Chapter 3

I kept thinking about it. How Eli was able to move on, and I still cling to the past.

I need to tear down the walls that trap me in the past. The only thing I can think that would help is to talk to him.

Then I heard my phone ringing. Hm, unknown number.

"Hello?" I wonder.

"Clare?" the voice that creep inside my dreams, the voice I yearned to hear, but feared of seeing.

"Eli?"

"Clare." He said it as if he was relieved to know I was alive or something.

But I hung up.

I can't. It's too hard. I won't.

I sat there in silence wondering if I should have hung up.

The phone rang again.

My heartbeat stopped.

I looked at the screen, and just sighed of relief.

It was Angie.

"Hello?"

"Clare, where are you?"

"At home?" Did I forget something?

"You're suppose to be here at the book store!"

OH. Crap. I was.

"I'll be there."

It was the bookstore Eli and I would always go to afterschool.

I stood outside it, and just stared at the building. I walked inside and there were so many people. This talk wasn't going to be like the last one, this time it was more like questions and answer.

I sat at my little table, and there was a list of people who had submitted questions.

"HELLO EVERYONE!" I yelled into the microphone.

"Ok, so there are some amazing fans with questions. Let's have Lauren come on up." This cheery blonde came up to the front. She took the microphone.

"Who did you base the character of Rachel on?"

"Good question. Mostly myself, I see myself in Rachel." I smiled, and went on the next person on my list.

"SARAH, come on down!" I laughed as I said those words. I sounded like a game show host.

"I want to know, if you've ever fallen in love."

Then I noticed he was there. In the back, listening to everything.

"Yes, I have." I was no longer talking the audience, I was talking straight to Eli. "He was everything I wanted. Everything I needed. But sometimes things don't work out. And he let's you down. Makes you feel like everything was just a game."

I started to choke up. I stared at him with teary eyes.

"You think it's all hugs and kisses, and romance, but it's not. It's knowing. Knowing that what you have is special. But see the thing about love, or even feelings of that kind, is that when you get all caught up, you don't see it when it knocks you down. Then one day, love doesn't want you. Its not worth fighting for. It was just something to "pass the time". Look," I returned my vision to the audience. "don't ever, fall in love."

I walked out towards the back, and I can hear Eli calling my name.

All the fears I had of talking to him ended there.

I sat outside in the cold.

Trying to understand what exactly were the words that had came out of my mouth.

I was looking at the floor, when I saw a pair of feet in front of me.

I looked up and there he was. Looking straight at me, with those eyes that I would make me forget how to breathe.

I just looked at him. I couldn't bare to talk.

He came closer and reeled me in for a hug, but I didn't cry. I didn't want to show that my weakness was him, even though it as apparent.

"What's going on? Why are you avoiding me for so long?" He asked me one of the dumbest questions I have ever heard.

"Why? Are you serious?" I looked at him and backed up.

"Eli, you broke my heart. But it's not what hurts the most. It's the fact that you wouldn't give us a chance. It's like you were ready to give up before we even began."

"Clare, how else was I suppose to react, when you said you were going to New York for college. We were miles apart. It's not healthy."

"All I ever wanted was for you to know how I felt about it. About us, about you, and now you have."

I walked away trying to hold back every tear, every sob, every piece of my heart that was shattering as I walked.

And the worse part isn't that he's here.

It's that he's engaged. To someone else. And he's happy with her. He found love in the depths of the ocean.

And I'm left drowning at the top.