Authors Note
I have entitled each chapter of this fiction according to songs that would set the tone of what the theme of the chapter is gonna be like. The lyrics of the song for each part would also encompass the feelings of the characters more or less in that point of the story. I will be posting those along with a link of the song whenever i post each new chapter.
Just thought that i'd give fair warning to all that this story is going to be really, really angsty but it will definitely have a Happy FinChel Ending..
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Thanks and Happy Reading...
SOMEDAY - SHINEDOWN
Someday, when I'm older
And they never know my name
Somehow, if I'm honest
I can never feel ashamed
Maybe I was wrong to
Hold you up so high
Now I know I've lost you
To the feelings I kept inside
I don't know if it felt like
I wanted you here, the way that I wanted you last time
We're not on the same page, you don't even know me
Cause you never took the time
Someday, when it's over
And you never show your face
I hope you'll remember
How I tried to make you a place
And so now, I move on
To keep my piece of mind
In someway, I've failed you
But I just ran out of time
I don't know if it felt like
I wanted you here, the way that I wanted you last time
We're not on the same page, you don't even know me
Cause you never took the time
I'm not sure that you hear me
I'm not sure that you look at me the same
I will always be attached to you
But I'm never gonna feel the same
I don't know if it felt like
I wanted you here, the way that I wanted you last time
We're not on the same page, you don't even know me
Cause you never took the time
No, you never took the time
Someday, when I'm older...
Chapter One
Someday
To say that the Rachel Berry of Broadway and Hollywood fame has changed tremendously from control freak Rachel Berry of Lima, Ohio is an understatement…
The minute that she stepped off her trailer and walked towards the studio where she's going to be shooting her MTV today, heads swiveled… time stood still… a silence permeating through the crowd as people turned to stop and stare knowing that they are in the presence of greatness…
A far cry definitely from the slushie facials that used to greet her whenever she walked the halls of McKinley when she was in high school and when getting solos in Glee club was the only high point of her day…
As she stopped to wave and smile at the gaggle of fans who have now managed to shake themselves out of the initial stupor of seeing her and who are now screaming her name as they press against the chain link fence separating them, Rachel caught a glance of her reflection against the glass double doors of the studio and just like always, there is still that moment which gives her pause when she thinks to herself who the girl is in that mirrored surface who is staring back at her…
Dressed in a simple black Balenciaga shift dress which she accessorized with deadly high Christian Louboutin heels and a black oversized Gucci sunglass that covered almost half of her face, Rachel was not even surprised when she heard a voice shout loudly from the crowd that she looked every inch the reincarnation of Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's…
A comparison that she might have expected but one that still managed to put a wry smile on her face as she thought how it is a description that people would never have associated with her if she was still the Rachel Berry of old…
The Rachel with the animal print sweaters and knee high argyle socks and the insecurity as vast as the sea who let herself believe that she would always have to be second best and that she has to always beg for someone to choose her over somebody prettier…
Someone a lot more popular…sexier…BLONDER…
Quickly stamping down at the familiar twinge in her heart that reminds her of things that she would rather forget and of a tall boy whom she despises with all her heart but whose smile also still haunts her… Rachel shakes herself out of her reverie as she gives one last wave to the crowd before pushing the doors leading towards the hustle and bustle of her workplace and of the life she has now made for herself…
The room was noisy and abuzz with activity… Production directors, wardrobe coordinators and her agent were all huddled together in front of a monitor while other crew members flit around like busy bees… Shouts were coming from the directors booth as test shots were taken of the set to ensure that everything's okay before the cameras start rolling… Like clockwork, a coffee cup was thrust into her hand by a gaffer before she was herded off to a dressing room whose doors bear a gold star with her name spelled prominently in the middle…Somehow it is the sight of that star with her name on it which once again brought back her feelings of self doubt as she stood staring at it fixatedly as if up to now she still can't believe that everything that's happening out there was really all about her…
Her…
Rachel Barbara Berry…
She made it to the big leagues and frankly she should not be scared but happy and yet there is still this dull, empty space inside her that seems to long for something that is unreachable…
Something that she knew very well but would rather not admit to herself as it is a regression of everything that she's made of herself and of everything which she's worked so damn hard these past eight years for…
"Aren't you going in?"
