his stomach. "Tell me what happened." He managed at last.

"I wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you this - "

"Tell me!"

The guard drew in a deep breath and met Zuko's piercing gaze once more. "Fire Lord Zuko, I regret to inform you, that the lady Mai has been assassinated."

It took Zuko a moment to comprehend what he had just been told. He couldn't help but sink a little in his seat as the news settled in. Nothing he had thought about before was comparable to this.

In fact, the only thing he had been right about was the fact that everything was falling apart. Because that was what Mai had meant to him. Everything.

Zuko lay in bed; he'd already been there for hours, having retreated almost immediately as he heard the news. He wouldn't cry – he couldn't. Not where anyone would be able to see him, at least. It might have been what people would have expected of Prince Zuko, but he wasn't a prince any longer. The Fire Lord couldn't allow anyone to witness such a breakdown.

Suddenly he understood what all those looks were about. Those strange looks he'd been receiving since his return that he couldn't pin down. Now he knew, and everyone knew that he knew.

He felt like setting the whole palace ablaze. There was no way he'd actually do it – but the thought somehow eased him just ever so slightly. He was sure that when he was back in the confines of his own room, that he would destroy every object in reach. That he would take his rage and depression out on his surroundings, just let it all flood out.

But he didn't.

Instead he'd laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He was locked in a state of shock.

It was only when he recalled his last moments with her, that the tears finally started to flow.

"You're sure you don't want to come?" he asked her, minutes before he was due to depart for Ba Sing Se. "It'll be fun."

She raised an eyebrow. "You go. I'll stay here. Someone has to look after this place while you're gone."

He frowned. "Let the guards do that. They'll probably be doing it anyway."

"Zuko just go," she prodded. "Have fun with your friends. Besides, I'll have time to get things done that I can't do when you're around bothering me all the time."

"I'm not a bother!"

"You're a bit of a bother," she smiled, teasing him slightly. "But I'll still miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

That was the last time he had kissed her, the last time he'd spoke with her, the last time he'd seen her. Of course had he known it would have been the last time he would have made it more meaningful. More than a quick peck that lasted a second. He might not have been one for public displays of affection, but if he'd known, if only he'd known, he would have made an exception.

Of course, if he had known, he never would have left in the first place. He growled, and swore, and mentally kicked himself for that over and over again, until he was exhausted. How different could things have been if he'd stayed? Could he have confronted the killer? Stopped them then and there? Or had the murderer come precisely because it was known Zuko wouldn't be at the palace, or anywhere in the Fire Nation for the matter.

Unable to stare at the ceiling any longer, Zuko squeezed his eyes shut. He sighed and tried to steady his breathing as a couple of stray tears managed to escape.

He turned on to his side, and looked at the other side of the bed.

Empty.

Empty as it was going to be from here on out. Never to be occupied by the love of his life again. Never would he be able to reach over and touch her soft skin in the middle of the night. Never could he take comfort in her calming presence when they were supposed to be sleeping, and there was an early war meeting the next morning...

Zuko tried to push the memory out of his mind, it was simply too painful to think about. How could he think about how happy he'd been, when all of that was gone? Snatched away in a moment that he hadn't even been there for. It didn't make him feel better, in fact it just made him feel worse. He longed for more memories such as those. For more happy memories, instead of these finite ones.

He didn't think he would ever feel happy again.

He felt so powerless, even with everything he had at his disposal there was nothing he could do to fix this, to bring her back. He didn't know what to do with himself or how he could even begin to face the world again. The tears began to flow more freely.

Usually he looked to his uncle for that sort of guidance. He needed Iroh now more than ever. He needed his friends. He needed to be able to go back in time to a week ago, when everything was fine.

But more than anything. He needed Mai.