Part 4

Elizabeth did not sleep well that night, she had tossed and turned as tears slipped out from under her fiercely shut eyelids. As she dressed, straight out from her bath she shook her head remembering the state she had back to the room in.

Elizabeth ran the last part to her room and only then, when she knew she was safely behind closed doors did she start to sob, her chest feeling so confined that she could hardly breathe. Clutching her stomach she walked hastily over to her bedroom and sat down at her cabinet watching as tears streamed down her flawless face. Her face looked pained and though no one would know it apart from herself, her heart was aching, unsure of whether to jump for joy at the fact that he may feel something more than friendship for her or that nothing was going to change, that it would now be the torment of her dreams, forever wondering what could have been.

The door creaked open but she did not look up, ashamed that she was already crying, only being here not even a whole day.

"Oh darlin, what happened?" her friend said as she came up to her, wrapping her arms around her in comfort.

Elizabeth's face scrunched up as more tears slipped out "I'm being ridiculous Cathleen"

Cathleen rubbed her arms as she looked at her through the mirror "I'm sure yer not, now come on, tell me what happened" she said in a gentle and kind tone.

Looking down and meddling with anything on her table Elizabeth spoke "He said… he said that he would miss me, that he would miss my smile and that it was those things that kept him going through out a day, a week" she said before spinning around and looking at her friend face to face "Oh Cathleen I was stubborn and stupid. He was going to say those words but then stopped. I forced him to tell me and now look what I have done! I have caused myself and most likely him more pain" she said as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Cathleen looked at her with sympathetic eyes and brushed her tears away "I'm sure ye haven't but let's not think about that now, it's far too late. Now come on let me help you out of yer dress and let's get you into bed"

After that command Elizabeth had said nothing only following Cathleen's gentle orders until she was safe in her bed.

"Are ye feelin' better this mornin'?" Cathleen asked as she picked out a pale blue dress, the long arms made of pure lace.

Elizabeth smiled and nodded "I will be fine" she said as she and Cathleen slipped the dress over her corset. Cathleen buttoned it up at the back before making her walk over to the chair so she could pin up her drying hair.

"So what are ye planning to do today?"

Elizabeth replied as she watched Cathleen pin it up "Well I have lunch with Thomas and some others most likely, at 12, apart from that I haven't a clue" she said as Cathleen quickly finished her hair.

"The Titanic is stopping at Queenstown this mornin and then by afternoon we should be off towards America!" Cathleen said excitedly and Elizabeth laughed "Oh don't ye worry Elizabeth, once we get te America I assure ye it'll be grand!" her Irish accent rolling off her tongue broadly as she said 'grand'

Elizabeth smiled as she stood and turned around hugging the taller woman "Oh what would I do without you Cathleen"

"Oh a tough girl like yerself would be fine, although I'd think journey's like this would be as dull as anythin'" she said chuckling.

Elizabeth smiled as they separated "Where is Phillip this morning?" she asked as she walked over to put her shoes on.

Cathleen followed her with her eyes and replied "He met a few folks last night down in third class and has gone down te spend some time with them this mornin"

Elizabeth smiled and nodded "Well would you like to join me on a morning walk if you have nothing left to do?" Elizabeth asked kindly.

Cathleen shook her head but appreciated the offer her mistress gave her "No thank ye, I'm feeling a little queasy. It's probably just sea sickness but I'd rather just stay here and rest it off. But ye go and have a nice lunch"

Elizabeth bit her lip contemplating whether she should stay with her friend but Cathleen quickly started shooing her out of the door making them both laugh. So when she opened the door the door coming face to face with Thomas her shock over took her and the laughing immediately ceased.

"Thomas" she said quietly as she stared at taller man in front.

"Mr Andrews" Cathleen bowed politely as Thomas's intense gaze separated itself from Elizabeth's.

"Cathleen! Its good to see you, I hope you are well?" he asked kindly.

"Yes sir, thank ye sir. And yerself Mr Andrews?" she inquired as Elizabeth stood there, speechless, just staring at him unconditionally.

Thomas's gaze flicked to Elizabeth's for a second before looking back at Cathleen "I am well. Thank you for asking" he voice kind and appreciative before turning his attention back to the beautiful woman next to her.

Snapping out of her intense stare Elizabeth finally found her voice "I thought we agreed 12? Did I hear wrong?" she asked confused.