Rachel jerked in surprise as the humor filled voice of her personal assistant Chris, resounded behind her… A cheeky smile pasted on his face as he lifted an eyebrow at her as if asking what the hell she's doing standing outside when there is a perfectly comfortable room waiting for her inside…
Without even waiting for her answer, he put his hand above her head as he pushed open the door to the room…
Rachel says a mumbled "thanks" as she entered… Taking a seat at one of the plush sofas scattered around the tastefully decorated space nonchalantly as if she had not just been lost in her memories a couple of seconds ago and that Chris had not just caught her spacing out, staring at her door like an idiot …
Folding her feet underneath her and grabbing the remote to turn on the TV, Rachel took a sip of her coffee as she watched the familiar banter of Giuliana and Ryan light up the screen while her agent stood in front of her looking affronted…
"That's it? You're just going to sit there, watch TV and drink your coffee without asking me what I have in my hand right now? Gosh, Rach… I would have thought that my arrival today would warrant more excitement…"
He told her sarcastically…
Rachel raised her head from her coffee cup… her lips remaining pressed against the rim for a couple of seconds before she looked at him quizzically…
"I didn't even notice that you have something in your hand…"
She shrugged…
He looked at her disbelievingly for awhile before rolling his eyes in exasperation…
Rachel almost grinned at his antics as she thought how if there is a gay (and bitchier) version of herself among Hollywood PA's, Chris would definitely be it… He had always had the flair for dramatics that sometimes Rachel feels as if he is the one who should be doing the acting between the two of them instead of the other way…
Barely able to contain his excitement, he waved the thick sheaf of paper around in the air before taking a seat at the coffee table in front of Rachel as she continued to look at him weirdly…
"Rach… It's here! The script for your project with director Kathryn Bigelow… The one that would bring you an Oscar… that which will really cement your place as being in the A List… It's here!"
Rachel lets out a gasp and sat slack jawed as her assistant continued to ramble on… Barely pausing for breath as he gushed and swooned a mile a minute while his words just washed over her as she sat in shock barely understanding a word that he's saying…
"Forget everything that I said and all those silly fights that we've had about how stupid you've been signing on for this project without even seeing who the cast are or what the script is like just because the director is a HOLLYWOOD GOD-"
He uttered the last words sarcastically while making air quotation marks… Mimicking the starstruck way that Rachel had addressed the director and how she's raved all about her the first time she's met her…
"And your ABSOLUTE, ABSOLUTE favorite even if I am completely against it… You know that -"
As if suddenly getting back to her senses, Rachel grabs the script from her assistants hand without a word, making him pause mid sentence…
She began to flip through the papers with trembling fingers … The enormity of this career break that has been given to her at the age of 24 beginning to sink in as she quickly scanned through the Hollywood gold that is now in her hands and staring right back at her…
Without missing a beat, Chris picked up where he left off… Chattering on endlessly as if completely disregarding the fact that the girl before him was now lost in a world of her own and not even pretending to be listening
"IT IS AWESOME, I tell you Rach! AWESOME! It is about this country girl who has dreams of making it big in the city as a singer and how she struggled to be able to achieve all of those dreams and how that has changed her in so many ways… Goodness! I think Kathryn has really taken a liking to you because not only could the story have been your story but upon learning that your hometown was in Lima, she decided to shoot it in the same place … I do have some doubts though about your leading man because I heard that she casted a newbie from auditions she's held there…"
He made a face while Rachel's hands stilled, hearing that sentence… Her heart is pounding against her chest as she suddenly got this sinking feeling inside her chest while her instincts scream at her that something bad will happen at any given minute…
Densely, her assistant continued to ramble on as he remained oblivious to the turmoil going on inside Rachel's head…
"She says that doing the film in Lima will give the film a touch of umm - what did she call it? Authenticity…"
He snapped his fingers as he remembered the word
"And that it will also help hone your acting skills because you'd be drawing on familiar experiences…"
He shrugged his shoulders
"Oh well… I heard anyways, that the guy she casted was pretty good … A little old maybe to start in the business but he seems really promising… Fits the role to a T… Name of -"
He paused and closed his eyes as if trying hard to remember…
"Jim… no… Fitz… that's not it either… hmmm… AH! Finn! FINN HUDSON! That's it!"
