Author's Note: This chapter will be a bit longer, since I'm focusing a bit more on the humor this time. I hope you enjoy it. Once again, I give great thanks to my friend (with whom I collaborate on the story) for helping me flesh out what I hope will be a very humorous section at the grocery store.
Ragna's Apartment: Day 1 (Cont. Cont.)
Ragna walked idly behind Noel into the grocery store. He had given up on protesting anything in his life ever again. It just wasn't worth it anymore. Nu lived with him, and he fucked her. Lambda lived with him, and he fucked her too. As soon as they finished shopping, he and Noel would go home, and lo and behold, he was going to fuck her too.
"Ah, Ragna," called out an infuriatingly familiar voice, "And Noel! How good to see you two." Ragna looked in the direction the voice was coming from and narrowed his eyes. It was Hazama.
"Terumi! The fuck are you doing here!" shouted Ragna, his hand hovering over the handle of his sword. It was then he noticed that Hazama was wearing a flower print apron; more to the point, he was standing behind a florist's counter. "Did you kill the florist or something?" he asked, confused.
Hazama laughed. "Oh Rags," he chuckled, "That's a knee slapper. What's the matter? A little disarmed about where I work?"
Ragna cringed. "That was a fucking terrible pun," he winced. "Why the fuck are you here?"
Hazama laughed again. "I have other jobs aside from destroying this shitty planet. Like these petunias." He gestured towards the flowers. "Well, are you going to order an arrangement of just stare at me with that ugly, stupid face of yours?" he needled, "because if you aren't, that poor old crone behind you most certainly would. Oh wait, that's just Noel."
"Hey!" responded Noel defensively.
"Now, why don't you pick an arrangement, before I remove ANOTHER one of your limbs!" shouted Hazama, his face twisting psychotically.
Ragna held up both of his arms and shook his sleeves back enough so that their clearly artificial nature could be seen. "What the fuck do you have left to take?" he asked. He was rather pleased to see Hazama taken aback.
"Uh, I meant something below the belt," said Hazama plainly.
"HELL'S FANG!" shouted Ragna. His fist connected with Hazama's face and sent him crashing into a pile of gardenias.
"What the hell was that about!" shouted Hazama, dusting himself off. He adjusted his hat and looked at Ragna through narrowed eyes.
"That's seeing…regular use now," muttered Ragna.
Hazama cocked an eyebrow. "What?" he asked, "Do you regularly run marathons now? Are you some kind of athlete or something?"
It was Ragna's turn to cock an eyebrow. "I thought you meant my dick," he said defensively.
Hazama recoiled. "What the hell? Why would I do that? What's wrong with you?" He took this opportunity to make another jab at Ragna. "Unless...you aren't masturbating like an athlete would train for a marathon now are you?" Hazama sneered. "Your arms getting a little creaky there Rags? We sell lubricant if you need some. Then when you're done, you can go ahead and put it on your pathetic excuse for a dick. In fact, a little bottle will probably last you weeks!"
Ragna rolled his eyes. "Dick jokes Terumi? You've lost your touch," said Ragna derisively, "Besides, I'm not jerking off. I've got…" He sighed. "Quite a few options actually. Although, you've got a point about that whole moving my arms thing. They get stiff if don't use them. Maybe writing or some kind of carpentry…playing a game or something."
"Or with me," mumbled Noel. Ragna looked at her; she turned beet red.
"Huh? I didn't catch that Noel," he said, a look of confusion on his face. Noel shook her head violently.
Hazama's face split into an evil smile. "Oh, I heard it all Ragna! Let me tell you what exactly what she said," he declared with malicious cheer. Noel's eyes went wide and she began to violently shake her head. Hazama put an arm around Ragna. "So, here's what she said…" he began.
"Type III!" shouted Noel.
Hazama lazily blocked the attack. "Don't interrupt girl!" he said testily. "Ouroboros!" Chains wrapped themselves around Noel. She struggled on the spot, almost lost her balance and resigned herself to looking incredibly embarrassed. "Now, with the interruption dealt with," continued Hazama, "She totally said: 'Or with me.'"
Ragna sighed. "It was inevitable," he grumbled. Hazama looked disappointed. "Can you get your arm off me?" Hazama patted Ragna on the back and jumped back behind the counter; the chains binding Noel slipped away and she contented herself with hiding, embarrassed, behind a display of pastries.
"Now!" shouted Hazama, pointing menacingly at Ragna, "What can I get you?" He gestured to the flowers about him.
"But I don't…" he began, "Oh fuck it. Three bouquets of roses."
