So…chapter 3. The halfway point. I'm planning for this to only be six chapters long…since I divided the song into six parts, if you've been noticing that since the first chapter…ehehe. Actually, it was originally only going to be three or four chapters, but I felt it would progress too fast, so I added more events in the story…I hope it turns out okay _
I know that the characters seem kinda OOC, but I'm trying to picture how they'd all act like once they got into their mid twenties and weren't Teen Titans anymore, how'd they be like if they'd gotten over all their teenage problems, like Raven's indifference or Beast Boy's antics. (That's why Raven seems…I dunno, I guess more open and caring, like when she was talking on the phone to Starfire). How would they all be if they suddenly had to learn to live as ordinary people, not superheroes? If they had jobs, or lived in city apartments or in the suburbs, and had to drive cars around or catch the bus instead of fly or teleport…what would that be like?
But since this is only a one-shot, I'm not gonna really get too much into that…it's mostly focused on the one sided Rob/Star relationship, anyway.
Oh yes, I didn't forget! This chapter is dedicated to Sleeping Rain, the first person who reviewed! Yay…and also, thank you to DeathIsOnlyTheBeginin, thanks for your 'writing fuel'! ^_^
Here, once again, are all the aliases: Robin=Richard Grayson, Starfire=Kori Anders, Beast Boy=Garfield Logan, Cyborg=Victor Stone, Raven=Raven (lol..that wasn't necessary), Bumblee=Karen Beecher, Speedy=Roy Harper, Aqualad=Garth, Kid Flash=Wally West
Disclaimer: Teen Titans…not mine.
Go lightly from the ledge, babe
Go lightly on the ground
I'm not the one you want, babe
I will only let you down
-Bob Dylan, It Ain't Me, Babe
Richard was on his motorcycle on his way home, stopping at an intersection. He pulled up next to a red Ferrari, with the driver's side window rolled down. He could hear the passengers' conversation as he waited for the light to turn green. The three voices sounded really familiar…
"…and I'm really hungry, man. When we get to your house, Roy, I'm taking that slice of Boston Cream Pie I saw in your fridge earlier."
"What?!"
"Hey, are you guys even listening to me?"
"…No, not really."
"I said I need advice on what to get Karen for her birthday. I still haven't gotten a gift yet, and--"
"What the hell, Garth? We've been planning it for weeks, and you're waiting only now to get something?"
"Why don't you just ask Vic? He's her boyfriend; he should know what she wants…"
"…Ooook."
"What?"
"….That just sounded so wrong."
He heard the sound of someone getting punched. "Sicko. Anyway, ask Vic, like I said…not like that…Roy, get you're immature mind of the damn gutter. Or if you want my advice, just get her something simple, like a necklace or something…." A pause. " …Hey, wait a minute. You and Roy lived with her for years at the Titans East tower…Why the hell don't you know what she likes?"
"I didn't say I didn't know what she likes, I just said that I didn't know what to get her!"
"…Wait. So you don't know what to get her, but you know what she likes? That doesn't make any sense…"
"You don't make any sense, Wally."
"Roy, shut up."
"Don't tell me you three have been arguing for the whole car ride," Richard interrupted.
The passengers and driver looked outside the driver's window at him.
"Rich!" Wally, the red headed driver exclaimed.
"Hey, you're driving the Harley….what happened to your 'hot' Volvo?" asked Roy, the other red head with shades on in the back seat.
The three laughed as Richard rolled his eyes.
"So…what's up? Where're you going?" asked Garth, the young man with short black hair in the passenger's seat.
"Well…I was kind of heading home--"
"Hey, you should come with us," said Wally. "We're going over to Roy's house."
"Yeah…Vic and Gar were gonna come, too, but Vic wasn't feeling too well, and Gar…what did Gar say he had to do?" asked Roy.
"I dunno…"
"…Didn't he say he had to finish watching the DVDs he borrowed from the video store? He had to return them before they closed tonight," said Garth.
"Well, why didn't he just bring them with him? We all could've just watched them," the driver wondered, confused.
"Wally, what kind of videos do you think Gar watches?" asked Roy.
A long pause…
"…Ewww…" said the other two in unison. Richard laughed.
"Hey, so are you coming or not?" asked the red head in the back.
