I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.
Deciding Factor
"No, no fucking way. You're laid up." Juice shook his head and I simply sat and waited for his macho impulses to calm down.
"Not for long if Sephariel answers my summons." I'm the Messenger, sort of an IM service between heaven and hell and agents of the realm, the job had its perks. One such perk was an angelic medic if I needed it.
"You think she will?" He asked and I grinned, I had him.
"If she's not too busy." I started drawing the sigils in a complicated web design for what I affectionately called an angel catcher. Most of the time it worked but if the angel in question was busy or just didn't want to show up it would be for naught. I started meditating over the catcher as I lit the candles and sprinkled some salt into the central flame. Suddenly the candles blew out and I glared.
"What, what happened?" Juice asked as I gathered the candles and started wiping down the floor where I'd drawn the catcher.
"She can't come to me right now, none of them can." I placed the items in my supply bag and Juice finished cleaning the area.
"Sorry babe, but this means you can't go. Your Dad and Sam will have to do the canvassing." I growled thinking about my loss of control and the fact that my Dad had known for months that Sam was alive and hadn't told me.
"I need to do this baby, do something." I sighed in exasperation and he smiled before he leaned over and kissed me.
"Gemma has some plans for you baby, no worries." I rolled my eyes as an old adage popped into my head. "Man may work from sun to sun but woman's work is never done." Replace "man" with "Son" and "woman" with "Old Lady" and you had things about right.
"What are you doing?" If he got to help I was withholding sex, for a few hours anyway.
"Providing backup. Did you know that Sam had silver bullets?" We all did, though the numbers were usually small and they were home forged.
"Salt rounds would be good too." I said as I started to rise and he moved over to help me up.
"We have those. While you slept this morning your Dad and Sam taught the guys how to pack the rounds." I growled again, I should have been up at first light, but they wanted me to sleep. I had an aswang free night and was just waiting for a report that another pregnant woman got taken out. I may have been the prime target but aswangs were opportunistic feeders and this one was feeding at an alarming rate.
"Baby, I know you're a hunter first but for once in your life let someone take care of you. Let me take care of you, that crow on your neck and baby in your belly make you mine and I don't want to lose either of you." I looked in his eyes and felt myself weaken a little, but not enough to go all June Cleaver.
"I can't stand the thought of another woman dying when I could have put a stop to it." I sat down on the edge of the bed and he joined me.
"That's one of the reasons I love you baby, now please listen to me and hang around here. Gemma will keep you busy." That made me smile; yes she would keep me busy.
"Fine, but promise me that you'll keep at least one sachet and a silver pin on you. Those will help you more than the bullets." He patted the pocket of his cut and I rested my head on his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry I had to drag you into this life." He rested his head on top of mine.
"I'm not."
I sat in the passenger's seat of Gemma's car watching everything closely. Sometimes the smallest thing could be a clue, the glint off someone's eye, mice on an enclosed porch, anything. Unfortunately I was finding nothing as I continued to scan. So far we'd been to the florist, the bakery and were now heading down Historical Sutter Street to see about renting a horse drawn hearse to take Maria's body to the cemetery.
"Penny for your thoughts." I was jolted by Gemma's voice, we'd been pretty much silent except when she gave me orders. The woman should have been career military.
"Just seeing if I can spot anything, you know like a sign that says "aswang here" or something like that." I shrugged and looked back out the window while I could practically hear her smirk.
"How long have you been doing this stuff?" Ever since she looked in my eyes during the interrogation she'd been more apt to believe bits and pieces but I doubted she believed everything.
"Been on the road with my Dad since I was three, for those first years I was kept with a woman named Ellen and her daughter Jo. Her husband was a hunter but she gave it up when her daughter was born. She used to run a bar that catered exclusively to hunters. Once I could basically fend for myself I was with Daddy full time." I felt tears at the back of my eyes. God I missed them.
"Where's this Ellen now?" That did it, I started crying.
