Concludes from previous chapter.
"Listen," Noah continued. "You have to get out of those wet clothes, Luke... you know I'm right."
Luke surprised Noah then, by failing to mount the vocal objection he'd anticipated. "I know," he said finally, his shudders refusing to subside.
"You can change in back," Noah added. "It's heated, too." Luckily, the truck cap had already been in place. Noah wouldn't have been able to mount it and make a quick escape from Snyder Farm without attracting notice. "The sleeping bag's there - you can crawl into that when you're done."
Luke nodded. Noah pulled the middle section of the seat down, which allowed Luke to crawl through the opening, and into the truck bed. He could hear Luke moving around to strip off the wet clothes, and finally, the zip of the sleeping bag, as Luke opened it to crawl inside.
Noah couldn't stop himself from thinking of the last time Luke had been in that sleeping bag. Then, Noah was in there with him. Now, Noah could only hope that Luke would start to warm up, and that the storm would pass soon, so that help could find them.
After a few moments of quiet, Noah figured out that of course Luke wouldn't return to the front of the truck. There wasn't enough room for him to crawl through the seat opening wrapped in a sleeping bag. Since Luke wasn't about to return naked, he'd have to stay where he was.
Noah wondered if he should join him. He was loathe to leave Luke alone when he was so weak. Yet, he didn't think an unclothed Luke would feel comfortable with Noah there.
Once a few more minutes passed, the decision was made for him. The relative quiet within the truck was broken by the unmistakable sound of chattering teeth. Dammit, Noah cursed silently. He was even more anxious now, hearing the telltale sign that Luke wasn't getting better.
Pushing aside any discomfort at a potentially embarrassing situation for them both, Noah began to remove his own wet clothing. Though it was a clumsy task from the driver's seat, Noah managed to strip down to his boxers, silently thanking the heavens that at least those had remained fairly dry in their slog through the snow. He then climbed into the truck bed to join Luke, and prepared for the argument he envisioned was coming.
Luke lifted his head, and if possible, appeared even more piteous than before. He looked exhausted; positively wrecked, in fact. Instead of offering up the anticipated indignation, Luke shocked Noah by simply zipping the sleeping bag open in invitation.
Wordlessly, Noah climbed in, leaving it unzipped since it was technically a one-person bag, and they couldn't both fit with it closed. Luke turned so his back was facing Noah, and Noah took the cue. He spooned against Luke, wrapping strong arms around the smaller man, fervently hoping to transfer the heat of his body to Luke's.
"I'm so cold, Noah," Luke whispered faintly.
"I know, baby," Noah answered softly. Maybe the endearment was inappropriate now, but Noah honestly didn't give a shit. Luke - his Luke - was suffering, and Noah would do whatever it took to comfort him. He pressed his body more fully against Luke's to better warm him, then realized - though Noah had boxers on, Luke did not.
"Um…," Noah stammered. "I didn't mean to… I was trying…"
"It's all right," Luke interrupted. "Please, just hold me, Noah."
Relieved that Luke understood Noah wasn't trying to come on to him, Noah obliged. He held Luke in his arms, taking Luke's stilled-chilled fingers within his, and cradling them there. Noah also cocooned Luke's freezing feet within the relative warmth of his own.
Physically feeling the cold in Luke's extremities drove the frightening reality of the situation home to Noah. What if he hadn't found Luke? How much longer could Luke have lasted, stranded alone in the below-freezing temperatures with no means of escape?
The tortuous what-ifs struck abject terror in Noah's heart. The irony wasn't lost on him, either. For months, Noah had bemoaned the fact that he'd lost Luke. Now, he realized what it would truly mean to lose Luke, in the forever kind of way, and the knowledge terrified him.
After battling these dark thoughts for what must have amounted to ten or fifteen minutes, Noah couldn't help it. Having confronted the very real possibility of Luke being gone forever, he clasped Luke even tighter still, and leaned his head down to press a kiss against Luke's cheek; then another; then another. Surprisingly, Luke didn't object. Noah rested his face against Luke's for a moment, until Luke began to move away.
Noah released him, and mentally kicked himself for pushing Luke too far. He genuinely hadn't meant to offend or unnerve Luke. He simply hadn't been able to stop himself from expressing his relief that he had found Luke before the situation had become any more dangerous.