"Uh, I don't know if I should…"
"Aw, come on, I'm sure Kori wouldn't mind, right?" insisted Wally.
"Yeah, she's nice…unless you follow orders from your girl now…" said Roy, teasingly. "What, does wittle Wobin have to come home when mommy tells him too?"
The two laughed as Garth rolled his eyes. "Don't listen to these two idiots here…if you don't want to, Rich, you don't have to go. And anyway, we know today's your special day with Kori, so…"
The driver was confused. "What special day?"
Garth slapped his forehead. "It's their anniversary, Wally."
"Really? Oh man, sorry about that, uh…yeah, like Garth said, if you wanna head on home, go ahead, we won't stop you…"
The ex-archer had grown unusually quiet. Richard thought about it. Looking at his watch, he saw it was only 7:20. He wouldn't be gone that long, and he was sure Kori was preoccupying herself with her various hobbies. Still, he felt bad for leaving her alone in the house for so long since 1:30. And they were right, it was their anniversary…whether he cared to admit it or not. But every time he thought about it, it made him feel the complete opposite of what he should be feeling. It twisted his stomach into knots and made him a bit nauseous; it was the biggest hurdle he always needed to overcome in this make-believe relationship they had. And his talk with Raven had only seemed to add a heap of guilt onto all that. Hanging out with the guys seemed like exactly what he needed to take his mind off it all…
"Dude, hurry up, the light's about to turn green," Roy called from the backseat.
"You know," started the driver. "I think this is the longest red light I've ever seen."
"That's just because you're always going so fast…with or without your car," Roy commented.
"Um…" Richard started. "Actually, I think I will take you up on your offer. Kori's fine; I'll call to check up on her once we get there."
"You sure?" asked Garth.
"Yeah, we don't want to pressure you or anything," Wally added.
"No, no, it's fine, really. I'll…I'll go with you guys." He swallowed. 'I promise Rae,' he thought. 'I will tell her…just…not tonight.'
"Well…okay, man. If you say so." The driver's eyes flicked upwards as the other stoplight finally changed to yellow. He revved the engine. "See you at the house!"
"Yeah…we'll be inside, waiting!" Roy called tauntingly.
"Oh, don't be so sure you'll get there first," Richard said, playing along.
"Well, we'll see, won't we?" Wally answered back, with a smirk. (Author's note: Wow, that was a lot of W's in that sentence!)
The light changed to green and they were off, speeding down the street.
TT
"…How the hell could you have lost, Wally!"
The four were heading into Roy's house after parking their rides in his garage.
Richard laughed as he watched the two red heads bicker.
"I don't know, Roy--"
"I mean, come on, you own a Ferrari, and you still lost to him!"
"Well, his motorcycle is a hell of a lot smaller than a car…of course he can weave his way in and out of traffic way faster than we ever could!"
"Calm down, Roy," Garth interrupted before it went any further. "It was just a game--"
"But I still cannot believe what just happened….can you?"
"…Uh, yeah."
"Why don't we just…sit down and relax," Richard stepped in. "Like Garth said, it was just a game, just a friendly race...nothing to get excited about…"
Still adhering to their former leader they stopped their arguing and plopped down on the sofa and armchairs, one mumbling to himself, arms crossed. It was a nice house, a two bedroom with enough space to not feel stuffy or crowded but with not too much space to feel awkwardly lonely. It was decorated tastefully enough, not too old but not too modern. The walls were a nice shade of olive green, the hardwood floors a matching mahogany. The place gave off a warm and cozy feel, yet if you took a look you could still tell it was the home of a bachelor. It was only ten minutes away from the city, not too far from its life and excitement yet far enough to have a little peace and quiet. It was perfect for Roy.
"So…" Richard began, looking around the living room. "Your place looks pretty good, Roy. When did the renovations finish?"
"Around last week," he said offhandedly, getting up and walking over to the kitchen.
"It looks entirely different, though," Garth commented.
"It must've taken a lot of money to fix it up," Wally said, taking off his brown jacket.
"Actually, it wasn't so bad," Roy called, opening the stainless steel fridge and taking out a couple of beers. "Ollie knew some people, got them to pull a few strings…you know what I mean." (Author's Note: Green Arrow=Oliver Queen, Roy's mentor from the Justice League when he was younger).
