Author's Note: Wow, sorry for the delay everyone, I've been busy (and still am) with work and college. Let's go! The universe in Ragna's life is expanding, and the first expansion comes in the form of a certain cyborg samurai and his ridiculously hot marionette girlfriend.

Day 14

Ragna felt something poking his forehead repeatedly. He opened his eyes blearily. A blonde figure was staring at him, a look of slight amusement on her forehead. "Ughh…" he moaned, "What? What do you want Noel? It's too early."

Noel smiled warmly at him. "You need to wake up and eat something; we're going swimming today remember?" she said happily. Ragna blinked and rubbed his eyes.

"Alright," he said sleepily, "Just five more minutes." A muffled noise came from under the sheets. Confused, Noel pulled the sheets back and blushed immediately. Nu seemed to have taken to trying to wake Ragna in a more intimate way; she was gently suckling the tip of his penis, her eyes closed contentedly, hair drooping over her face. With a sigh and slight blush, Ragna gently grabbed the sides of Nu's head and pulled her gently off his member.

With a soft "pwah" sound, Nu looked innocently up at Ragna, a thin string of saliva linking her bottom lip and his member. "Nu wasn't finished, Ragna," she said with a tinge of melancholy. She pulled herself up and kissed him gently. "Don't you know: morning wood's the best wood?"

Ragna stared sleepily at Nu. He didn't have the energy now to argue, or even be perplexed by this argument. Noel, on the other, let her forehead rapidly become acquainted with her palm. "Nu, now isn't the time for morning fun, you both need to get ready," she said exasperatedly. The blushing in her cheeks had yet to subside. "Eat something and get dressed you two," she said before turning around and leaving. Ragna slumped back into his pillow; he had slept for ten hours or so, but still felt immensely drained. With a yawn, he covered his eyes with his forearm and wondered quietly why he was so tired. A familiar wetness engulfed him and he immediately looked down at Nu, who had happily resumed her activity. With a sigh of surrender, he gently placed his hand on the crown of her head and guided her head slowly up and down.

Some time later, the two emerged from Ragna's bedroom and made their way to the kitchen. Noel was idly chewing toast as she watched Lambda rub a mixture of leaves onto a recently acquired slug; it squirmed about in a way that was making Lambda smile.

Ragna sat down heavily at the table, holding a cup of coffee and a doughnut. "Why are we going swimming today?" he grunted.

Noel raised an eyebrow. "Because it's sunny outside Ragna," she explained, "Isn't that reason enough?"

Ragna took a long sip from his coffee before responding. "Yeah, fine," he said, relenting, "I guess it is." Caffeine, he found, was worthless to him, but the taste of coffee was refreshing. He privately wondered how absurd his entire life was; it felt as if some kind of higher drive had been put on hold and shelved in an entirely different world. Something poking him in the ribs brought him back down to reality. "What? What is it Lambda?" he asked dazedly.

"Grab your stuff, Nu and Noel have already gone down to the pool," she explained, "You were in some kind of daze for a few minutes. Are you alright?" She looked faintly worried. Ragna nodded his head. Her worry somewhat alleviated, Lambda gave a slight smile and kissed him. "Let's go," she droned.

The day was bright and surprisingly warm. Ragna heard the sounds of splashing and general commotion as they neared the pool. Fair amounts of people were around; this bothered him. "Ugh, you didn't say there'd be other people," he muttered to Lambda. Lambda shrugged and went off to sunbathe. Sighing, Ragna made his way rather awkwardly over to a lone chair and sat down. He didn't look even remotely ready to be at the pool, as he was dressed as usual. He stared idly at the random passersby, feeling increasingly alien with each passing minute; what the hell was the Grim Reaper doing by a pool? His thoughts were diverted when a flustered looking Noel and scantily clad Nu walked up to him.

"Nu, I don't think your swimsuit is really…appropriate. I mean, there are children here!" said Noel exasperatedly; her cheeks were slightly flushed, evidently, this argument had been going on for a few minutes.

Nu posed rather enthusiastically for Ragna. "Nu doesn't care," she said cheerily, "As long as Ragna likes it." Ragna's eyes went wide.

"Nu, are you wearing a thong?" he asked in undertone. Nu nodded. "What? Why? Did Litchi put you up to this?" he asked. She nodded again. "But I don't really care for Litchi's clothes…or her figure…" he explained; privately, he hoped Platinum wasn't stalking him on Jubei's orders and hiding somewhere, as he'd never hear the end of preferring the three teenaged clones (of his sister no less) over a developed woman if she heard what he'd said. The constant accusation of "pedophile" would be enough to drive him insane.

