A/N: Thanks everyone who's been reading my story! I love the support! Thanks especially to PrinceDice1, kellseyy, Immortalis Cruor Elf, SkylerBlack, CountDoom, ladydhampir and eaglewings2peace who reviewed the last chapter. Enjoy!
3. The Letters from No One
The gang looked warily at the book as it was passed from Remus to Teddy, who'd taken the armchair to his right. They were quickly coming to expect the sadness or even pure frustration of the last few chapters. Teddy however, grinned broadly as he opened the book and began to read.
Chapter Three, he read, The Letters from No One.
"HOGWARTS!" all the Marauders suddenly cried as one, and Teddy jumped a foot in the air, dropping the book on the floor.
"Don't do that!" he chided, sending them all reproachful looks, "I'm clumsy enough already, thank you very much!" The future children chuckled in obvious agreement.
The escape of the Brazilian boa constrictor earned Harry his longest-ever punishment.
James scowled, but decided it was too early on in the reading to interrupt.
By the time he was allowed out of his cupboard again, the summer holidays had started
"They better have let him go to school!" Lily said dangerously, clearly not sharing James's view about interrupting early on. The future children shrugged.
And Dudley had already broken his new cine-camera, crashed his remote control aeroplane and, first time on his racing bike,
"Squashed it!" Sirius butted in, to general laughter. The Potters in particular were practically gleeful about the Dudley-bashing. Their father had forced them to visit him and his little family too many times for their liking.
Knocked down old Mrs Figg as she crossed Privet Drive on her crutches.
"That's horrible!" Lily cried.
"That's Uncle D," muttered James Jr under his breath.
Harry was glad school was over, but there was no escaping Dudley's gang, who visited the house every single day.
"Why?" big James growled.
Piers, Dennis, Malcolm and Gordon were all big and stupid, but as Dudley was the biggest and stupidest of the lot, he was their leader.
Peter rolled his eyes, "Infallible logic there," he scoffed. "What?" he said when he realised everyone was staring at him.
"Wow, Wormtail," Said Sirius sombrely, staring at Peter as though he was seeing him clearly for the first time, "That was a pretty complicated word," he heard James chuckling alongside him at Wormtail stuck out his tongue.
"Yeah Wormy," he grinned, ignoring the childish gesture, "You sure you're feeling alright?" Remus even went as far as to get up from his seat and check Wormtail's forehead with the back of his hand for a temperature. James was howling with laughter when Teddy decided it was time to keep reading.
The rest of them were all quite happy to join in Dudley's favourite sport:
"Sport?" Sirius cut in before Teddy could expand. "That fat lump actually exercises?" Then he noticed the dark, murderous look that had come over Teddy's face.
"You'll see," the future Lupin said in answer to Sirius's questioning look.
Harry Hunting.
Sirius's humorous expression dropped off his face and he scowled darkly, a look that was mirrored in faces all round the room. "Idiot," he muttered.
This was why Harry spent as much time as possible out of the house, wandering around and thinking about the end of the holidays, where he could see a tiny ray of hope.
"HOGWARTS!" the Marauders shouted again and Teddy sighed as he shook his head.
"What?" Sirius asked, and Teddy kept reading as an answer.
When September came he would be going off to secondary school
It was only with an extraordinary amount of self-control that Sirius stopped himself from shouting "HOGWARTS!" again.
and, for the first time in his life, he wouldn't be with Dudley. Dudley had a place at Uncle Vernon's old school, Smeltings. Piers Polkiss was going there too. Harry, on the other hand, was going to
Sirius's mouth twitched as he struggled not to shout out.
Stonewall High,
"What?" Sirius yelled, furious, and he wasn't alone. James had leapt up from his seat, an angry spark was dancing in Lily's eyes, Remus's hand was balled into a fist on his leg and Peter was glowering at nothing in particular. "Stupid Dursleys," they all muttered dubiously as one.
The local comprehensive. Dudley thought this was very funny.
"They stuff people's heads down the toilet first day at Stonewall," he told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practise?"
"No thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it – it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.
The whole room let out a snort of laughter, other than Peter, who just looked confused. "Why did he run?" he asked, looking honestly baffled, "He could've just walked." which brought another round of laughter to the room.
One day in July, Aunt Petunia took Dudley into London to buy his Smeltings uniform, leaving Harry at Mrs Figg's. Mrs Figg wasn't as bad as usual. I turned out she'd broken her leg tripping over one of her cats and she didn't seem quite as fond of them as before.
Sirius snorted, looking smug. "Stupid cats," he muttered. James Jr chuckled.
She let Harry watch television and gave him a bit of chocolate cake that tasted like she'd had it for several years.
The faces of all the boys in the room twisted into identical looks of disgust, while Lily gave a soft smile. "That's nice of her," she said.
"Is it?" James asked darkly, shooting the book a suspicious look. "So you don't think she was trying to poison him?"
Lily glared at him.
That evening, Dudley paraded around the living-room for the family in his brand-new uniform. Smeltings boys wore maroon tailcoats,
Lily's nose was already scrunched in distaste.
Orange knickerbockers,
James choked at the mental image.
And flat straw hats called boaters.
Everyone in the room determinately avoided each other's eyes.
They also carried knobbly sticks, used for hitting each other while the teachers weren't looking.
"That's barbaric!" Lily cried.
This was supposed to be good training for later life.
"Good training for later life?" James repeated in revulsion, "They're trained to hit each other with sticks? No wonder Harry's fat lump of an uncle turned out so abusive if that's where he went to school!"
