Emily bit her nails nervously as she shakily held her phone against her ear praying for the blonde to answer.
"Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up," she begged quietly as she paced back and forth. Finally a beep came through and she sighed before leaving a message.
"Hey Jay," she mumbled, "It's me. I um, Hotch was shot today and he's in surgery at the moment and…" she trailed off. Taking a deep breath she rattled off her next statement quickly while struggling to get her tears and emotions under control.
"The worst part about all of this—like him being shot wasn't enough—is that I was the one who found him and I don't know I saw him lying there fighting for his life and I ended up confessing my feelings for him," she cried. Emily hastily wiped her tears away before groaning loudly. "JJ, I told him everything I told you and then some and I watched as his eyes widened in fear as I kept talking. It was like I couldn't stop. He was most likely lying there in pain thinking to himself this may be my last moments on Earth and you want to make it worse by telling me how you feel?"
Emily slid down the wall she was leaning on until she was crouched down. "Then to top it all off, right before he lost consciousness he looked at me and started to say my last name!" Emily couldn't control the tears any longer. She didn't care if the people walking by were looking at her strangely, she just couldn't hold it in anymore. "I told him I loved him and he was starting to call me Prentiss! PRENTISS!" she yelled.
After taking a deep breath again and looking at her surroundings Emily whispered into the phone. "Are you hiring? I can't look at him and not feel like I want to drive full speed into a wall repeatedly. I—" Emily looked up and saw the doctor coming out to talk to the group. She stood up and practically ran towards him. "I gotta go JJ. I'll call you back." With that she hung up and stared at the doctor anxiously. Morgan glanced at her and noticed the faded tear streaks on her cheeks and without any hesitation, the dark agent grabbed her hand and squeezed tightly. Emily shot him a look of thanks.
"He's going to be fine," the doctor finally said. "He's resting now. He's been drifting in and out for about the last twenty minutes but I didn't want to come down until one of you would be allowed to go up. Now is there an Agent Prentiss here?" he asked as he looked at each member.
Emily's hand slowly drifted up. "Me."
The young doctor's eyes landed on her. "You can go first Agent, he's been asking for you."
Emily felt the nausea bubble up into her throat. She couldn't go up there yet. She was no where near ready to see the man who unknowingly broke her heart. She couldn't see him yet in another hospital bed looking vulnerable knowing that he didn't want or need her help. Knowing that he didn't want or need her.
She shot Rossi a look then looked back at the doctor. "Dave," she pointed to the older man, "can go first."
Dave was about to protest before Emily's eyes locked onto his and he saw worry and fear running through hers. She wasn't ready to see Hotch and Dave had a feeling there was more to it then he had been shot, but all he did was nod then head after the doctor.
Before Emily even thought about it she released Morgan's hand and headed towards the exit. She ignored Reid calling lightly after her. Emily walked through the sliding doors then leaned against the wall. The bricks felt cold along her back, seeping right through her thin shirt.
He was going to be okay, she thought to herself. They got the bullet out and he was alive. She released a sigh of relief and then felt more tears rush from her eyes. She was relieved that he was alright, the last thing she wanted was for something to happen to him, but a small part of her started to panic over how working with him was going to play out. Could JJ get her a job? Should she switch to a new department? Could she really give up her family and the job she loves because she was embarrassed? Emily began to wonder if she could slip away from the team before Hotch was even allowed back in the office. After wiping her face for what felt like the hundredth time that day Emily knew she was being ridiculous. Yes she acted without thinking and yes she felt like a giant loser, but Emily knew she could never give up on her job because of that. Deep down Emily knew that Hotch would let her confession slide by and act like nothing was ever said. That's the type of guy he was.
Emily pouted slightly before banging her head against the wall once. She was going to have to find a way to get over him, but she had no clue on how to go about that and that above all else had her the most upset. She had spent hours, days, months, years thinking about how things could be different between them. Emily used to think of the day they'd first kiss, and now all that thinking was for nothing and she was going to have to get those stupid silly teenage fantasies out of her head. Then again, she knew no box inside of her brain was big enough for that.