I don't own Chuck et al.
Wepdiggy owns the Sam 'verse.
Deep Voiced Man: Previously, in the Sarah vs The Fan Fiction 'verse;
-o0o-
Chuck stuck his head out of his door "Morgan? Ellie, let him in please." Ellie backed off, muttering under her breath.
"Hey Chuck. I'm sorry about today, man. Sarah explained it to me. And besides, as if? Right? I mean you, Sarah and Carina all at the same..."
-o0o-
"The Search Engine Strikes Back"
"Jefferlicious! Focus! See? A typical Bartowski over complication. Tcha! He's a slave to Boolean logic. Arteests such as our good selves... It's a good thing we found this in time. Who knows how long he would have laboured at this, this crapulence before seeking our brilliance..." Lester managed to add a few extra ess's to a word not containing any.
"I know an artist. She works in the medium of dyed elephant dung. First you have to stand nude and really still, and she has uses a trebuchet. But it hurts a lot if you get hit in the ging gang goolies."
While Lester had grown accustomed to the larger man of questionable ... well, everything actually ... this one gave him pause.
Chuck returned to the herd desk.
"Its times like these Charles, that I began to regret fleeing my native Canada."
"Canada, huh? OK. Why did you?" Chuck asked purely because he felt his day hadn't been weird enough. Yet.
"To escape the draft, and seek religious freedom. I was the only quasi-reformist-orthodox player on the national cricket squad. Sadly the U S of A isn't fully enlightened in this globe spanning institution."
"Cricket, huh? I didn't think Canada had a cricket team... and isn't that a game for warmer climes?"
"I hate the draft. It hurts my kidneys" Jeff managed to hang onto a thread of the conversation. Jeff liked conversations. They made him feel included.
"My point" retorted Chuck.
Jeff was stunned. But then, he usually was.
"Has Charles, has. Of course we do. And I can't help but notice that since I left Saskatchewan" he said without starting to stutter "they haven't won a match. Even with my second cousin now on the squad, they still manage to lose to a tribe of upside-down convic..."
"How many did you win while you were playing?"
"And you see here, Bartowski? No wonder this ... melange failed to operate." Lester indicated the monitor.
"Hey! That's my program. Where did you..."
"The beared buffoon was butchering it before we were able to save it from his incompetence."
"Give me that back!" Chuck pulled the drive from the port. Morgan must have saved a version when he was... well butchering was fairly apt.
"Really Charles? Python? Have you soul? No flair?"
"I still have my flairs. But they shrank sometime in the late nineties" Jeff followed the wrong thread. And decade. Again.
Chuck strode through the store, flicking an angry "Not a good time, Roan!" without pause as the older agent opened his mouth. Chuck stormed across the car park.
-o0o-
"Chuck? It'll be alright. I know you think the guys lost all you work. And that lost time." Sarah tried to calm him.
"Do you think we could get Casey to ..." his hands made vague shooting, stabbing, garrotting and something he intended to indicate drowning in a sea of merry-berry flavoured yogurt movements.
"Tempting as that is... how about a coffee?" she took him by the hand and led him away from the bugged CIA super base.
The very instant they were safely out of camera and ear shot, she wrapped him in a tight hug, and stood on tiptoe to kiss him hungrily. It took a moment for the anger to leave him, and then Chuck responded. He was after all holding and kissing the most amazing woman in the world. And she loved him.
"I don't think I can last..." she whispered once the mundane need for air couldn't be resisted any longer. They were both panting slightly. Partially due to the lack of air.
"This has been hell... and you don't help by counting down the number of sleeps each night either, missy" he replied with a smile. She bit her bottom lip with a shy smile. Truth be told, he loved the nightly phone call. And count down.
"What am I going to do?" he wondered.
"We have to be patient. We knew this would be ... hard" her eyes glinted "and then when we finally get to my hotel room, you will ravish me. Starting with ..."
He had to silence her. Quickly. He used the only method he knew of. Apply lips to hers, and moan desperately. Works every time. They rested with foreheads touching.
"Um, wow. I was talking more about this stupid program. It didn't work in the first place. And now everyone has taken a f...laming shot at trying to..."
She silenced him with a tried and true method. Apply lips to his, and moan hungrily. Works every time.
-o0o-
"I see your little confab with Agent Walker has soothed the savage gerbil." Roan greeted Chuck after excusing himself from a little nimbus of older ladies all cooing over him in the DVD section. The waft of heavy perfume followed him.
"Well Roan, get used to the Buy More. 'Cause you're not leaving here any time soon. Our program had a few setbacks." Chuck glared at the nerd desk.
"Awww, a pity then. Well, your two compatriots, the dusky lesbian with the oafish boyfriend over there, insisted last night that I join them at some establishment called Bennigans. It was truly an eye opener. Until that moment, I thought I had known every nuance of human depravity. We could use them to break recalcitrant agents."
"What? Benny's letting them back in? I thought..."
-o0o-
"Mister Bartowski. Am I to understand that despite my order, and your having more than sufficient time, you still are to provide me with the required evidence?"
Sarah chose to jump in "General, Chuck's been working on the problem. It's just that, while we were guests of the Witness Protection... Well, the computer provided for us, him wasn't secure."
