JESSES GIRL - CORY MONTEITH
Jessie is a friend
Yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine
But lately something's changed that ain't hard to define
Jessie's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine
And she's watching him with those eyes
And she's loving him with that body I just know it
And he's holding her in his arms late at night
You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
Where can I find a woman like that
I play along with the charade
There doesn't seem to be a reason to change
You know, I feel so dirty when they start talking cute
I wanna tell her that I love her
But the point is probably moot
Cause she's watching him with those eyes
And she's loving him with that body I just know it
And he's holding her in his arms late at night
You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
Where can I find a woman like that
Like Jessie's girl
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
Where can I find a woman
Where can I find a woman like that
And I'm looking in the mirror all the time,
Wondering what anekatips she don't see in me
I've been funny, I've been cool with the lines
Ain't that the way love supposed to be
Tell me, where can I find a woman like that!
You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
I want Jessie's girl
Where can I find a woman like that
Like Jessie's girl,
I wish that I had Jessie's girl,
I want I want Jessie's girl
CHAPTER NINE
JESSES GIRL
Yahweh must really hate her…
She must have done something terribly bad in the past for her to be getting this kind of punishment and all because she went to bed with Finn…
CRAP...
She went to bed with Finn…
What was she thinking?
After all the years of self recrimination and anger and despite her vows of not giving him any space in her life anymore in any which way, everything still boiled down to the fact that she ended up on her back as she surrendered herself fully to him…
And for what?
Because he was jealous and she can't keep her fucking hands off him?
The exact same load of bullcrap that they went through over and over in the past and now it seems as if they're back to where they started once again…
Dammit… when will she ever learn?
Perhaps right about now, because the moment she woke up without Finn beside her to the incessant ringing of her doorbell, Karma came knocking and it came in the form of one Jesse St. James…
Jesse who is now standing in front of her door armed with that familiar smile on his face and those eyes that seem to probe into her soul that it took almost all her willpower to not get on her knees and beg him to forgive her because she was weak and she did something that she knows she absolutely shouldn't…
"I was wondering if you forgot something…"
He broke the awkward silence that had been lying thick around them ever since she opened the door and found him at her doorstep…
"Like all about me…"
He shrugged as he uttered the words teasingly…
He was obviously trying his best to appear flippant but Rachel knows him too well to know that beyond that obvious attempt at lightheartedness, there is also a tinge of hurt and accusation in his voice which he couldn't hide nor deny…
Getting back to her senses and overwhelmed with guilt about Finn, Rachel flings her arms around his neck as she squeezed him close to her but not before she noticed that moment of pause before he pulled her close to return her embrace…
"How could I forget you, silly? I'm sorry Jess…"
She mumbled into his neck…
I'm sorry for sleeping with Finn…
Last week when we were fighting… I was so mad at you… I was so hurt that I wanted to make you feel as bad as I feel…
And she can't help but think that maybe she is trapped in some kind of ground hog day where she always cheats on the boy she's with with another except that this time Jesse and her were not fighting and she had no reason to hurt him the way she's hurt Finn or the way Finn has hurt her…
Maybe because she doesn't even care enough about him to even get mad about anything …
I knew you were all kinds of things but I never thought that you could be this mean… I never thought you'd make me feel like this…
Perhaps she really is mean…
Maybe this is fates way of telling her to not mess with him and that sleeping with Finn was a mistake because every time they even go so much as near each other, everything just seems to break and unravel and somehow, people get hurt and in the end, they always end up more bruised and battered than when they have just started…
"What is it that you're sorry about?"
He pushed her tenderly away to look in her eyes… His gaze steady on hers as if wanting to read through her mind as he once again tries to reach that place that she had never, ever let him pass…
It was that look that was nearly Rachel's undoing…
That trusting, loving, tender stare that seem to remind her of how he put back together all the pieces of her broken heart after Finn dumped her….