Before he could apologize, though, Noah saw that Luke wasn't actually going anywhere. He had simply lifted up to reposition himself, so he could roll over to face Noah. Returning to Noah's embrace, Luke snuggled his face into Noah's neck. Stunningly, Luke seemed to have no issue with pressing their bodies back together, even though this meant their groins were now perilously close.
Noah tried to relax again, while making sure not to move his body two inches to the left, or things that shouldn't be brushing against each other would be doing just that. Eventually, Luke's shivers subsided, and this calmed Noah, his heart rate returning to a less frantic, more steady pace. That is, until out of nowhere, Luke shifted his head, and darted his tongue out to lick across Noah's Adam's apple.
"Luke!" Noah practically squeaked out his name. "What the hell are you doing?"
In response, Luke's eyes welled up instantly, a mixture of embarrassment, remorse, and hurt, if Noah could still read him correctly. He hadn't meant to chastise Luke. Noah didn't understand what the hell had just happened.
Why would Luke, who had a boyfriend and knew how Noah still felt about him, do that? As soon as he asked the question, Noah reasoned out the answer. Luke had been through a traumatic experience, and physical closeness had always comforted him. It made sense that Luke sought it out now.
"Luke," Noah said, hoping he didn't sound condescending. "You've been through hell today, I know. You're not thinking straight."
The affronted expression Luke sported told Noah that despite his efforts, he absolutely had sounded condescending.
Noah tried to explain. "I just mean, you don't want to do something in an extreme situation that you'll regret later. You should think things through more-"
"I already have," Luke answered flatly. "And you can stop telling me how you're turning me down for my own good. You don't want me like that anymore - I get it."
"Luke," Noah implored. God, how did the saying go? No good deed goes unpunished. Not only had Noah braved The Great Blizzard of 2010 to find Luke, but he'd had the restraint not to take advantage of his ex in an incredibly vulnerable moment. In return, he had only drawn Luke's anger.
"Please, talk to me, Luke."
"About what," Luke retorted sarcastically. "The weather?"
The chuckle leapt from Noah's mouth before he could contain it. God, but pissy Luke was hilarious. How could Noah be expected to keep a straight face?
Luke's mouth twisted. He was battling a smile of his own, now. Noah could even recognize the gleam in Luke's eyes that usually signaled a change of strategy.
Still, he wasn't prepared for what that change would be. When Luke's now-warmed hand suddenly dipped into his boxers, Noah jumped up so fast, his head literally hit the roof. "OW," he muttered in pain.
Undeterred, Luke sat up to join Noah, advancing once again, this time dragging his tongue across Noah's nipple.
"Luke," Noah pleaded. "Stop. STOP!"
At the harsher tone, Luke pulled away, looking stung once more. Noah hurriedly took Luke's hands within his own. Now, wary of upsetting Luke, but needing to resolve this… whatever this was, Noah spoke quietly.
"Please tell me, Luke. The truth. What's going on here?"
Exhaling loudly, Luke answered him. "I want you, Noah."
Noah closed his eyes briefly. Luke knew him too well, and he'd be able to detect the pain there. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Noah opened his eyes, and spoke carefully.
"I know you do now," Noah started. "But I don't think you'll feel the same a few hours from now, when we're back to safety, and you're back with your boyfriend." It was a strain not to utter the last word with contempt, but Noah somehow managed it.
"Really." Luke pretended to consider Noah's words. "That's funny, because I've been feeling this way for months."
Whatever Noah had been planning to say next to show Luke that his thinking was clouded, he couldn't remember it now. Months? Noah was afraid to hope it could be true, but he had to know.
"I'm sorry, Luke, but I don't know how to believe you've felt this way for months and only just got around to telling me now," Noah replied. "Not to mention the small detail of your boyfriend." This time, the contempt with which the word had been spoken was blatant. "So however you're gonna explain this, don't tell me that you're thinking of me when you make love to him," Noah said bitterly.
"I'm not," Luke answered simply.
"Well thank God for that, anyway-"
"No," Luke cut Noah's sentence short. "I mean, I'm not. Making love to him."
This information threw Noah for a loop. He tried to piece the puzzle together. "So you stopped when… you decided you wanted me?"
"No."
At Luke's lack of elaboration, Noah paused, then nearly did a double-take. "Do you mean, you've never... with him?"
Luke nodded to confirm the accuracy of Noah's guess.
"But you guys are still together." Noah knew that was true. "So… why not?"
Noah tried to understand what this meant for them. If anything. Was Luke just nervous about having sex after so long, and with someone new? Oh shit, Noah thought as a sick feeling struck him.
