"At this point I've gotta' choose/ Nothing to loose." Alejandro-
The first time that Raven was aware that she was not dead was when she regained consciousness in the hospital. She attempted to open her eyes but quickly shut them against the pain of the blinding white lights. When she managed to get both of her eyes partially open she noted that everything was white. White sheets, white walls, white ceiling. White everything. At first she thought that she was in heaven, but upon realization that no good God would let her into heaven she came to the conclusion that she was just in the hospital.
Her head was pounding and her throat was sore and terribly dried out. She groaned in pain as she struggled to readjust her sight. Her breathing was ragged and her chest felt heavy. Raven groaned again louder this time as she struggled to turn over on her side. The was the sound of sudden movement startled her. Fear momentarily gripped her. When she opened her eyes again she was surprised to see a very addled lookingGarfieldleaning over her bed.
His hair was dishelmed and his eyes bloodshot from possible crying. At that moment Raven was thankful that she was too weak to roll her eyes or even properly asses exactly why he was even there. Even in her languished state she found his presence pathetic and unbearable. She opened her mouth to say something but the only thing that came out was an inaudible groan.
"Sh." He quickly silenced her taking her hand into his. "I came as soon as I heard. Rae-"
Raven discreetly pulled her hand away and placed it on her stomach. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Wa- what happened?"
Garfieldgrimaced. "You," he swallowed hard before continuing. "You don't remember?"
It all came flooding back to her. Dick holding her head underwater. Him chocking her. That menacing look he gave her before she passed out. Raven's face flushed. Her head suddenly hurt a lot worse. She pulled herself into a semi sitting position againstGarfield's protests. Her focus seemed somewhat unbalanced.
She cleared her throat which felt raw and stripped. "How long have I been out?" her voice sounded hoarse.
Garfieldrubbed the back of his head. "Uh, about ten hours I guess."
Raven didn't want to indulge him too much in conversation. It would just be inviting him to stay longer and quite frankly Raven wanted him to spend as little time there as possible. Raven leaned against the pillows and closed her eyes. She felt an intense throbbing against her temples. The sound of Garfield's breathing was severely driving her nerves.
"Rae, why did you do it?"Garfieldfinally blurted out. "The doctors said I shouldn't press you about it right now but I have to know why.
When Raven opened his eyes he was standing over her again his forest green eyes filled with tears. She opened her mouth to ask him what the hell he was talking about but he cut her off.
"You didn't try to do it because of me did you?" His voice was quivering.
"What are you-" Raven tried to interject.
He was pacing now. "I never- I never wanted things to turn out the way the did. You seemed fine when I left the other day, and I thought about calling you but I...I don't know I was just still mad I guess."
"GarfieldI have no-"
"And then I get this phone call this morning saying that you-you- you tried to kill yourself. I thought that maybe-"
By Raven had completely tuned outGarfield's weepy tirade. The words "tried to kill yourself" rang through her mind endlessly. When she broke out of her abstraction she calmly calledGarfield's name. He was too busy ambulating frantically and ranting madly to notice her.
"Garfield." she called out loudly finally attracting his attention. "What the hell are you talking about? I had an asthma attack. I did not try to kill myself."
He shook his head sadly and kneeled at the side of her bed. He once again took her hands into his. "No, honey. When he found you- you said that you were-" the next words he chocked out with much difficulty. "Hanging from the ceiling fan by a belt."
Her confusion and desperation to understand quickly exacerbated her headache. "When who found me?" she said quietly.
There was a long moment of her eyes for understanding. "Dick."
Her stomach lurched as fear gripped her chest. She felt her heart rate increasing. "No, no, no!" she tried to explain but explanation was beyond her. She madly grabbed the front ofGarfieldshirt and pulled him closer to her.
"He's trying to kill me!"
Garfieldwas silent for a moment. He took her hands in his again. "Rae-" He started his voice gentle and utterly disbelieving.
Raven yanked her hands away from him. Against the wishes of her sore body Raven sat fully up, adrenaline pumping through her body. "No! It wasn't like- I didn't try to commit suicide."
"Rae-"
"No! I- I- I came home- I came home and I went into the bathroom and he was there. He was there but I didn't see him and he attacked me!"
"No, listen! He tried to drown me! He filled the bathtub up with water and he tried to drown me. But then he-" she stumbled to recall exactly the events of the previous night. "He brought me into the bedroom and he strangled me with his belt. I couldn't breathe! He let me go but the inhalers..." Her voice trailed off realizing just how crazy it sounded out loud.
"Raven," She could tell by the sympathy in his voice that he didn't believe her. "It's okay. It's going to be alright. The doctors said that you had some drugs in your system and sometimes psychosis medication can have adverse effects."
Raven ignored him. She threw the covers from over herself. "I have to get out of here. He'll come find me."