Lily contemplated the look on his face with interest.
As he looked at Dudley in his new knickerbockers,
James snorted.
Uncle Vernon said gruffly that it was the proudest moment of his life.
"What a sad fellow," said Remus idly to general amusement.
Aunt Petunia burst into tears and said that she couldn't believe it was her Ickle Dudleykins,
James chuckled, "Ickle Dudleykins," he shook his head. "Lily, your sister is brilliant!"
Lily scowled.
He looked so handsome and grown-up. Harry didn't trust himself to speak. He thought two of his ribs might have already cracked from trying not to laugh.
"That's my boy!" said James proudly, puffing out his chest, "That's right – learn to laugh at people early! I can see a true Marauder in the making." Lily let out a low growl that had Remus scooting away from her, alarmed, and joining Peter on his couch on the other side of Teddy.
There was a horrible smell in the kitchen next morning when Harry went in for breakfast.
At the mention of a horrible smell, everyone turned to look at Peter, who blushed crimson. "What?" he said defensively, "It can't have been me – I'm here!"
It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in the sink.
"See?" Peter said, and James and Sirius nodded in acknowledgement.
He went to have a look. The tub was full of what looked like dirty rags swimming in grey water.
"What's this?" he asked Aunt Petunia. Her lips tightened as they always did if he dared to ask a question.
"Your new school uniform," she said.
Harry looked in the bowl again.
"Oh," He said. "I didn't realise it had to be so wet."
Remus snorted. "See?" he said, grinning broadly. "Lily's sense of humour, definitely." Lily turned childishly away from him.
"Don't be stupid," snapped Aunt Petunia. "I'm dyeing some of Dudley's old school things grey for you. It'll look just like everyone else's when I've finished."
"I'm sure," James scowled.
Harry seriously doubted this,
"Like father, like son," Sirius grinned.
But thought it best not to argue. He sat down at the table and tried not to think about how he was going to look on his first day at Stonewall High – like he was wearing bits of old elephant skin, probably.
Sirius snorted, "Great imagination." He grinned.
Dudley and Uncle Vernon came in, both with wrinkled noses because of the smell from Harry's new uniform.
"Maybe they just saw Aunty Tuney's face," James sneered. "Ow!" He exclaimed, glaring at Lily when she threw her wand at him. "What was that for?"
Lily didn't answer, but scowled angrily. In truth, she wasn't entirely sure. She knew that realistically, her loyalties to her sister should have died long ago, as her sister's had done to her, but they couldn't. She didn't know how to explain it. It was like with Snape. Even after they stopped being friends she still fiercely defended him.
Uncle Vernon opened his newspaper as usual and Dudley banged his Smeltings stick, which he carried everywhere, on the table.
They heard the click of the letter-box and flop of letters on the doormat.
"Get the post, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon from behind his paper.
"You mean the lump's actually doing something?"
"Make Harry get it."
"Get the post, Harry."
"Oh."
"Make Dudley get it."
Sirius snorted, "You tell him Harry!"
"Poke him with your Smeltings stick, Dudley."
Sirius frowned and stuck his tongue out childishly at the book.
Harry dodged the Smeltings stick and went to get the post. Three things lay on the doormat: a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister Marge, who was holidaying on the Isle of Wight, a brown envelope that looked like a bill
"Hope it's expensive," James muttered darkly.
And – a letter for Harry.
"Why does he sound so surprised?" James muttered, knowing full well the answer.
Harry picked it up and stared at it, his heart twanging like a giant elastic band.
"Geez, who knew dad was such a drama queen?" James Jr grinned. Lily and Al snorted, while Teddy merely smirked.
No one, ever, in his whole life, had written to him. Who would? He had no friends,
James scowled.
No other relatives -
Sirius frowned.
He didn't belong to the library
Lily gasped and stared at the book, horror-struck.
So he'd never even got rude notes asking for books back. Yet here it was, a letter, addressed so plainly there could be nor mistake:
Mr H. Potter
The Cupboard under the Stairs
"Damn Dursleys!" James muttered.
4 Privet Drive
Little Whinging
Surrey
The envelope was thick and heavy, made of yellowish parchment, and the address was written in emerald-green ink. There was no stamp.
"Who cares?" said Sirius, exasperated, "Just open the damn thing!"
Teddy sighed, not looking forward to the response from this chapter. Remus, seeing this, narrowed his eyes.
Turning the envelope over, his hand trembling, Harry saw a purple wax seal bearing a coat of arms; a lion,
"Whoooo!" the Marauders yelled.
An eagle, a badger, and a snake
"Boo!" the Marauders yelled. Albus and Rose frowned - one of their best friends was a Slytherin – but everyone else gave a hearty chuckle.
Surrounding a large letter "H".
Sirius, whom it seemed, could not help it, cried, "HOGWARTS!" very loudly, to general eye-rolling.
"Hurry up, boy!" shouted Uncle Vernon from the kitchen. "What are you doing, checking for letter-bombs?" He chuckled at his own joke.
James and Sirius looked horrified. "That was a joke?" James said weakly, Sirius looked like he might faint. "Why would anyone do that? He's giving a bad name to all jokes everywhere!" Remus rolled his eyes while Peter sniggered.
Harry went back to the kitchen,
"No!" said Lily, and ignored James's questioning glance. He'd find out soon enough.
Still staring at his letter.
Sirius groaned. "He brought it with him?" James caught on, and looked at Lily, horror-struck. "Is he mad? They'll have it from him in a second!"
