A short note: I know it has be FOREVER since I posted a new chapter. You'll get over it :P I had a different story that was stuck in my head and I had to get it out. It was circling in my brain for two weeks. It's a good read if you like Anders in DA2. I entitled it The World He Created so yeah. I love you all for commenting. I try to take your advice. Reading other people's stories always helps me to improve too.

Chapter 7

Alistair walked in and nervously sat on her bed careful to avoid sitting on the clothes that were thrown about the room. She closed the door softly and turned around, pressing her back to the door, and faced him. A strange warmth had crept up into her face. She was just as nervous as he was being alone in her room and her head was clouded just having him so close to her.

A few awkward seconds passed with both of them wringing their hands trying to come up with something to say. Finally, Kailyn softly leaned her head on the door and still not moving from her spot she asked, "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Alistair suddenly sat up very straight and looked at her, his expression completely serious. "You know the 'friend' I had check in on Howe?"

She scrunched her eyebrows trying to remember. "I think so…an assassin friend, right?"

"Yes. Well, as it turns out, Zevran has found him."

"Zevran? You used him? I should've guessed. I met him the night of the ball. He didn't kill Howe, did he? I want to do it myself."

The king chuckled to himself at her determination to be the end of this man. "No. But he has informed me of some rather bad news."

"How much more worse can it get?"

"Well, it seems that Howe has come into contact with the Antivan Crows. You've heard of the organization?"

She lightly slammed her head into the door. "Yes. They are ruthless criminals who get the job done no matter what. It's rumored that Zev was one of them."

"Oh, so he's asked you to call him 'Zev' already, huh?" he asked, teasing her in attempt to lighten the mood.

"Well was he one of them?" Kailyn asked him not amused.

"Yes. He was. He found out about Howe through some of his old contacts."

"Well, then its simple. I go to Antiva, find him and kill him myself. His death will break the contract and I can go about picking up the pieces of my shattered life." She moved from her place in front of the door to begin packing again.

"No," Alistair said as calmly as he could.

"No? What do you mean 'no'?" She looked up at the King while blindly throwing her bath oils in her suitcase.

"I mean no."

She stopped packing and stared at him. "Are you telling me I can't kill the man who slaughtered my future family? You're telling me I can't get revenge for the man I love being ripped out of my life?" Her voice had steadily been rising as she kept talking.

To Alistair's credit, he just sat there and listened. Kailyn's eyes had darkened with anger. She stood near her suitcase seething. Her fists were clinched and trembling. Her knees were locked into place and her shoulders were squared. He could see this was something she would not give up easily.

"I'm telling you that you cannot hope to do this alone," his calm demeanor did nothing to soothe Kailyn.

Her teeth clinched in response. "I think I can handle myself."

He couldn't help it. He just started laughing. His laughing pierced the room. It seemed to shake the furniture. It filled her ears and before she knew what she was doing the small framed woman was inches away from her King's face. Her eyes were so dark they nearly looked black.

Alistair stopped laughing, but he did continue to smile.

"What, in Andraste's name, is so unbelievably funny." She was done trying to control her temper. He was laughing at her. Laughing at her misery.

"What's funny, is you thinking you can take on the Crows by yourself. Once you set foot in Antiva, your life will be over. The organization is embedded everywhere in that country. There are Crows in the government, in the shops, walking the streets, hiding in dark corners. You won't be able to escape them. Every single one of them will have a description of you and will kill you at the first available opportunity. Its impossible to spend five minutes there without running into a Crow."

"I can fight them." Her face was still just inches away from his.

Alistair pushed his face closer so that their noses were almost touching, "Not. Alone."

Kailyn pulled her face back and calmed down enough to sit next to him on her bed. "Well, since you are so insistent on my not doing this alone, would you care to make a suggestion as to how I can remedy this problem?"

"You will need your brother."

"No. He should stay with mother and father. He can protect them better than I can." Her head had fallen so that her chin was resting on her chest. He couldn't know how insecure Kailyn felt when it came to protecting her parents. Her father never once told her she was skilled. He just kept teaching her what he knew. For all she knew, her skills were comparable to a drunken mabari fighting an ogre.

"Oh no. You can't sit here and yell at me for not granting you the satisfaction of killing the man that slaughtered the Gourns and then not grant your brother that same satisfaction."

He could tell his attempt at humor fell on deaf ears. His hand rose up and he gently placed it on her back in an attempt to comfort her.

She seemed to have suddenly lost the fight that was in her. "Oh? I've won this argument already? I suppose marriage will be a breeze if I win arguments this easily," he said lightly.