"Dead, she died a few months before Sam's trip to the Pit. Her and Jo, Jo was attacked by hellhounds and Ellen sacrificed herself to save Sam and Dean. Shit, the waterworks have started." I took some tissues from her glove compartment and looked up when I felt her hand on my hair.
"Thought you said you didn't have a mother kid, sounds like Ellen was that for you." I had never thought about that, Ellen was always there for me, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to vent to, damn now I missed her more. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose as Gemma took her hand away.
"I'm sorry but can we not talk about Ellen. I really don't feel like crying all day." I looked at Gemma hoping I didn't offend her and she simply gave me a smile.
"Alright sweetheart but we will talk about this pain you're in, gotta get past that before you bring that baby into the world. Continue your story, how'd you handle this life." She had pulled into another street and I realized what she was doing, she wanted us to have this private time, she wanted me to answer her questions and I'd do that.
"Well from three on I was with Daddy unless a hunt was so big that he was worried about me then he'd leave me with Ellen, or Patty or other hunter's wives. Sometimes he'd leave me with Dean and Sam when he'd hunt with John. I've known Sam and Dean since I was born, they've always been in my life. One of the few pictures I have is of Dean holding me on one leg and Sam on the other with a big ole' grin on his face." I smiled as the picture flashed in my brain.
"Dean? That's Sam's brother right?" She asked as she pulled into a park and drove along a path.
"More than that, he's my brother too. Brother, best friend, drinking buddy, bro he's all of those things. He's saved my ass more times than I can count and caused more trouble. He's outta the life and I wanna keep it that way. I haven't called him in a few months, mostly because I'm afraid he's gonna do this all again. He's free I want him to stay free." She nodded and I had to blow my nose again.
"Weren't you free. I had a talk with your Daddy last night and according to him you moved to Charming to get away from all this, why didn't you? Juice says you dragged him into it as well, wasn't losing one man you loved enough?" I looked at her, hurt and a little shocked by her bold statement but when I saw her eyes I saw that she wasn't trying to wound, she was honestly curious.
"I was never gonna be free. I honestly wish I wouldn't have dragged Juice into this but I can't change the past and what's done is done. I'm also sorry that the club got dragged into this. How's Clay dealing with it?" I asked her and she snorted.
"Like a man, he doesn't care what or who this thing is he wants to kill it and go home, never to speak of it again." That made me smile; I would have bet money that that would be Clay's response.
"Too bad it doesn't work that way, once you're in you're in." She looked at me and nodded.
"We're in darlin', we're in." She started the car up again and soon enough we were back to the town, ready to continue the errands.
"So between the two of you, you found nothing?" I asked Dad as I picked up my small silver knife and dusted the blade with the ginger/salt mixture.
"Actually there were seven of us. We gave Juice and Kip the background and of course the scary guy knew what to look for and Juice told those guys Tig and Jax what to do. We had a pretty good canvassing squad." I nodded, that was a huge group, considering most hunters usually worked in tandem or solo.
"Did you check all the farmers around here and the butcher?" Most aswangs hid in plain sight doing jobs that involved direct contact with raw meat.
"You think I was born yesterday? If you weren't my daughter I'd call you an idjit." He leaned back and put his trucker hat back on his head and I smiled indulgently at him.
"Sorry Dad, I just want all bases covered." I began to powder the blades that the SAMFOL crew had loaned me and some of the SAMCRO weapons. I took special care with Jax's K-Bar. I don't know what Jax saw or my Dad said but he was a new convert to the realm of hunters.
"How are you doing baby girl? Any complications?" He whispered as he leaned closer and I almost dropped the knife. I so did not want to have that conversation now.
"I'm fine Dad and as long as this hook nosed bitch doesn't come around for a midnight snack I'll continue to be fine." I looked down and busied myself with my task before Dad put his hand on my shoulder.
"He doesn't know does he? It doesn't surprise me that they don't know but you shoulda told him." I felt tears stinging my eyes for the second time today. What was this "Let's make Ari cry" day?
"Told who what?" Sam said as he sat down in the seat next to me and took the powder to his own weapons.