He handed Uncle Vernon the bill and the postcard, sat down and slowly began to open the yellow envelope.
"Don't be slow about it," Sirius cried, throwing his hands up in exasperation, "Open it as fast as you can and get the hell out of there, I say!" He blatantly ignored Lily's infuriated look.
What right did he have to judge her family? She thought sourly.
Uncle Vernon ripped open the bill, snorted in disgust
"Good!" James snarled.
And flipped over the postcard.
"Marge's ill," he informed Aunt Petunia. "Ate a funny whelk…"
"Good!" said James savagely.
"James!" Remus scolded, "She hasn't done anything!"
"She's related to the rhino!" he said indignantly, crossing his arms and sticking his nose in the air in a very good impersonation of Lily. "That's motive enough to hate her!" Remus sighed and shook his head. Some battles, he decided, can't be won.
"Dad!" said Dudley suddenly.
"Shut up, you great lump!" Sirius growled.
"Dad, Harry's got something!"
"Busted!" Peter groaned.
Harry was on the point of unfolding his letter, which was written on the same heavy parchment as the envelope, when it was jerked sharply out of his hand by Uncle Vernon.
"Give it back you piece of scum!" James roared, and even Lily looked frightened.
"That's mine!" said Harry, trying to snatch it back.
"You tell him Harry!" James growled, ignoring Lily who was still looking at him worriedly.
"Who'd be writing to you?" sneered Uncle Vernon,
"Every bloody person in the wizarding world you walrus!" Teddy said viciously in a way that shocked every one. Rose stared. Teddy was usually so nice. "What?" he said in answer to everyone's looks. "Harry's like a dad to me." Remus looked glumly at the floor.
Shaking the letter open with one hand and glancing at it. His face went from red to green faster than a set of traffic lights.
"What are-?"
"Not the time Peter."
And it didn't stop there. Within seconds it was the greyish white of old porridge.
Sirius snorted. "Such a handsome man." Lily Jr giggled. She wasn't overly fond of her great uncle.
"P-P-Petunia!" he gasped.
"Idiot," Lily and James muttered simultaneously, then turned to stare at each other, flabbergasted. Looking on, Albus smiled. Can't be long now. He smiled. They'll be madly in love in no time. Feeling satisfied, he turned back to watch Teddy read.
Dudley tried to grab the letter to read it,
"It's none of your damn business you little pig!" James growled. Lily glared at him, that feeling of sisterly protection overwhelming her again.
"James Potter, if you don't stop referring to my future relatives as animals I'm going to hex you. James gulped. Remus sniggered. Lily sat back on the cushions looking satisfied.
But Uncle Vernon held it high out of his reach. Aunt Petunia took it curiously and read the first line. For a moment it looked as though she might faint.
James rolled his eyes but didn't speak.
She clutched at her throat
James opened his mouth and quickly closed it again.
And made a choking noise.
James was going steadily red from the effort of not making a disparaging comment. Lily Jr frowned at her grandma's behaviour. It's not like she was exactly crazy about her sister. What gave her the right to judge James for saying things she was probably thinking all along? She began to chew on her lip, feeling uneasy. She'd never imagined her grandmother to be so hypocritical.
"Vernon! Oh my goodness – Vernon!"
James sighed, resigning himself to a torturous period of silence.
They stared at each other, seeming to have forgotten that Harry and Dudley were still in the room. Dudley wasn't used to being ignored.
"Of course he wasn't," James muttered, unable to contain. Lily glared at him. James Jr watched with alarm as his little sister started to go red with annoyance. That never boded well.
He gave his father a sharp tap on the head with his Smeltings stick.
Sirius stared. "My mother would slap me if I did something like that." He then added as an afterthought. "Mind you, she'd probably slap me anyway just for the fun of it, but still." James wrapped his arm around his best friend's shoulder supportively. Sirius smiled appreciatively at him.
"I want to read that letter," he said loudly.
"And what exactly entitles you to read that letter you ape?" James said, scowling. Lily growled at him, and Lily Jr turned slightly redder. James Jr started to edge away from his sister nervously. She was honestly scary sometimes.
"I want to read it," said Harry furiously, "as it's mine."
Lily and James grinned. They could both sense a Lily-like fury coming up.
"Get out, both of you," croaked Uncle Vernon, stuffing the letter back inside its envelope.
Harry didn't move.
"Good boy!"
"I WANT MY LETTER!" he shouted.
Teddy grinned. "Ah, the famous Potter temper," he said, smirking at the three future Potters, all of whom blushed and glared effectively proving his point. Remus snorted.
"Let me see it!" demanded Dudley.
"OUT!" roared Uncle Vernon, and took both Harry and Dudley by the scruffs of their necks
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SON DURSLEY!" James yelled, making everyone jump. Lily jumped at the chance for a jibe.
"And what about your nephew, Potter? What, you care about your son but not that little boy? What a hypocrite!" James Jr opened his mouth heatedly to defend his grandpa, but someone beat him to the punch.
"Excuse me?" Lily Jr said dangerously, jumping up from the sofa and rounding on her namesake. "Just who are you to call anyone a hypocrite, when you're there yelling at James for judging your family while silently judging them yourself? Just because you don't like him, doesn't give you the right to pick on him for every tiny little thing!" She let out a big breath, looking wholly more relaxed. James Jr sighed, relived. Apparently yelling had made his sister a lot happier … what a scary thought.
Lily Sr however, just stared at her, open mouthed and wide eyed. Then she blinked. "You're right," she said breathlessly, green eyes stunned. "Sorry." She turned to big James. "Sorry James."
