Second installment. The first chapter was cute but poor in M and Xeno stuff. This second chapter gave me more trouble as I wanted to explore how both characters would be preparing in their spare time for their upcoming you-know-what. Of course they would do it alone, by themselves. This is less interesting than dialogues, but... Anyway, I tried to keep some humor, with a strong Tali character and a very slightly silly Shepard (I think it makes him more loveable... and I know he can take it!).

Tali has access to the extranet, and I don't see why she would refrain from using it for her research! I would in fact expect her to be pretty savvy with it. Shepard would obviously be as curious about quarians as she is about humans, but at a disadvantage due to the scarcity of available data. Fortunately, Mordin did provide him with everything he needs to know. Well, that's what the game wants us to believe...

Chapter 2. Shameless Human Exhibitionists

The tall muscular blond-haired and blue-eyed human male said in a deep voice "come here" as he gently pulled the slender suited female to him. The way she pressed herself against his chest made it obvious she was more than willing to comply. His hands were running along her back, from shoulders to bottom. Hers were doing the same while she slowly raised one knee to his hip, sensually rubbing her leg against his. His hand followed the curve of her bottom and continued along the back of her raised thigh. She moaned softly. The man then said "remove your visor... I know what you want!" Bringing her hands to the release mechanism on each side of her helmet, the female answered in her strange but seductive accent "yes, kiss me... now!" There were a few clicks, a hiss, and the visor was tossed on the ground. Both were now kissing furiously, moaning, hands roaming all over. Some sort of rhythmic music was playing in the background. Holding her bottom again, the man lifted the female. Her legs now tightly wrapped around his waist, he walked toward a nearby table where he sat her down. One of his hands slowly moved to her breasts, their kissing intensified... After a few seconds, the female pulled away a little, looked in his eyes and said-"

"Bosh'tets! That's enough!" muttered Tali, shutting off the video application of her omnitool. Nervously, she looked around. Still nobody. She was a little bit upset at her failure to restrict these extranet 'explorations' to the more private setting of her sleep pod. Her main fear was that Kasumi might be there, actually looking over her shoulder. The thief had a knack for popping into existence in the most embarrassing places and times.

But that stupid vid - the last of the few crappy human/quarian porn fantasies she had found - had also upsetted her in a different way. Right from the start, of course, she had easily spotted the fake envirosuit, the female's five fingers and her abnormally straight legs; she could have been asari, but turned-out to be human. It had soured her mood much more than it should have if it was just because of the usual misrepresentation of her species. No, it had hit at something deeper. It dawned on her then; this was not hard to understand, really. It simply had resonated with her persistent fear of Shepard being disappointed because of her difference. She knew it was irrational and that she should trust him more, but she just could not help it. To play it safe - more to reassure herself, in fact - she decided to add another item to her 'to do' list; next time they met in his cabin, she would make sure - as subtly as possible - that he knew there would be some... 'difficulties'. She had a thin smile That will be an interesting conversation.

Watching all these shameless human exhibitionists on the extranet had at least given her a few ideas on how to please him. She felt more confident now. This had been a good complement to her educational vid.

So strange how humans mate. When she had first seen how it was done, she had been concerned with all the pain that must be involved. But, apparently, it was not painful if done properly. They seemed to enjoy it, in fact. A lot. She wondered how it would feel, if she was human, to have a thing like that inserted into her. After barely a second, she shrugged, dispelling the silly idea. Nature sure is weird... But who am I to judge. This way of doing things seemed to have been quite successful for humans.

As a consequence of her self-imposed crash course, she felt she had reached a new level in her understanding of humans. Of course, a few things had been explained - superficially - to her two years before, like why human engineers kept referring to 'male' and 'female' connectors. But now, she understood better how those references to shape and size were weaving through their behavior and, especially, their humor. She vividly recalled an incident two years ago, on the first Normandy. Two male engineers had approached her after she had picked an elongated EM probe from a tool rack. One had asked her if it was 'big enough for her needs' - a now obvious reference - while the other had been chuckling. Stupidly - but how could she have known back then - she had replied that, having worked with smaller ones, she had found them to be as effective. Confused, she had walked away while the two men were practically rolling on the floor laughing. Later that same day she had sought enlightenment from Adams, but he had only added to her confusion as he had appeared infuriated and embarrassed, telling her this would not happen again. She wanted to be angry now at how they had taken advantage of her ignorance, but she just could not. The two men that had teased her were dead; they had disappeared when the ship was destroyed. She sighed.

One of the displays on her console started to blink, warning that results from a scheduled test run were available. She tapped a few buttons. Apparently, one of the port side power couplings was starting to act up again. This would require some minor manual adjustments, but there was no rush. She could wait until the two human engineers came back from their lunch break to start on that task.

Her mind drifted back to the meetings with him - the 'dating' as he would say. These occured in his quarters for a few hours every evening their duty allowed them to and, so far, she was quite happy at how they were turning out. She felt much more comfortable in his presence now, and she really had learned so much more about ...John. His first name still felt a little strange to her. But she would get used to it; after all, the use of a more personal name was a part of intimacy for humans. He was so different in private; he had doubts, regrets... fears even. This had been reassuring to her - she could relate to doubts, fears and regrets. And to her, this made him even more worthy of praise; fighting not only against outside ennemies, but inner ones as well... She could not wait to be with him again. These thoughts were replaced by others concerning her preparations. She had all the elements of the recipe to bolster her immune system, with the exception of the herbal supplements. This would have to wait until she had access to a turian market for the required dextro-based plants. Any large spaceport would probably do, but the Citadel, Nos Astra or maybe even Omega would be the best places for this. She just had to wait for the right opportunity.

