Authors Note
I have entitled each chapter of this fiction according to songs that would set the tone of what the theme of the chapter is gonna be like. The lyrics of the song for each part would also encompass the feelings of the characters more or less in that point of the story. I will beposting those along with a link of the song whenever i post each new chapter.
Just thought that i'd give fair warning to all that this story is going to be really, really angsty but it will definitely have a Happy FinChel Ending..
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Thanks and Happy Reading...
F**kin' Perfect - Travis Garland
I know how you feel inside
You're in love and so am I
But you're with some other guy
I should be the one by your side
He cheated made you feel no good
I, told you that he would
I, knew he'd make you cry
You're broken
Let me make it better
Glue you back together
Just give me a try
Oooh,
Pretty, Pretty Please
Don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f**king perfect
If you get with me
I won't ever make you feel
Any less than
F**king perfect
(You'll see)
At his house you found her clothes
Tried to play you and say who's are those?
He's so stupid.
Here's how I know
What kind of genius would let perfection go
He's conceited
Only bout himself
He loves nobody else
He ain't even fly
You're broken
Let me make it better
Glue you back together
Just give me a try
Ooh
Pretty pretty please
Don't you ever ever feel
Any less than
F**king perfect
If you get with me
I won't ever make you feel
Any less than
F**king perfect
(You'll see)
It's gonna take time to heal that hole (he left)
Exactly how long I don't know but
You got pain and I know a remedy
You gotta start kickin' with someone like me
Now you're over- analyzing all your thoughts
Start thinking it was all your fault
But baby girl don't you go and blame yourself
Cause hes just a douchebag
he's just a douchebag
I was hoping
You'd let me replace him
I would straight erase him
Right out of your mind
Pretty pretty please
Don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than
F**king Perfect
If you get with me
I wont ever make you feel
Any less than
F**king perfect
Pretty Pretty Please
Don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than
F**king Perfect
If you get with me
I wont ever make you feel
Any less than
F**king Perfect
Chapter Two
F**kin' Perfect
It had been an awfully long day for Rachel… she had three interviews, did a photoshoot for a magazine and still went on David Letterman right after…Not that she was complaining…
Far from it…
Truth be told she was kinda counting on that feeling of tiredness to overwhelm her…Just enough so that she won't be able to think straight and perhaps then, she can forget the fact that 2 days from now, she will be going back to Lima and all the shit that comes with it thereafter…
Massaging the bridge of her nose and sighing frustratedly, she stopped pacing long enough on her living room floor to face the huge windows of her Park Avenue apartment…Calming herself down and drawing strength from the words of her yoga instructor, she closed her eyes almost violently as she tried to find the peace and serenity that she's been yearning for by tapping into her inner zen and finding her center…
She had barely even gone there (and heaven knows that she is only kidding herself that she'd even get there with the mood she's in) when her concentration was broken by a hand sneakily making its way around her waist as she was enveloped into a tight back hug …
Rachel opened her eyes in surprise to fumble for the baseball bat that she keeps handy nearby as contingency for instances like these… However, the owner of those hands cancelled that need when he made his identity known by whispering sexily into her ear…
"Boo!"
She whipped her head around only to meet his smiling blue eyes staring back at her… His curly hair falling against his forehead as he grinned boyishly at her…
"How'd you get in?"
She said accusingly…
"Nice… real nice Berry… after all the effort I went through just to get in unnoticed, you could have shown a little more excitement than how'd you get in when you saw me…"
Jesse gives her waist one last squeeze before kissing the side of her neck and removing his arms from around her… The glint of mischief was still in his eyes… His eyebrows raised in question as he looked at Rachel and immediately, he knew that she is once again in one of her moods given that she was quiet and she just responded to his teasing by shrugging her shoulders…
As he continued to look at her and saw how worried she really seemed, the smile slowly disappeared from Jesse's face to be replaced with one of concern… Slowly, it began to dawn on him that maybe, just maybe, she is REALLY upset and not just in one of her drama queen moments…
"C'mon Rach… spill the beans… what's bugging you?"
