Authors Note: Please, please review if you liked this story… It would help me decide if I should continue on with it…
Tonight - FM Static
I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight
I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much
Tonight I'vefallenand I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight
I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even ifno onebelieves us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...
I sing,
Tonight I'vefallenand I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight
I sing,
Tonight I'vefallenand I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight
Chapter Three
Tonight
After eight years of waiting, he can't believe it's finally here…
After all the long, lonely days and the cold, empty nights that he spent awake imagining he was next to her and after all the time he spent wishing he could turn back the clock so that he can erase the stupidest decision he's ever made…
Today is the big day…
He's finally seeing Rachel again…
And he can't fucking wait…
As Finn drove his truck and the familiar landscape of Lima roll pass his open window, he can't help but reminisce about the last time he saw Rachel and how she had cried her heart out as if it would be the death of her…
He can still recall how he felt as if he'd also burst into tears and cry like a pussy the moment she turned her back on him and took that first step away from him knowing that that time it really WAS goodbye…
He remembered how he immediately wished that he could have taken back everything he said about choosing Quinn and everything he did…But in the end, he didn't…
He let his stupid pride and the stupid image that he wanted to uphold get the best of him and once it was all over, that's all that really mattered…
THAT HE DIDN'T…
He chickened out… and in the process he lost the only girl that he ever loved with all his heart…
And now it was eight years after…
Ninety six months too long and a lot of days too late…
But despite the passing of time and despite the fact that he has not seen her, he can still vividly feel how her hand felt clasped against his or how a look from her soulful brown eyes can make his heart flutter…
Thank goodness she went into show business…
Finn almost smiled to himself just thinking how he would have gone crazy if he didn't have the guilty pleasure of seeing her face even if it was just through the TV screen or through the newspaper…
He had followed her career rabidly…
Obsessively even…
He had not missed a single TV show that she's been on, or missed an album that she has released or not bought a magazine where she was inside or on the cover…
There were a lot of times when he would imagine that she's laughing for him when she would giggle at something that an interviewer asks when she's on TV or that she's singing for him when she'd sing live in one of those talk shows or during the Tony's…
He would smile to himself picturing how she will seek his advise if they were still together and how her obsessive compulsiveness will drive her nuts with worry just thinking if "Papa Can You Hear Me" is the right song to sing for Tonight with Jay Leno or if maybe the audience would prefer the more powerful tones of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina"…
…And every single time that she earn rave reviews or when she's being honored at some banquet or another, his heart can't help but swell with pride knowing that she's doing what she's meant to do rather than doing a menial job, perhaps teaching voice, if she was stuck in loserville Lima…
During those times, he thinks to himself that maybe just maybe, he didn't make such a bad decision choosing Quinn and that maybe there is still some good in that day which was the worst of his life…
It seemed like a dream to him now that they're meeting again… meeting at a time and place that may be not in the most ideal of circumstances but still, he is grateful to Kurt and his Hollywood connections for giving him the inside scoop when they were looking for Rachel's leading man for her first movie that is going to be shot in Lima no less…
Despite his inhibitions and the fact that he was scared out of his goddamn wits about making a fool out of himself in front of all those city folks during auditions, he knew that he would gladly give his arm and leg to do it all over again if that was the only way left for him to be able to see her again…
And he gave it his all…
His best…
Because he was that desperate to just even get a glimpse of her…
To be honest, he had long known even before the moment that Quinn left him for a traveling pharmaceutical salesman that he would never feel for her the way that he did for Rachel…
Truth be told, he had known it from the very beginning…
He just didn't have the guts to admit to himself how he fell hard for a girl who was at the bottom of the social pyramid rather than the girl that everyone expects him to be with…
Not one time too many was he tempted after Quinn and him broke up to go to New York and see her or call her out of the blue but really… what will he say?
That he was a douche bag and that he is begging on his hands and knees so that she'd take him back again and maybe they can start all over?
Like that would be enough…
Like it would make up for how badly he's hurt her…
Like she would have time for a small time hick like him when she is now a star that is adored by many…
At the time when he left her, his reasons sounded convincing… his machismo the be all and end all of everything and his pride and jealousy the only thing that mattered…
But now that he's older, he laughs humorlessly at how immature and shallow those reasons really are and how he is now reaping the bad karma of being a class A jerk…
She poured her heart out to him in that song…
That song that made him tear up and twisted his heart like it was being put into the wringer…
But she wouldn't even know…
How would she? When he avoided her after they won Regionals not because he didn't want to see her but because she's giving him all of these confusing feelings and he needed time to clear his head and he needed space to think about what really is up between him and Quinn…
Dammit! Quinn made him see fireworks and that ought to count for something…
So how was it that she can make him see stars and a lifetime of happiness spent together?