Noel looked expectantly at Ragna, her cheeks flooding with color. "You really mean that Ragna?" she asked excitedly. Ragna looked with surprise at Noel. He nodded awkwardly. With a squeal of delight, she hugged him tightly around his midsection. Nu, not wishing to be outdone, did the same.

"Oh God…" he muttered.

"That looks fun. Can I join in?" asked a flat voice. It was Lambda. She was dressed in a schoolgirl's swimsuit; the white rectangle on her chest where the name was written simply said λ-11.

With a slight blush, Ragna asked, "What's with that get-up?"

Lambda tugged on the fabric of her swimsuit absently. "I think it rather suits me," she droned. Ragna looked away. She was absolutely right. Nu seemed to have taken notice, because she let go of Ragna and ran off, happily shouting something about superiority.

"Yeah, I guess it does. You do look rather…cute in it…" muttered Ragna. Lambda blushed and mumbled her thanks.

"Would you think the same if I was wearing it?" asked Noel timidly. With a slight jerk, Ragna looked slowly at Noel, impious images forming in his head, most of them involving how deliciously tight the fabric of the suit would cling to her voluptuous rear.

"Uh, it'd be…nice…really nice…" he said carefully.

Noel beamed and hugged Ragna. With a sly grin, she whispered into Ragna's ear, "If you keep complimenting me like that you'll drive me over the edge of decency…" Ragna gulped. Her tone indicated quite clearly that she wasn't kidding. Then, something calculated to plunge his mind further into the gutter trotted by: it was Nu, wearing a schoolgirl's swimsuit that seemed to be a size too small-her breasts and rear were struggling against the tight fabric.

"Hngh! Nu! What the hell?" asked Ragna, eyes wide.

Nu bent over suggestively and smiled. "Is this better Ragna?" She pressed her breasts together with her arms and leaned closer to him. With a look of determination, Lambda mimicked Nu. Ragna looked away pointedly.

"Ragna, why aren't you wearing swimming trunks anyway?" asked Noel, "Your regular clothing isn't exactly meant for swimming."

"Uh…look, I'm not exactly interested in swimming right now. Or even being here at the pool…I was kinda dragged into this Noel…" stammered Ragna. Noel pushed Ragna towards a changing station.

"That's too bad; you're here to swim, so get something on!" she persisted. She shoved Ragna into the booth and went inside with him. "Alright, here are some swim trunks. I packed them because I figured you'd pull this," she explained. Ragna rubbed the back of his head and pulled off his pants; he was already wearing trunks. "What the…when did you plan on telling me this?" asked Noel.

Ragna didn't meet Noel's eyes. "I automatically wear swimming trunks if I know I'm going to be around a body of water. It's a safety measure," he explained. Noel cocked her head and furrowed her brows. That simultaneously made sense and did not make sense. Nevertheless, she tugged Ragna back outside and pulled him towards the pool. "Wait! I don't want to swim!" he protested.

"Too bad!" giggled Noel. She pushed him into the water and jumped in after him.

Ragna stared at the sky, idly floating on a ring raft, the sound of splashing and laughter springing up about him. He felt sleepy: his eyes kept closing and he felt as if he might nod off soon. Perhaps a day out at the pool wasn't such a bad idea after all. He felt himself bump gently into one of the walls along the edge of the pool and stop. Nearby, he heard the voice of a man. "Damn, look at that chick in the school bathing suit," it said enthusiastically.

"Which one? The blonde one?" asked another disembodied voice.

"No, the one with the bluish hair!" said the first voice, "She is HOT." Ragna fell of his raft and rose to the surface, spluttering. He looked directly at where the voices were coming from: it was three guys, standing under an umbrella. He got out of the water and casually walked closer to them, taking care to look anywhere but at them.

"What?" said the second voice, "She looks dead on her feet! Her skin is on some new level of pale! It's got a grayish tinge to it! I think the blonde girl in the school swimsuit is way better."

The third, previously silent guy began to talk, "Yeah, but she just looks like a blonde, tan version of the other girl. I like the girl in the bikini."

The first guy spoke up, "Yeah, you would like normal girls wouldn't you? You never go for the more exotic types."

"Ain't nothin' exotic about her man," replied the third guy, "Unless you count potential zombie as exotic."

"Yeah, but your choice is as flat as a board," said the second guy.

"And your choice has all of the personality of a sack of bricks. Have you heard her talk? I'd fall asleep listening to her," interjected the first guy.

Ragna's red eye began to twitch and a spectacular vein sprouted on his temple. 'Insulting all of them are you?' he thought savagely. He was brought out of his angry contemplation by one of the three.

