A/N: The usual disclaimer applies. I own nothing.

Chapter 9

If you had told Jane Rizzoli that one day she would drive to her best friend's house and beg her to take her words back—the words that had broken her heart—she would have arrested you for misleading a police officer.

Or at least put you on a 24-hour psych hold.

Never in her life had Jane chased after a man. They chased after her, and she sometimes let them, but to follow them home and beg for a second chance? That was unthinkable.

But, as it turned out, she was willing to do just that for Maura Isles.

It had taken every ounce of strength Jane had to do it. To drive over to Maura's house and open herself up—for the second time in as many hours—to the emotional pain. But Maura's words about being afraid that Jane would leave her stuck in her mind and she couldn't let it go. She was hurt and angry, but held out hope that this thing, whatever it was, that she had with Maura, might not be over.

Of course, Jane Rizzoli, being a homicide detective and a grade-A badass, couldn't beg for her second chance like anyone else. She briefly considered getting down on her knees on Maura's doorstep and letting the tears, which—much to her utter shame and humiliation—were constantly pricking at her eyes these days, stream down her cheeks.

Instead, she barged into Maura's house with as much confidence as she could muster, and simply refused to leave.

Her heart was pounding so hard she was pretty sure that even Bass, hiding in the kitchen, could hear it. But she pretended that she was as calm as ever, and stared at the blank television screen while Maura stared at her.

"Jane, I know you deserve an explanation but—"

The detective's eyes briefly met the doctor's, and then zoomed back in on the TV.

Maura took a deep breath. "I need some time."

"I told you, I'm not leaving. Take as much time as you want." Jane's tone was defiant, almost unforgiving, and her heart was sinking. She couldn't believe Maura was asking for more time.

"No—I want to talk to you tonight, I really do. But I just had a long conversation with my mother and I've been crying pretty much ever since I left the office."

A twinge of guilt flashed through Jane; she hated it when Maura cried, especially when she was the cause of it. But she held her breath and didn't say anything.

"I just need some time to pull myself together. Will you wait while I take a shower and get cleaned up?"

"Of course." Jane reached for the remote, and Maura walked out of the room but came back seconds later.

"Jane, wait, I—I don't want to leave before saying this."

Jane pushed the mute button on the remote and looked up expectantly at the doctor standing on the opposite side of the room.

"I need help." Maura twisted her fingers nervously, wincing as she met Jane's eyes.

"Help? Help with what?" Jane furrowed her brow in confusion.

"Jane, I want things to work out between us. With us. I love you, and I want us to be together. But it means I have to make some changes; changes that scare me and that I might not be able to make on my own. And as my mother just pointed out to me—rather embarrassingly, I might add—I am apparently not good at asking for help."

Maura took another deep breath. "I'm asking you for help, Jane. I need your help."

Jane stared, open-mouthed. Then she launched herself off the couch and practically leapt across the room, stopping herself just in time to stand in front of Maura without actually touching her. Raising her arms, she said breathlessly, "Can I hug you? Is it okay?"

Maura just nodded, and then let herself be folded into Jane's arms.

"Of course I'll help you, Maura. I love you. I know this is hard, but we're in this together, I promise."

Maura found herself unable to speak; she just clung to Jane and felt relief wash over her. After several long minutes, she pulled back and extricated herself from Jane's grasp in order to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Okay, I really need a shower now. Then, we'll talk. Don't let me try to get out of talking about it, okay?"

"I'll be waiting right here."

Maura returned to the living room an hour later looking infinitely better. She had traded in her tank top for a pair of clean silk pajamas in a powder blue color and put her still-damp hair into a loose ponytail. Jane switched off the TV and put her arm around Maura's shoulders as the doctor leaned against her.

"Feel better?" Jane's voice was soft, and Maura found it enormously comforting.

"Yes, thank you. And thank you for waiting."

"No problem." Jane was silent for a moment, and then asked, "You said something about wanting to talk?" Now her tone was expectant, inquisitive. She now knew that Maura needed her to push, but she didn't know how hard.

"I know you think I was just avoiding you for the past seventeen days, but I really was trying to figure things out. I have pages and pages of badly written ramblings—addressed to you—on my office desk to prove it."