Wally got up. "Need some help?"
"Uh, yeah, could you carry a couple of drinks—" In a flash, Wally ran from the kitchen and back, a complete blur. Before Roy had even stepped out of the kitchen with a bowl of potato chips, the drinks were already sitting on his glass coffee table. Wally was back on the sofa next to Richard, looking as if he hadn't even moved.
"—for me?" Wally laughed as Roy walked back, putting down the bowl. "Sheesh, Wally, at least warn me before you decide to do that; I almost dropped the damn bottles!"
"Even if you had, I would've caught them." He grabbed a beer, popping open the top and putting his feet up on the table.
Roy glared and threw a pillow at him. "Get your feet off!"
Richard chuckled. It was just like old times, just hanging out, either at their Tower on the West Coast or the Titans East's one out in Steel City. He sighed internally. Sometimes he missed those days when they were still carefree teenagers, spending days just fighting crime, none of the boring, everyday things like going to school to be stuck with. They could do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. They lived lives other kids could imagine. Now it seemed as if it was only a dream, and that he'd woken up ten years later to find himself living in the suburbs with a plain, mediocre job, working in an office for a fat, bald man that he never had liked from the get go. When had it all changed? Where had it all gone?
"…What happened to us?" Richard asked absentmindedly, staring at his reflection in the waxed, polished floor.
The other three looked up from a joke Wally was telling them. "What do you mean?" asked Garth.
"What happened to being heroes, to going out and saving people like we used to do? How did we get to be so…"
"…Normal?" Roy finished his sentence.
"Yeah…I mean, we live ordinary lives now. We have to hide our powers, our abilities. We have to change what we look like, how we dress, just to blend in with everybody else…Raven even had to make up an entirely new identity! It's just…" He ran a hand through his hair. "We aren't ourselves anymore. We're entirely different people. I'm just…I'm fed up with having to live a life I never wanted. I don't want to be miserable anymore."
After a long silence, Wally spoke. "Well…I'm happy." Richard looked up. Wally took a swig from his bottle. "I'm okay with my life. I mean, maybe cooking food for hundreds of people every day and night isn't exactly 'superhero' work, but I like my job. Yeah, I know being a chef can be pretty hectic to most people, but it's different for me…it's just at the right speed. I'm always so used to going fast, so it's almost like just moving at normal speed, I don't have a problem with it. And I love to cook, I've loved it ever since I was a kid in Keystone…and being able to share my recipes with so many other people, to see them happy, well it…it makes me happy."
"I am, too, I guess." Richard turned to Roy, who gulped down the last drops from his bottle. Putting it down, he continued, "Okay, well, maybe not at first…it's pretty obvious that out of all of us, I was the one who had the hardest time adjusting to a normal life after the Titans disbanded. I still wanted to fight crime, to catch the bad guys, and I couldn't believe that just because you all thought we were getting too old for it, that we needed to move on and 'pursue our future goals', whatever the hell that meant, that we needed to quit. 'Hell no' was my answer. But no one else seemed to agree with me, I guess.
"So yeah…that's when I hit a dead end. Didn't know what to do with myself, where to go. I mean, Ollie could've given me a job, easy enough, but I didn't want that. I wanted to take care of myself, for once. Thing was…I had no idea where to start. And then...well, you guys pretty much know what happened after that." He laughed, but in a pitiful kind of way.
The others sat silent, listening to Roy talk about his post-Titans history. They all knew it was a touchy subject with him, so it was rare to hear him talk about it so openly. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe he just feel like contributing to this unexpected 'sharing time'. Whatever it was, it was making him talk about the things he hardly ever put out in the open like this.
"Dammit…Even now, I can't believe I sunk so low, to practically becoming the scum that we stood against! I mean, getting addicted to heroin…it's just pathetic…"
"Roy…"
He put a hand up, stopping Garth from giving him words of comfort. "I'm just…I'm just glad I turned my life around, you know? If Raven and Dinah hadn't made me quit, I don't know if I'd be sitting here in front of you guys right now." He let out a sigh. "I'm eternally grateful to those two, for being there for me every step of that withdrawal. Rae does care more than she lets on." (Author's Note: Black Canary=Dinah Drake, another member of the Justice League)
Richard let a small smile slip. He knew what he meant. "But then, after I was clean, I finally started to move on with my life. I still wanted to go out there and help people, though. But now, I had a purpose. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I started out small, as a counselor in different drug recovery programs. And then, I eventually got to the big leagues, trading in my bow and arrows for guns and bullets, working for the government as a drug enforcement agent. And that's how I became the Roy Harper you see today. Maybe not running after costumed criminals, but still cracking down on drug lords here and overseas. I like what I do, and I like my life here in L.A., when I'm off duty. Life is good." He sat back, satisfied with his telling of part of his life story.