"Are you trying to have sex with me to practice for him?" At Luke's appalled gasp, Noah knew that had been the single dumbest question he could've uttered. "I'm sorry," Noah instantly offered. "That was a completely boneheaded thing to say. You wouldn't do that."
Forgiving Noah, Luke smiled. "Maybe I would," he responded impishly. "If I wasn't in love."
Noah wanted to ask just who Luke was in love with, but feared receiving the wrong answer. Still, Luke said he wanted him. That had to mean something. But on the other hand, Luke was still with Reid. Noah's head was starting to ache at the conflicting information his brain was trying to process.
Turning serious, Luke addressed Noah's earlier question. "You know why not," he said.
"No, I don't," Noah insisted. "If it's me you want to be with, you wouldn't be his boyfriend now."
Seemingly changing the subject, Luke asked, "What time is it?"
Confused, Noah nonetheless replied. "I don't know - around 4, maybe?"
Luke nodded. "In my defense, I'm not supposed to be his boyfriend anymore." At the raise of Noah's eyebrows, Luke explained. "I was going to see him when I got back in town. The other reason I started out early." Luke paused. "I was going to break it off."
Noah's heart swelled at the sincerity in Luke's eyes. He meant what he said. This time, when the bubble of hope rose up, Noah didn't try to quash it. Yet, he needed to know exactly what Luke's feelings were.
"How? Why? What does this mean… for you and me?"
"It means, Noah Mayer, that five seconds after you'd left town, I knew I'd made a huge mistake when I said what I did. That we weren't right for each other. I was so busy trying to protect my heart from falling in love with you again, I didn't see that it had never fallen out of love with you."
Noah's own heart leapt, but Luke's impassioned words still didn't add up. "Then why didn't you call me - tell me?"
"Because I was scared! And when you're scared, denial is a powerful ally," Luke said sadly.
Noah of all people understood that. He'd denied being gay long enough to hurt them both. And with that, he finally understood.
"You were afraid of getting hurt again," Noah concluded.
"Mmm-hmm," Luke agreed softly. "I thought I'd be better off to try and make things with Reid work. I do love him, Noah - I told you the truth about that. The whole truth is, things with him are so much easier. We don't have screaming matches, or drive each other crazy."
Noah's face fell, but Luke immediate pressed on.
"And do you know why? Because we don't love each other like you and I do. We just don't care as deeply as we should. He doesn't try to stop me from doing something stupid, when I come up with a harebrained idea that can only ever blow up in my face.
And I usually don't even do anything crazy, because I secretly don't believe he'll love me if he knows how totally out there I can get. There's only one man who loves me - the real me - so much, I don't have to hold myself back. Only one man that I don't have to pretend to be more mature or together in front of, because he doesn't love me despite the real me, but because of it."
When Noah swallowed hard to hold an impending show of emotion at bay, Luke smiled, daring now to scoot close enough within the sleeping bag to embrace him. "And there's only one man I love so much, I can't envision my life without him. Only one man whose face I see in every dream of my future. Only one I can imagine marrying, and only one I want to raise a family with. If you need a hint - they're all the same guy.
So I really hope he still feels the same. Because he's not just my first love; he's the only man for me. Anyone else, no matter how much I care for them, could only ever be a poor substitute."
As Luke finished his impromptu, heartfelt speech, Noah pulled him close, gazing into his eyes before taking his lips in a heated kiss. Luke responded just as Noah remembered - eagerly, wantonly, and with all the passion Noah craved. He wondered how he could have gotten by so long without this… without Luke. But Noah knew the answer. He had never given up that last sliver of hope that they would somehow find their way back to each other - a hope that just proved itself entirely justified.
Their kisses intensified, and Noah lay back down, pulling Luke with him. This time, Luke was more than welcome to lick wherever he wanted to - and he took full advantage. When he tried to move down to Noah's arousal, though, Noah stopped him, flipping them over so that Luke lay on his back.
Before Luke could even object to the move, Noah's mouth took him in. From then on, Luke had neither the words nor the will to protest. His only remaining abilities seemed to be barely controlled writhing and incoherent sentence formation.
For his part, Noah didn't want even a seemingly recovered Luke to exert himself unnecessarily. He was content - no, ecstatic - to satisfy Luke's appetite for him in this way. Luke, though, had other plans, and pulled Noah up by his hair.
"Please, Noah," Luke whispered. "I need you inside me, bubby."