Rachel looked at him for awhile as if to say something… In the end she only shook her head as if changing her mind before mumbling a soft "nothing" …
Jesse stares at her… His eyes remaining fixed on her face as if trying to read what's on her mind although he knows that it would take a lot more than that to get her to say anything…
The Rachel he knows now barely shares her innermost thoughts without insistent prodding… A far cry from the Rachel before who would immediately regale you with unwanted comments and who would fire off inanities one after another…
"Just… tired… I guess…"
She replied after much thinking, leaving no doubt in his mind that she is once again giving him bullshit answers instead of really telling him how she's really feeling…
Jesse lets out a sigh… putting his hands on her shoulders and bending down so that they were at eye level before pushing up her chin gently so that her gaze could meet his…
"Look at me… I know when something's bothering you…"
As Rachel remained quiet… Jesse tried to coax her out of the funk she was in by teasing her… Hoping against hope that that would be enough to make her crack that smile that drives him just a teeny weeny bit crazy and perhaps then she would burst his eardrums again with her non stop chatter and incessant stories…
"Was it your yearbook picture that they showed on Insider? The rumors flying about that Jennifer Damiano is the one being considered for the Broadway remake of Funny Girl and not you? ..."
He paused for a beat when she lowered her eyes…She scuffed her bare toe against the carpet and looked at it as if it was most fascinating… He knew that this time, no matter how much he charms her, she won't tell him anything unless he quits beating around the bush and ask her the real question that he's been longing to ask ever since he learnt of her new project…
"Is it- going back to - Lima?"
There it was… He's said it… it was out in the open… The loaded question that is a more subtle way of asking if it was seeing Finn again that was really the problem…
Jesse's eyes cloud over when she visibly stiffens…
His smile faltering a little…
There goes his answer…
He'd like to pretend that it doesn't affect him but the truth is he wants to hold her against him and never even let her get on that plane because he is scared shitless…
"And what - what makes you think that that is what I was thinking about?"
Rachel replied defensively… Giving a toss of her hair perhaps to make it appear that she couldn't care less but truth of the matter is it just makes her look more guilty…
"Because…"
Jesse shrugs… wanting to tell her that it's the same thing that has been on his mind too these past couple of days but not really having the courage to…
"Because?"
Rachel raises her eyebrow at Jesse questioningly…
"C'mon Rach… I've known you since forever and we've been dating for two years… … I think I know you well enough to know when something's on your mind…"
Rachel waves her hand nonchalantly... as if the matter is not so important when the reality was it had been giving her sleepless nights ever since she first learnt about Lima - and Finn…
" I just don't know if I should have accepted this movie… that's all… "
Jesse smiles at her before hugging her tight against him… He rubbed his hand against her back comfortingly as he immersed himself into her familiar scent… She smelt of strawberries and shampoo and everything that he now holds dear… She has wormed her way into his heart without him even knowing about it and perhaps even during the time when he betrayed her and cracked an egg against her head, he already knew that he can't live without her…
New York was a very small place… Broadway, smaller even… Even during those years when he was in LA and she was still stuck in Lima, he had no doubt in his mind that there will be a time when they will cross paths again…
He had been praying for it…
Wishing for it…
Willing it…
And when it finally happened and she was casted as the Maria to his Tony in West Side Story, he swore to himself that he would make it up to her…
He will replace all those months of lying and scheming with honesty and goodness… He will cherish her and love her the way that he'd wanted to love her ever since he realized that he wants to be with her not just because of Vocal Adrenaline and Shelby, but because that was what his heart really wanted…
It took him a long time to convince her that this time it was for real…
Somehow, she was more aloof, more guarded… But he persevered and worked hard so that she'd know that he loves her simply because he loves her…
No hidden agendas…
All his cards laid out on the table…