The young Cousland looked up at her King with tears in her eyes, tracks already running down her face. Her cheeks were red and puffy. He noticed that her shiny, emerald green eyes were back; but they too were swollen from tears.

Without thinking he grabbed her and pulled her close. He crushed her against him as if his life depended on it. Lucky for her, he had changed out of his ceremonial armor. His right hand found the back of her head. He mumbled over and over in her ear, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," rocking her back and forth.

After thinking a moment, Alistair gently pushed her back and looked in her face. He found only a blank face staring back at him. No emotion, no tears, just…nothing. The king lifted his finger and brushed her cheek, smiling weakly. "Let me go with you."

She moved for the first time in what seemed like hours. Without moving her head, her eyes found his. She just stared at him like this for a few minutes as if trying to find an answer to an unknown question.

She turned her head away all too soon. It left Alistair feeling strangely empty. "You can't."

He scoffed at her reply. "I am the King of Ferelden and as such I can do whatever I want."

Looking back at him, Alistair could swear he saw one side of her mouth curl in response to his remark.

She turned to face him completely, pulling her legs up onto the bed and folding them in front of her. Gingerly, she wrapped her hands around his wrists in attempt to reiterate what she was going to say. "No you can't."

She didn't mean to goad him with what she said, but it certainly worked.

He rolled his forearm out of her grasp and roughly encircled her wrists in his hands. "Yes. I. Can."

She didn't move.

"I've never been to Antiva and I can make it look like it's a business trip. You know, political stuff. I can claim to negotiate trade agreements with the Queen. Everyone knows Ferelden can use all the coin we can get."

Kailyn visibly relaxed, letting her posture fall. She was suddenly very aware that her skin was on fire underneath his touch. Not wanting the moment to end, she said, "You're amazing, you know that?"

He smiled. "I've been told once or twice."

A sudden knock at the door brought Kailyn out of her trance in which Alistair seemed to place her. Both blushing, he let her out of his grasp and she jumped up to see who was checking on her.

Before she even had a chance to open it all the way, Fergus pushed in. "I came to see if you needed-"

"Oh." Fergus said when he saw the King sitting on her bed.

"I'm…sorry?" Fergus stated without knowing what else to say. "I can come back later-"

Alistair cut him off, "No. No, its alright. We had just finished talking," he cleared his throat out of nervousness and quickly stood up realizing how the situation must look. "But, uh, anyway. I'm glad I have you both together. I just finished briefing your sister on Howe."

Kailyn had gone back to packing trying not to think about how her wrists were still warm. She listened as he briefed Fergus on what he had just told her.

"I should go too," the older Cousland added once Alistair had finished talking.

Kailyn suddenly looked up at the King pleading with her eyes to come up with an excuse as to why he can't go.

He sighed, "I think you should stay here, Fergus. Someone needs to stay with your family because they may be a target as well."

"I don't mean to offend, your Majesty, but couldn't you send a small group of your guard to stay with my family? Surely between the men of the King's guard and the men of our guard my family will be well protected."

The King glanced over at Kailyn who had a pained look on her face. She was fiercely shaking her head 'no.'

"Your Majesty?" Fergus asked.

"As much as it pains me to say so, I'm afraid I can't spare any of my men at this time. So many were lost in the battle with the arch demon. I think it would be best if you stayed."

The older Cousland hung his head in defeat. "If you insist." He walked over to his sister and hugged her. "I will tell mother and father what they need to know. They aren't going to be happy about you going but hopefully they will be a little grateful to have one of their children staying. You know I will protect them, Rayne and Riley with my life."

"Thank you, Fergus. I will come back with Renden Howe's head on a silver platter. I promise."

He smiled, "I certainly hope so. Don't take too long, okay?"

She nodded and watched her brother leave the room.

"You owe me."

Kailyn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever."

They both laughed.

"So when do you think we'll be able to leave?"

"Well, Zevran is coming with us and I pretty sure Valorn is too. We should wait until they arrive. I also have to come up with a story to tell Eamon. He certainly won't approve of this little adventure," he said making a face.

She couldn't help but giggle. "You don't like him much do you?"

"As far as I'm concerned, he can move his happy arse back to Redcliffe and stick his nose in their business again. I'd rather have Teagan with me anyway."

"What was it you were telling me earlier? 'You are the King of Ferelden and as such you can do whatever you want'?" she teased. "Make it so. Teagan can be your regent and Eamon can go back to being the Arl. It's in the best interest of the country for the King to get along with his highest appointed advisor. Teagan was raised as a noble so he should be able to guide you just as well as his brother."

"I need a reason to put aside Eamon. He's too loved by the people for them to just 'accept' that I don't like him."

