I don't own Chuck et al.
Wepdiggy owns the Sam 'verse. And the "Captain" expression I have shamelessly plagiarised.
Deep Voiced Man: Previously, in the Sarah vs The Fan Fiction 'verse;
-o0o-
I just thought you should know Chuck, that I don't appreciate being drunk dialled at three am
"Um, did I drunk dial you? I don't recall... much of anything... which is probably a good thing."
Carina, man. You know how we feel about each other. She called me to tell me she was in bed with you. Not cool. Uncool. Bros before...
-o0o-
"Very well. However, my analysts have also read some of these 'works.' In one of them, written by the asset himself, the agents are given mission data inside one such fiction."
"General" Chuck began "that was just an idea that was from an earlier draft when I had set it during season…"
"Never the less, the possibility exists. Chuck, you opened this can of worms. We need to make sure that nothing like this is really happening. You need to check these fictions for covert enemy data." Interrupted the General.
"What?" three voices cried in unison.
-o0o-
"The Difference Engine"
"Chuuuu... It's too eaaarly..."
It sounded like that took a lot of energy to mumble into one of the pillows the three of them had been sharing.
Chuck stared down at the two beautiful women still steeping in the bed he'd just clambered out of, only treading on each of them once. Carina first, then Sarah.
"OK, I'm sure I had this dream when I was about fourteen. Somehow I thought it would feel better than this. Sarah's gonna kill me... and then Ellie will kill me... And then Sarah will really kill me."
Chuck was beginning to have the first hint of a suspicion that Sarah's idea of letting his sub-conscious work on his problem while she 'plied him with alcohol' might not have been as fully thought through as it could have been.
Water. That was his first priority. He also placed bottled water from the fridge on the bed side tables for each of the still sleeping spies. He paced as quietly as he could. He was pretty sure nothing had happened. From the last state he could remember, he didn't think there was any way he could have... that they couldn't have... there was no biological way...
He just needed to be sure. Really sure. He'd only just gotten with Sarah, even if they now had to pretend nothing had happened. God, he hoped he hadn't ruined everything.
The pillow hit him in the side of the head with remarkable accuracy, and surprising force "Will you stop thinking so loud? Get back here. Carina, shove over. Chuck, gimme back my pillow."
"Sarah..."
"Nothing happened you idiot. Now get back here. Bring that damned pillow, too."
-o0o-
"You're sure nothing hap..."
"Sarah? Don't you remember? He was a-may-zing. And you? When did you learn that? Maybe we should..." Sarah's hot glare made her almost duck.
"Chuck! Do you... After what we've gone through. How long it's taken us... there is no way I am letting Captain Skankarella..."
"Hey!" the newly promoted captain's hand found her hips in a time that put the special theory of relativity to the test.
"...over there, ruin..." she pulled him in by the shirt front, and kissed him softly, but with meaning "...anything" she concluded with a bright smile.
The smile she flashed to Carina was somewhat possessive.
It was a pity Chuck had no stash of clothes over here, but last night had been a spur of the moment thing. Both Sarah and Carina had changed into casual jeans and tee shirts. Chuck still wore what he had from last night, and so, smelled strongly of both alcohol and garlic. Where the garlic came from was a mystery.
"We could send his clothes down to the house laundry. Of course that'd mean he'd be stuck here wearing only a towel..." Carina suggested.
"Not with this audience" said Sarah twixt gritted teeth. Sarah drove Chuck back to Echo Park, leaving Carina and Sharkie, who had passed through the fear and terror stages during the night, and was now deep into an almost Taoist acceptance of his fate (He was starting to think of making a list of those he wanted to apologise to, it was a short list), in the hotel room.
-o0o-
"Sarah" Chuck spoke into the phone.
Hi Chuck, we're at the airport. I'm just making sure Carina catches her flight.
"That's nice. Did she have a good time?"
Well, she was a bit quiet when I got back. I think she was trying to train Sharkie to jump though a hoop. We had a really greasy lunch, so we felt better. How 'bout you?