"Are they written on notepaper, or stationery?"

"Very funny, Jane." Maura poked Jane in the leg, and the detective chuckled. "I actually find writing very cathartic, and it helps me order my thoughts."

"So—what are these thoughts?"

Maura exhaled. There was no putting it off any longer. "You remember how I said that I didn't have sex with Brock?"

Jane felt herself blushing, and hoped Maura wouldn't notice. "Okay, that is definitely not what I expected you to say, but yes, I remember. I believe I was—and am—very grateful to know that."

"It's not that I didn't find him attractive, Jane—"

"Maura!"

The doctor winced. "Okay, sorry. You see, I have a strict five-date rule. No sex until the fifth date."

"Good to know."

Maura continued on as if Jane hadn't spoken. "I learned a long time ago that I have certain, um, assets, that men find attractive."

"You mean, your boobs."

Now it was Maura's turn to blush, and she cleared her throat. "Yes, that's what I—don't you dare judge me Jane Rizzoli, I've seen you staring at them more than once."

"Hey, I'm not denying it. You have really nice legs, too. And—"

"Jane! We are getting off topic here."

"Hey, you were the one who brought it up! But I'm sorry—go on."

"Anyway," Maura began again, "I know that men find me physically attractive, but I have to make sure that they can put up with my, shall we say, idiosyncrasies, before I will engage in physical relations with them."

"Okay, that sounds like a good policy. Where are you going with this, Maura?" Jane's voice betrayed her frustration.

"Most men don't make it to the fifth date, Jane. I have lots of first and second dates, but usually that's it. And I'm ashamed to say that most of those that do make it—that far—don't make it much further. Even if the sex was good," Jane blushed again, and shifted her position uncomfortably as Maura continued, "it still didn't last. I mean, I've only had two serious relationships in my whole life."

"Maura, sweetie, I still don't see what you are getting at here."

Maura took a deep breath. "I was afraid—I still am afraid—that if we dated, you would end up getting tired of me just like they did."

"But we get along so well, Maura! And we always have. I mean, if I was a guy, I would have made it way past the fifth date test, right?"

"I know, but crossing the line from friendship to romance changes things. You never know what will happen."

"Of course you never know—but sometimes you have to just jump in and hope for the best."

"I know. But that's hard. For someone like me, anyway." Maura's voice sounded small, and a flash of understanding went through Jane's mind. She tightened her arm around Maura's shoulder, running her hand up and down her arm, hoping that her touch would convey that understanding.

"But what about Garrett and the professor guy? Didn't you break up with them? They didn't get tired of you."

"That's true, but there were other complications in those cases."

"Like?"

"Ultimately, I decided that I couldn't be with Garrett or Philip for the same reason—I was afraid of being the weak member of an unequal relationship."

"What? You are anything but weak, Dr. Isles," Jane snorted.

"But I never felt like I was really equal to either of them. Garrett was so much wealthier, and so much better connected socially than I was. And Philip was twenty years older than me—a tenured professor who had once been responsible for grading my work. It just seemed untenable."

"Okay, I can see that, but what does that have to do with us? You wouldn't be the weak partner. If anything, I would be the weak one. I'm the one who didn't go to college, and has no money, and basically wears a uniform to work. You're way out of my league—"

Jane stopped and felt panic rising in her throat. "Oh. You were worried that our relationship wouldn't be equal because I wasn't good enough for you."

Maura sat up so that she could see Jane's face. "No! Jane, I've told you so many times, I don't care about money and social connections. I don't even care about your clothes. I was worried that we would have an unequal relationship because I wasn't good enough."

"You are crazy, Maura. Like, certifiable."

"Jane. You are gorgeous. You think I don't see the way men look at you? And don't get me started on the women." Maura rolled her eyes. "You are strong, and confident, and you're the best homicide detective in the city. Everyone likes you. Everyone just . . . tolerates me and my awkward ramblings."

Jane stared in disbelief. "This is really what you think?"

Maura nodded, looking down at her lap.

"You're wrong, Maura. I don't know how I'll prove it to you, but I will. You are every bit as good as me, if not more. We are equals in this."