"Luke, I don't have anything…", Noah trailed off.
"I don't care," Luke insisted hotly. "We've managed before."
Noah didn't need the reminder. He remembered perfectly well the heights they'd achieved with nothing on hand but their spit and their prayers. Noah was still hesitant to let Luke expend the energy he'd so recently gained back, but one firm grip of his arousal courtesy of Luke made the decision for him.
As the gusts continued to whip wildly around them outside, Noah lovingly prepared Luke as best he could. When Noah moved forward and they finally, joyously became one again, Luke cried out in ecstasy, not pain. Noah stilled to let Luke adjust to the feel of him, but Luke soon bucked against him, urging Noah to move.
Unsurprisingly, both men failed to notice the snow had stopped falling some time ago. While their lovemaking continued, the sound of the winds covered the approach of two vehicles, a car and another pickup truck. The driver's side of the car opened first, and its occupant rushed to the running but parked pickup.
The man dusted off the driver's side window, only to find no one inside. He was, therefore, startled when he felt the glass his face was pressed against move. Uncomprehending, he stepped back, blue eyes awash in confusion.
"Are they there?" The driver of the second pickup truck had caught up with the other man.
"No," Reid answered, shaking his head.
"Where could they be?" Holden asked, his worry increasing.
Suddenly, the truck lurched slightly again, and shocked comprehension dawned simultaneously for both men.
"Reid… wait!" Holden pleaded as Reid purposefully stomped to the back of the truck to brush off the window there. While Holden wanted to pull the other man away, he wasn't willing to risk seeing what they both knew was happening within.
Inside the truck bed, Noah thrust hard into Luke one final time as they both came hard, and loudly. That image would sicken Reid for years to come. Without a word, he turned and stalked back to his car, driving off.
From the front of the truck, Holden had felt for the man's distress, but couldn't begin to think of anything to say in consolation, so he'd simply let him go. And now he had his own problem. Lily expected him to be returning as soon as possible with the boys, but he had expected them to be clothed.
Deciding upon a course of action, Holden returned to his own vehicle, and scribbled a note on a piece of paper. He placed it facing inwards under Noah's windshield wiper, so the boys would have to see it whenever they… emerged. Satisfied that was all he could do for now without incurring even more awkward moments, Holden went back to his truck. He pulled away from the scene, beeping his horn once as he drove past the boys.
Inside the truck, Noah and Luke looked at one other. Someone else was on the road! With a peck to Luke's lips, Noah climbed back into the driver's seat, and began to dress in his now-dry clothing items. Pulling his shirt over his head, he stopped short as his head popped out of the top.
What he saw on the windshield prompted him to call out. "Luke! Put your clothes on!"
Luke was perplexed, but assumed Noah must have spotted another driver. Perhaps someone had stopped to help them! As he dressed himself, Luke giggled at the thought that Noah had possibly had to put his clothes back on in front of some shell-shocked good Samaritan.
When he joined Noah up front, though, there was no one else in sight. Noah tipped his head in the direction of the windshield, and Luke spied the note there. It read, "Home. NOW."
Luke and Noah shared a look of horror, before their horror dissolved into laughter. To be sure, it was an awkward, nervous laughter, but it was a release, nonetheless. They agreed that the snow must've ended awhile ago, for someone to have been able to find them and leave the note.
What they didn't address was that they both knew it was Holden. The handwriting was a dead giveaway. Each of them hoped he hadn't seen anything private, but judging by the timing of the beeping vehicle that passed them, held little hope that their snowbound activities had gone undetected.
At least Luke could count on Holden to keep things under wraps. Luke needed to be honest with Reid himself - not let him hear it from someone else. Later, Luke and even Noah would be mortified to learn that Reid already knew what they'd done, finding out in the worst conceivable fashion.
For now, though, they were blissfully unaware of the extent of their transgression. Noah pushed the middle seat section back up, and Luke slid there to sit next to him, burrowing his body into Noah's. When they arrived home, the shit would hit the fan, but for now, all was right with the world. They were back where they belonged - with each other - and neither would ever settle for a substitute again.
Apologies for the mistakes here. I was trying to finish in time for the nuke_anon lj challenge, and didn't have enough time to read back thoroughly for errors. I did fix a couple grammatical things to post it here, but the narrative gaffes remain intact. The largest being, there was a previous Thanksgiving Nuke wasn't a couple; the post-election one. In my rush to finish, I somehow didn't remember that elections take place before Thanksgiving. Oops.