That look that reminded her of how he deserved so much more than this because he's gone a long way from being the guy who had fried an omelet on her face to the guy who had held her hand and who loved her this much and brought back her self esteem…
"For - for not calling you that you had to fly out to see me…"
Jesse expelled a sigh of relief when he heard her answer…
There was not a day that he didn't think about her and Finn together and he has feared the worst on the way to see her… However even if for now he is satisfied with her answer, there is still an uneasiness that weighed deep inside his heart… A fear… that something's going on between them and THAT…he will never ever be ready to face or even to understand…
"That's just one of the reasons"
He said quietly… Rachel tipping her head to the side to look at him curiously as he cupped her face in between his hands and gave her a tender peck…
"I missed you Rach-"
And he released her long enough to grab something out of his pocket and put it on her neck…
A necklace that he had bought specifically for her with his name on it and the fucking irony of it all was not lost on Rachel because the moment he put it on she already felt how it was weighing down on her…
It felt so out of place…
Like it doesn't belong there…
Like it's burning her skin as if it knows that she will never ever wear another name again as proudly as she did all those years ago the way that she did with Finn…
"Jesse-"
She said breathlessly…
"You - you shouldn't have… You don't have to come all the way here to do this… I can't-"
He gave her a humorless smile… One that made her notice how terribly drawn out and haggard he looked as he sat down on her sofa…
"I had to Rach- I was going insane without you-"
There was an aching sadness to his voice that made Rachel forget the necklace as she looked at Jesse compassionately…
There was a longing in his eyes that was inexplicable which made her feel even worse than she now already feels about going behind his back and lying to him…
She sat on the sofa beside him as she caressed his back awkwardly… wanting to give him comfort as he laid his head tiredly on his shoulder as he leaned against her and closed his eyes…
"God Rachel… You make everything seem right … no matter how tired or sad I am… just knowing you're there is enough to make everything fall into place…"
And Rachel just patted him nervously and bit her lip because REALLY? What does she say to that?
"How's it going with Finn?"
She stiffened as he mumbled the words tiredly…
Her thoughts jumbling all around themselves as she sat stumped by his question simply because she herself doesn't know what she really thinks and how it's really going on between them…
"Don't tell me you got back together with him?"
He gave off a short chuckle as if it was something impossible but his voice sounded hollow even to his own ears…
He opened his eyes when Rachel remained unresponsive…
His eyes scanning her face as she averted her gaze and he tried to mask his fears by plodding on teasingly…
"Lie to me Rachel… Lie if you have to… and then make me believe it but don't tell me you went back to him… I swear I couldn't stand it…"
He made it appear as if he was joking but she can feel the sincerity and steel behind his voice as he finished his sentence…
Yep…
She is about to burn in hell and she is not surprised at all that it is all because of Finn…
As Rachel stayed quiet, Jesse snuggled his face closer to her collarbone as if finding comfort in her warmth…
"Just let me stay here today Rachel, please? Just for today? Just let me rest and -"
"HEY RACH! I got us some bagels and milk and -"
Finn stood hugging the grocery bag containing the breakfast that he was about to surprise Rachel with by the doorway… His shouts petering out and the smile that was previously plastered on his face quickly disappearing as he took in the scene before him…
Jesse was in Rachel's living room and he had his goddamn head on her shoulder and she had her arms wrapped around him…
He would have liked to believe that everything was just a huge misunderstanding and that he is just having some sort of nightmare but the moment that Rachel looked at him with a determined expression on her face and as he watched her grip Jesse's hand even tighter he knows that he is in deep shit and that despite last night, this morning might not exactly turn out to be the way that he had imagined…
"FINN! I thought our script rehearsal was for tomorrow… "
She said in an overly bright manner… her smile blinding and her tone of voice pleasant as if nothing was amiss and like she didn't just rip his heart right out of his chest, squeezed it hard and then stomped on it until it disintegrates…
"Look who's here! It's Jesse!"
LIKE HE FUCKING CARES!
What was she expecting?
That he'd greet the asshole with a hug and a huge smile on his face like a long lost friend when he just wanted to wipe that smug smile off his face as he put his arms proprietarily against HIS girl to pull her even tighter the first moment he saw him?
JESSE FREAKIN ST JAMES CAN FUCKIN' KISS HIS ASS FOR ALL HE CARES…
He just wanted to be alone with Rachel…
To talk to her and ask her what the hell is going on and after that, probably spirit her off to somewhere far away preferably to a place where St. What's-his-face can't follow…
"We need to talk Rach…"
There was a steely determination in Finn's voice…
A tone that he seldom use that had Jesse frowning in confusion and Rachel raising her head to finally return his stare as if telling him to just let it rest and that now was not the right time…
"Rach? What-What's going on?"
Jesse turned his head from side to side as he looked at them from one to the other before fixing an intense stare on Rachel quizzically…
"I- I- think Finn's a little upset coz we have this really difficult scene coming up and I promised him we'd read through our lines before we go to the set..."