"Hey! You with the silver hair, what do you think?" asked the first guy.

Ragna's eyes widened. "What? I don't know what you're talking about," he lied.

"Those three girls," explained the first guy, pointing to them in turn, "Which do you prefer?" He looked expectantly at Ragna.

Ragna rubbed his temples. "Look asshole," he began, but was cut off immediately by a sudden tackle from Nu. "Grah! What the fuck, Nu?" he asked angrily; he felt a bump swelling on the back of his head. Nu beamed at Ragna and snuggled against his chest.

"Come jump off the high dive with Nu!" she said. Ragna looked at the high dive and swallowed nervously. It was high. Very high.

"Uh, no thanks Nu," he said evasively, "I'm just…uh…gonna float around in the water."

"Hah!" said the second guy, "She's taken! Score one for me!"

Lambda chose this moment to walk over and help Ragna up, offering him a small bag full of ice for the bump on his head; evidently, she had seen him hit the ground after Nu tackled him. "I hope you're alright Ragna," she said quietly.

The third guy chuckled. "Looks like both of you are shit out of luck," he said, "Normal guy wins!" So it would seem, but at this moment, Noel walked over to Ragna and began to tug on his hand, voicing an interest in some ice cream being sold nearby. Ragna looked meaningfully at the three guys and gave a self-satisfied smirk.

"What were those guys talking about with you Ragna?" asked Noel.

"Uh, nothing really," lied Ragna, "Anyway, what kind of ice cream did you…"

"BLACK BEAST!" shouted an ominously familiar voice. Ragna turned on the spot his fists held aloft; where the hell was his sword? Hakumen stood nearby, pointing his Ookazi threateningly at Ragna. "Prepare yourself, for today, you fall!"

"Damn it Hakumen! Get the hell away from me!" shouted back Ragna. Hakumen rushed at Ragna with a deafening battle cry. Ragna focused his eyes on Hakumen's sword and reached out with his right arm to stop the blade, but in an instant, Hakumen had vanished. "What the…" Ragna turned around to see Hakumen chatting with the owner of the ice cream stand. His mouth forming a perfect "O", Ragna watched as Hakumen took two cones from the man, paid him and trotted directly past him, over to Nirvana. Ragna rubbed his eyes fiercely and looked back at the two. Hakumen and Nirvana were eating ice cream cones by a pool and Nirvana was wearing a swimsuit.

Ragna rushed over to Hakumen and gesticulated wildly. "What the fuck was that, Hakumen?" he asked, bewildered.

Hakumen stared at Ragna, a half-eaten ice cream in his hand. "Sorry about that. You were first in line and I kind of wanted to cut," he explained, "Took advantage of that whole 'BLACK BEAST' spiel I'm known for." Hakumen pressed the ice cream to his mask; a portion of it disappeared. Nirvana was doing the same thing.

"What the…Why are you here anyway?" asked Ragna, "You don't exactly seem fit for swimming. Neither does Nirvana. Wait. Wait. Wait. WHY IS NIRVANA WITH YOU?" Ragna's brain seemed ready to split in half; things were beginning to make even less sense.

"Her name's Ada," said Hakumen, wagging a finger disapprovingly, "Not Nirvana."

"Did you switch places with Carl?" asked Ragna in disbelief. He didn't notice Nu politely poking a chocolate ice cream to his cheek. The spot it was leaving was growing steadily larger. With a giggle, she proceeded with gusto.

Hakumen shook his head. "No, of course not. You call your girlfriends by their first names don't you?" he said matter-of-factly. "And I'm here because it's a nice day out, and we hardly ever get to enjoy our apartment's pool." The gears that had been rapidly spinning in Ragna came to a screeching halt. Not only did Hakumen live in the same apartment as him, and not only was he dating Nirvana, but Ragna didn't even know Hakumen lived near him. "I live down the hall from you," continued Hakumen, "But you and I have pretty different schedules so I don't see you leave or come home."

Ragna gaped at Hakumen and shook his head vigorously. "You can't be serious," said Ragna in disbelief, "You just can't be." Hakumen shrugged and made the cone vanish mysteriously when he pressed it to his mask.

Rather thickly, he said, "Shorry to dishappoint joo Rawgna." He swallowed. "I thought Noel or someone had told you."

Noel walked up, idly licking an ice cream. "What did I tell Ragna?" Hakumen explained that she had known for some time that he and Ada lived down the hall. Noel nodded with dawning comprehension then slapped her forehead. "Right, I forgot to tell you Ragna," she said, "They live near us now. Ada sometimes gives me cookie recipes to try out."