James stared. "No problem."
And threw them into the hall, slamming the kitchen door behind them. Harry and Dudley promptly had a furious fight over who would listen at the keyhole;
"Go Harry!" Sirius and James cheered, the latter looking at little Lily gratefully and a little reverently when the older one didn't scowl.
Dudley won,
"Boo!"
So Harry, his glasses dangling from one ear,
"That tends to be a problem," said all three Potter men, and then stared at each other, surprised. Lily Jr giggled, considerably less moody.
Lay flat on his stomach to listen at the crack between the door and floor.
"Vernon," Aunt Petunia was saying in a quivering voice, "look at the address – how could they possibly know where he sleeps? You don't think they're watching the house?"
"Oh yeah," Remus scoffed, "because we have nothing better to do." Peter snorted.
"Watching – spying – might be following us," muttered Uncle Vernon wildly.
"Someone's paranoid!" James sang gleefully. Sirius smirked.
"But what should we do, Vernon? Should we write back? Tell them we don't want -"
Harry could see Uncle Vernon's shiny black shoes pacing up and down the kitchen.
"No," he said finally. "No, we'll ignore it. If they don't get an answer … yes, that's best … we won't do anything …"
"It's not going to work!" Peter sang.
"But -"
"I'm not having one in the house, Petunia!
"Listen to her you idiot!" Lily said, "She knows a whole lot more than you do!"
Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?"
"Stamp out?" James repeated, looking crazed. "That rhino better not have touched my son."
"He didn't," Teddy said quickly, thinking it best not to mention the fifth year strangling incident. "Don't worry."
James looked slightly mollified.
That evening when he got back from work, Uncle Vernon did something he'd never done before; he visited Harry in his cupboard.
"He fit!" said Sirius.
"Where's my letter?" said Harry, the moment Uncle Vernon ad squeezed through the door.
"Must've been a big doorway."
"Who's writing to me?"
"No one. T was addressed to you by mistake," said Uncle Vernon shortly.
"Oh yeah, like he's going to believe that!" James snorted, "My son's not an imbecile Dursley!"
"I have burned it."
"It was not a mistake," said Harry angrily. ("You tell him dad!") "It had my cupboard on it."
"SILENCE!"
"Shut up Dursley."
Yelled Uncle Vernon, and a couple of spiders fell from the ceiling.
James shuddered.
He took a few deep breaths and then forced his face into a smile, which looked quite painful.
"Hope it was," said James Jr, who had decided to take full advantage of being able to say whatever he wanted about his great uncle without being scolded and was revelling in it. "Stupid walrus." Jr Sr grinned at him proudly.
"Er – yes, Harry – about this cupboard. Your aunt and I have been thinking … you're really getting a bit big for it …
"It's not going to work Dursley," said Lily, looking oddly smug. The others looked at her curiously. "They're trying to confuse the letter writer," she explained.
"Oh." Everyone said as one.
We think it might be nice if you moved into Dudley's second bedroom."
"Second bedroom?" James boomed, looking murderous. "That fat -" (He said something that made Lily gasp and glare at him, covering Lily Jr's ears) "gets two bedrooms and my son has to live in a -" (Lily covered little Lily's ears again, sending James a reproachful look) "cupboard?"
"Stupid Dursleys," Teddy growled. "Harry's a saint. No one deserves that, but especially not him." Lily, Albus, James and Rose nodded furiously, all of them glowering.
"Why?" said Harry.
"Don't ask questions!"
"Don't be ugly!"
"James!"
Snapped his uncle. "Take this stuff upstairs, now."
The Dursley's house had four bedrooms:
James growled.
One for Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, one for visitors
Growl.
(usually Uncle Vernon's sister, Marge),
Growl.
One where Dudley slept and one where Dudley kept all the toys and things that wouldn't fit into his first bedroom.
"Shut up, James!"
It only took Harry one trip upstairs to move everything he owned from the cupboard to this room.
James looked like he was seriously considering growling again, but one look from Lily silenced him. Albus thought he saw her lip twitch though as James looked at the floor, sighing heavily, and the little Potter felt a rush of triumph shoot through him. Soon…
He sat down on the bed and stared around him. Nearly everything in here was broken. The month-old cine-camera was lying on top of a small, working tank Dudley had once driven over next door's dog;
Sirius looked insulted. "Animal abuse!" he declared, to much sniggering and a confused look from Lily.
In the corner was Dudley's first-ever television set, which he'd put his foot through when his favourite programme had been cancelled; there was a large bird-cage which had once held a parrot that Dudley had swapped at school for a real air-rifle,
Lily gasped. "That's dangerous!"
Which was up on a shelf with the end all bent because Dudley had sat on it.
Sirius sniggered, but Lily sighed and relaxed.
Other shelves were full of books. They were the only things in the room that looked as though they'd never been touched.
Lily and Remus exchanged scandalised looks.
From downstairs came the sound of Dudley bawling at his mother: "I don't want him in there … I need that room … make him get out …"
At this, James exploded, "What is his problem?" He yelled, glaring at the book with furious eyes like burning hazel orbs behind his glasses. "That stupid spoilt brat! Hat the -" ("James!") "Does he need that room for? His old rubbish? Why can't he just let my son be happy just this once? What is wrong with him?" He slumped back into the couch, glaring at everyone and everything, but his anger seemed to have died down a bit. It seemed he had needed to get that out of his system.
Harry sighed and stretched out on the bed. Yesterday he'd have given anything to be up here. Today he'd rather be back in his cupboard with that letter than up here without it.