"I'll live. You really call your goldfish Sharkie? Not worried he's going to develop delusions of adequacy?"
He's a goldfish. I'll start to worry when he starts humming his own theme song.
"Did I mention I found tzatziki in my teeth this morning? I think that solves the garlic question from last night."
Speaking of which, any epiphanies yet?
"'Epiphanies.' Impressive. I had trouble untying my own laces after you dropped me off."
Yeah well, I know this really nerdy guy. A bit wordy, but I think I can train that out of him.
"Good luck with that. The nerds are strong, my love. Their roots go deep" he paraphrased in a gravelly voice. "When can I see you?" he asked in a quieter voice.
At work, tomorrow. We just... we can do this Chuck. We just have to be strong. I'll schedule a sleep over in ... I really want to say tonight, but we should go for, not next week end, but the next. My place.
Chuck grinned into his phone "Deal."
Gotta got, that's her flight.
"OK, love you. Say 'hi and bye' to Carina for me"
-o0o-
"Moron. You and your harem have fun on Saturday night?"
"Good morning John. How was your week-end?"
"I could still remember my own name on Sunday morning. All of them."
"Carina said to say 'Hi.'"
Casey's mouth shifted to an unnatural position "She looked good. Well, up until your "I want a martini, James Bond drinks martinis" phase of the festivities."
"... Were you following us?" Chuck had a nasty thought. Just how close was he following, and how much had he heard?
Casey shrugged "Two trained assassins and a dweeb out drinking? Got to look after my partner..."
"Thanks Casey, that means..."
"...and the idiot asset. Carina was a freebie." Casey ignored him.
"...absolutely normal. Right,"
"Charles? I'm still here..."
"Me too" growled Casey as he departed to the man cave of Beastmaster 3000s.
"...instead of drinking little umbrella drinks in Rio."
"Morning, Roan."
"Speaking of little umbrella drinks, quite the night out I hear, Charles."
"Um, yeah. That was actually to try and knock a solution to..."
"Quite a bit of progress for you too, I hear. Both Sarah and Carina." he marvelled to himself "I've still got it."
"...Excuse me?"
"Carina tweeted something about waking up next to you, in Walker's room."
"Chuck! Did you... You lied to me! You said she was on the couch!" cried a crestfallen passing beard.
"Morgan. No! No no no. That's not what happened. I mean that is what happened. She was on the couch. The couch. Come on man. Buddy?" Chuck asked Morgan's departing back.
Chuck turned angrily to the older man. "Seriously Roan? Couldn't that little gem have waited? Annnd, nothing happened!" Chuck paused as something eventually filtered down... "Ummm...Tweeted?"
"Oh, relax Charles. Purely a sitrep to the local area command. Advising where she is, or was at that time, and readiness status. Which read as...tuckered out and hung-over." The 'tuckered out' rated a smirk. Roan tried to check his cufflinks, but was stymied by the presence of the green polo shirt. And it was still polyester.
"Might I add though, you were quite lucky. I read a report once where those two in Wagga Wagga, I believe it was, where the poor gentleman... a closed casket service. Try as they may, the morticians weren't able to remove the smil..."
"Roan! Not helping!"
-o0o-
"Chuck! Hi!" Sarah beamed brilliantly, and waited for the cover kiss. She was sure they'd get it right this time, here in the Orange Orange.
It never came.
"Chuck? What's wron..."
"Did you know Carina tweeted about waking up in your bed? Next to me? Us?"
The expression 'Skankarella' left Sarah's lips for the second time in as many days.
"And what's with spies tweeting?"
"Well, it's not really... we call it that to cover any overheard conversations. When you're between missions, and out of your normal area, it's an advisory. Look, it's just... Carina. She likes to rock the boat sometimes..."
"Annnd, where you aware one John..."
"Casey was following us? Yeah" this time she smiled a little "we saw him."
