Sorry guys just a short one today because I'm currently drowning in my essays. Nonetheless I hope you enjoy! x
MINI POV
Two hours later the house was empty. They had all left and now it was too quiet. Two hours from when Liv and I had interrupted...what? What did we interrupt exactly? I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor, tears streaking down my cheeks. It felt so lonely all of a sudden with no one to need me. Because that was the best thing, someone else needed me. For once someone else needed me just as much as I needed them. Or I had thought she needed me at least. It seemed I had been proven terribly wrong.
A little, irrational, part of my mind was telling me that they were laughing at me; "once again, silly Mini, chasing after people who don't want her back". The rational part of my mind though kept telling me that I hadn't exactly made my feelings crystal clear. But as if I was going to do that! Everyone else seemed to get along fine with only suggestions and 'eyes meeting across a crowded room' moments, so why did I have to say everything plain and simple to get anyone to understand how I felt and what I wanted.
Liv had seen, she saw everything though. And we had been friends for so long that it was pretty pointless to try and hide anything from her. Her words in the woods floated back to me. "Your girl crush is so blatant." So if she could see it so easily why couldn't...other people? Trouble was, Liv couldn't help me because in some ways she was in exactly the same position. I had seen the flash of hurt in her eyes when we walked in on Matty and Franky. She hid it quickly but it had definitely been there. Liv never let anyone see what was inside for too long; unlike me. I had just stood there stupidly, letting all my emotions scream across my face for the world to see. Initially it had only been surprised because he was the last person I expected to find in my house. Then, as I had picked up on the tension in the room, it had been jealousy. I resented Matty for making everything so complicated. Why couldn't he just stay away? Or at least be such a complete bastard that he pushed everyone away? Instead of this half bastard half incredibly charming guy that everyone seemed to keep falling for. Later though, as I realised that they felt guilty for what had just happened it turned to anger...and hatred. I was furious that not only had this happened but that they were going to cover it up. What did they expect to do? Sneak around behind everyone's backs for the rest of the year? Covering something like this up said two things to me; one that they knew they were in the wrong, and two that even though they knew they didn't give a damn and were going to continue doing it anyway. If it hadn't been for Liv glaring at me to shut up I probably would have started crying then and there, or shouting. But instead I had followed Liv's lead, trying my best to be casual and calm, asking for tea...tea for God's sake! It had been such an effort to smile and laugh and pretend like I wasn't filled with anger and bitterness inside.
I thought I had truly managed to prevent it too, that was the painful thing, with my warning to Matty the morning before the wedding. But whatever I did Franky ended up back in his arms, quite literally when the van crashed. I had seen them passing that stupid note, though they thought they were so discreet. And then in the woods playing with the beer all I had succeeded in doing was sending Franky running after him...and away from me. Maybe throwing a beer can at him had been a bit obvious.
I wasn't used to having to think through my actions and my feelings this much. Everything used to be so much more straightforward. My place as Nick's girlfriend, as Liv and Grace's best friend, as the queen of the school used to be concrete. No one would have doubted it. But recently everything seemed to have been falling apart- pretty much from when Franky showed up in our lives. Pretty much since then everything we thought we knew had changed. Nick had fallen so far from his place at the top, and pretty much crashed and burned along the way, Liv had become so entangled with Matty and then everything had just gotten so confusing. Only Grace and Rich seemed to be the ones that had any clue where they were headed and surprisingly it was the one place that no one had ever expected. Maybe that was the answer- maybe we should just all give up on our expectations and plans. God knows what this meant for everyone's friendships. Despite Liv's willingness to smile and pretend nothing had happened, I couldn't exactly see us all being best friends again.
Alright, this was stupid! Sitting here crying and feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to achieve anything. It certainly wasn't going to change anyone's feelings, except maybe increase their pity of me. Jealousy was a green-eyes monster or whatever they said. Well the least I could do was make sure that my green-eyed monster had perfect hair and a great body. Lately my theory had been that just like calories, confusing feelings and pain could be sweated out in a cardio workout. Time to go to the gym and run off some of this emotion.