Sirius sighed. He knew full well what it felt like to be shunned by his own family. Some contact from the outside world was always welcome. James put his arm back round his friend, sensing rather than seeing his sadness.
Next morning at breakfast, everyone was rather quiet. Dudley was in shock. He'd screamed, whacked his father with his Smeltings stick, been sick on purpose, kicked his mother and thrown his tortoise through the greenhouse roof
"This child's out of control!" Lily gasped, shocked.
And he still didn't have his room back. Harry was thinking about this time yesterday and bitterly wishing he'd opened the letter in the hall.
"Bit late now kiddo," Sirius grinned. Lily and James glared at him, and he quailed under their joint annoyance.
Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia kept looking at each other darkly.
When the post arrived, Uncle Vernon, who seemed to be trying to be nice to Harry,
"Nope."
Made Dudley go and get it. They heard him banging things
Sirius giggled. James whacked him over the head.
With his Smeltings stick all the way down the hall. Then he shouted, "There's another one!
"Idiot!" Sirius said, glaring, "if he wanted to read the letter, what'd he tell them for?" James shrugged, shaking his head at his future nephew's stupidity.
Mr H. Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Privet Drive -"
With a strangled cry, Uncle Vernon leapt from his seat and ran down the hall, Harry right behind him.
"Go Harry!" The two James' grinned as Sirius began to jump up and down on his seat again, chanting "Harry! Harry! Harry!"
Remus sighed and shook his head, motioning for Teddy to continue. Teddy grinned.
Uncle Vernon had to wrestle Dudley to the ground to get the letter from him, which was made difficult by the fact that Harry had grabbed Uncle Vernon around the neck from behind.
"Harry!" Lily scolded, staring at the book reproachfully. "You shouldn't strangle your uncle!" James however, had different ideas.
"Yes, Harry!" he yelled, drawing scandalous looks from Lily, "Strangle the old bast-"
"James Potter, finish that sentence and I will strangle you!" said Lily threateningly. James's voice immediately trailed off. Nudging Sirius, who was sniggering at his predicament, in the ribs to make him shut up, he turned to Teddy, who was grinning at him appreciatively, to hear him read.
After a minute of confused fighting, in which everyone got hit a lot by the Smeltings stick, Uncle Vernon straightened up, gasping for breath, with Harry's letter clutched in his hand.
"Oh, bugger." Sirius said.
"Go to your cupboard – I mean, your bedroom," he wheezed at Harry. "Dudley – go – just go."
Harry walked round and round his new room. Someone knew he had moved out of his cupboard and they seemed to know he hadn't received his first letter. Surely that meant they'd try again? And this time he'd make sure they didn't fail. He had a plan.
"Uh oh," said Remus, cringing. "Somehow, I don't have a good feeling about this."
"I agree," said Sirius, looking unusually grim. "He is James's son after all."
"Yea – Hey!" James said, looking insulted. "And exactly what do you mean by that?"
"Just that your plans aren't always full proof Prongs," Peter grinned from the sofa. Sirius and Remus grinned at him. The future kids glared at him. James stuck out his tongue and pouted. Lily just sat there shaking her head, and trying not to stare at James's puckered lips.
The repaired alarm clock rang at six o'clock the next morning. Harry turned it off quickly and dressed silently. He mustn't wake the Dursleys. He stole downstairs without turning on any of the lights.
He was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Privet Drive and get the letters for number four first.
Remus blinked. "That's actually not a bad plan."
His heart hammered as he crept across the dark hall towards the front door –
The Marauders and James Jr grinned reminiscently. They were all familiar with that feeling.
"AAAAARRRGH!"
Everyone jumped as Teddy yelled the word as loud as possible. Remus, who's been particularly effected by his super hearing, glared at him reproachfully. "Some warning might be nice." He grumbled, rubbing his sensitive ears. Teddy said nothing, just smiled beatifically at him.
Harry leapt into the air – he'd trodden on something big and squashy on the doormat – something alive!
"Huh?"
Lights clicked on upstairs and to his horror Harry realised that the big squashy something had been his uncle's face.
Silence, then "Brilliant!" Sirius yelled, punching the air with his fist. "That's even better than what he was going to do! At least this way he gets to step on the walrus's face!" The room exploded as everyone burst out laughing. They laughed until their faces were red, until they had tears streaming down their cheeks and their throats were raw. When they finally pulled up, Remus was coughing, Peter was gasping for air, Sirius was wiping at his cheeks and James was rubbing at a stitch in his side. Even Lily had to wait a few minutes before the flush faded from her cheeks. James, staring at her appreciatively, thought he'd never seen anything more beautiful. This did nothing to help her blush.
Uncle Vernon had been lying at the foot of the front door in a sleeping bag, clearly making sure that Harry didn't do exactly what he'd been trying to do.
"In all fairness," said Remus, still chortling, "It would've been a good plan if his uncle hadn't thought of it first."
"Bit pointless really," Sirius grinned, leaning back into the cushions and resting his head on his arms. "It's pretty obvious he's going to get the letter some way or another. They should just give it to him before Hogwarts sends someone to do it for them. Because whoever does will not be happy." He looks positively gleeful at the thought. Lily was staring at him. Sure he got good marks in class and stuff, and he never had any trouble with homework, but she'd never heard anything remotely smart or well thought out leave his mouth outside the classroom. Still eying him speculatively, she turned her head slightly to better hear Teddy's reading.
He shouted at Harry for about half an hour and then told him to go and make a cup of tea.