Maura looked into Jane's eyes and almost believed her. Almost. "I'll try to believe that. That's as much as I can promise right now. But there is still something else I want to tell you."

"Okay, hit me with it."

Maura smiled, relieved at Jane's patience. "You know that I can't lie, right?"

"Yes, or you go all vaso-vegetable or something."

Maura narrowed her eyes at the detective, who smirked. "Vasovagal. I faint. So, when I need to, I just hide behind words so that I don't have to tell the truth. I thought I was pretty good at it, but apparently my mother has known I've been doing this since I was a teenager." Maura narrowed her eyes once again, and looked at Jane quizzically. "Did you know it too?"

Jane cringed. "Are you going to be upset if I say yes?"

"No, I suppose not." Maura sighed. "In any case, I've been hiding something from you. You said earlier in the office that you, um, want me?"

Jane reddened. "Um, yeah. Like, a lot."

"Well, I've felt that way about you for a long time. A very long time. A lot longer than seventeen days. I wouldn't go as far as to say seventeen months, but seventeen weeks is probably about right."

"Wow. Really? I mean, sometimes I thought there was something going on, but, wow, you really are good at hiding things."

Maura nodded. "Why do you think I kept begging you to go to yoga with me, even though all you ever did was interrupt and clown around? The first time I saw you in yoga pants and a sports bra—" Maura hestitated. "Well, I don't want to tell you what I thought about."

Jane chuckled. "That makes me feel a little better about some of the things I've been thinking about for the past few weeks."

"It's so embarrassing, Jane. Every time you put your hair in a ponytail all I can think about is kissing your neck." Maura ran her fingers lightly against Jane's neck, and then behind her ear. "And right here, where there are a few stray hairs that look so soft—"

Jane's breath quickened, and she closed her eyes as Maura continued to stroke her neck.

"You see, Jane?" Maura's voice was barely a whisper in her ear. "That's how I felt, all the time. It was driving me crazy."

"I can see how that would be, um, frustrating." Jane cleared her throat, and Maura dropped her hand and rested her head on Jane's shoulder.

"But it wasn't just about the physical attraction, either. I wanted to be with you all the time. I constantly think about you—things to say to you, things to ask you, things to do for you and with you. We were together so much, and once I even overheard Detective Crowe call me your little sidekick."

"What? He's a jackass. You know that."

"I know. But I didn't want to scare you off by being too needy. So, the reason I was avoiding you for the last seventeen days was because I was having a very hard time controlling myself around you. The intensity of these feelings was so great that it made me anxious. I just couldn't imagine what would happen if I gave into them and then they weren't reciprocated, or if I lost you. I was becoming so dependent on you, and I have always been an independent person. It scared me."

"But why didn't you think I would reciprocate? Especially after that night—you know . . . when I kind of . . . felt you up."

"I was still afraid that I felt more for you than you did for me. And every other little thing that could go wrong kept popping into my head. What if you didn't want to tell your parents. What if the guys at work gave you a hard time so you broke it off. What if your attraction to me was just temporary and you decided you preferred men instead. There were just so many 'what ifs.'"

Jane sat in silence for a few long moments, processing everything Maura was saying. Then, inexplicably, she began to chuckle. That low throaty chuckle that made her eyes turn up at the corners.

Normally, Maura loved Jane's laugh. But this time she was just confused, and the look on her face showed it.

Seeing Maura's uncertainty, Jane said, "Sweetie, don't you see? You have just managed to take seventeen days to agonize about the most basic problem in all new relationships. You're scared of putting yourself out there and being rejected. We all have our reasons for being afraid. I just about puked on the way over here, I was so scared you were going to sic Bass on me and tell me you never wanted to see me again. Everyone feels like this—it's what dating is all about."

"This is why I need help, Jane. I am not good at this. Not at all." Maura tried to cover her face in her hands, but Jane quickly pushed them away and cupped Maura's cheeks with both of hers.