With a cheery wave, Ada nodded at Ragna. "Anyway!" interjected Hakumen, "Don't sweat the small stuff Ragna."

"Small stuff?" replied Ragna distantly.

"Yeah! We're neighbors, but big deal! I have no intention of killing you, and neither does Ada. Right dear?" asked Hakumen. Ada nodded.

"Wait," said Ragna, slowly coming to accept how bizarre his existence was now, "What about Carl?"

Hakumen waved an airy hand. "Taken care of," he said simply.

Carl tightly hugged Makoto's tail, rubbing his face contentedly in the warm fur. "It's so fluffy!" he said happily. Makoto giggled gleefully. He was so cute.

Hakumen got up and stretched. "Let's go for a nice swim Ada," he said cheerily.

"Won't you get cramps?" asked Noel.

Hakumen waved the comment away. "Suits don't get cramps, and neither does a Nox Nyctores," he explained. He grabbed Ada's hand and pulled her gleefully into the deep end of the pool. With a great splash, the two dropped quickly to the floor of the pool and looked up at the surface and then at each other. As far as Ragna could tell, the two seemed to have burst into laughter.

Ragna sat down at the edge of the pool and finally took notice of Nu's actions; she had not stopped poking him with his ice cream, and half of it had become a spectacular chocolate circle on his cheek. With a scowl, he took the treat from Nu and absently licked it. Nu smirked and leaned over toward him. "Ragna has something on his cheek," she whispered and softly licked the melted ice cream off of him.

With a slight shiver of enjoyment, Ragna looked over at Nu and said flatly, "Really, Nu?" She beamed and laid her head on his shoulder, happily kicking her feet in the water. With a sigh of resignation, Ragna continued to eat his ice cream. The surface of the water in front of him broke and up came Hakumen and Ada, doing what Ragna could only wildly guess was their form of kissing. Ada's immobile lips were pressed tightly against a spot on Hakumen's mask that Ragna guessed approximated where his lips would be.

He shivered in earnest this time, and noticed that Nu was doing so also; she, however, elected to also cover her eye and squeal, "That's creepy!" Ragna nodded, but couldn't tear his eyes away. Behind him, a voice lazily said, "Really, Hakumen? Have you stooped that low?"

Ragna turned his head in the direction of the voice: it was Hazama. He jumped to his feet and wheeled about (behind him, Nu fell over and hit her head on the floor). "What the fuck Hazama? Don't you have flowers to prune?" he asked angrily.

Hazama opened an eye lazily and adjusted his hat. "I have other jobs and activities other than just managing a florist's stand," he said testily, "Now get out of my way; I want to take a picture of this, and forever immortalize it on my desk with a caption that reads 'Desperation'."

Hakumen got out of the pool and walked menacingly over to Hazama. "And to what do I owe this displeasure?" he growled.

Hazama adjusted his hat again and grinned mockingly at Hakumen. "Come on now Hakumen," he said, "You've got to be pretty desperate to want that thing."

"Don't you ever talk about Ada that way," he snarled.

"Oh, so you even named the store mannequin?" snapped back Hazama, "Do the arms come free or separate? Where do you get the clothing? Do you steal them? What's your favorite bar, JC Pe**y's or Ma*y's?"

Hakumen clenched his fist into a tight ball. "Damn you Terumi!" He readied his sword.

Hazama shook his head. "Now that I look you over, your physique seems to indicate you've been going to Abe*******e and F**ch." Hakumen snarled again, but Hazama cut across him, and nudged him in the ribs, "But hey, I guess you really like the muscular mannequins, eh? I don't judge, you know."

Ada walked over and gently took hold of Hakumen's hand. "You're a dick, you know that right, Terumi?" she said.

Hazama grinned evilly. "Oh! So you can talk? How do you put up with that, Hakumen? I thought the best part about dating a doll was that they're completely silent. No bitching, no getting your ears talked off about stupid shit you don't care about…Looks like you really know how to pick the worst of the bunch, eh?"

Hakumen clenched his fists again. "Insult me all you want, but if you keep insulting Ada, I swear to you, these children will bear witness to acts of such depravity, they will defy description," he growled murderously.

Hazama grinned still more broadly and said, "Just one last question Hakumen…Did she bend over and tell you it was for her tuition? You were always the charitable type." Hakumen raised a fist to punch Hazama, who backed away, laughing maniacally.

Ada pouted, "I'm offended. That's not how we met at all."

Hazama stopped smiling and opened a single, yellow eye at Ada. "Excuse me, but REAL PEOPLE ARE TALKING!" he said.