"Spit in it," said Albus, grinning evilly, which shocked everyone. Then James Jr grinned, and reached over his little sister for a high five.
"Didn't know you had it in you, man," he grinned.
Harry shuffled miserably off into the kitchen and by the time he got back, the post had arrived, right into Uncle Vernon's lap. Harry could see three letters addressed in green ink.
"I want -" he began, but Uncle Vernon was tearing the letters into pieces before his eyes.
"Idiot," little Lily muttered.
Uncle Vernon didn't go to work that day. He stayed at home and nailed up the letter-box.
"As if that'll help," Remus scoffed.
"See," he explained to Aunt Petunia through a mouthful of nails, "if they can't deliver them they'll just give up."
"I'm not sure that'll work, Vernon."
"You think?" Lily rolled her eyes.
"Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me,"
"For which we are eternally grateful," James scoffed.
Said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with a piece if fruit cake Aunt Petunia had just brought him.
A collective snort went round the room.
On Friday, no fewer than twelve letters arrived for Harry. As they couldn't go through the letter-box they had been pushed under the door, slotted through the sides and a few even forced through the small window in the downstairs toilet.
Sirius grinned.
Uncle Vernon stayed at home again. After burning all the letters, he got out a hammer and nails and boarded up the cracks around the front doors so no one could go out.
Sirius giggled. He really did love Muggles sometimes.
He hummed "Tiptoe through the Tulips" as he worked,
The song immediately got stuck in Lily's head and she began to tap her foot.
And jumped at small noises.
"Paranoid much?" Sirius grinned evilly.
On Saturday, things began to get out of hand.
Sirius grinned and rubbed his hands together in anticipation, shuffling further forward to the front of the couch. James chuckled as his friend's antics, but couldn't help a small grin.
Twenty-four letters to Harry found their way into the house, rolled up and hidden inside of each of the two dozen eggs that their very confused milk-man had handed Aunt Petunia through the living-room window.
James chuckled. "Brilliant."
While Uncle Vernon made furious telephone calls to the post office and the dairy trying to find someone to complain to,
"Not going to work," Peter smirked, looking gleeful. James Jr growled.
Aunt Petunia shredded the letters in her food mixer.
Lily felt tears begin to prick in her eyes and clenched her jaw, breathing heavily.
"Who on earth wants to talk to you this badly?" Dudley asked Harry in amazement.
"Shut up," James growled. All of the children from the future, particularly the Potters and Teddy, were scowling furiously.
"I knew there was a reason I always hated him." James Jr glared.
On Sunday morning, Uncle Vernon sat down at the breakfast table looking tired and rather ill, but happy.
"Why?" James asked, looking confused. To his surprise, Lily was wearing an evil smirk when she replied.
"There's no post on Sundays in the Muggle world," she explained. Her smile didn't fade.
"So what're you grinning about then?" asked James grumpily, momentarily forgetting that things were different in the wizarding world.
"Because," Lily said slowly, "The same rule doesn't apply to wizards." James stared at her for a second, bemused, then grinned broadly. Sirius chuckled.
"No post on Sundays,"
"That's what you think."
He reminded them happily as he spread marmalade on his newspapers, ("He's cracked!") "no damn letters today -"
Something came whizzing down the kitchen chimney as he spoke and caught him sharply on the back of the head.
"Whoo!" James cheered, while Sirius yelled, "Good shot!" Remus shook his head but grinned all the same.
Next moment, thirty of forty letters came pelting out of the fireplace like bullets.
"Brilliant."
The Dursleys ducked, but Harry leapt into the air trying to catch one –
"Why didn't he just pick one up off the floor?" Peter asked, confused.
James Jr glared at him, but then turned to grin at his siblings, "Must have been his Seeker reflexes acting out," he muttered. He was very careful to say this quietly enough that James Sr couldn't hear. He could have some fun with this …
"Out! OUT!"
Uncle Vernon seized Harry around the waist
"Hands off Dursley!" Teddy snarled.
And threw him into the hall.
A series of growls went round the room.
When Aunt Petunia and Dudley had run out with their arms over their faces, Uncle Vernon slammed the door shut. They could hear the letters still streaming into the room, bouncing off the walls and floor.
Sirius grinned. It was a pretty funny mental image.
"That does it," said Uncle Vernon, trying to speak calmly but pulling great tufts out of his moustache at the same time.
Lily stared. This man was insane!
"I want you all back here in five minutes, ready to leave. We're going away. Just pack some clothes. No arguments!"
He looked so dangerous with half his moustache missing
"Nice." Sirius snorted.
That no one dared argue. Ten minutes later they had wrenched their way through the boarded-up doors and were in the car, speeding towards the motorway. Dudley was sniffling in the back seat;
"Good!" James snorted.
His father had hit him round the head for holding them up while he tried to pack his television, video and computer in his sports bag.
James Jr chuckled gleefully … and promptly got hit over the head by his little sister.
They drove. And they drove. Even Aunt Petunia didn't dare ask where they were going.
"Of course - they're not allowed to ask questions," Remus rolled his eyes and scowled. "Not if they want a quiet life."
Every now and then Uncle Vernon would take a sharp turning and drive in the opposite direction for a while.
"Shake 'em off … shake 'em off," he would mutter whenever he did this.
Sirius chuckled delightedly. Though this was an obvious exception, he did love Muggles. They were just so clueless.
They didn't stop to eat or drink all day. By nightfall Dudley was howling. He'd never had such a bad day in his life.