Sarah then realised Chuck was worried about them "Oh, don't worry. Visual only. And while I may have been ... relaxed, nothing was actionable. We're ... good. Right?" she couldn't say too much here. Or many places actually. She'd fallen for the man who was probably the most bugged individual on the planet.
"We're good. Now I just have to patch things up with the bearded one. He overheard Roan drop the news about Carina's tweet."
"Do you need some duct tape? Tranquiliser gummy bears? They're a slow mover" she explained.
"Wow, a joke. I hope. Best leave these things to the professionals, though. But it was nice to see a relaxed Sarah Walker, though. And I can't be too hard on Carina. She did save me from the fountain" he danced the eyebrows.
"...Fountain?..." Sarah realised that not all of her memories were as accurate as they could be.
Chuck took the opportunity to pop a gummy bear into her open mouth. Nuthin' but net.
-o0o-
"Charles? We've just heard. Bravo. Well played." Lester had oiled into view from a nearby display.
"Lester? What ever you heard... Ho!" Chuck exclaimed as he tried to avoid Lester, and turned to find Jeff standing three inches from him, although wavering in the breeze was a better description despite the fact there was no breeze. "Sarah and I went out, Carina's an old friend of hers, and she slept on the couch!" he emphasised, hoping Morgan would hear him.
"Be that as it may, Charles, be that as it may. We were just wondering what it was you used. What is your big ... secret?" Lester managed to make that last word sound depraved.
"I still say he's using voodoo" managed Jeff as he weaved while standing still "Or maybe he hypnotizes them. My money's on Jo-bu. Have you noticed? You never see any live chickens around here anymore." Jeff peered around as if to prove his point.
"It's not natural. Blondie and..." Chuck fled. "You're defying the laws of nature!" Lester called after him.
"Bartowski! Manager's office. Now!" the PA system told the entire store. Along with the nearer sections of the car park.
"Big Mike?" Chuck asked after knocking politely "You asked for me?"
"Son? First of all, lovin' the thought that one of my staff has the stones to be with two of the hottest women God put breath into. But" he held up a finger the thickness of a Weinerlicious whatever-the-hell-they-were-on-a-stick "But your goin' against the fabric of nature, son. Do you know what the Chinese ideogram for 'war' is? Two women un'er the same roof."
"But..."
"Son, you won the jackpot with Blondie over there. Don't ruin it all for just one night of steamy, sweaty, animal jungle..."
"OK, Big Mike. Good talk."
-o0o-
Chuck couldn't find Morgan.
His furry brother-from-another-mother was using his mad work avoidance skills to their utmost, this time. Not on the floor or, God forbid, the Hole. Not in the Cage. Nor the stock room. The break room was empty. The only person in the little boy's room was Jeff, judging from the snoring sound emerging from his out of order disabled toilet stall.
Morgan wouldn't violate the sanctity that was the ladies toilets. Even Jeff and Lester respected that. Well, they did now. Ever since Anna had gone postal on them, for reasons that were never fully explored.
It was as if some shadowy government agency had swallowed him up, and stuck Morgan into a bunker.
During his lunch, Sarah offered to help explain it to Morgan.
"Thanks. I think it will take a fully trained CIA operative to find him."
"He's made a little fort out of boxes in the store room. Flat screen section."
"OK, good to know, if a little creepy. Cameras on me everywhere, huh?"
"Can't loose you." She replied with multiple honesties, and a single smile.
"Also good to know. And a lot less creepy." He replied with the same smile.
-o0o-
"Morgan, Chuck's been try..."
"Crom! Ow! Sarah, how did you get so close, so quietly?" Morgan had jumped like a startled cat, but without the ability to land on his feet.
"Well, it's the end of the day. You left your bike here, so I waited for you." She helped him back up, and untangle himself from the bike.
"Sarah, it's just... well, I don't feel comfortable with what happened. That you and Chuck. And ..." tears were beginning to well in his eyes.
