First Enchanter Irving stands beside her. His calm patience is exactly what she needs right now. The other mages he brought along busy themselves with the preparations. "You know what to expect once you're there." She nods and shudders involuntarily. "The demon will most likely be as you suspect. Desire demons are quite powerful. Do not listen to any offer and stay strong. You are one of our top pupils… you were…" He grins. "The preparations are almost complete. We will be ready shortly."

Solona gives him a curt nod. She doesn't trust her voice. Her hands are clasped in front of her giving the appearance of calm. Within her rages a battle only seen if one looks closely to her eyes. There you can see her unrest and fears. She wants to run, she wants to stay and help. She wants to send someone else, she wants to spare others and do it herself. Ultimately the decision is made for her by Irving. She trusts in his wisdom. I really don't want to do this.

"For what it's worth, I'm glad we decided to go this route. Thank you… for doing this." She tries to smile at Alistair to reassure him but can't quite do it. Don't make me go. Her eyes silently plead with him.

She tries to move. She is rooted to the spot. Her times in the fade have been anything but pleasant and this time will prove to be just as difficult if not worse. "Sol…" Her first time was unnerving. "Sol?" Her second time was horrifying. "Solona…" This time? She shudders again. This time she is facing a much stronger demon. This time the soul of a little boy is in her hands. Her eyes tear. Her hands shake. I can't do this. Teagan takes her hand and walks her out of the room. "You're shaking like a leaf. Are you sure you want to do this?"

Solona blinks up at him. "What?"

Teagan wraps his arms around her. "How dangerous is this? Losing Connor or losing you… I don't like either option." She lays her head against his chest.

I'm scared. "I'll be fine. The fade…" She takes a deep breath trying to keep her voice even. "It is unnerving. It can be massive and it can be daunting. Teagan, this is the only way to bring him back. I must try."

Teagan lifts her chin. "You really are something."

I'm a fool. Solona shakes her head. "No I'm not. I'm scared. I won't lie to you. I hate the fade. It is a mage's worse nightmare come to reality. It preys on your weakness and your desires. It is where demons hunt for the weak minded. It is where reality is twisted and…"

"Sol?" Solona jumps and gasps. Leliana stands at the doorway. "They're ready."

Maker, help me. Solona nods stiffly and gives her a lopsided grin. "I'll be right there." Leliana nods and walks away. Solona watches her for a moment and turns her attention back to Teagan. She wraps her arms around him losing herself in the comfort and safety of his arms. "I don't want to go in there. I don't want to go back to the fade. But…" She shudders. "What other option is there? Killing a little boy? I won't do that without trying to save him first. If that means going in to the fade, then so be it." She reaches up on her tiptoes and kisses his cheek. "It will be over soon." One way or another. She releases him and hurries back to the others before she loses her nerve. Irving nods at her urging her forward.

Solona slowly becomes aware of her surroundings. The constant haze, the ghostly figures walking around lost, the emptiness, the islands… the fade. She tries to calm her nerves with a deep breath. It doesn't help. Standing still won't do her any good. She starts moving. She watches the figures carefully noting they are two repeated forms. One is the boy, the other is a man. "Connor!" She jumps and squeaks. Her eyes are wide as saucers. "Connor!" She spins around searching for the owner of the voice. "Where are you?"

She takes a deep breath and moves towards the sound of his voice. She tilts her head looking at the man standing by a bed of all things. He looks right through Solona, searching and calling for the boy. He looks like the male versions of the shadows marching around aimlessly. She tries to reason with him. It worked once with her companions, perhaps… "Ser Eamon? Are you Arl Eamon?"

He glares at her with such anger and venom. She recoils. "Who are you? What have you done with Connor?"

What did I do with him? "My name is Solona. I have been sent here to help if I can. Arl, your wife, Isolde… she misses you. She asked me to find you and Connor." She shifts her weight. That didn't work. "It is time to awaken, Serah. Your family needs your stength." She peers at him. He's utterly unaware of where he is. She debates whether to continue speaking with him. He is no mage. He has no idea what the fade is. He doesn't know her. He has no reason to trust her or listen to her.

"Did you do this to me?" Eamon's anger is barely maintained. "Where is Connor?"

Oh Maker. "You wait right here. Soon we will lift this haze and you can find your way back to your family." She turns quickly on her heel and walks away without a backward glance. She finds herself before a fade portal. She takes a deep breath and steps through finding herself on another island of the same disconnected fade. She moves forward slowly not sure what she will find until she sees him. Connor. She wants to be annoyed with the boy but he is so young. He looks as lost as his father did. There is no way he could understand the ramifications of what he has done. "Hello, Connor."

