CHAPTER 8
Fall For You
Life is good…
It had never been better…
In fact, it's wayyyyy fuckin' perfect…
And Finn can't stop smiling no matter how hard he tries…
And how could he when the past three weeks for him had been the closest thing to heaven?
This?
This right here to him is his idea of perfection and he can't remember feeling as happy nor as contented as what he is feeling at this exact freakin' moment…
Finn folds his arms beneath his head as he shifted positions to find the spot where he can stare at Rachel more to his hearts content…
She was seated near his foot on her couch with her legs folded beneath her… Her right hand gesturing animatedly as she extol the virtues of Les Mis vs. Cats in about a 100 words a minute while her left cradles a large coffee cup…
She was barefooted, dressed in a striped loose sweater and tattered denim shorts with her hair piled haphazardly on top of her head held only by a pencil but still, Finn thinks that she is the most beautiful woman alive…
With her sentences that almost tangle up all over them self as she barely pause for breath and her eyes sparkling with passion as she speaks of something that she obviously believes in very much…
She was every bit the Rachel Berry that he knew and fell in love with and suddenly everything is right in the world and wars would stop and he swear somewhere out there world peace is already a possibility…
"You're not listening…"
She stares at him with a mock glare while her lips puckered up in a pout and it was all he can do not to jump her…
Instead, he smiled again like a besotted fool and she stared at him sternly before breaking out in a smile herself, as if she finds his fascination of her amusing…
Ever since Faithfully happened it was as if all his prayers have been answered …
They read their lines together, they joke around and tease each other in between takes and they talk about how to improve their acting skills even further during work hours…
Like a pair of long lost friends (lovers?) they talk non stop about everything and nothing as they discuss the virtues of Celine Dion vs. Barbra Streisand (well, mostly her and he just nods in all the right places)… They encourage and give friendly critiques to each other when they do their scales or do their vocal runs and they take turns in hanging out in each others dressing room or trailer whenever there is a long waiting time…
Still, it was the nights that keep him awake and which makes him smile for no reason whenever he remembers…
The way she looked in her matching pink apron and pink headband when she taught him how to bake her signature sugar cookies and how it sorta ended up in a flour fight…
The time when they watched Puck's band play in town and they ran in the rain and got soaked but they didn't even seem to care because they're holding hands…
The night when they took a drive and she slept on his shoulder and how he felt that if that was a dream he wishes that he would never wake up…
They shared stories, conversed about their careers and their aspirations and also discussed the friends and family that they have not been able to see or heard from during the course of their separation…
They caught up with each other's lives and try to get to know each other again and make up for everything that they missed out on while they were apart…
…Except for the part where he dumped her and broke her heart…
It was as if for Rachel, it never happened…
She has a way of always changing the topic when he brings it up and it makes him frustrated and also kinda sad because somehow it was the only deal breaker for the perfection that his life now was…
"Finn, THIS IS SERIOUS! I really need your opinion if we should ask the music director whether we can do our own version of Memories for our movie and you're not even listening!"
She looked at him with a hurt expression on her face before rolling her eyes exasperatedly as if she had already given up on him…
Slapping him playfully on his arms and unfolding her legs from the couch, Rachel stood up to walk towards the kitchen as Finn followed her with his gaze…
"I have eggs and ham and - well, eggs and ham… What do you want?"
She shouted off from behind the opened cupboard totally unaware of the wistful look that Finn was throwing her way…
You…
I want nothing else but you…
He wishes he could say that out loud…
At this moment, he can pretend that the past didn't happen and that they turned out just the way that he had always imagined them to be…
Him, lying on the couch after a long hard day at work and her, welcoming him with a tender smile as she prepared a hot meal just for him in the kitchen…
They would be married and happy and probably have two children and she will still be rocking Broadway while he stands in the sidelines cheering for her…
Everything would be simple and right and perfect and he swears he can almost cry from the regret of letting that possibility slip away…
"Do you ever think about getting married?"
The words were already out of his mouth even before he can think about it…
He knows he sounded needy for asking her that question but it was something that he had long been thinking about ever since they sort of made up and he thinks that if he doesn't get to hear her answer, he would just wither up and die…
There was a confused expression on her face as she leaned backwards from behind the open frame to get a good look at him… As if she was thinking to herself where that question came from and if it was something that is worthy of an answer…
After a pregnant pause, she replied…
"Of course Finn… it's something that I think about and is in my list of plans…yes…"
Her tone was contemplative … longing… as if it was a sad thought that she doesn't want to think about rather than a happy occasion that she is looking forward to…
"To whom? To Jesse?"
Dammit… he is behaving like her boyfriend and he has no right and judging from the way her back stiffened and how she turned away from him, she was probably thinking the exact same thing…
"Not that you need to know but since I'm seeing him now, there is that possibility…"
She said softly…
He felt his heart twist inside his chest at just hearing her say that…
Just the thought alone was unbearable…
Of her being married to somebody else other than him and he thought he's already felt the worst when he lost her, but this?