There was a noise from the other side of the room; the door to engineering had opened. Her heart fluttered... Shepard? But it was Kenneth and Gabriella coming back from lunch. Disappointed, she quickly regained her composure.

As the two humans approached, Kenneth said "You know Tali, comin' in I half expected to find you with the c... Ouch!" Gabriella had just elbowed him in the ribs. "Why have-you done that for, woman?" complained the man, turning to his companion.

Gabriella immediately shot back "Will you stop teasing her for a minute?"

Tali knew that rumors were already circulating about her and the commander. It was annoying, but there was nothing she could do about it. In fact, this kind of gossiping reminded her of home - so much like quarians. But Kenneth had always been most annoying and she felt there should be some pay-back. Inspired by an expression she had heard used among humans and that she now felt she understood enough, she replied "It's Ok, Gabriella. As I understand, some human males have a small organ and they compensate by being overly assertive."

She turned to watch Donnelly, glad her visor was hiding her equivalent of a smirk, as the man's face turned red and he almost stumbled, saying "What?..."

Gabriella started laughing loudly and slapped the man between the shoulder blades "That's what you get Ken, for messing with the boss!"

Tali did not remember where she had heard this expression, but it did not really matter right now. It just popped into her mind. Knowledge is power.

Meanwhile, as the quarian engineer was toiling in the bowels of the Normandy - so to say, Shepard was busy on his quarters' toilet, also dealing with bowels but in a different way.

He sighed, wondering if his present condition had anything to do with Gardner's mystery ingredients. A few days ago, the mess sergeant had told him they were out of some ingredients and that he would have to be creative in his cooking until they could dock somewhere to restock.

Recalling how his mother always had said not to strain, Shepard resigned himself to be patient and let nature follow its course. At least he was not lacking in reading material.

Grabbing his datapad, he decided to try - again - to make some sense of the documentation Mordin had given him a few days ago. It was his second attempt and he just hoped he would not get a headache like after the first.

All the information he needed was probably there, it just was completely scrambled. A line of text on emotional responses would be followed by an equation describing a biochemical reaction, which would in its turn be followed by a diagram representing some kind of hormonal feedback loop in an unidentifiable organ, and so on. There was no index or summary. This was not an 'advice booklet' as Mordin had called it, more like a disorganized pile of data. Maybe it was adapted to Mordin's mind; the salarian scientist was impressive but so hard to follow at times.

Discouraged even before he reached the end of the first 'page', he decided to change his strategy and started skimming the document for interesting images. Soon, he found a single somewhat grainy picture, obviously very old - the data partially corrupted as if it had been transferred several times from different support media. It represented three individuals; two females and one male... quarians. No suits - they had some kind of clothes, and the faces were clearly visible. He was fascinated and spent several minutes staring at their faces. He was reassured: no horns or spikes, no oozing slime, no obvious fangs. The color of the skin, the shape of the heads, the eyes, the mouths, the shape of the jaws, the chins... Are these ears? All of this was obviously alien, but with everything in roughly the right place. Most of these features would have been a little bizarre in a human face but, taken together, they had a definite harmony to them - an elegance even. If nothing else came out of this 'advice booklet', at least he had an idea now of what Tali might look like.

Skimming again, he found a series of diagrams showing the female reproductive system at different stages of a pregnancy, with the growth of a foetus. They were not easy to make sense of, but it was obvious the quarian reproductive system was not quite like what he remembered from his human biology class. And in the last diagram, he was struck by how big the foetus looked considering the size of the mother. That could explain the hips...

Further on, he found another series of anatomical diagrams including a few limbs, the respiratory tract and the digestive system. At least these were grouped together. Maybe there was a bit of organization to this 'booklet' after all. Eventually, he found a representation of the quarian male reproductive system. Some of it appeared to be external. After a moment staring at the image, he realized there was nothing he could compare to his own. Going back to the diagrams of the pregnant female, he looked for the ins and outs and could not figure anything. He sighed. Oh well... I suppose I should have expected this.

Mordin had said something about erogenous zones, but he had found nothing on that topic through his skimming. No recognizable picture or diagram in any case. Must be somewhere in the text. By now however, he was starting to feel the same weariness that had preceded his headache on his previous attempt. Maybe he would try again later. Another option was simply to wait and improvise. He knew Tali could probably explain everything much better than any book or 'booklet'... He smiled at the prospect of a more 'hands-on' approach.

Disappointed at nature's obvious lack of cooperation, he dropped the datapad on the counter and went on with his other preparations, thoughts tumbling through his mind. Mordin recommended I self sterilize... He would have to research this on his own and procure the necessary equipment or products as soon as possible. Mordin also had said to be cautious with oral contacts, but there was no formal interdiction... He wondered how it would feel to kiss her. Then he wondered how it would feel to have her naked in his arms. He knew he should not have too many expectations from this 'linking of suits' as she had said - there will probably be more fumbling than anything else... Despite these reservations and despite his concern for her health, he was looking forward to trying this with Tali and felt strangely excited. Horny, even. Looking down, he could see that his body was one with his mind. He sighed.

Trying to calm down, he focused on his coming rounds.