"Morgan! Nothing happened!" Sarah tried her best to explain it to Morgan. There was no safe way she could explain that there was no way she would ever share Chuck. Gunplay would be a more likely situation. But then, a few people had realised that Sarah got a little psycho over Chuck. Roan thought it was adorable. "Chuck passed out first. Everyone still had clothes on. OK?"
"So..."
"Carina likes to tease. Morgan, maybe you and Chuck should play your game thingy. Tonight" she smiled when he nodded.
He rode off, favouring is left leg.
-o0o-
Ellie opened the door and then her face fell. "Oh, you." She turned her head to call out "Chuck!"
Chuck stuck his head out of his door "Morgan? Ellie, let him in please." Ellie backed off, muttering under her breath.
"Hey Chuck. I'm sorry about today, man. Sarah explained it to me. And besides, as if? Right? I mean you, Sarah and Carina all at the same..."
"Way to go, Chuckst..." Ellie silenced Devon with a 'not the right thing to say Devon' glance, before hitting Chuck with a 'What the smeg? (Actually, Ellie didn't use 'smeg,' but that was how Chuck and Morgan interpreted it) We will discuss this later' look.
Chuck's frozen smile turned back to Morgan "So?"
"Well, Sarah gave you a Morgan Pass. Fire up the games platform, buddy" his high five died a lonely death. So he followed Chuck into his room.
"Whoa, that looks deep. Chuck? You trying your hand at creating a game? That is some serious code, bro. Bro code, check it... anyway..."
"Well, it's a search engine. But with a difference."
"A difference engine. Right."
Chuck gave his friend a modified version of what he wanted. To find hidden messages in fan fiction. He just left out the part about the messages being from unfriendly powers.
"Hmm well, it looks to Dr Morgan..."
"Morgan? Put the pen down. You've already broken all the ones at work."
"...like it's a typical Bartowski over compensation. See? That seems to be redundant. No just there. Annnnd way too complicated. Boolean, huh?"
"Gee, Morgan. What would you suggest?" the sarcasm whooshed over Morgan's head with the clearance of an airliner at top of cruise.
"No, Boolean has its place. We can even use elements... let me see..."
Chuck began to realise he wasn't getting his seat back any time soon. Who knows, maybe something would happen. At least he was working the problem. Even if Morgan time wasn't the same as Sarah time.
And Morgan certainly had a different interpretation of time. Ellie certainly had strong feelings about that. Casey too.
Chuck's phone rang. "Hi Sarah."
Just checking. Did Morgan...?"
"Yeah, thanks Sarah. We've been ..." the time on the clock caught his eye "Morgan? Pedal safe buddy."
"But Chuck, just a few more hours? We might crack this."
Is he still there? It's been hours. It's almost half past...
"Yeah. Time flies. Night buddy."
Morgan was puzzled. They'd been making head way. And one phone call from his girlfriend... poof. Here endeth the night. With luck, and getting to work, maybe a day or two late, they might have solved this.
"We've been working on the search engine. Or difference engine as Morg... never mind, I don't think you're ready for steam punk just yet."
Its like the words are in English, but they make absolutely no...
"Well, I did say you weren't ready. Yet."
OK, that sounded ominous. You could hear the grin through the phone.
"Yeah, I've just realised. This could take years."
OK, just checking on my asset.
"OK, thanks Sarah. On several levels. Thanks for setting Morgan right. And getting him to go home. Historically that can not be achieved in under forty... "
Twelve days, Chuck. My bed. Just us. Clothing optional. Actually, if I pick you up from work, you'll still have the nerd unif...
"G'night Sarah" Chuck had a feeling sleep would be a long time coming now. As would the next eleven sleeps.
-o0o-
"So, Chuck. What was Morgan talking about last night, hmm?"
Chuck paused, cornflakes poised part way on their journey from bowl to mouth. "Um, it's Morgan, sis."
"You. Sarah. And someone called Carin..."
The cornflakes were placed gently back into the bowl. Chuck just knew they would be too soggy by the time he would be able to save them. "Well, remember the other night when Sarah took me out? We met a friend of hers, and went for drinks..."