She rolled her eyes playfully before giving out a nervous laugh…
She doesn't even know where all these lies are coming and she wanted to stop badly but the words just seem to come out of her mouth even before she finished thinking and it was as if she can not do anything but say it out loud…
"I didn't know you were coming so I wasn't able to tell him that I'd just meet him there and that perhaps we should just take a rain check… Right, Finn?"
Finn remained quiet… his hands hugging the grocery bag tightly and the nervous ticking in his jaw the only sign of the amount of restraint that he's exerting to remain emotionless as in front of her, Jesse stood unblinking… His face drawn into a mask that makes it difficult for her to see if he really believes all these bull she's spinning as she half expected both guys to just lunge at each other and start beating each other to a pulp at any given moment…
"I- I see…"
Jesse broke the silence, breaking out into a grin as he gave a slow nod before taking his arms off around Rachel's shoulders…
"Sorry Hudson… didn't want to put a damper on your plans…Given that you even brought breakfast and all…"
He looked at the grocery bag that Finn was holding before giving out a sarcastic smirk that had Finn digging his nails against his palms just to stop himself from throwing the bag at him before pounding him to the ground…
"Listen, since I have to go and freshen up babe, perhaps you can bring Hudson here to his car and then after you can probably text your director that you're coming in today a little LATER?"
The suggestive tone of his voice was not lost on Finn as he gave him another smug look that almost drove him to the breaking point while Rachel avoided his gaze…
"Thank your lucky stars that I'm feeling generous and that I trust Rachel so you've got 5 minutes…"
Jesse called off threateningly before walking away towards the bathroom…
And both of them watched him as he turned the corner and the moment that he was out of sight, Finn threw the bag to the nearest sofa and he paced around her living room floor for awhile before finally stopping and angrily shouting at her …
"WHAT THE HELL RACH? Are you playing some stupid sick game of revenge?"
Rachel's eyes widened in surprise at how loud Finn was before her gaze flew to the direction where Jesse was at as if to check if he heard anything…
"Finn… please… can't you just keep it quiet … Jesse is…"
She spoke in hushed tones and with gritted teeth as if he was a dirty little secret…
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT - I - I don't care Rach… I- I just want you…"
And as he took her hands and looked into her eyes, Rachel felt the nervousness that she was previously feeling wash away as she was consumed by red hot rage at how the old Finn and the one before her was still the same in thinking that he can just waltz back into her life at anytime and then expect her to follow blindly just because he said he was sorry like everything should just be forgiven…
"And that makes everything fine and perfect? Because you want me and because we shared a night of—of- SEX together? There is nothing between us Finn… NOTHING… Just a horrible past and heartache and -"
"And last night… "
She almost stomped her feet in frustration as Finn continued his advances…
"Aren't you listening to a word I said? That was—that was sex!"
He looked at her disbelievingly…
"Was it?"
Rachel felt her anger run out of steam as Finn looked on at her meaningfully…
"What do you want from me Finn? Why are you doing this to me - What have I ever done to you that makes you want to turn my life upside down like this? "
Finn turned his head to look at Rachel…
He knows that at this time, he's got all odds stacked against him…
He has no choice but to pull his ace out from his sleeve…
To resort to getting through to Rachel the best way he knows how…
"I want a chance Rachel… Just one freakin' chance… "
Rachel looked at him as if he's gone crazy…
"Has it occurred to you that I am seeing someone else? This isn't fair to Jesse and-"
"STOP BRINGING HIM INTO THIS!"
Finn ran his fingers through his hair in frustration as Rachel laughed humorlessly because if she doesn't she feels as if she'd just either do one out of two things which was to either shout or cry…
"Can't you be reasonable? Jesse is in the other room and he is important to me and can't you just think about him -"
He looked into her eyes…
"You weren't when you were in bed with me last night…"
Rachel bit her lip… lifting her face towards Finn to implore him to just take back what he said and to abandon whatever other insane plan he has in mind in the soonest possible time…
"Have you ever stopped to think that Jesse is my best friend -"
"Precisely my point… He is your best friend Rachel… that is different from love-"
Rachel scoffs…
"So what makes you any different? Are you saying that you can't live without me? That without me you'd die?"
Rachel had to stop to swallow back a hysterical laugh… torn between ire and mirth as he stood before her as he bugged her to get back together with him when before he can't wait to get her out of his life…
"Would you believe me if I say it's true?"