Hazama sneered. "Three? My, my, Noel is a rather needy parasite isn't she?" He handed him the bouquets.
Ragna averted his gaze. "There's also Lambda and Nu," he said quickly.
Hazama fell into a fit of hysterics. "It's one big happy family of FAILURES! This is too much Rags! Here I thought you were only slightly fucked in the head, but nevermind! So tell me, what's it like?"
Ragna kept determinedly kept his gaze away from Hazama. "It's fine," he said coldly.
"Really? So, let me get this straight: you have no problem fucking trash, a brick or a violent ten year old?" he asked gleefully.
Ragna turned away from Hazama and began to walk away. "Fuck you Terumi. Get back to your flowers," he shouted angrily.
"Ah! Hang on there, Rags! You've got to pay still!" called Hazama. Ragna angrily stomped over to Hazama.
"FINE. What do I owe you?" he snarled.
"One hundred and forty six dollars," said Hazama, suddenly businesslike.
Ragna spluttered. "Wha-What!" he yelled incredulously.
Hazama shrugged. "I don't set the prices Ragna, the store does. Take it or leave it, I'm afraid," he continued, his tone unnervingly calm.
Ragna dropped the bouquets onto the counter. "Fuck it. It's cheaper just to wait for that rabbit to show up again and nick some from her front yard," he huffed.
Hazama doffed his hat. "Sorry sir, have a nice day," he chimed. Ragna grabbed Noel's hand and led her away, significantly more bothered by Hazama's pleasant demeanor than his psychotic one.
The two made their way into the produce section; something must upsetting must have caught Noel's eye, because he made a distinct whining noise. "I can't seem to get away from it, no matter where I turn," she mumbled sadly.
"What are you talking about?" he said, still bothered by Hazama's demeanor. Noel pointed sadly. He looked in the direction she was pointing and saw Litchi examining a cantaloupe for bruises. Hidden, rather inexpertly, behind a barrel full of grapefruits, was Bang, who seemed to be watching her. Ragna signed. "What the whole cantaloupe business?" he muttered.
Noel made an indistinct noise in her throat. "Litchi…watermelons…cantaloupes…even those grapefruits," she whined.
Ragna rubbed his face. "Look, you need to stop comparing yourself so much to other people or fruit for that matter, alright?" he said flatly, "It gets annoying and you do nothing to help your self-esteem. So stop being so weepy and get over it." Noel looked on the verge of tears. Ragna sighed again, "Noel, let me put it this way: one, I don't compare myself to cucumbers. Two, who's living with me, you or Litchi?"
Noel sighed. "Alright, I'm sorry," she said drawing herself up, "I'll try." Ragna sighed again; fate seemed to be dealing him a rather even hand today, as all of his attempts to defuse awkward situations seemed to be succeeding. The two gathered the remaining groceries they needed and proceeded towards the check stands. Noel was surprised to see that Tsubaki was the cashier; her eyes had gauze taped over them. "Hey Tsubaki," she said cheerily, "How's the new job treating you?"
Tsubaki turned her head in the direction Noel's voice came from and smiled. "Yeah, this store is an equal opportunity employer," she said placidly.
Ragna made a face. "Yeah, and that means sick fucks like Terumi get to work here too," he grumbled.
Tsubaki frowned. "Well, perhaps that's true, but I'm gracious that they let me work here," she turned her head in the direction of the florist's counter, "even if it means putting up with that bastard," she finished. She continued to scan groceries, occasionally asking Noel what particular leafy green she had given her, since it was difficult to distinguish most of them. When the order was rung up, a pleasant electronic voice recited the price.
Noel squeaked. "Um, Ragna, can you pay for these?" she said apprehensively.
"What!" shouted Ragna, "How'd you pay for them last time?" Noel mumbled something indistinct about having to take a wallet with her in hand since her outfit afforded her no pockets. Ragna sighed and got out his wallet. Then, the conveyor belt exploded and out, screaming at the top of his lungs, came Jin.
"BROTHER!" he shouted psychotically, "YOU SHOP HERE TOO?"
"Nonononono, Jin! Get the fuck away from me!" stuttered Ragna, tumbling back into a rack of magazines.
"What's wrong brother?" his pupils had contracted significantly, and the effect was only making him look more insane.
With a sigh of exasperation and exhaustion, Ragna muttered back, "Jin, it's been a long day so far, and I'd really like to get out of here. Come back some other time when I actually give enough of a shit to kick your crazy ass."
