Chapter Two: The Road Inn
The summer air was crisp as Maximus rode them down the dirt paths leading towards the Kingdom. With the dam being broken as well as a hefty bounty still on Eugene's head for escaping his execution, the outskirts of the Kingdom was swarming with activity, forcing them to take the long way back.
"Sorry about this," Eugene mumbled, his face hidden under a dark leather cloak Maximus had brought for him (he really was a well prepared horse). Rapunzel leaned back against his chest, causing his heart to skip a beat.
"Don't worry about it," she smiled, stroking his arm tenderly as his hands gripped Maximus's reigns. "I'm happy we could take the scenic route this time."
"This time?"
"Yeah, the last time we passed through here you were being a jerk and rushed us through to get to the Snuggly Ducking," she gasped, turning around to look at him. "Can we stop by to see them?"
"I don't think that's such a good idea..."
"Oh please, Eugene!" she begged, "I'll be really quick, I promise!"
From her shoulder, he could see Pascal mimicking her pout, though outnumbered he still couldn't budge.
"Listen, it's not that I don't want to, it's that there's just a lot of guys out here who want to kill me," he explained, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "I think it's best if we stay incognito for now."
"Oh, I see," she said quietly, sinking lower into him.
Maximus turned his head to Eugene, frowning deeply. Pascal shot a similar expression his way. Choosing to ignore it, Eugene looked past the glares and at the dirt road in front of them as they neared a fork. As he directed Maximus right, the horse geared leftwards, causing him to tug on his reigns.
"Max, no," he scolded. "I told you, I'm going to get busted if we go there."
The horse pressed on, ignoring Eugene's scolding and tugs. Until they reached the Kingdom, any guard or bounty hunter didn't stand a chance against Maximus. Regardless, if Rapunzel was really the lost Princess, then her wishes outdid that of Eugene's whining.
"Well," she smiled sheepishly from under him. "You do still owe me lunch from the other day."
He mumbled something incoherent under his breath; his frown was still visible under the cloak.
Maximus made his way towards the Snuggly Duckling slowly, and Eugene inspected the area for guards. There didn't seem to be any hanging around, which he took as a good sign. Eager to see her friends, Rapunzel jumped off the horse's back excitedly.
"C'mon Eugene," she smiled, taking hold of his hand.
"Listen, don't get upset if they aren't...around," he groaned she pulled him towards the door.
"You don't think they're out, do you?"
"No, I think they're arrested," he mumbled under his breath as Rapunzel threw opened the door.
"Garçon! Your finest table please!" she greeted, looking up towards Eugene's still cloaked figure smugly. "See? I'm learning!"
He would have smacked his head with his hand if he weren't so distracted by the scene at the pub. What was once filled with burly looking, hairy thugs was now filled with clean-shaven, bald men. Eugene wouldn't have recognized any of the so-called ruffians if it weren't for the fact that one of the bald-men sported a familiar hook for a hand.
"This aint that kind of place, girl," the hooked thug grumbled. "You better get lost before someone finds ya."
Rapunzel glanced up at Eugene, shooting him a look filled with uncertainness.
"Relax guys," he sighed as he took a step forward into the bar, pushing back the hood of his cloak. "It's us."
The pub sprang to life as the thugs jumped to their feet echoing his name as well as exclaims of "Hey, it's really him!" "Wow our escape plan really worked!" "We should listen to that horse more often!"
"Wait a second," the tiny bald thug who he recognized as Shorty slurred. "What 'appened to dat pretty little thang you went ta save?"
"Hey, yeah," another of the thugs asked. "Where's that dream girl?"
"Don't tell us you ditched her!"
"I didn't ditch her, she's right-"
"He totally left her to rot!"
"If you'd just let me-"
"That's so typical, Rider! Abandoning the girl to save his own ass!"
"Guys would you listen-GAH!" Eugene shrieked, as the back of his cloak lifted him up. Though bald, by the menacing glare (and unicorn tattoo) he could tell his capture was Vladimir.
"You got a lot of nerve showing your face here after what we went through to bust you out," the burly ruffian grumbled. "Where's the girl?"
"I'm right here!" Rapunzel chirped, gaining the attention of all the thugs.
Feeling awkward, she smiled slowly as the men stared at her as if she had grown another head. Looking down at Pascal for help, the tiny lizard pointed to his head.
"Oh right," she said, tugging on one of her short locks. "My hair's different..."
"Yeah, the dream girl had blonde hair!"
"And a lot of it, too!"
"I'm gonna ask you again, Rider," Vladimir growled. "Where's the blonde girl?"
"Look, how many times do I have to tell you before you listen? THAT'S the blonde girl! She just got a trim, you can understand that, can't ya baldy?" Vladimir's pupils constricted at the mention of his baldness, and Eugene smiled nervously. "Which I mean as a compliment, of course. I mean, you all look fantastic without hair. Seriously, guys, I wish I could pull that shaven look off, but I simply do not have to the features for it like you do. Is that a new Unicorn tattoo you got? Well, that is looking great, my friend."
"I can prove it," Rapunzel huffed, not liking being ignored.
"Oh yeah? How?" the thugs asked.
"I'll name all your dreams."
"You can tell us apart? Even though we're all bald?"
"Yes, even though you're all bald." She smiled smugly, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You're on," Hookhand smirked, "But if you get even one dream wrong, we get to punch Rider in the nose."
"Sounds fair," Rapunzel nodded as she shook his hook pleasantly.
"EXCUSE ME?" Eugene squeaked as Vladimir again hung him by the back of his shirt to a coat hanger before standing with the rest of the thugs onstage next to Hookhand's piano.