"Never mind. What are your plans?" I asked and Dad continued to give me that look, that look that made me feel small and not a tiny bit like an unruly child.
"If we can get King biker and his crew away I think we do a bait and ambush. I have all the stuff, you made the oil this morning. We should be good to go." Sam said and I gave him a stern look.
"I agree with your plan but you are never to disrespect Clay or this club. They're my family and I won't have it." He simply looked at me before he shrugged.
"Whatever you say. So you in?" He looked at me as he rubbed the powder into the etches on his bowie.
"Yeah I'm in." Dad shook his head, he obviously wasn't happy with the plan but couldn't see an alternative.
"Come on Daddy, I'll have you and Sam on the lookout it'll be fine." He shook his head.
"I don't want you to do this, after last time I'd think this would be the last thing you'd wanna do." There it was, another mention, I swore I could feel my heart being ripped from my chest.
"It's because of what happened last time that I need to do this. I need to have some goddamned control over what happens to me. None of those women had any control and I need to avenge them, I need to avenge me." I hissed and Dad's eyes got soft. Sam had stopped what he was doing and watched us. Nothing, no emotion. I was torn up inside and he just sat like a spectator at a tennis match. I couldn't handle it anymore.
"Don't you care about me, even a little? Don't you care about how this is affecting me?" I asked and he quirked an eyebrow.
"Of course I care, I just think that you've had two years to get over it, so…Get over it." There, that was it, the last straw. I had put up with so much had done so much for him and now I was done. Once this case was over Sam Winchester was out of my life for good. I stood up and hobbled over to the bar where one of the Folsom Prospects was tending bar. He looked at me before he moved around and helped me onto a stool.
"Do you need anything?" He asked as he stood nervously, something must have been playing out on my face because he looked like he wanted to bolt.
"Just get me a water and the number of the prepay your Pres gave my man." He nodded as he got me a bottle of water and withdrew his prepay. He already had the number primed for me. Juice answered on the second ring.
"Yeah." He didn't sound happy.
"Baby, I want this hunt done tonight and that means I'm bait. I can't do this, can't be near him." I felt tears in my eyes and heard a soft sound from his end.
"I can't have you be bait baby, I can't lose you." So much urgency in his voice, desperation. It was why we were drawn to each other, we'd each lost so much and now we found it in each other.
"That's why I need you on board baby, I only feel safe with you. I know you'll die for me." I angrily wiped away the tears that had started to pool in my eyes and heard him sigh.
"Damn right I'll die for you baby. Just stay in the clubhouse for now. We're on our way back. I love you." He said before the phone clicked and he was gone. I closed the phone and handed it to the Prospect before I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder. I reached up and placed my hand on his.
"I'm ok Dad, I'm going to tell him." I heard a sigh of relief behind me.
"This is a good thing darlin', he needs to know where you're coming from." I nodded as I felt him kiss my hair. I just hoped he didn't treat me any different once he knew.
"Baby." Juice walked up to the bar and pulled me into his arms, I must have scared the hell out of him with my tone.
"Baby, I need to talk to you before we do anything. I'd also like Gemma to be there." I heard a hitch in my voice and yelled at myself. If I couldn't keep the emotion at bay just arranging the talk how could I get through what I had to tell him.
"Yeah, I'll get us the chapel." I nodded as he kissed my cheek before he went to probably talk to Gemma and Pedro.
A few minutes later Juice came up to me followed by Gemma and he helped me get up from the stool and walked me to the chapel. Once we were inside I took several deep breaths as he set me in a chair while Gemma took the seat at the head of the table and he seated himself next to me. I looked at both of them and had to take another deep breath.
"What do you need to talk to us about sweetheart?" Gemma asked and I straightened myself up and tried to psych myself up.
"Before I start I want you to know that I never meant to deceive you with this. This was my secret, my pain to deal with and I was dealing with it by keeping it hidden away within myself. I never should have kept it from you baby." I turned to Juice who looked confused and worried, Gemma had that cool detached look she'd perfected.
"What's the secret Baby?" Juice asked and I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. I took a deep breath before I started.