"Why are you here? What have you done with Father?" Connor yells at her. The boy has his hands in fists barely containing his rage.

"What have I done?" She quirks her eyebrow and smirks at the boy. "You made a deal with a demon, Connor. I did nothing to your father. This fade was your choice, your deal and if you weren't so young I'd leave you to your fate…" She sighs softly reining in her annoyance, "but you don't know better. Others are suffering and dying because of this and you deserve the chance to learn from this."

"No! You're going to ruin everything." Connor falls to his knees pounding his little fists on the ground. The façade fades and the demon is revealed.

Blast! Solona braces herself and mind blasts the demon. She steps back in surprise when it works. A lesser demon? As quickly as possible, Solona dispatches the demon and watches as it fades back to the ground. She tilts her head staring at the spot where it disappeared. That was too easy.

After this encounter with Connor, Solona doesn't bother speaking with the boy knowing he isn't truly there and prepares for a battle. Each encounter proves more difficult. This happens at least another three times before she comes to a different clearing. Here she is faced with the true desire demon. Solona shivers. She can feel the power around her and takes a deep shuddering breath. Solona closes her eyes and feels the demon speaking to her, luring her in and she sighs longingly. Desire demons know your deepest desires and will promise you anything… for a price. "The price is Connor's soul?" She shakes her head slowly. "That hardly seems fair to the boy. He will be a great mage. He has a bright future ahead of him. Besides, how can I trust a demon?" She shakes her head and backs away. "You do tempt me, demon. Your offer is one I do desire more than life itself yet the answer will have to be no. The price you ask is too high and one I am not willing to pay. I'm sorry more than you'll know. Still, there can be no deal struck between us."

As expected, Solona finds herself in battle again. She grows weary and it frightens her. The angered desire demon is much more powerful than anything she's come up against before. Hexes are only remotely effective and the demon shrugs off every paralysis attempt. Her thoughts turn toward Connor and what her losing would mean to him. She grits her teeth. Her hands spark with her anger. Solona realizes she will have to resort to the basics and takes the demon by surprise with simple cold, fire, lightening and spirit spells. Solona drops to the ground beside the spot the defeated demon disappeared and sobs.

With a thin blanket around her shoulders, she sits before the fire simply staring at it without seeing. The way the flames dance and sway is mesmerizing. Her mind is shut down. She can feel it. The stress of the last few days has taken its toll and her sanity is paying the price. She can hear the others. Their hushed urgent voices are hissing around her. Their concerns are valid, yet unwanted. They talk about her as if she can't hear them. They talk to her as if she will respond. Teagan tried speaking with her. Alistair tried speaking with her. Leliana, Wynne and even Zevran tried. She hears their words. She has none for them.

Connor is safe for the time being. She finds it odd that he was still at the castle. First Enchanter Irving decided it would be best for father and son if he were to be here when the Arl awoke. The templars will be sent for him then and not sooner. For the first time in her life she questions the wisdom of the First Enchanter yet holds her tongue.

Connor comes to the room. He sees her sitting there. He sits beside her and stares at the flames. Slowly she turns her head and stares blankly at the child. His voice is without a demonic echo, pure and innocent. "You're the one that saved me." He looks up at her. "Thank you. Father always says you should thank those that do nice things for you."

She blinks. She sees the boy. She smiles and puts an arm around him. They sit this way for some time. Side by side, her arm draped over his shoulder, her head leaning on his. It is how Alistair finds them before dinner. Alistair sits beside her. "The Arl isn't waking up. The damage is deeper than expected. The healer has been keeping him stable."

She sighs softly. "So now what?"

Alistair jumps at the sound of her voice. "I… well, Isolde swears we need the ashes of Andraste to cure him."

Connor looks at her silently pleading with his eyes. Gently she kisses his forehead. "Okay. Where do we go?" Solona turns to Alistair and waits for his response.

Alistair stumbles over his words. "I um… well… she mentioned a Brother Genitivi in Denerim."

She tilts her head and peers at him. "That was the name on that note we found. Remember back in Lothering?"

Alistair grins. "Yes, that's the same man."

She nods slowly. "When do we leave?"

"Are you sure you're up to it? I mean… you've been kind of… quiet." Alistair hedges.