"Welcome to Harry's world," James muttered, looking honestly anguished. Why did his son have to go through so much? Lily blinked and tried not to cry again. She was such a bad parent! Why didn't she care that much?
He was hungry, he'd missed five television programmes he'd wanted to see and he'd never gone so long without blowing up an alien on his computer.
Uncle Vernon stopped at last outside a gloomy-looking hotel on the outskirts of a big city. Dudley and Harry shared a room with twin beds and damp, musty sheets.
Peter screwed up his nose.
Dudley snored but Harry stayed awake, sitting on the window-sill, staring down at the lights of passing cars and wondering …
"What about?" Sirius asked.
"The letter-writer I would guess," Lily replied, rolling her eyes in a routine gesture.
They ate stale cornflakes and cold tinned tomatoes on toast for breakfast next day.
"Lovely," said James, scrunching up his face in distaste. Peter reached into his pocket and took out another piece of cheese, nibbling on it in relief, as though to assure him that there was still some good food in the world. Beside him, Remus chuckled.
They had just finished when the owner of the hotel came over to their table.
"'Scuse me, but is one of you Mr H. Potter? Only I got about an 'undred of these at the front desk."
She held up a letter so they could read the green ink address:
Mr H. Potter
Room 17
Railview Hotel
Cokeworth
Harry made a grab for the letter
"Get it Harry!" Sirius yelled.
But Uncle Vernon knocked his hand out of the way.
He sighed. "This is just getting plain frustrating!"
The woman stared.
"I'll take them," said Uncle Vernon, standing up quickly and following her from the dining-room.
"Git."
"Bully."
"Worthless piece of -"
"James!"
"Wouldn't it be better just to go home dear?"
"Yes Tuney, it would."
Aunt Petunia suggested timidly, hours later, but Uncle Vernon didn't seem to hear her. Exactly what he was looking for, none of them knew. He drove them into the middle of a forest, got out, looked around, shook his head, got back in the car and off they went again.
"Cracked," Sirius muttered, shaking his head and grinning.
The same thing happened in the middle of a ploughed field, halfway across a suspension bridge and at the top of a multi-storey car park.
"Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?" Dudley asked Aunt Petunia dully late that afternoon.
"Why yes, Dudley. Yes, he has." Sirius chortled.
Uncle Vernon had parked at the coast, locked them all inside the car and disappeared.
Peter looked confused. "I thought Muggles didn't know how to disappear."
James stared at him in disbelief, and then chucked a shoe at his head, "It's a figure of speech Wormtail," he said, wondering just how anybody could be quite so stupid. Surely there was a level of stupidity beneath which someone couldn't dip? He stared at Wormtail a little more before tuning back into the reading.
It started to rain. Great drops beat on the roof of the car. Dudley snivelled.
"It's Monday," he told his mother.
"Wow, he knows the days of the week," Sirius gasped, gripping at James's arm and breathing heavily. "It's the apocalypse! Quick, run! We're all going to die!"
"Get off me, you maniac!" James shook Sirius off, looking highly amused.
"The Great Humberto's on tonight. I want to stay somewhere with a television."
Monday. This reminded Harry of something. If it was Monday – and you could usually count on Dudley to know the days of the week, because of television – then tomorrow, Tuesday, was Harry's eleventh birthday.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!" Everybody yelled at the top of their lungs, including Lily, to general surprise.
"BLOODY HELL!" Remus yelled, and Teddy also had to clap his hands over his ears. "GUYS! NOT COOL!"
"Oops, sorry Remus." James grinned sheepishly, while the other Potters shot Teddy sympathetic looks. The two Lupins scowled.
Of course, his birthdays were never exactly fun – last year, the Dursleys had given him a coat-hanger and a pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.
James sighed, but didn't yell. There was only so much someone could yell before they used up their quota of anger for the day.
Still, you weren't eleven every day.
Lily smiled at her son's optimistic attitude (not that it'd last long but she didn't know that) while the younger Potters smiled, still trying to wrap their heads around and eleven year old Harry. Teddy grinned.
Uncle Vernon was back and he was smiling.
"Uh-oh."
He was also carrying a long, thin package and didn't answer Aunt Petunia when she asked what he'd bought.
Lily gulped. She had a bad feeling about that.
"Found the perfect place!" he said. "Come on! Everyone out!"
It was very cold outside the car. Uncle Vernon was pointing at what looked like a large rock out to sea.
Lily's eyes narrowed. She didn't like that.
Perched on top of the rock was the most miserable little shack you could imagine. One thing was certain, there was no television in there.
Lily's eyes were now slits. She really didn't like that.
"Storm forecast for tonight!" said Uncle Vernon gleefully, ("Strange bloke," Sirius muttered) clapping his hands together. "And this gentleman's kindly agreed to lend us his boat!"
A toothless old man came ambling up to them, pointing, with a rather wicked grin, at an old rowing boat bobbing in the iron-grey water below them.
"Evil old man!" Sirius muttered, looking crazed, and started muttering about not trusting toothless people. James face-palmed and gestured for Teddy to continue.
"I've already got some rations," said Uncle Vernon, "so all aboard!"
It was freezing in the boat. Icy sea spray and rain crept down their necks and a chilly wind whipped their faces. After what seemed like hours they reached the rock, where Uncle Vernon, slipping and sliding, led the way to the broken-down house.
The inside was horrible;
"So's your face!" Sirius grinned, cackling evilly. James shot him an odd look and began to edge slowly away from him on the couch.