However, everything changed the moment that they lost Nationals in New York…
She was so goddamn heartbroken that he can't help himself from looking for her and going to her room so that he can give her comfort and tell her that it was not the end of the world…
But then they got to talking about her song and feelings and the memories that they shared together and then one thing led to another and before he knew it, they were making love…
She looked at him with such hopeful and loving eyes when it was over and he felt something stir inside his chest that was so overpowering and overwhelming that it scared the crap out of him…
He left her there in a rush without saying a word… Grabbing his clothes as if he was being chased by the hounds of hell while she shouted out his name and looked at him with an expression like he had just punched her in the face…
The moment that they got back to Lima, fucked up asshole that he is, he paraded around the school with Quinn on his arm, at prom no less, and announced that they were official…
He can still picture Rachel's face as she walked out of the gym in a daze…
She was waiting for him at his locker three days after…
She was angry as hell and she was shouting as she called him out for all his shit and how all she wanted was for him to just once stand up for her and to be honest about his feelings…
But then he saw Santana smirking at him while mouthing the word loser and he pictured the last year of his high school life taking slushie baths and being treated as an outcast and losing all the respect of his football team members and in the end, he lost his balls…
At 16, that reason sounds so logical and convincing…
But now at 24, he hears himself and he can't help but think how incredibly, incredibly lame-ass of an excuse that really was…
He told her that Quinn was his first love and they belong together and that even if they tried… HARD… and again and again… it will just always end up the same way and never work out between them…
She looked stunned for awhile and then she gave out a little smile that didn't quite reach her eyes…
"This is just like the time when you wanted to be a rockstar… "
She said softly almost to herself as if it was only beginning to sink in on her…
"You're right… It's hello all over again…"
She whispered softly as if almost thinking to herself before meeting his eyes …
"Tell me… did you even really love me? Was I right in telling Quinn not to disregard what we have because you chose me that time and that it was real between us?"
He averted his gaze, his stare falling on Quinn who was just waylaid by Brittany in the corner of the hallway and he closed his eyes as he whispered "No…"
He felt his fingernails digging into his palms as it cut into his skin the instance that he told her the biggest lie of his life…
And that was when she burst into tears… Her shoulders heaving with heavy sobs as she ran away from him and walked out of his life…
The next thing he knew, she dropped out of school and Kurt told him that it was because she is transferring to an Arts High school in New York and that she's starting her Broadway journey earlier than planned…
If he only knew…
As his truck reaches the driveway of the only 3 star hotel in Lima where their first meeting would be held, Finn can only hope and pray that she would give him the chance to explain himself and that she can give him the chance to just even be her friend again…
He gave out a sarcastic laugh at that…
Who is he fuckin' kidding?
He'd rather that she treats him as a stranger rather than if she'd tell him that they can "just be friends"…
Giving one last glance at himself in his rearview mirror and tugging on the collar of his suit that is threatening to suffocate him, Finn alighted from his truck and threw his keys to the valet…
He was just about to turn around to enter the hotel when his attention was drawn to the far end of the driveway where he saw a familiar figure alighting from a parked Mercedes Benz…
And just like a dream, there she was…
He felt the wind knocked out of him because of the longing he felt when he saw her face…
It was threatening to consume him… his heart drumming heavily against his chest that he hears it pounding against his ears…
He had imagined her so many times over and over in his head during the course of the time that they were apart…
He looked at her pictures not one too many times…
He read about her and everything that she's done…
But nothing beats this…
Nothing beats the Rachel that is flesh and blood…
He was mesmerized…
Hypnotized…
As still as a statue on the other side of the driveway just staring at her…
It's as if time stood still and he imagined himself once again standing against the open doorway of his locker while she walked towards him hugging her books, wearing her dress with her white stockings and a wide smile that she smiles only for him…
However this Rachel doest not look at him with lovesick puppy eyes… She barely even knows he's standing there…
She exudes the aura of a moviestar… She was in tattered jeans, a white shirt and an oversized sweater… Her face devoid of make up and her hair tied away from her face…He saw her assistant whisper something to her and she's got this somber and serious expression on her face… He must have said something funny after that though because she lets out a small smile and it was followed by her infectious laughter…
She looked more matured… More sure of herself… More guarded…
Finn thought she looked so different and yet she is still in some ways, HIS Rachel…
But no matter what transformation she might have went through, to Finn one thing still has not changed…
To him, he is still the most beautiful woman that he has ever seen…
Finn stood frozen in place as Rachel draws nearer… She continues to walk towards the entrance, engrossed in conversation and she bumps into him and he steadies her a little after she ran into his shoulder…
"I'm sor-"
She looked up at him then and Rachel's mouth opens slightly in surprise when she saw who he was…
Her eyes blinking a couple of times as if disbelieving that he is really right in front of her…
Finn felt himself growing red in the cheeks as he gives Rachel that half smile that does all kinds of things to her stomach…
So… he still has the power to do that… she thought… He still has the power to send shockwaves through her body even if she had braced herself not to feel that way anymore…
It is just the surprise of seeing each other for the first time… I'd get used to him too…
She recited the line in her head over and over… trying to convince herself that this is a one off happening that would not be repeated anymore...
Keeping herself in check, Rachel pasted on a fake smile as she extended her hand towards Finn…
"H-Hi! Hi! You must be Finn!"
She said a little too loudly, sounding forced even to her ears as Finn frowned at her…
Why is she treating him like she's met him for the first time? Like she doesn't know him? Like he is no different from a stranger…
Like he's someone not important…
Fuck, it seems like he got his wish and he cursed at his luck because he really shouldn't have said that earlier…
"Rach…"
He said her name tenderly… all the longing and love for her that he's kept bottled up inside of him for all these years contained in that one single syllable…
Rachel's smile falters… She forcefully grabs his hand to give it a limpid shake as she ignored the feeling of warmth that suddenly envelops her…
"Nice meeting you… I'd - I'd - see you inside okay?"
Chris looks at her as if she's been possessed…
Finn looks at her still frozen in the same place where she left him while she continued to walk and laugh at something that Chris said which truth be told, was totally unfunny…
Her assistant looks at her quizzically and she enters the building looking like she doesn't have a care in the world…
But as she pushed her hair away from her face, there was a slight tremor in her hands that betrayed the true state of her feelings…
The moment that she got into the elevators, Rachel utters a silent prayer that she be granted the strength to get through this movie…
Hell, even just to get through this day and in return, she will give up anything…
Even being a vegan if that is what it takes…