The Feast and the Black

"So, tell me something," Marlene, a girl with curly brown hair and dark eyes, asked interestedly, stabbing at a potato with her fork. "Do all guys make complete pigs out of themselves when they eat?"

At the same time, James and Sirius looked up from their heaping plates of food, forks still halfway to their mouths. Considering the question for a moment, the latter decided that it wasn't worth the time and just shrugged, continuing to shove select favorites from the feast into his mouth. James, however, smirked and replied cheekily, "Of course not. Take a look at Moony and Wormtail over there. Dainty little things when they eat, they are."

Swallowing, Sirius added eagerly, "It's kind of pathetic, really. Quite feminine."

Remus and Peter had looked up at this, Peter looking as if he couldn't decide whether to laugh or to protest the idea that he was at all feminine or dainty. In the end, he settled with turning to look helplessly at Remus, as if relying on him to be the first to speak. After a moment of watching their two best friends with a look of disgust, said boy replied dryly, "Well, I suppose we can't all be like the two of you, gorging yourselves with as much food as possible in some sort of competition when we all know you're both going to end up being sick all night over it, anyway. As brilliant of a plan as that sounds, I think I'll stick with being feminine and not having that kind of experience on the first night back."

Feeling encouraged, Peter gave a little laugh. "It makes a great memory, though, doesn't it?" he smirked. "You remember last year, right?"

"You mean when the entire dormitory was kept awake by the sound of them vomiting in the other room? Why yes, unfortunately, I do remember that," Remus grinned at the embarrassed looks on the other two Marauders' faces. Obviously, they could remember the night just as well as everyone else, if not better.

"Like I said," Marlene laughed lightly, turning her attention back to her girls, "guys are disgusting. Well, most guys, anyway."

"I resent that!" Frank Longbottom called to her from further down the table where he sat with his girlfriend, but he was laughing.

Leaning forward a bit in his seat, the trademark smirk came onto Sirius' face. He would recognize the giggle of the girl sitting on Lily's right anywhere. One glimpse of the familiar bleach blond hair was all it took for the comment to fall so easily from his tongue: "What are you laughing at, Blondie?" Pale blue eyes instantly narrowed, turning to fix themselves upon him, a thoroughly deadly look on the young woman's porcelain face. Next to her, Lily and Angel exchanged amused looks, not that they would dare let their friend catch them.

"Nikki hates that, you know," the latter reminded him. "How many times have we told you that?"

"Way too many for me to keep track of," he admitted proudly, "and she has no one to blame but herself! I mean, come on, you're so cute when you're miffed about something." Nicole blinked in surprise, looking as if she didn't at all appreciate her signature look being called 'cute'. Nikki was usually one of the most laid back, fun loving girls you would ever meet, but sometimes even those closest to her would say she could be just plain scary.

It was the look that usually did it, the one that made you feel as though she was looking past you and staring into the very depths of your soul. It was usually enough to make anyone cringe back, ashamed of whatever it was they had done to deserve such a look, but Sirius didn't seem fazed by it at all. He simply sat there, staring right back at her with a grin on his face. Finally, she gave a small, awkward laugh and looked away, leaving him looking rather proud.

The rest of the feast carried on as usual, the whole room filled with the excited babble of the students as they filled each other in on what all had happened during the summer. So many friends were seeing each other for the first time since school had ended the previous year, and it was easy as always to pick the new first years out of the crowd. James and Sirius even seemed to have taken the hint and slowed down a bit, at least until desserts came around. At long last, the evening ended, and everyone was dismissed to head back to their dormitories.

"I'm so exhausted, I'll probably fall asleep as soon as we get back!" Lily was heard telling her group of friends as they filed out of the room. James perked up at hearing her voice, causing the others to laugh.

"I was proud of you earlier, you know," Remus told him teasingly, referring to the train ride. "Who knows, maybe if you keep acting like an actual human being when she's around…" He trailed off with a little shrug, his meaning obvious.

"You just have to let her get to know the real you a little better, instead of trying to show off all the time and coming across as a jerk," Peter added thoughtfully. James looked a little offended at first but then just sighed.

"I know," he admitted, looking as though it hurt his pride to say such a thing. "I don't always mean to look like such an ass, but sometimes things just get out of hand. Maybe I'll have to try tuning it down a little this year. Well. When she's around, that is." He smirked at that last part, nudging Sirius playfully in the side. "What about you, Pads? What amazing woman-killer advice do you have for me?" he teased.