"Aw, but brother," mused Jin, "I want to kill you NOW!" He suddenly noticed Noel. "And what the hell is this disgusting pile of protoplasm doing here!"
Noel responded in a hurt voice, "I'm not a pile of protoplasm!"
Hazama chose this moment (probably intentionally) to walk by and mutter to Ragna, "Come on now Rags, you can't just let your batshit brother insult your girlfriend like that." Ragna punched Hazama away; he seemed not to care, and merely laughed.
"Girlfriend?" said Tsubaki and Jin simultaneously.
"Is that true Noel?" asked Tsubaki with interest.
Noel flushed a brilliant scarlet and said in a timid voice, "Kind…of?"
Ragna put his face in his palm and sighed. "Here we go…" he moaned.
"BROTHER! HOW COULD YOU!" screamed Jin; he seemed to be on the verge of a heart attack. "AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH!"
Ragna stared incredulously at Jin. "You mean trying to kill me, think about killing me, then more thinking about killing me, trying to kill me again, trying to kill me, attempted murder, ice cars, more murder and more FUCKING ICE CARS!" shouted Ragna back.
Tsubaki tried to shout over the din, "No melodrama in the check stand!"
"Fine! GAUNTLET HADES!" shouted Ragna; Jin went soaring off into the corner of the store, setting off a spectacular cacophony of crashes and bangs as various items fell to the ground and broke, bounced or otherwise.
Tsubaki sighed. "Clean up on aisle…everywhere," she droned morosely.
Thinking quickly, Ragna took his groceries, stuffed half into Noel's arms and pulled her out of the store, saying very quickly, "."
"Wait! You have to pay for the damages!" shouted Tsubaki at their retreating backs.
After they made it home, Ragna collapsed onto the couch. The day had felt like an eternity, and yet it was only four p.m. "I'm taking a nap. Right now," he said aloud. "Wake me for dinner, and nothing else." Within minutes, he was asleep. When he awoke, he checked the clock above television; it was now six thirty. Dim orange-red light shone through the balcony nearby. He noticed a soft weight on his leg; it was Nu's head, who seemed to have fallen asleep next to him some time after he did. Then, he noticed another weight on his other leg. It was Lambda, also asleep. He sighed and got up slowly, taking care not to wake them. As he walked past the door to the balcony, he noticed Noel, standing outside, staring out. He shrugged and quietly opened the sliding door outside.
"And…and so the dew, as the cold night sets in, turns slowly to white frost, so shall that white frost…remind me forever and ever…of you," mumbled Noel.
Ragna tapped Noel on the shoulder. "The hell are you talking about? Is that a poem for Jin?" he asked.
Noel went bright red. "A-ah! That wasn't…you weren't…what are you doing out here?" she stuttered defensively.
Ragna raised an eyebrow. "I live here," he said flatly, " I can do whatever I damn well please."
Noel looked away. "No, that poem wasn't for you," said, embarrassed, "It was…um…"
Ragna leaned against the railing and stared out. "Me?" he asked calmly.
Noel gulped. "Kind…of…" she said in a small voice.
"How the hell does frost remind you of me exactly?" he asked, looking at her skeptically.
Noel blushed deeper still. "I was sort of referring to your hair. It was only a few lines out of a larger poem," she mumbled.
Ragna pulled on a lock of his hair and then looked at Noel, his face painted in a strange mixture of amusement and pity. "My hair is silver Noel," he said simply, "That's pretty different from white."
Noel flapped her arms. "W-well, the lighting can make it look white!" she said defensively.
Ragna shook his head. "Whatever makes you happy, I guess," he said. He stared out again.
"Um, Ragna?" she asked quietly, "What'd you think of it?"
Ragna sighed. "Poetry isn't my cup of tea Noel," he said shortly, "I'm in no position to give any kind of feedback." Ragna turned around and made for the sliding door.
"Ragna? Before you go…" said Noel timidly. Ragna turned his head back and then turned around. He nodded. "Did it bother you that I said…" She stopped. "That I said…" She stopped again. Ragna sighed; he gestured for Noel to go on. Noel looked to be on the verge of tears. "That I said…I was your girlfriend?" She blushed a deep red. Ragna stared; he saw none of this, as her features had been cast into shadow by the brilliant sunset behind her, enveloping her in an aura of shimmering orange. He looked down at the ground, nervously tapping a spot with the tip of his boot.