He would accept any bone that she'd throw his way even if it meant that he'd go along with her decision to date but not really get into a serious commitment…
The tables have turned…
He is now the one that's chasing after her…
At her beck and call and waiting for the day when she'd change her mind and commit herself fully to him so that he'd be known as her husband or her fiancee' …
Heck! He'd go with even just a boyfriend…
He would take any god damn title rather than "close friend" or "the person she's seeing" which is how she introduces him to everyone and how everyone calls him…
"You can still change your mind… It's not too late…"
He said half jokingly although there was a hint of seriousness to his voice…
Rachel looked at him sharply as if what he's saying was the silliest thing that she's ever heard…
"What I meant was you're perfectly okay in Broadway… why bother to break through into the mainstream? People know you already anyway… You're okay even without this movie… You have a great career, a fabulous life… Wonderful, wonderful me…"
Jesse looked at her and was pleased to see that there was now a hint of a smile playing around her lips… He breathed a sigh of relief before continuing further…
"We can manage even without the millions that they'd pay you…"
Rachel laughs at that… rolling her eyes sarcastically before giving him a playful slap and pushing herself away from his embrace…
"Yeah right… and risk the litigation that comes with it…"
She shouted off as she walked towards the kitchen… Jesse's eyes following her as she subtly puts some distance once again between the two of them…
With as much bravado as he can come up with, Jesse clears his throat and takes in a deep breath before asking her the killer question…
"Does the thought of seeing him still bother you?"
He asked softly… His voice barely audible as the question was greeted with a tension filled silence…
He saw Rachel freeze from pouring her water on the kitchen counter when she heard him…
The façade that she's putting on dropping only for a second to show the vulnerability hidden behind her eyes as she probably remembered the boy who continues to push him out of her heart to this very day…
"You know I trust you right? And that I love you?"
Rachel drinks her water, not even giving a hint if she heard him before flashing him a smile that he knows is only reserved for when she gives out scripted answers to interviewers or when she's being photographed by paparazzis…
"God! I'm starvinggggg… Have you eaten?"
Jesse remains quiet for a few seconds… Obviously affected by her non-answer and wanting to just crawl inside her head or her heart just to see where he really stands with her…
But this is his choice…She's been honest to him from the very beginning… too honest perhaps that sometimes he can't help but get hurt or feel as if she's slowly breaking his heart into a million tiny pieces…
With sheer willpower, he pretends along with Rachel and lets out a smile that he had perfected… the one that's guaranteed to make his fans swoon whenever he flashes it onstage… the one that's tried and tested to sell magazine covers…
"Not yet… Perhaps this gorgeous actor can take you to a late… "
He checked his watch…
"VERY late dinner…"
Rachel smiled her first genuine smile of the night… Grateful that he did not push the issue any further and that he is giving her the space that she really craves…
"I see the actor… but where's the gorgeous?"
She said teasingly… Taking considerable care to give her outmost effort in order to play along with the mood that Jesse tried so hard to create…
"Ahhh… "
Jesse clutches his heart and staggers towards the couch as if he's been physically hurt…
"You're killing me… "
He drops to the couch and pretends to play dead… although in his mind a lot of serious thoughts remain unspoken… unasked… and it would remain that way until he gets the courage to hear her answers when he says them out loud and she gives him words that are not the ones he want to hear again …
Rachel laughs…
"You are really in the right profession you know? Such a drama queen!"
Jesse looks at Rachel… All thoughts of sadness gone as he looked at her sparkling eyes and her flushed cheeks while she giggles out loud with genuine mirth…
"C'mon… get moving… this drama queen is taking you to dinner"
He pushes her towards her bedroom door and she sticks her tongue out at him sassily… blowing him a kiss before sauntering off towards the half opened doorway…
…and as Jesse stares at her back and remembers how she looked before she turned and how she sounded at that very moment, somehow he knew that despite the pain… as long as he has moments like these… everything will be worth it…