"Things haven't really changed for you, though, Garth," Wally pointed out. "You just had to move back to Atlantis, right?"
The Atlantean shook his head. "That was just it, though. Moving back to Atlantis, not just visits anymore but permanent residence once again was the problem. It wasn't as simple as it was supposed to be. Five years is a long time to be away from home, Wally. Things had changed while I was gone. While I was still a teen, before Gar and the others found me when Trident had been causing problems, I was one of Atlantis's superheroes. And then when I joined Titans East, I was a hero on both land and sea. But I couldn't keep up both; I had to choose one. And you know what choice I made. The thing was, when I came back, after all those years, I found Atlantis to be a different place. It didn't need heroes like me anymore. It could take care of itself. So that's where you'd be wrong, Wally. I did have to adjust. I did have to make changes. But it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Atlantis might have changed, but my friends there hadn't. And with their help I've settled, and I even have a fiancé now, as you all know. I must admit, even though I'm not 'Aqualad' anymore, I'm still satisfied with my life."
"So…" Roy started, turning to Richard. "To answer your question…nothing's really happened to us, Rich. Okay, maybe we don't dress up in latex uniforms and kick the asses of every bank robber and villain bent on 'world domination', but we're still…us. We aren't entirely different people. Maybe the way we live our lives is different, but we're still us. And we're still happy."
Richard was silent, taking in everything they'd said, and what Roy had said to sum it all up.
"Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one! And girls they want to have fun…"
Everyone jumped as Wally ran over to his jacket to answer his cell phone. "Hello? Yeah, I'm at Roy's…" He turned and shushed the other red head, who was laughing hysterically, while Richard raised an eyebrow at Wally and Garth just shook his head. "How's Vic doing?" he continued. "Yeah, we heard he was sick…oh, Rich and Garth are here, too." He pulled away for a moment. "Karen says hi."
"Hey Karen!"
"Hey."
"Hah…hah…Hi!" Roy struggled to get out as he was trying to stop laughing and recover his breath.
Wally rolled his eyes as he went back to his cell. "He's okay? That's good…mm hmm…yeah, I'll be there tomorrow, with Gar this time, even if I have to run over to his house, push him out of bed, and drag his sleepy ass all the way to Steel City…haha, yeah, I know…well, I'll see you and Vic tomorrow, then…huh? Oh yeah, I have it in my car. I'll just drop it off at Toni's before I drop off Garth and go home…yup. Okay, bye." He shut his phone and put it back in his jacket pocket. Walking slowly back, he dropped down onto the sofa. (Author's Note: Argent=Toni Monetti, another Teen Titan, but not really one of the main ones from the show…she was just kinda like an honorary Titan, so she's just mentioned)
"S-S-So…" Roy started, trying not to start cracking up again. "…You have a fetish for Cyndi Lauper now?"
Garth chuckled as Wally let out an exasperated sigh. "It's Gar's fault. Me, him, and Rae went out to lunch yesterday, and while I was in the restroom, he thought it be funny to change my ringtone to 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun', and then, to add icing on the cake, he set my phone to French." Roy almost choked on his second beer as he started to laugh again. "So now I have no idea how to get to the language menu to change it back to English. And yeah…now I'm stuck with…that every time my phone rings."
"Why don't you just ask Raven?" Garth asked.
"…What do you mean?"
"She studied French for a while when she was at college after the Titans ended. She might understand some of it."
"But when I asked her, she told me…" He trailed off, eyes widening as Garth caught on, and he too started laughing as Wally shook his head. "Oh, that is cold, Rae…ice cold…"
"Hey," Roy had finally settled down. "Didn't you have to go and drop off the stuff Karen borrowed from Toni?"
"Oh yeah, shit, I almost forgot," Wally said, getting up to grab his jacket.