He exclaimed excitedly…
And even if she's gone pale, Rachel already knew deep inside of her that it was him even before she heard his name…
Of all the stupid things to do…She could have killed herself right at this very minute for being such a know it all and not listening to her agent and Chris when they asked her if she was sure that she'd sign on to this project without even seeing the script or the cast just because she got excited at the thought of having a multi awarded director and scriptwriter heading the film …
Oh no… She just had to be her pushy self and just like how she has always insisted on doing things her way, she had to let her stubborn streak take over and look where it got her…
She knows that she's screwed if she decides to drop this project… She has no doubt that rumors will start that just because she's now starting to make a name for herself she is turning into a diva…
Not only that but in this industry, a newbie turning down a project that she has already signed on for especially with an Alist award winning director and a big league studio was something akin to committing career suicide… If she indeed does that, nobody will touch her even with a ten foot pole and once again she will be outside the circle and treated just like a pariah…
Just like how it was when she was in High School…
She lets out a small shudder at just the thought of that…
She has no choice.
How can she have let her guard down for one minute? She knows she's better than this… She's not immature nor gullible enough to just sign anything just because it's given to her…
That's the Rachel Berry of old… and she has definitely outgrown her
As Rachel ponders whether she'd fly to the South Pole or hide under her bed in order to avoid this movie like it was the plague… the television set blasted out a report that caused her to jerk upright from her seat… her whole body rigid and unbending as if disbelieving that her very problem is now being aired publicly… She wanted to just turn the TV off and pretend that nothing's happening… but like a deer caught in headlights, she remained frozen… still…letting the news that she's been dreading wash up all over her…
"After much anticipation and her Oscar win for the Hurt Locker, Director Kathryn Bigelow has announced her next project entitled Country Roads and it stars none other than rising star and Broadway Favorite, Rachel Berry… However, the surprise does not lie in Ms. Berry's casting for this movie but rather in the fact that Kathryn announced that the film would be shot partly in Ms. Berry's hometown of Lima, Ohio and that the leading man for this project is Lima native who before this was previously unknown to Hollywood, Finn Hudson…
Having only had the experience of starring in several small plays in Ohio's community theater scene and being a DJ/Host for Rockeoke nights at Breadstix part time… Many are envious of the stroke of good luck that has befallen into full time mechanic Mr. Hudson's lap all of a sudden…
However, seeing how his auditions have won the hearts of the panel and how it has now become a youtube sensation…"
YOUTUBE sensation?
Dammit! Rachel thought to herself… How could she have missed THAT?
If only she would have been online more often then she probably won't be in this predicament that is threatening to be the death of her right at this very minute…
"- Not only does this 6 foot 3 cutie possess a smile that can turn girls knees into water, many are anticipating his breakout into the big screen and of seeing Rachel and him play beautiful music as lovers together… "
Rachel stared fixatedly at the screen as the scene cut to a shot of Finn being interviewed…
And it was as if she was transported back in time…
After eight years of not seeing him and only drawing on her memories of what he looked like, there he was…
FINN…
And he was still every bit that she's remembered…
He looked the same only a little more muscular… a little more good looking… a little bit more manly… the man whom she loved with all her heart… The man who taught her how to love but who also gave her a definition of what heartbreak meant… The man who let her down and who gave her the greatest pain she's ever known… The man who made her believe that he'd never leave her only to do just that at the very end…
And now she will be meeting him once again and putting all the resolutions that she's made about forgetting him to the test…
As she stared at the screen to look at the face of the man whom she loved so very much a long time ago and as Chris exclaims in the background how if his mechanic looks like that he can fix his engine anytime, Rachel uttered a silent prayer that she can remain strong and treat her upcoming project with him as just a job … A job that she would be professional about because that's what she does best…
She had forgotten him and is long over him…
There's no cause for worry…
There isn't …
"Yes Rachel… You can do it… just like how you motivated yourself by looking at that golden star everyday to forget him to achieve your dreams and how you've made it… you can do this too…"
She muttered to herself… trying to convince herself that this cruel joke of fate did not really matter…
That she can see him everyday and make people believe that he is a stranger and that just seeing him does not still make her heart ache like it's being stabbed by a thousand daggers…
She will work on this movie, give it her damnedest best and at the end of it, she'd wish him luck, shake his hand with a bright smile on her face and move on just like what she does in any of her other projects…
She can do this…
Yes she can…
Instinctively, she raised her hand towards her neck… rubbing at that empty patch of skin subconsciously where once upon a time, a long time ago, she wore her heart and showed it to the world and it was in the form of a four lettered name…
HIS…