Any witty remark or sexual innuendo was forgotten as a slightly smaller body slammed hard against him, knocking him back a few steps. Whipping around to see who it was who had hit him, he snapped angrily, "Hey! How about next time you look where the hell you're-"

He stopped abruptly mid-sentence, his mouth suddenly too dry to speak. The fourteen year old Slytherin boy in front of him was glaring back coldly, with so much anger and hate shining in his eyes, eyes the exact same shade of grey as Sirius'. They were eyes that were much too bright, much too wet, the expression something that would be burned into him for the rest of his life, he was sure of it.

It was like an invisible fist had closed around his chest and was slowly and painfully crushing his ribcage. It hurt to breathe, his tongue feeling so swollen that he didn't dare try to speak. Then again, what was there that he could possibly say? He had known what he was leaving behind, what he was saying goodbye to, and he had been okay with it. There was nothing left for him at Grimmauld Place, and he had no regrets. Absolutely none.

Except this part. Except him.

Regulus blinked suddenly, the anger replaced with a different emotion completely, one that caused Sirius to let out a soft, barely audible whimper. Biting his lip, the younger turned and hurried off in the direction of the dungeons, shoving other students out of his way in his desperation to put as much space between them as possible.

Sirius was vaguely aware of someone putting their arm around him, and next thing he knew James' voice was right next to him, murmuring, "Come on, Sirius. Let's get to the dormitory."

Sirius. It was odd in a way how strange your own name could sound coming from the lips of your best friend when it wasn't what you were used to them calling you. He must really be out of it if James was resorting to using first names with him. Giving a stiff nod, he started walking, the sudden seriousness of the group extremely unsettling for anyone who passed them.

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"I never told him goodbye."

The mumble took the three boys by surprise, each looking over at the bunk in which Sirius lay staring up at the canopy. He hadn't been himself when they had guided him back here, making up excuses for him that he was just tired and needed to get some sleep as they slipped him up to the dorm. Frank seemed to have seen through that story, though, because he hadn't come up yet, apparently giving them some time together to try to get things sorted out.

Peter began to ask what he meant, but Remus and James both sent him looks that immediately had him shutting up, looking down at his feet awkwardly, looking thoroughly uncomfortable with the situation. Tentatively, Remus asked him gently, "Do you think that's why he's mad at you?"

"I didn't even leave a note," Sirius said quietly, closing his eyes. "Our parents would have had to have told him. Merlin knows what spin they put on it. I promised…when we were younger, I promised him that no matter what, we'd always be on the same side. I promised that I wouldn't hurt him."

It wasn't often that Sirius let his walls down for long enough to let anyone in to see what all he was going through, content most of the time with hiding just how sick he was, how messed up everything with his family had made him. He was rarely truly open with anyone about his life, sure that there were only four people who had ever dealt with the real him. Three of them were in the room with him right now, while the other would most likely never speak to him again.

"Do you think Regulus really blames you?" Remus pressed, while James and Peter exchanged worried looks. This was the sort of thing they had learned to leave to their werewolf friend.

"Don't you get it?" Sirius snapped, sitting up suddenly. "I left him there! I left him with those people, and I broke my promise. What do you think's going to happen to him now that I'm not there to protect him? You think they're going to risk having him turn out like me?" He gave a humorless laugh, the thought of what life would be like for his little brother making his stomach twist into an unpleasant knot. "There's a reason he hasn't turned out like the other Slytherins yet, and that's because I've been there his whole life fighting for him, trying to make him see how sick and wrong the family is. Without me there…"

"Sirius, you needed to get out of there," Remus said firmly, interrupting him. "You did the right thing. Staying there would have killed you."

"And now it'll do so much worse to Reg," Sirius whispered, looking pained. Silence fell between the four of them once again, none of them exactly sure what the right words were, or if there were any for a situation like this one. Looking around at all of them, Sirius gave himself a mental shake, clearing his throat before adding much more boldly, "Look, I don't want to advertise my personal life and have it out there on display for everyone, but if I seem a little out of it for the next few days, you'll know why. Just…don't make a big deal out of it, okay?"

"It's not going to stay a secret that you ran away this summer," Peter squeaked nervously, half expecting the older boy to snap at him. Instead, he just smiled weakly.

"I'm okay with people finding out that I ran away," he said with a sigh as he laid back down, chewing on his bottom lip. "What I'm not okay with is people finding out that it bothered me."

"And what about Reg?" James asked quietly. "What are you going to do about him?"

Sirius didn't answer. Whether it was because he didn't feel like talking anymore or because he honestly didn't have an answer, none of them could really tell.

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Regulus has become sort of a favorite character of mine lately. I think far too little attention is given to him and his relationship with Sirius, and just how sad of a life he really led...

CREDIT FOR NIKKI RONNON GOES TO MY SILVER GUARDIAN! 3 She'll be in it more in chapters to come, I promise.