Solona sighs and struggles to untangle her limbs from the blanket. Finally she wraps the blanket around Connor and stands. "I'm fine. We'll go first thing in the morning… I need a bath." She tousles Connor's hair and walks towards her room. "Let the others know, please."

Teagan walks in to his room after dinner. His brow furrowed with concerns. Solona is sitting on his bed waiting for him to arrive. She runs in to his arms. "Sol! I wondered where you gone off to." He quickly embraces her. "You weren't in front of the fire. You weren't in your room. You didn't join us for dinner. I was worried."

"I'm sorry I worried you." Solona keeps her eyes closed listening to the strong beat of his heart. "She tempted me. I just couldn't accept. It enraged her." She shudders at the memory.

"Who?" Teagan kisses the top of Solona's head.

"The desire demons always appear as women, temptresses. Truth is I wanted what she offered. I wanted it more than anything I ever wanted in my life. The price was just too high. I couldn't give her Connor's soul." She cringes. "He has great potential. He will be a strong mage. She knew it as do I. He's young with so much life ahead of him. How could I possibly sacrifice him for my own happiness?"

He lifts her chin and looks in to her eyes. "What did she offer?"

"You." She caresses his cheek. "It isn't possible, but at the time she made it feel so real. Of course, that is what they do."

He kisses her deeply. "You have me. This is real."

Tears well in her eyes threatening to fall as she gazes up at him, "I am yours whenever you want me. Still, there can be no future for us. I need you to find happiness. I need you to fall in love, have children. If you can't be happy, Teagan, my fight against the blight is meaningless."

"I am in love." She whimpers. "You make me happy. As for children…" He grins. "After the blight is ended… we can discuss having a few."

She leans in to him offering her lips to him. He claims them with a deep kiss that touches her soul. Reluctantly she pulls her lips from his with a heavy sigh. "You refuse to see heed my warnings. I…"

"Whatever your reason, we can work it out. We can be together. It is what you want, is it not?" Teagan frowns. "Please, I cannot be the only one falling in love."

"I do love you, Teagan." She pulls away with a sob. "It's just not that simple."

"Life isn't simple, Sol. If it were you'd still be at the Circle and I'd still be alone." Teagan grins at her.

"I need you to understand." She takes a deep breath coming to a decision. "What I am about to tell you…" She takes his hand in hers and walks him to his bed. She sits at the edge and waits for him to be seated beside her. "It is a secret held by each Grey Warden." She takes another deep breath before continuing. "In order to be a Grey Warden we go through what is called the Joining. Simple enough yet it is deadly both at the time of Joining and beyond." She tilts her head and is lost in her thoughts. "We go through a ritual where we drink the blood of the darkspawn-"

"But…" Teagan grips the bed. "Their blood… it's poisonous!"

"It is. It's also disgusting." She shows him her Warden's locket. "When we drink it, it is laced with lyrium and other things… I'm really not sure what. I only know that after drinking it we are connected with them… the darkspawn that is. We have nightmares where we can hear them… and the archdemon. Not everyone that takes part in the Joining survive." She frowns and drops her gaze. Her hand clings to her necklace. "Also we have roughly 30 years left to live afterwards. There could be more to this but since everyone but the two newest recruits died at Ostragar, I only know what Alistair can tell me and what I have experienced."

Teagan takes her in to his arms. "This is why you say we have no future?"

"Yes… and…" She takes a deep breath. "Since we hear them… can sense them. It works for them as well. They can hear us and sense us." She shrugs weakly. "Even after the blight is over and the archdemon is destroyed. The darkspawn are never truly gone. They could find me no matter where I am. I'll always be a warden, connected to those beasts."

"So we have thirty years… I can make you happy during those-"

Her lips find his in a soft kiss. "No. I cannot simply turn my back on the wardens. In peace, vigilance."

"What?" Teagan searches her face.

"Our motto: 'In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice.' You see, I am bound to the wardens. Even when there is no blight, the fight remains. I won't be able to stay with you." She kisses his jaw and neck. Her voice is husky. "I need you to live and love, Teagan, for the both of us."

He brushes her hair back and stares in to her eyes. "So once you're done in Redcliffe…"

"We may never see each other again." Her eyes are hooded with desire. "I am not gone yet, my love."

His hands roam over her body, his desires are apparent in his eyes. "Then we make the best of the time we have."

She shivers at the intensity of his hunger. "Take what is yours for it is gladly given."