CHAPTER FIVE: IMPOSSIBLE

Home?

Luke had never thought of home as an actual place.

He had been running for almost all of his life and yet he had never had a home, a place where he truly belonged. When he was but a boy, he was trapped in the care of some mad woman. He never had friends, he was different. He could see things no other kids could. He could do things no one else could. He was lost and there was no one to guide him on his way. His father was never there. His mother wasn't really there. No one cared and that wasn't home.

He thought he found a home in Thalia and Annabeth. His time with them made him feel welcome. The three of them, the two girls who understood him and were like him, they were his only family. They fought and they travelled, but even then, Luke was never home. A life running with two people who just knew what it was like was all he was living for? No, there had to be something else. He knew there was something else, something better, for a life running wasn't home.

Camp seemed like home for a while. He had an actual sense of purpose at camp. But it still wasn't enough for him. All the training and fighting for meagre battles and wars, all of which that were fought by different heroes before? Luke was a thief but he knew he was better than stealing someone else's glory. He wanted his own, he wanted to be recognized as himself, he wanted his own legacy. Camp wasn't home.

When Calypso said for him to go home, his life flashed before his eyes. His childhood, his adolescence, his dreams of Kronos and glory, the wars that he had spurned himself, the enemies made and the alliances he formed – all of which to satisfy his own need for a greater glory for himself. A greater glory of people bowing at his feet, marvelling at his accomplishments and wanting to be like him – that's where he thought he would be home. For years, that was all that crossed his mind and that was what he wanted. He wanted to be Luke Castellan, the one who overpowered the gods. He wanted to be Luke Castellan, greatest warrior ever known. He wanted to be Luke Castellan, the one who lived a life worth living. He wanted glory and power and he stopped at nothing to get it. At the time, he felt that the means justified the ends. The lives lost were lives that would be counted as lives that needed to be sacrificed in order to achieve a better world – a world he built in his design and under his rule.

By a little word that a beautiful girl uttered, probably meaning no harm by it – Luke's entire world, entire life, crashed down on him like a landslide. He was building a world in hatred towards his father, an emptiness inside that nothing could fill, a loathing towards those who had what he wanted and a merciless outlook on everyone who was not him and was not for him. All the lives lost, all the broken souls, all the pain felt and all the anguished cries.

All of the fire he felt before came back but haunted him in a place that was not his physical shell. Fire was drilling his memories, burning into everything that he's done. He had destroyed nearly everything and everyone who never harmed him, who were trying to stop him from harming anyone else.

"Have I said something?" he heard her say but he could not see her. All he saw was the death and destruction. All he saw was the pain he had inflicted, the demolition he had caused, and it was all him. He remembered everything in perfect detail and he couldn't take it.

His eyes dilated and he started taking long deep breaths. The entire island of Ogygia vanished from sight and all he could see was fire and blood in his head. Blood on his hands and fire in his eyes – he could see the fear in the eyes of people before he destroyed him. He sunk down on his knees, eyes still open. Everything was coming into full view and he couldn't bear it. It was too much, it was all too much.

Calypso was by his side in an instant, he felt her arm around him, and she started whispering soft apologies and sweet nothings. Things he didn't deserve to hear, after everything he's done. He tried pushing her away, threatening her – just to make her go away before he hurt her like he hurt everyone else. She didn't let go, she didn't leave and she just stayed, trying to keep him steady and sane. He screamed and thrashed around, fully aware and awake of everything – but she would not move. She was still holding him, trying to calm him, soothing him with her words. She didn't want anything from him, she only wanted to help him.

He stopped trying to struggle against her and he just stopped moving. Calypso anchored his weight on her and she led him inside the castle to the bed. She helped him lay down and was about to leave when Luke grabbed her hand. He said nothing and as did she; but, the look in his eyes said everything.

"Stay. Please. Don't leave me. Not now."

She looked at him kindly with her deep, dark brown eyes and smiled. She sat on the bed, her back rested against the headboard. Luke was unaware of what he was doing. He was out of his mind with everything that has been happening. He sat up, despite her urging for him to rest, and he rested his head on her shoulders. She did not push him away, rather she moved her arm to his shoulder to hold him there and her other arm cradled his head as her hand gently stroked his hair. He buried his head into her shoulder and he cried.

It was very unlike him to cry but he needed to. Calypso did nothing but hold him and sooth him with her touch. She rested her head on his and just held him as he cried and screamed. He needed to let all of his thoughts out. He wanted to get away. Calypso only listened, only led him and only waited. She was patient enough for him to do this. He spent what felt like hours just talking to her. She never let go and he never made an action to move away. She was there and she cared. She gave him all the time and attention that he craved. She was as kind as she was beautiful. She didn't judge him; she didn't flinch away even when he mentioned stories with gore and intimate, extraneous detail. She knew he needed this and so she was there.

He cried himself out eventually and he felt himself fall asleep. He felt better, letting all of his frustrations, troubles and memories away. He felt even better that there was someone who was listening, someone who didn't move away. He didn't know how badly he needed that until he did. He woke up from his dreamless sleep to see that she was still there. She was humming to him, stroking his cheek with her hand. Her cheek rested on his head and he saw that his arms were around her waist, holding her tightly. He had never been so vulnerable in his life. He had never been taken care of, he had never felt cared for. He had always needed his guard up; he had always needed to fend for himself. And here she was, holding him as if he wasn't the worst person in the world, taking care of him as if he were a child, protecting him from himself.

She felt him stir and said, "Are you alright, now?"

"I deserved to be punished," he said, as if that answered her question.

"You have been punished enough."

"I've destroyed so much. I've hated so much. Everything is my fault and what if-"

"We all make bad choices, my Renewed One. Some choices fare better than others. With every choice, there is a 'what if'. What if I never joined my father, Atlas? What if I never off- What if you never ran away from your mother? What if you never met Thalia or Annabeth? What if you had won? All of these 'what ifs' are going to be the end of you. If you're too reminiscent of your past, you are going to be blind to your present. When you are blind to your present, you will lose your future." He felt her kiss him at the top of his head and she moved away. He was silent and unmoving, thinking on her words.

He was on that bed and he was starting to think on all the choices he had made and all he wanted was for Calypso to be there. He wanted her to hold him like she did before. She held him together, whether she knew it or not and he didn't want to fall apart again. He got up and made his way outside the cave to look for her. She was on her way back inside and so they crossed paths. She was still in her dress, her hair was still down and she was still as beautiful as ever. She seemed to glow to him in the light and she was glorious.

He stepped closer and she stood still. Their eyes met and they never looked away from each other. He was so close to her now. He moved closer and closer until their faces were inches, centimetres away. He felt her hitch her breath. His eyes were still on hers as his hand reached up to lift her chin and stroke her cheek. Her eyes closed and his lips were so close to her own.

"Thank you," he murmured as her lips parted and he felt her hot, sweet breath on his lips. Their lips almost met as the splashing of the waves of the nearby sea mixed with the sound of her breathing. Her hands were on her sides while one hand cupped her jaw while the other held the small of her back, pulling her closer. So close, so painfully close…

Until Calypso opened her eyes and turned to the side at the last minute. Luke's lips met her forehead and she turned to look at the sea. Her mouth was agape and Luke couldn't help but look at where she was pertaining to.

"That couldn't be," she whispered, mostly to herself. She gently pulled away from Luke's embrace and walked towards the shore. He could only follow and watch where she was watching. From afar, a small figure could be seen. A raft? A boat? He couldn't really tell.

"Impossible."

But it wasn't.