"That's true, General. It was like Casey had tried to hack it... actually, Casey would have done a much better..."
To everyone's surprise, Casey piped up, after laying the newly reassembled and gleaming 'Matilda' on the work bench. He loved that M-60. Happiness was a belt fed weapon.
"General, Chuck has been working every spare moment on this." Two sets of eyebrows rose at this, but kept quiet. "And recently, aspects of his civilian life have disrupted his work. Last night, his friend tried to help. And earlier today..."
"I see" said the image of the general. "Thank you, Chuck. That will be all. Agents, stay a moment."
Chuck waited patiently over at the Buy More. He paced back-and-forth just inside the doors, somewhat disrupting customer flow. Three customers showed him the contents of their bags before he realised he needed to move.
Casey and Sarah headed towards the store. As Chuck headed towards Sarah, Casey pulled him up by the scruff of the neck.
"You've got the time, moron. Try not to waste all of it dipping everything in hot chocolate..."
"What?"
"Its all right Casey, I'll explain. Chuck?" Sarah motioned he should come with her to the car park.
"Sarah?"
"OK. We've got the time for you to work on the program. I'll place a work order for you to work on ... " she cleared her throat "I mean the program. So you get paid, while working on this problem. And to avoid distractions" Sarah began to look a little distracted herself "You stay with me" her hands squeezed his tightly "I get to look after you." OK, her voice just rose like his sisters. That meant excitement, right?
His grin was huge "Very clever, Miss Walker."
"Actually, the general suggested it. I couldn't believe it when Casey thought it was a good idea."
"... OK. Maybe we should sweep your place for bugs..."
-o0o-
"A two week install? Why does he get to fanny about on the government dime?"
"Company, Jeffery, company. Fair question though."
"Because Bartowski's the only one who does any work here. Lord knows what's gonna happen with you two imbeciles ... Gah! I'll have to ship the real work to the Hollywood store" thundered Big Mike.
Casey looked significantly at Chuck "Sounds like your special order came through. Now solve that damned problem, Bartowski. And we can get back to some real spy work."
-o0o-
"Two weeks? With Sarah?...Chuck?" Ellie was bouncing. Devon recognised the symptoms, and decided his teeth needed flossing. Chuck looked after his fleeing back, wondering if there was a way to join him.
"Sis? It's a work thing."
"At Sarah's place." She bounced.
"At Sarah's place" he agreed. "And it's actually work. Real work, OK?"
"Mmm-hmmm" the bouncing, if anything, had increased.
"I'll just grab my things, then."
-o0o-
Chuck looked at her sleeping face. She was so beautiful. Innocent, when she slept. Not that she wasn't beautiful when she was awake. With her hair all mussed up from sleep. As well as the other reason, before they slept. Why was it that after orgasm, men fell asleep, and women really woke up? There had to be some reason, some valid evolutionary advantage for that. She'd kept him awake for an hour, talking, asking questions... and, well a second time. Who ravished whom, he wondered.
"Morning" he said when he realised her eyes were open, and she was smiling at him.
"Hi" she croaked with a still sleepy voice.
"You do realise, that at some stage, I'm going to have to do some real work here. Computer work. Not this physical slaving away at the coal face."
"You showed some real potential at the 'coal face" last night. I mean, there's room for improvement" she smiled "but, sadly, seeing as I have a cover job, even if my boyfriend isn't actually at work, we still have to go to work."
He looked a little puzzled.
"I still have to keep the stupid shop open. You, mister asset with hidden talents" one of her hands found said talent "will be slaving away beneath me. About forty feet below me." She had a wistful smile.
"...Ah. In Castle. Right. So, I'm guessing, a certain ff...four foot tall general can keep her tabs on me?" it was hard to concentrate while she was doing that with her hand. Difficult. It was difficult. "Sarah? Its ... diff...difficult to concentr ...ate! when you ...d..d...doooo that... mmmmmm... no fair kissing like that."
They got to work a little after ten. It's not like they had to open the shop because of the customer queue outside.
-o0o-
"So, in order to save me from a bunker, I'm now going to work in one for the next two weeks..."
"Chu-uuk. I've seen the look on your face when you get down here... Do I need to show you the footage of someone stroking the casing of, what did you call it? A terror floppy, liquid something cooled and something about sexy, I believe..."
"She's so beautif... "
"It's not natural for you to drool like that over a computer" said Casey as he ran the cloth over the .50 cal. Chuck was tempted to say 'lovingly,' but...
May as well get some work done then. God, this thing was fast. Really got to try it online, with some Call Of Duty on her one day...
-o0o-
A.N. The bit about Canadian cricket came up during the Aust Paki game (we lost - number 47 *grunt*), when the commentators were talking about a promising young Canadian player named Patel.
* light bulb *
The Aust Canuck game wasn't shown over here on the 'welfare' channels (Thanks Kate, I am so stealing that expression). Who would have thought you could reference World Cup cricket on Chuck...
Oh, hopefully someone else knows the 'Saskatchewan stuttering' line. Please tell me I'm not the only person who bought that album. Please? My wife thinks I'm weird enough as it is...