"Teagan is loved just as much, right? He's a Guerrin too. It shouldn't make a difference to the people. If they push, just tell them that Eamon made a better arl than Teagan. I'm sure you could talk Teagan into going along with the story. No one will question the word of the king and his regent."

Alistair was baffled. Why hadn't he thought of this before? "Do you really think it will work?"

Kailyn just smiled. "It will if you make it work. You have to know where to position people. Good things just don't happen, Alistair. Just because you're king doesn't mean you can sit on your royal arse the whole time."

He huffed. "Well, why not?"

"Because if that's how it worked, it wouldn't matter who sits on the throne, would it?"

"You're too good at this. Let me get to Eamon before he sends out a search party. I'll let you know when I get word from Zevran."

And with that, the King left her room. She knew that Fergus wouldn't let her parents see her before they left. She was grateful. It was hard enough convincing her brother that this was the right course of action; she couldn't imagine convincing her parents.

Now that she was alone in her room, Kailyn realized how tired she was. "I'm so tired of being…tired." She thought to herself. Her body was still healing; but she was just…over it. More than ready to get back to sparring, she told herself that it was good for her to rest. The sun had just barely started to set. It was an early night for her. She walked over to her bed and threw the clothes that littered it into the floor. When her parents came, they had brought her some clothes for familiarity. Her hand accidentally brushed the place that Alistair had been sitting. It was still warm. Her stomach twisted.

She laid down and threw the covers over herself.

It was wrong for her to feel this way so soon after…

It was especially wrong for her to have feelings for her King. She barely knew him! He had saved her life; and maybe that's where her feelings stemmed from. Utterly confused, she drifted off to sleep.

In the Fade

She was in her home, standing in the sparring ring. She had just finished for the day and was hanging her sheathed sword in its place. The scent of freshly baked cinnamon buns wafted to her nose. She inhaled deeply to take in the scent. Her favorite pastry.

She turned around and was in the dining room; her leather armor replaced with a cotton dress. On the table was a plate with two steaming cinnamon buns on it. She sat down in the seat in front of the plate. A second plate appeared on the table across from her. A cinnamon bun had appeared on it followed by a person sitting in the chair. She looked up and knew that she was supposed to recognize who it was. The presence was so familiar. The figure was blurry and she couldn't make out the face.

As she sat staring at the person across from her a wave of comfort floated over her. She felt light as a feather; like she could fly. She floated above the table. It felt so good to let go of the things that weighed her down.

Guilt crept up on her though. Something inside her head was telling her that she had responsibilities. It was telling her that just letting go wasn't the answer even though it's what she wanted to do. A feeling of despair and desperation washed over her next and she sank back down into her chair. The only thing remaining of her cinnamon buns were just a few tiny crumbs. The figure sitting across from her morphed into a clear version of Alistair. Kailyn knew she should probably be confused, but it felt perfectly normal. He reached out for her and she offered him her hand. He grasped her hand in his own and lifted his plate offering to give her his pastry.

After he offered his food to her, she suddenly felt very uncomfortable. "I don't need him to feed me. I can take care of myself." she thought. The dream Alistair seemed to read her thoughts. He put down his plate and grabbed her other hand. Wordlessly, he was telling her that it was okay. She would be alright. Pleading with her to let him help. "Even the strongest person needs help," he said aloud.

He dissipated as quickly as he had appeared. The table and her environment was gone too. She was standing in nothingness. She was everywhere and nowhere at once. The faces of people she knew were flashing in front of her. Her mother, then her father, Fergus, Arianne, Nathaniel, Alistair. They were speeding up now. The faces were becoming nameless. People she had seen in the market, at parties, passersby. Then the last face appeared. It didn't go away as quickly as the others. This face stared at her, bore into her soul. She knew who it was. "Aiden." She began to cry at the sound of her own voice saying his name. "I'm so sorry. I've let you down. I don't know how you can ever forgive me. I'm not the woman you thought I was."

A hand snatched her away from the face staring at her. A hand she knew. Nathaniel stood in front of her. He told her so many things without ever speaking. He told her that he would always be there for her, he didn't mean the things he had said. He told her that even though his feelings for her will never be reciprocated he would do whatever she asked of him.

Then he started apologizing for the things he would do in the future. "It doesn't matter, Nate" she screamed in her head. His voice pushed hers away, demanding that he was heard. Nathaniel was telling her that he was going to do some things he knew she wouldn't agree with. He told her that he would probably never see her again. He was apologizing over and over to her. Kailyn didn't even know about the things he was apologizing for. It was insistent in her head. He was desperate for her to hear his apologies.

Her head was full with so many things and just when she felt her brain would explode, she woke up.