This is in an altogether different level…
The kind where the pain starts from his heart and radiates through his whole body that he almost doubled over from the pain because it was almost physical…
"Are you sleeping with him?"
Crap. Crap. Crap.
He better shut his stupid mouth before he loses it and before she closes herself off from him again but it was as if he was outside of his own body because he can't anymore control himself and it was like the weeks of longing have finally added up to bring him to a point that was way beyond that…
He was expecting her to be angry but instead she just lets out an exasperated sigh before giving him her standard answer…
The answer that she had long been giving him ever since they started this whole thing and he wishes he can scratch those words off of the goddamn dictionary because that's how much he fuckin' hates it…
"Finn… I know we're back to being friends and all but I don't think it's something you should be asking…"
Her voice was almost pleading… Like she was afraid of opening up a whole can of worms if they continue any further…
He stood up and strode towards her so fast that she lets out a gasp of surprise when she turned around and saw him standing behind her…
He was pinning her to the counter and he was so close that she could smell him and feel his warmth on her body…
"Are we really, Rach? Just friends?"
He can feel her heart beating wildly against his chest and she lets out a nervous laugh…
"Let's - Let's not ruin this Finn please? Of-of course we're friends…what else do you think this is?"
She tried to sound lighthearted but her voice came out awkwardly… Her eyes darting around the room nervously as if she was trying to find escape but he would not have anymore of it…
Not this time around…
"GODDAMIT! Please Rachel…Please let's not do this anymore…Stop running away from me… "
He pressed his forehead against hers… his eyes closed tightly as he begged her… imploring her to forgive him and give them that second chance because he knows no one else in the whole world who deserves it better more than them…
"Finn…"
She sounded breathless… There was a wealth of meaning in the way she said his name and even without her saying he knows that she's afraid that he would hurt her again…
That she's trying her best to trust him and believe in him and that she wishes they can start all over but it was not that simple and she doesn't even know where to begin…
"C-can't we just be happy like this? Like the way we are? We are happy aren't we?"
Her eyes lifted up to meet his… as if she was seeking validation for that thought but he is through with dancing around the issue of wanting her back…
He needs her…ALL OF HER… and he thought he was okay with just this but the more days they spend together the more greedy he gets that even if he promised her, at this moment he knows that he just won't be satisfied anymore with anything else …
He pulls her in for a kiss… He can feel her tensing up as she starts to push him away but he hugged her even closer to him…
"Don't fight it Rach… I know you want to kiss me back… I can feel it…"
And she lifted up longing eyes to him and it was as if a dam had burst open as she lets out a little moan and gripped the back of his neck as the feelings that she had bottled up inside her finally found their release in the form of that kiss…
They traced each others lips… As if memorizing the feel and texture of each other… his touch was soft… reverent almost… a total contrast to the kisses they shared in the past which was raw and wild and abandoned… This one… this one felt as if he was baring his soul to her… as if he was getting to know what's in her heart and healing it by putting his lips on hers… he stroked her lips curiously… as if memorizing every single inch of it, tasting her… warming her… his lips now tracing her collarbone as he tugged on the hem of her sweater and he heard Rachel protest weakly as he laid her hands flat against her now naked stomach and as he took off his own shirt and unbuttoned his jeans…
"This- This is wrong- we should stop…"
There was no conviction to the way she said it…
"This feels so right…:"
He said in between kisses… His lips moulding onto hers then sliding forward to kiss her ears …
"We've - We've hurt each other so much…"
She was trying to let the voice of reason win but her body just won't let her…
"We don't have to hurt anymore…"
Rachel's heart lurch at the desire that she felt in his voice…
And it was as if she's reached the point of no return…
The point where even if she doesn't know where it would end or what would happen next, she knows that at that moment she has to give in because she can't anymore deny how she feels because she is still truly, deeply in love with him…
Finn watched the play of emotions on her face… his throat almost closing up at how beautiful she looked and he almost came undone when she reaches out to touch his face and smiled at him tenderly…
"I missed you Finn…"
And that was the moment when he drove himself into her…
And she can't think of anything else…
Not of Jesse or of regret or what ifs…
Not of how much power he has to hurt her and how she is scared shitless about trusting him with her heart again…
Only this moment right here …
With him on top of her and the feel of him inside her and how everything else cease to exist…
Just him and her and this moment when she feels healed and whole and truly home again…
With Finn…
And as she surrendered herself fully and opened herself up to him, Finn felt the exact same thing…
He swears he can do anything…
For her… he can…
Even if it means that he had to bust his ass off just to prove himself worthy of her again…
if that's what it takes… he would fuckin' do anything…
AUTHORS NOTE:
Once again my heartfelt thanks for all your wonderful comments for chapter seven... Keep em coming... and if you love this fanfic... i hope you'd spread the word so that more Finchel Lovers can read it... Your comments really make my day so I hope you'd continute leaving reviews…Thanks ya guys! *hugs*