Roy stared at him in amazement. "…What the hell, Wally? You were just talking about it with Karen on the phone, how could you forget already?"
"Well, trying to defend myself and preserve my manhood kind of took my mind off it," he answered as he slipped his other arm into the sleeve. Garth stood and followed Wally towards the door.
"Give my regards to Kori about your anniversary, Rich!" the red head called back as he opened the front door. "See you guys Saturday!"
"Oh no," Garth remembered. "I still gotta get Karen's present…"
Roy chuckled as the two left. "Right where we started from…" He shook his head as he grabbed the empty bowl and beer bottles, taking them to the kitchen. "You want any more chips, Rich? Or…I have some leftover pizza from lunch, if you want that instead…"
Richard was silent from where he sat on the sofa. Roy peeked out at the living room. "…Rich?"
"Oh, uh…anything's fine with me."
He gave him a look, then shrugged. "Okay…"
Richard leaned back on the sofa, massaging his temples. He was having the worst headache right now, and all he wanted to do was sleep.
Roy came back with chips and pizza in tow. "Here."
"Thanks…"
The red head took a bite of his slice and studied him as he chewed. "You know," he started. "…It's not as bad as you think it is, Rich."
He opened his eyes and slowly turned his head. "…What are you talking about?" he muttered.
"Man, I know what your problem is. It's not so much of a mystery, I mean, everyone else knows how frickin' miserable you always are nowadays…okay, well maybe except for Gar and Wally, but yeah…"
Richard sat up straight, rolling his stiff shoulders back a couple of times. "Well, I'm sorry about what I said. I guess I really am the only one here who hates his life."
"But like I said man, it's not as bad as you think it is." He took a couple of chips from the bowl. They were puffs this time. He threw one at a time into the air and tried to catch them in his mouth.
Richard watched him warily. "…How could you even say that, Roy? It's not as simple as it looks."
Roy grinned as he finally caught one. "Okay…then," he said between bites. He swallowed. "Tell me about it."
Richard sighed, thinking of where to start. "Well, the whole reason I brought up that conversation about, you know, not being heroes anymore is because…I guess I just miss it. Kinda like you were saying you did, except…" He ran a hand through his hair, something he did every time he was stressed out. "It's different for me, Roy. Being a hero, fighting crime, maybe that was something you wanted to do, but for me…it's a part of me, Roy. Since I was a kid, fighting side by side with Batman, patrolling the streets in Gotham…I could've never imagined my life without it. And I really did think it was what I was always going to do, especially when Kori came back that one time from the future and told us all about Nightwing. But apparently, it's not going to happen…"
Roy offered him some chips but he shook his head. "This whole issue about living a normal, 'perfect' life…it has more to do with me just not wanting to be with Kori anymore." Roy looked up. "I don't want to live this life anymore. I want to be on the streets, not in an office. I want to live in the city, not in the suburbs. I want to ride my motorcycle around wherever I want, not a shiny silver Volvo from errand to errand. And I want to be with the person that I want to make happy, not who I feel that I'm forced to make happy."
He looked up at him. "This is what Kori wanted. And…I think it's time I finally stopped giving other people what they want and start doing what I want."
"...It's exactly what the rest of us figured, Rich." Roy took another bite of pizza. "You know, we're your friends. We know you better than you give us credit for."
"But…it's not like how you said, Roy. It's just as bad as I think it--"
"It's not, Rich, and I'll tell you why." He swallowed his last bite. "Okay, so you're finally realizing what we've been trying to get through to you for so long, that this isn't what you want anymore. Yippee. Now that you've gotten over that hill, the question is, what're you gonna do now? Well…you know exactly what you want, so that's not the problem. There's just one thing keeping you from all of that…and I don't think I need to spell it out for you."
He pushed the other slice of pizza towards him. Richard finally took it and began to eat. "…Just tell her, Rich. Tell Kori what you want. I mean…you just admitted that you don't want to be with Kori anymore, which, believe it or not, isn't coming off as a huge surprise to me." Richard looked up, taken slightly aback.