"This isn't my first pregnancy." There I got it out in the open. Juice's face had turned from confused and worried to sympathetic in a heartbeat. "Two years ago I suffered a miscarriage. God that doesn't even come close to covering how this feels."
"What happened, I'm guessing it wasn't just a medical thing?" Gemma offered to keep me going.
"No, while I was pregnant I was still hunting, still doing work in the salvage yard, pool hustling the whole deal. I felt impervious. I had the love of my life, was having his baby and I'd just discovered that I had some skills beyond those of a normal hunter. Like I said I was impervious. At the time I was hunting with a man named Johnny Running-Bear. He's dead now like so many of us are. He wanted me to stop hunting, hell he wanted to marry me but I told him no to both. I was on top of the world, then I met a demon named Baleal. Baleal was one of the powerful ones, a member of Lucifer's cabinet a lecherous demon. He took a shine to me and pursued me in that way demons did. I had just left Sam in Massachusetts where he and Dean were hunting and struck out on my own. Johnny was angry so I didn't have the support I usually did. Well I was driving during the dead of night in the middle of nowhere, there were these highbeams behind me and to make a long story short I was run off the road and then one of Baleal's minions knocked me out with a blackjack." I took a deep breath again.
"Oh god baby." Juice said as he took my hand. I looked between them and continued.
"When I woke up I was strapped to a table, naked I couldn't move my head, my arms, nothing I was totally immobile. That's when Baleal came in. I won't go into details but I was tortured, for days. Every kind of humiliation and pain imaginable. His thinking was that if he put me in enough pain then suddenly stopped I'd agree to be his, agree to be his bride. He didn't count on how stubborn I was. I spit in his face, cursed him, prayed, I did anything I could to psych him out. It didn't work, he just kept going. For that time my baby was fine, it was too small to move but I could feel it, you know? Anyway, I made the mistake of talking to the baby, letting it know that Mommy was ok. Baleal heard me and was enraged that a human's seed had corrupted me." I laughed mirthlessly and saw tears in Gemma's eyes. "Once he learned that, he wouldn't let the baby live. His next torture was to put pressure on my stomach, to cause enough damage that my body aborted my child. It worked and I felt my baby die, I felt my body expel my child. I wanted to die and he wouldn't let me. The torture went on for hours after that with me begging for death and him laughing in my face eventually there was a sound of gunshots and screams and there was Johnny, my savior. He'd killed most of Baleal's henchmen but Baleal survived. I didn't get my revenge until months later when I put a bullet through Baleal's head but it wasn't enough, nowhere near enough."
That was it I broke down and Juice gathered me into his arms while Gemma moved and held both of us. I cried until I couldn't anymore all the while being held and loved by the two of them. Gemma caressed my hair and spoke quietly as I calmed down. Once I was calm I moved out of their arms and they knew I wanted to continue but didn't know how. Gemma's sixth sense came into play.
"How did Sam respond baby?" Gemma asked as she used her thumb to rub away the tear tracks.
"For the first few months after it happened he was perfect. He gave me space when I needed it, let me cling, distracted me. He was wonderful, then Dean died and he pushed me away in the most effective way he could. He blamed me, said I was the reason our baby died, separated himself from me. That was the first time he abandoned me and I knew I shouldn't have gone back, but I did. I kept going back…" I took another deep breath and looked in Juice's eyes to see barely contained rage. "It doesn't matter anymore, God saw fit to give me a second chance and I'm taking it. I'm going to do everything in my power to ensure that this baby makes it. I'm also going to do everything in my power to take out that monster. I can't let the monsters win, I can't let more mothers and fathers endure what I did."
"So strong baby, so, so strong." Gemma reached over and tucked my hair behind my ear while Juice practically jumped up and stormed out of the chapel.
"Juice!" I yelled and Gemma made a shushing noise.
"Let him be, he needs to deal with what you just told him in his own way." I nodded before there were shouts in the main room and the sound of flesh meeting flesh. "Looks like he's dealing with it baby."