He sighed, "Look, I told you already, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. It doesn't matter that you've got smaller tits than most." Noel reactively covered her chest and made a soft noise of indignation. "Or anything for that matter. You live here, and…well I obviously had a very good reason for letting you and everyone else that's here live with me, so stop acting like you're going to insult me. I don't care that you said that; it's probably your nervous and overly shy ways that lend any sort of stability to all the other crazy shit that goes on here." Noel nodded, still looking unsure and Ragna sighed again. "Look Noel, I'm bad with words, and its seems that all that's been happening to me today has tried forced me to use words in one way or another, so I'm going to go about this the same way I did with Nu and Lambda." In an instant, Ragna was upon her, his fingers between her legs and sliding softly in an out of her womanhood, her back pressed against the railing. She had scarcely begun to moan her surprise when Ragna kissed her. She wrapped her arms around him, tightly gripping onto the back of his jacket. Ragna idly thought, 'I knew she didn't wear panties.' Through closed eyes, he felt around for Noel's hat with his free hand and pulled it off her, tossing it aside.
Suddenly, Ragna felt Noel grab his arm to stop him. Her face was flushed and partially obscured by her hair. "Can we…move on?" she whispered.
Ragna smirked, a caring smirk, but a smirk nonetheless. "You're really weird, you know that? Stupid…" he teased. He spun Noel around and pushed her forward; she instinctually grasped the railing.
She turned her head to look at him. "Don't call me stupid…" she mumbled. He hiked her skirt up over her rear, unzipped his pants and entered her. For the moment, the world gave way to a tiny reality encompassing only the two of them, the sounds of grunts and moans as the only noises that broke the silence. Ragna reached forward and lightly fondled one of Noel's breasts.
Perhaps he was tired, perhaps it was her timid nature guiding him, or perhaps it was just how two naturally would make love, but everything moved at a more relaxed pace; the high moans of Nu and fast groans of Lambda did not seem to apply to Noel's method of expressing pleasure: short, successive pants. Their climax came at the end of an even rhythm; there was no sudden increase in speed, no frenzied race to orgasm, there merely was their climax. Were it not for an increase in her panting, Ragna would never have known; fortunately, Noel was apparently rather weak-kneed following sexual release, and let him know collapsing, rather painfully, down a few inches, dragging all of Ragna with her.
"What the fu- ow!" he said suddenly, snapping out the almost dream-like trance he was in, greeted instead by a sudden stagger in his gait. He pulled out quickly as Noel struggled to get to her feet again.
"S-sorry, Ragna," she stammered apologetically. Ragna sighed, picked up Noel and took her inside; it was dark now.
After showering yet again, Ragna pulled on a blank t-shirt and boxers and sat down at the dinner table. On his plate was spaghetti, marinara sauce and meatballs with odds and ends sticking out of them. He speared one with a fork and stared curiously at it. "Um, what the hell happened here?" he asked, off-put.
Nu smiled and threw her arms in the air. "Nu helped make dinner!" she pronounced proudly.
Lambda leaned over to Ragna and muttered quietly, "It was either her or Noel, and…well…" Ragna nodded. He'd take Nu's odd cooking over Noel's toxic any day.
"Don't you think Nu's meatballs are superior Ragna?" asked Nu. Ragna stared back at the meatball. There seemed to be a piece of banana lodged in it.
With a chill, he ate it; it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. "Uh…yeah…" he said evasively, "Totally, um…superior."
Nu sneered gleefully at Lambda and pointed. "Superior!" she cheered. Ragna looked over at Lambda, confused; he felt a bit guilty to see she looked a bit depressed.
"What's the matter Lambda?" he muttered out of the corner of his mouth.
"Nu is under the impression that because she's the 13th Prime Field Device and wielder of a piece of the Azure Grimoire, she's superior to me," explained Lambda sadly. Ragna sighed and kissed the top of her head.
"Don't let her get to you," he mumbled. With a yawn, he got up and bid them all good night.
He had scarcely flopped, spread-eagled, onto his back in bed when he heard the door open. He decided to keep his eyes closed; whatever it was they needed was no concern of his. Someone on his left grabbed his arm and snuggled close to him. Then on his right. Then someone flopped onto his stomach and kissed him passionately on the lips. He opened his eyes and was greeted with an eye patch and a single, red eye. "Good night Ragna," said the three girls in unison. He felt two pairs of lips kiss either of his cheeks and the heads they belonged to resume using his arms as pillows. Nu elected to fall asleep on top of him, her head nestled on his chest. Ragna sighed for what must have been the millionth time that day. He looked about; the three of them had fallen asleep incredibly quickly.
'As weird as it all is,' he thought wryly, 'I guess they are pretty cute asleep.' Smirking almost in spite of himself, he drifted off to sleep.