He said with all sincerity… Making Rachel hesitate for a second before she remembered everything that had happened and how he said the exact same thing countless of times in the past that she had almost lost track…
"HA! And you expect me to believe that? That you've been carrying a torch for me when you've chosen Quinn without a second glance and when you barely even bothered to look for me or to even send me a Christmas Card?"
There was a genuine hurt in her voice as she recalled the long lonely nights when she waited for him to apologize and get her back…
"SHE MEANS NOTHING TO ME! DAMMIT!"
He closed his eyes in frustration…
"I tried Rachel… Lord knows I tried to love her the way I love you but she doesn't have your smile or your lips or your eyes… YOU HAUNT ME…"
And she felt her heart stop as she stared at Finn in shock…
Finn looks into her eyes and softens his voice but not by much…
"And since we're having confession time here… it's your turn…"
"What- what do you mean?"
Rachel unconsciously backs down against the wall as Finn took a step closer towards her…
"Can you honestly say there is nothing between us?"
She averted her gaze…
"THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN US…"
"And at our house at the swing during Kurt's party when you kissed me you felt nothing?"
"N—nothing…
"And on the set when we sang Faithfully and you hugged me and-…"
"NO!"
Rachel was running out of words… she knows she was clutching at straws as Finn fired his questions to her one after another…
But she can't allow herself to give in… never again… not now … not ever… not that Jesse is here to remind her that Finn is nothing but a part of her past … but is he?
"Can you honestly say that you love Jesse?"
Rachel turned her face away…
"Y-YES!"
There was a beat of hesitation to her voice before Finn brought his face closer to hers…
"Then what the hell where you doing in bed with me last night?"
Rachel drew a shaky breath… stuttering as she continued to hide behind her excuses…
"Well, it was just the heat of the moment… it was just the proximity and the time we spent together and we're normal human beings with normal desires so -"
"Don't lie to me! We couldn't get enough of each other in that bed, and you damned well know it! Can you honestly say right now that you have absolutely no desire to make love with me again, ever?"
"Y-yes…"
Finn brings his face inches away from Rachel's
"How would you like to give me five minutes to prove you're wrong?"
Rachel felt herself drowning in the depth of his stare before she broke the spell and pushed Finn away…
She doesn't know if it was the way he made her feel but it was as if a dam broke inside her as she lets out her frustration of eight years go as she ranted and shouted at him…
"Dammit! You've been around enough to know that you've always had women like Santana and Brittany and Quinn falling at your feet and I hate it that I am just like one of them… That I just have to look at you and I can't resist you no matter what… that every day for eight years since we've been apart, I promised myself that I would DIE first before I let you touch me and yet the moment I see you, all I can think of is how much I want you and missed you and -"
She clapped her hands over her mouth but she knew it was too late…
Finn's eyes were already lighting up and he was already giving out that lopsided smile and she knows that no matter what she says he already knows the truth and that she still feels something for him…
At that moment Jesse made his re-appearance at the end of the hall way breaking the moment and diffusing the intensity between them…
"Rach? Hudson's still here?"
He said incredulously before Finn straightens up to his full height and for the first time ever since Jesse and him met again he turned to address him as Rachel stood in the sidelines waiting with bated breath for what's next or whatever it is that he'd say…
"I was just telling her about her necklace…"
Jesse's face smoothed out into a smile as he beamed proudly while shrugging nonchalantly…
"I see you've developed some taste, Finn…"
And Finn gave him a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes…
"Oh, but you're mistaken… I was not actually thinking how pretty it looks but how cheap looking and ugly it really is…"
And as Jesse stood open mouthed in shock, Rachel watched in a mixture of surprise and giddiness as Finn turned to address her tenderly...
"See you on the set Rach… DON'T BE LATE…"
He emphasized the last words in an obvious throwback to what Jesse said awhile ago…
And as the door closed behind Finn and Jesse and her were left alone, Rachel remained staring at the wooden frame, riveted to the spot… Her mind trying to absorb everything he's said and everything that's happened and how despite how she's insane to even consider going back together with Finn there is still a part of her heart that wants to give the two of them a chance and Jesse or no Jesse she knows she will be a fool if she let her fears stop her from taking that shot…
AUTHORS NOTE:
I hope you didn't mind the longer chapter... I had all these thoughts about Jealous Finn which is my absolute fave so the words just came pouring :)...
I hope i made sense since it took a little longer to write this add to the fact that it's now 1230 AM where i am when i wrote the ending...
Let me know how you find this chapter! Really appreciate all your comments so just keep on leaving 'em! :)