Hakumen took a step towards Hazama, but Ada beat him. In a flash, she was gripping Hazama's throat with such force, it was a wonder his head didn't pop off. "Excuse me, but what did you say?" she whispered with an air that preceded murder.

Hazama smiled. "Real people?" he said.

Ada clenched her fingers more tightly together and Hazama coughed. "Give me a reason, Terumi. Just. One. Reason," she growled.

Hazama kicked Ada in the stomach and flipped back. Almost immediately, everyone was in a fighting stance; perhaps sensing defeat, Hazama grinned and made a motion to leave. "Well, it looks like I've overstayed my welcome," he said calmly, "But before I go…" His opened his eyes and a maniacal grin crossed his face, "Hey Rags, do you want an interesting ADULTHOOD?"

Ragna scowled and took a step towards Hazama. "Fuck you, I'm not falling for that one again," he snarled. Hazama cackled and dissipated into the ether.

The day had not turned out so well for Ragna; a trip to the pool he wasn't interested in was almost made worth it by seeing Noel, Nu and Lambda is swimwear, only to be dragged firstly into the realm of total absurdity with the appearance of the least likely couple he could imagine: Hakumen and Ada, and then into vilifying rage by the antics of the ever-maddening Hazama. He sipped the coffee he held in his hand and looked into the living room. Lambda and Nu were playing Go, and it was incredibly clear who was winning. The slight smirk on Lambda's face indicated she was feeling enormously smug at Nu's total lack of strategy. Lost momentarily in Nu's accusations of cheatings (all of which were coolly deflected by Lambda), Ragna didn't notice Noel sit down next to him and set a laptop down. She was shopping online.

"Hey Ragna, look at this," she said, nudging him in the ribs. Ragna turned about and looked at what Noel was showing him: it was a stickman key holder, and the post used to hang the keys was positioned directly over its crotch.

With a smirk, Ragna said, "Heh, I guess that's pretty funny. What's that thing?"

Noel scrolled down the page a bit and pointed at what seemed to be a kitchen knife embedded in a wall. "It's an…apron holder?" she said, reading the description of the item.

Ragna smiled more broadly. "We don't need one of those. If I need a knife in the wall, I'll just ask Nu," he said. Nu looked over in Ragna's direction and tilted her head. Ragna waved a hand dismissively and she resumed diatribe with Lambda. He turned his attention back to the cavalcade of unusual items Noel had found, and the minutes melted quickly into a few hours.

Feeling significantly more cheery, Ragna decided to tease Noel. With a perverted smirk, he leaned towards Noel and tugged lightly on the tie she wore. Noel looked quickly at Ragna and blushed. Smirking more broadly, Ragna muttered, "We haven't tried doing it on the table you know." Noel flushed a brilliant scarlet and dropped her gaze.

"Uh, well," she stammered, "No, but, um, Nu and Lambda are right over there and…" The rest of her sentence was cut off. Ragna slid the laptop aside, placed it on a chair and lay Noel down on the table. This went well beyond the realm of teasing, he realized, but at this point, he didn't care. "Ragna," she stammered again, as her dress was pulled off of her, "This is where we eat…"

Ragna smiled. "Yeah, and this is where I'm going to eat," he responded.

Noel covered her eyes with her hands. "That was a terrible joke," she whined. So, the pair learned: the kitchen table was incredibly sturdy.

Author's End Notes: Flying nipples of Zeus, that took forever to write. I kept stopping, getting blocked, and changing trains of thoughts and even managed to come up with an entirely new fanfic that is exclusively Ragna/Noel. I don't know what to name it though. Maybe Crimson Azure. Don't go looking for it right now. It won't be up for a while. Or maybe it will be. I don't know.

Why are you still here? Oh. The gag ending, that's right. How's this for a gag ending: Everyone, every last person and living creature on earth dies in an inferno of despair and misery (especially dear old Rags and his cloned puppet girlfriends), leaving only I, the great Yuuki Terumi as the sole survivor on an earth now populated entirely by snakes and boiled eggs! And wonderfully shiny silver things. Such a perfect planet…

Ta ta! With love, Not Hazama.

Ragna crumpled up the piece of paper he was reading and threw it bodily at the wall. Behind him, the three girls stood, weapons readied and eyes shadowed, all looking directly at Hazama, who sat behind a typewriter.

"Pretty good, eh? Can I be in this story now?" he said merrily, "I think I've got a pretty good knack for writing."

"You already are in the damn story, you bitch," growled Ragna.

Hazama smiled evilly. "I know," he said.

Author's REAL Notes: I wasn't lying about Crimson Azure. Just wait until you see how I open it! I'm sure it's only been done at least once before! I'm so original! Except, you know…not really.