"Let's start with Hookhand," Rapunzel smiled, pointing to the first thug inline, his hand giving away his identity immediately. "Your dream is to become the world's greatest concert pianist."
"Very good," the thug smirked before turning to Eugene's hanging form. "You're spared at least one punch today, Rider."
"Oh boy," he groaned from his coat hanger. "I can barely contain my excitement."
"Next is Big Nose," she smiled, going to the correct thug and pointing to him playfully. "And you want to fall in love."
"Right again, little lady," Big nose grinned, before pulling a flower from behind his back to hand to Rapunzel. "And I was wondering...well if you would mind my faults...and deformities...if you...y'know...would...be...interested in..."
"Yes?" Rapunzel asked, leaning closer to the thug to urge him to finish his statement, she still had a lot of ruffians to identify. Meanwhile from the coat hanger, Eugene struggled to free himself, partly so he could be off the hanger but mostly so he could break Big Nose's nose for hitting on his girl.
Wait...what?
"Would you..." Big Nose gulped before closing his eyes and finishing quickly, "Be interested in going on a date with me?"
Cheering mixed with 'OOOHS', mixed with catcalls erupted in the bar. Somewhere off to the side there was a loud 'AHA!' also heard, as Eugene managed to free himself from the hook. Just as he's about to head over to Big Nose, he was easily grabbed by Hookhand and hung on a cheap looking chandelier. Dammit.
"Oh, Big Nose," Rapunzel, sighed, taking his large paws for hands in hers. "I'm so sorry, but I can't accept."
"I see," Big Nose smiled sadly, and in a low voice whispered. "Is there someone else at least?"
"Well," she answered, biting her lip as she glanced at Eugene who was swinging his legs, trying to gain enough momentum to kick Hookhand in the back of the head. "...you could say that."
"All right, enough of this garbage," the next thug grumbled, pushing Big Nose aside. "Let's get a move on."
As Rapunzel identified each thug, they made their way to Eugene's chandelier, taking great pleasure in spinning him around helplessly. During one round, he managed to land a kick at Gunter, sending the man flying into his own beautifully furnished corner of the pub.
After she proved herself to the thugs, she joined them at the table underneath Eugene, who was still stuck on the chandelier, dangling helplessly.
"So, were you ever able to see your lanterns?" Hookhand asked, sitting across from the tiny girl.
"Oh yes! Eugene took me, and there was a festival, and a boat and he even bought us our own lanterns!" she sighed dreamily. "It was...the best day ever."
"Wait, I thought Rider was takin' ya," Vladimir demanded. "Who the hell is this Eugene guy?"
"Is he the other man?" Big Nose asked, slightly envious.
"Oh no, Eugene's really jus-" she began but was interrupted by Eugene's sudden coughing fit. They all looked up to see him still hanging, red in the face from his apparently forced choking fit, yet no one seemed to make any motion to aid him. He didn't really care though, he just needed to make sure Rapunzel didn't ruin his reputation just yet.
"Pretty dusty up here," he grinned cheekily after his scene subsided.
"You really should let him sit," Rapunzel urged, and reluctantly Vladimir yanked the handsome thief from the chandelier, throwing him into the open stool next to Rapunzel.
"Ah, the change of scenery is nice," Eugene remarked, about to take a sip of mysterious content from a glass, only to stop after noticing its contents were green. "Speaking of change, why are you all bald?"
"Oh yeah," Rapunzel added, just noticing that the thugs were all lacking hair. "Your mustaches are gone too!"
"Well, you see," Hookhand, explained, motioning towards the direction of the kingdom loosely. "After that horse banded us all to save Rider's no good ass from prison, we all became public enemy #1-"
"You all were #1?" Rapunzel asked, wide eyed.
"Yes! That's how wanted this guy is," Hookhand continued, tilting his head at Eugene who winked flirtatiously. "Anyway, we all managed to escape the guards, they're not really the brightest tools in the shed, if y'know what I mean."
Eugene did, but he also knew how badly Hookhand had butchered the saying.
"We knew all the guards would be basing us on our looks, so we made ourselves inconspicuous," the thug motioned to his shaven face. "They're looking for a bunch of scary looking thugs, not bald guys."
"Genius," Eugene said drily.
"It really is!" Rapunzel nodded, his deadpan delivery over her head. "But haven't guards been stopping by here to find you?"
"We've had a few here, but mostly they see we don't match the wanted posters and leave."
"Yeah, who they really want is Rider anyway," Killer smirked, taking Eugene's glass and downing its suspicious contents in one gulp.
"Where ya kids off ta now?" Shorty slurred, elbowing Killer for taking the glass before he could.
"I'm bringing her home," Eugene shrugged nonchalantly as a glass smashed on the floor. "It was part of our deal."
"Where does she live?" Gunter asked, smacking both Killer and Shorty upside the head for ruining the one of the glasses that tied the room together so nicely.
"The kingdom," he answered, trying to find a mug that held something that looked drinkable. He needed something the wash down the sickening nervous feeling he had.
"Didn't you hear a word I just said?" Hookhand gaped, pointing his good hand at Eugene. "Every guard in the Kingdom wants your head! That's the last place you should go!"
"It's fine," he pressed, trying to end the conversation quickly. Geez, why was everything they served green?
"No, it aint fine, we risked our hide to get you out, and you'd be damn stupid to think we'd do that stunt again for you."
"Relax, I got this, okay?" he smirked, and suddenly felt Rapunzel's tiny hand on his from under the table. He turned to lock on her green eyes as she squeezed his hand tightly. "It'll be fine...I promise."
"You're doomed." Vladimir said, as the Mime thug (the only one who kept his appearance, actually) mimicked his expression.