Thomas smiled "No, no no, not at all. I just wondered if you would like to take a morning walk with me. The weather is splendid and I hoped you might join me, we could talk over old times and ugh well…" he paused trying think of other things while causing the two women smile "Ugh yes well and things friends generally tend to do on a walk I suppose" he finished awkwardly making Elizabeth chuckle.

"Sounds interesting to me" she teased as he blushed.

"Will you then? Join me i mean?" he asked cautiously, his nerves piling up in his stomach as if he were a scared little school boy again.

Smiling gently she looked over his nervous form and couldnt resist, it would be cruel to decline him... or was that just an excuse? Shaking her thoughts she nodded "Of course"

Offering his arm gently "Shall we go then?" he asked softly.

Elizabeth nodded before looking at her friend "Will you be alright Cathleen?"

Cathleen smiled encouragingly "Yes, ye go and enjoy yerself" she finished with a wink which earnt her a scowl from Elizabeth and a slightly confused look from Thomas.

They walked in silence at first letting the hustle and bustle of more new passengers surround them. Looking at Elizabeth with shy eyes Thomas spoke "Elizabeth, last night, forgive me if…"

Letting go of his arm immediately Elizabeth turned and faced him, holding up her soft elegant hand "Stop right there" she said exasperated "Don't even speak… Thomas what happened, what was said was my fault, not yours, so please let us forget it?"

"But…"

"Please…" she begged.

Thomas saw the pleading in her eyes and sighed, he would not win she was far too stubborn he knew "Alright, it never happened.

Smiling softly Elizabeth took his arm again "Thank you"

As they continued to walk he shook his head in thought "America… You…" he trailed off.

Elizabeth looked up at him gently and nodded, knowing what he meant.

Continuing he looked at her "I can't believe it, don't want to I suppose" he said sadly and Elizabeth turned away from his gaze unable to handle the emotions she would see in his soft brown eyes.

"You'll see me again someday, possibly" she replied as a small boy rushed past them.

"You will be in America its hardly across the road" he exasperated and Elizabeth laughed.

"Maybe, but the ship could, will even, have you in America in just a couple of days. Maybe you could visit me every once in a while" she suggested softly, not daring to look into his eyes "That is only if you wish to" she quickly added looking at him.

Looking at her nervous composure he smiled "I would be delighted if you accepted my company every once in a while"

Her heart leaping she tried keep her beaming smile at bay "Well it is settled then, you have to visit me at least once!"

Thomas laughed "It is indeed a deal then" he said before they jokingly shook hands, but as soon as skin touched skin Elizabeth's heart stopped, the soft sensation of another's skin against their own sending shivers down each other's spine.

Clearing her throat Elizabeth took her small soft hand out of Thomas's strong yet gentle larger one. Covering up the moment Elizabeth smiled and started walking again only to stop and look at him curiously when he did not follow her.

Thomas who was still in a trance snapped out of it when Elizabeth looked back at him, her piercing eyes smiling with kindness. She knew. This journey, this one trip to America would test everything they knew. Every barrier, every emotion, all of it and more would be tested. It was being tested even now yet there she stood, her heart open to him, maybe not completely and certainly not in the way he wished and dreamed it could be, but the love of a friend and a close one at that stood before him and that he would always treasure.

He smiled and walked forward, Elizabeth gently reaching out and taking his arm once again "This is going to be a hard trip isn't it?" he asked quietly yet is tone slightly teasing.

She smiled and nodded "Oh definitely" she bantered.

It confused her she thought, how one minute they could be at each other's throats, begging and pleading each other not to broach the subject or were looking at each other with such lust and then next they were joking about it. Maybe it was easier to tease and joke rather than accept the heart wrenching truth. To accept that so many tears she had shed for him, so many sleeps snatched away from her because of him and every day at least once she would imagine his lips on hers, the sensation of his hands on her skin, oh how it tortured her.

Yet here she stood friend and confidante to him through it all. She wanted to breach the barrier climb over them and claim him for herself… what a thought and a stupid one no doubt, her eyes trying to concentrate on the people in front of them as they walked.

Looking down at the woman on his arm he scrutinised her face, trying desperately to find some sort of inkling to what was running through her mind and entertaining her thoughts so thoroughly. And once again the daunting dread and realisation that in less than a week she would be gone, out of his life forever hit him...