"…Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, just looking at the two of you together now, it's pretty obvious that something's not right. You guys are a young couple living together and have been together for three years now. You should be all over each other, but…there's just this awkwardness, this distance between you guys. Everyone's noticed it, too… but that's beside the point." He leaned forward, closer to Richard. "What I was saying was, you said you don't want Kori anymore…so why is it so hard for you to just talk to her about this? About breaking up and moving on?"
"That's the thing, Roy. Kori, she's…you know how she is. She might be one of the strongest people you and I know, but on the inside she's extremely sensitive and overly emotional. She doesn't take things like this as lightly as the rest of us do. She'd either burst into tears or strangle me and throw me off the roof…I don't like the idea of either one. Okay, so maybe I don't love her in the same way that she loves me, but…" He paused. "She's still one of my closest friends. And I don't want to break her heart."
"Rich…I think you really underestimate how strong, emotionally, Kori is now." He got up to throw away the paper plates and put the bowl in the kitchen sink. "She's not as naïve and innocent as she was when we were younger. She's matured a bit now…and I don't think she'll react the same way as she would've when we were still teenagers." He walked back and sat down. "You can't say that she'll break down that bad until you've told her the truth. Don't try and say you've got her all figured out so easily, Rich. You really don't know what she'll do until you just tell her."
Richard was surprised at the look that was on Roy's face as he defended Kori. He was being serious about this, as if this was something he'd been wanting to say for a long time. Richard had had a sneaking suspicion about Roy's feelings for the alien princess, but he wasn't entirely sure…until now. "You know, that's exactly what Raven told me when I went over to her place earlier."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Wow…my intellect is on the same level as the all wise and all intelligent Raven…let me just take this in for a moment."
Richard chuckled and watched him as raised his hands and took a deep breath in and out. "Seriously, though, she gave me the same advice as you did just now."
Roy opened one eye to glance at him. "…She's the one you meant when you were talking about 'being with the one you want to make happy', isn't she? You like her, don't you?" he asked teasingly.
"The same way you like Kori?"
Roy almost fell off his chair. Richard laughed. "Don't try to deny it, Roy," he cut in before Roy could start. "I've had a feeling for a while now that you wanted to be the one in my place, with her."
"…Well…"
"Trust me, once this is all over, you can have it. Just…" his voice took on a serious tone. "Make sure you take care of her, okay? Give her what I could never have given her…and just…make her happy. Please. She…she deserves to be happy."
Roy smiled. "Yeah…of course I will."
Richard's cell phone rang. He looked up at Roy's clock. It was quarter to nine already. He took out his phone and answered it. "Hello?"
"Richard…" Kori answered in a worried voice.
"Oh hey…" His eyes met Roy's, who already knew who was calling. 'Go,' he mouthed.
Richard stood and walked towards the front door. "Yeah, I'm on my way home already…" He waved back to Roy as he exited.
"…Um…if you need the time to be alone, Richard, you need not hurry to return--"
"No, Kori, it's fine…I'll be there in fifteen minutes." He took out his keys and walked over to his bike.
"Um…okay. I shall see you when you get home."
"Okay. Bye." Richard shut his cell and put his helmet on.
"Goodbye." She put the phone down on the dining table and sighed. She was sitting down in her favorite purple dress. The table was set for two, their dinner of linguine with shrimps and mushrooms in a cream sauce sitting there, untouched. It was Richard's favorite, and she had been trying for the past three days to perfect the recipe, and she had finally got it just right tonight. Kori watched as a drop of wax slid down one of the red candles she had lit nearly two hours ago. The flame still continued to burn, but it was getting smaller and smaller, just like the flame inside her heart. It was only a matter of time before they both finally went out.
Well, this was a long one, huh? Yeah…that's why I took a while to update. I wasn't really planning for this chapter to be so long, but I put a lot more dialogue into it than what I was originally going to do. But when I write, I kinda just make it up as I go along, and I found while I was writing it that it was kinda necessary to put all that in to make it flow nicely. But it's done now…that's why I'm celebrating!
I hope I wrote Wally, Roy, and Garth out okay…hope they didn't seem too OOC. I think the next chapter will be shorter than this one…but I don't exactly know what I'm gonna write for it yet. The fourth chapter is the one that's killing me, because I already have the last two chapters planned…sort of. But I'll update as soon as I can. Thing is, school is coming around again, and I still have a crap load of AP homework to do…waah.
Anyway, please review! I love to hear feedback on my writing!