"Of course I'll help you. And you'll help me. We'll figure it out, one day at a time. Stop thinking so much, you blasted genius." Jane held Maura's gaze until the doctor smiled, and Jane leaned forward to place a tentative kiss on her lips. Maura reciprocated eagerly and soon both women were lost in the heat of each other's mouths and the feeling of relief that they were both finally on the same page.

Somehow, Maura ended up straddled across Jane's lap and the kisses became more and more intense. Eventually though, Maura pulled away, breathing hard. "Jane, I think we have one more thing we need to talk about."

"Hmm? What's that?" said Jane into Maura's neck.

"Sex."

Jane looked up, blushing yet again.

"I think it is adorable that you blush every time I say the word 'sex,' Jane."

That only made Jane blush even harder, which made Maura kiss her, and after a few minutes she had to pull away again.

"Studies show that couples who talk about sex are more likely to have a fulfilling sex life. So what do you think?"

"About sex? That we should definitely have some." Jane's voice was lower and sexier than Maura had ever heard it, and her eyes were dark with arousal.

"I agree—but, tonight?"

Jane looked at the clock on the wall and groaned. "It's two in the morning. I have to be at work in six hours. I guess not tonight. Can we wait until Friday night? That's only forty-eight hours or so. A lot shorter than seventeen days."

"Friday sounds perfect." Maura snuggled against Jane's chest. "Is there anything special that you want me to wear? I already know you like the girls, but is there anything else?"

It took a minute for Jane to figure out what Maura was saying. Then a slow grin spread across her face.

"Did you just refer to your breasts as the girls?"

Maura sat up, looked down at her chest and then back up at Jane, trying to look innocent. "I read fashion magazines, Jane. I know what people call their breasts."

"Oh, I don't doubt that you've heard the slang before, Dr. Isles. But you've just used it wrong, as usual. These girls," Jane said as she began moving her hands from Maura's hips to her waist, asking silently for permission with her eyes—permission that Maura granted with a barely perceptible nod, "these girls are full-grown, and very classy, ladies." Jane cupped the ladies in her hands then, feeling their weight and running her thumbs across Maura's nipples.

Maura's eyes never left Jane's, as she watched the detective explore the curves of her body, running her hands over the heat radiating from the silk pajamas. Her breath short, she reached for the buttons of the silk top and said in a low voice, "do you want me to take this off?"

Jane groaned. "No. Yes. No." She moved her hands back to Maura's waist, and rested her head on Maura's shoulder. "If you take that off I won't be able to wait until Friday."

Maura put her arms around Jane's neck. "Okay. But is there anything you want me to wear?"

"Maura, you could show up in rags and I don't think I would care. But yeah, anything that shows off the ladies." Jane smirked, and put her hands on Maura's breasts again. "Touching your breasts is pretty much all I've been thinking about for the last seventeen days," she admitted in a low voice.

"I can't say I haven't thought about that either," said Maura breathily, before capturing Jane's lips again while Jane continued her ministrations. After a few long minutes, when Jane's lips had once again taken up residence on her neck, Maura added, "Aren't you going to ask me if there's anything that I would like you to wear?"

"What?" Jane pulled away. "You know I don't wear anything fancy, Maura. You don't want me to wear a dress or anything, do you?"

"No, not unless you want to. And I suppose it's too much to ask for you to wear pink—you look so good in pink, Jane, you really do." Maura looked slightly distracted, but then continued. "I was thinking, something more like your white dress shirt, with the collar?"

"Okay, that's not what I was expecting . . . can I ask why?"

Maura looked slightly guilty. "Because whenever you wear it, all I can think about is unbuttoning it and kissing your stomach. And I am dying to have that fantasy come true."

Jane swallowed as Maura's fingers began gliding over her abdomen. Even through her cotton t-shirt the contact was giving her goose bumps.

"You have the most amazing abdominal muscles, and I want to watch them contract when I touch them . . . breathe on them . . ."

Jane groaned. "Maura . . . I don't know if I can wait until Friday . . ."

Maura removed her hands and took a deep breath.

"Right, Friday. Two days. It's not really that long."

"Nah, I'm sure it'll go by really fast, right?"

"Right."

Neither woman sounded convinced.

"I love you, Maura."

"I love you, too, Jane. Now let's go to sleep."