It smelled strongly of seaweed, the wind whistled through the gaps in the wooden walls and the fire-place was damp and empty. There were only two rooms.
Uncle Vernon's rations turned out to be a packet of crisps each and four bananas.
Sirius and Peter exchanged horrified looks. That wasn't food!
He tried to start a fire but the empty crisp packets just smoked and shrivelled up.
"Ha!" Said Sirius, "That's what you get for being a pig! Ow!" he glared at Lily and he peeled her rolled up school jumper from his face. "What was that for?"
"Idiot! Harry's going to be cold!" she said, glaring at him. Sirius gulped and hid behind James, who gulped at hid behind Peter, who gulped and hid behind Remus, who gulped and hid behind Teddy, who gulped and stared at Lily wide-eyed. Lily Jr stuffed her fist into her mouth to stop herself laughing.
"Could do with some of those letters now, eh?" he said cheerfully.
James pulled a face.
He was in a very good mood. Obviously he thought nobody stood a chance of reaching them here in a storm to deliver post.
"Idiot," said James scornfully.
Harry privately agreed,
"Does that mean your son's and idiot too James?" Sirius snickered, then ducked as James chucked his wand at him.
Though the thought didn't cheer him up at all.
As night fell,
"Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep little baby …" Teddy froze as Sirius began to croon. James, wide eyed and horrified-looking, scooched right up to the very edge of the sofa, while the future children looked at each other in shock. "I don't believe it!" James Jr muttered to Albus over Lily's head, "Azkaban made Sirius sane!"
The promised storm blew up around them. Spray from the high waves splattered against the walls of the hut and a fierce wind rattled the filthy windows.
"Sounds like such a charming place," Sirius turned to grin at James then realised he wasn't there. "James?" he suddenly spotted his friends hunched at the end of the sofa. "What're you doing over there?" he asked confused. He scooted over to sit closer to him. James looked positively terrified.
Aunt Petunia found a few mouldy blankets in the second room and made up a bed for Dudley on the moth-eaten sofa. She and Uncle Vernon went off to the lumpy bed next door and Harry was left to find the softest bit of floor he could and curl up under the thinnest, most ragged blanket.
James sighed.
The storm raged more and more ferociously as the night went on. Harry couldn't sleep. He shivered and turned over, trying to get comfortable, his stomach rumbling with hunger.
Sirius was seriously considering putting a gag in James's mouth to stop the constant sighing.
Dudley's snores were drowned by the low rolls of thunder that started near midnight. The lighted dial of Dudley's watch, which was dangling over the edge of the sofa on his fat wrist, told Harry he'd be eleven in ten minutes' time.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!" Sirius yelled.
He lay and watched his birthday
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!"
"Shut up Padfoot." James muttered.
Tick nearer, wondering if the Dursley's would remember it at all, wondering where the letter writer was now.
Five minutes to go.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!"
"Padfoot!" said James in a warning tone.
Harry heard something creak outside. He hoped the roof wasn't going to fall in, although he might be warmer if it did. Four minutes to go.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!"
"Sirius!"
Maybe the house in Privet Drive would be so full of letters when they got back that he'd be able to steal one somehow.
Three minutes to go.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!"
"SIRIUS BLACK, SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!"
Was that the sea, slapping hard on the rock like that? And (two minutes to go)
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAR-!"
"Silencio!" James grinned as Sirius began to glare and made rude hand gestures, then shot an appreciative look at Rose who smiled as she tucked her wand back into the pocket of her robes.
What was that funny crunching noise? Was that the rock crumbling into the sea?
With Sirius finally being quiet, James was able to notice the signs – someone was approaching the hut. He grinned. This could only be good.
One minute to go
James shot a smug look at Sirius who was trying desperately to shout out, and continued to watch him as though he were a very interesting TV programme as Teddy read.
And he'd be eleven.
Sirius shot a betrayed look at James and mimed something very rude indeed. James merely cupped his ear and said very loudly and clearly, "I can't hear you!" Lily Jr giggled, and even Lily Sr had to bite down hard on her lip to keep from laughing. James grinned and stuck his tongue out at Sirius as the latter mimed something that James translated to mean something along the lines of: "Betrayal of trust" and "supposed to be my friend". James grinned.
Thirty seconds …
"Evil basta-" He checked to make sure Lily hadn't somehow understood and was about to tell him off before finishing off his angry miming.
Twenty …
"Grr…"
Nothing.
Ten –
Wounded look.
Nothing.
Nine –
Puppy dog eyes (which he was astonishingly good at). Nothing worked with this man!
Maybe he'd wake Dudley up, just to annoy him –
"Do it Harry!" James said gleefully, and Sirius grinned, forgetting he was annoyed at him.
Three –
Sirius forgot his angry miming, leaning forward in his seat to see what happened.
Two – one –
BOOM.
"For Merlin's sake!" Remus screamed as Teddy yelled the word at the top of his lungs. "There'll be no more shouting in here!" he said, practically screeching his lungs out, "No more I say! No more! This is now a shouting free zone! I declare!" There was a moment of silence while everyone stared at him … before they all fell on the floor laughing. Even Sirius, who had tears streaming down his cheeks as completely silent howls of laughter shook through him. The look on his face had James falling over himself all over again.
The whole shack shivered and Harry sat bolt upright, staring at the door. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.
And on that dramatic note, Teddy passed the book on to James, who took it eagerly and began to read.
Thanks for reading! Sorry about any lateness, typos or OTT ridiculous silliness in this chapter! I hope you liked it! Review! I'll pay you … in virtual hugs :D