Garfieldwatched in horror as Raven ripped the IV drip from her arm. Blood splattered across the clean white floor. Gar shot up and quickly took hold of her bleeding arm. He held her against the bed and began screaming for a nurse. Two plump looking nurses appeared in the doorway and gasped. One ran for a doctor while the other helped Garfield strap Raven, who was struggling violently, into the bed.
"Please! He's out to get me!" She screamed.
The other nurse reappeared with syringe full of what Raven expected to be some sort of sedative. Before her free arm could be pulled into a restraint Raven sent a hard punch across the nurse's face in a final attempt to free herself.
"He's going to kill me! You have to believe me! Please!" she pleaded helplessly while the restraints tightened around her wrists.
The unoffended nurse quickly wiped Raven's elbow joint with a sterilizing wipe before emptying the clear liquid into her veins. She quickly began to feel her body weaken and her consciousness slip away."
"He's trying to kill me." She moaned miserable.
The two nurses plus Garfield exchanged worried glances. Their faces at the end of her bed began to blur.
"Please...you have to-" her words came out slow, quiet, and slurred. "Believeme." she said before passing out once again.
She refused to talk to any of the nurses who tried to coax her into conversation (and her throat hurt too badly for much conversation anyways). She also disregarded any meals that were brought to her room. She would rather starve than eat disgusting hospital food.
Sometime around six in the evening a young nurse, clearly uninformed of the "potential danger" (as Dr. Slade had called it) that Raven posed, came into her room to inform her that someone had called for her. Raven broke her vow of silence to ask who it was. The nurse told her the caller and asked Raven if she wanted to take the call. She eagerly accepted.
"Hey." she croaked into the phone. "...No I'm fine... It was just asthma...I know, I know but-...Really this is all just a misunderstanding...That isn't necessary...I don't want you to worry about me. I'll be fine...Of course I'm still coming up...Alright then, I'll see you in a few weeks...You too, bye."
Raven wearily leaned over and placed the phone back on the receiver. The sound of a man awkwardly clearing his throat startled her. She looked up to see a middle aged man in a white lab coat standing across from her bed. His hair was grayed, and he reminded her of this financial advisor she had fucked when she was nineteen, well if it weren't for his one blue eye. The eye patch over the other eye crept her out.
For a long moment they just stared at each other. Raven was unwilling to engage him first. He seemed to realize this so he cleared his throat again before speaking.
"Hello, Raven." He started leaning forward. "My name is Dr. Slade Wilson and I'm the resident psychologist at Mercy General."
"Psychologist?" she repeated almost disbelievingly.
"Yes," he continued. "I work with a number of patients with in a variety of therapeutic contexts which include but are not limited to medical interventions and drug therapies as opposed to-"
"I know what a psychologist is." Raven said sharply. She was tired of people and their bullshit. "I've seen enough over the years to know perfectly well was a fucking psychologist is. What I don't know is why the hell you're here."
Dr. Wilson, ever the professional, took her abuse in stride. He let a moment of silence pass through them before he continued. "I was informed today of your episode." He said the word episode like it was just another overused word of his daily vernacular. "Dr. Harrison, the on call doctor on this floor, thinks that perhaps you should be regarded under 5150."
He gave Raven a moment to come back with some witty or otherwise snarky remark. "Which is?" She said finally.
"Seventy-hour involuntary hold."
A wave of anger and worry passed over her. "What!"
"Let's not jump to conclusions." Dr. Wilson interrupted before she could get herself all worked up. "In order for you to be put under 5150 a licensed clinician, that's me, has to deem you a threat to either yourself or others. So for that matter I would like you answer a few questions. For your information as long as I am evaluating you, you will be considered my patient therefore anything you say will be regarded as confidential."
He took a few steps forward, and eased himself into the chair next to Raven's bed. The whole situation was so beyond ridiculous that Raven actually found it slightly humorous. Dr. Wilson took out a clipboard and scribbled a few things down before turning his attention back to Raven.
"So Raven would you like to begin by telling me about what happened this morning?" He asked staring intently at her with his one eye.
Raven remained statuesque. "It was nothing." she said evenly. "I took a few too many pills, that's all."
She left it at that. Dr. Wilson waited for her to finish. When she didn't he asked another question. "Do you typically experiment with drugs?"
It was a safe enough question. She shrugged. "Sometimes." she said vaguely.
"Oh?" He asked with professional curiosity. "What kinds."
Raven sighed. "I don't know. I used to do a lot of opium when I was younger, but now I stick to prescription pills...and ecstasy every once in awhile."
Dr. Wilson scribbled that down on his legal pad. "Why ecstasy."
The curve of Raven's mouth turned up. "Have you ever had sex while high on E?"
"Have you?" He asked her rhetorical question with a question. Raven wasn't sure if it was intended to be rhetorical but she answered anyways.
"Absolutely." she answered honestly. "Many many times."
Raven was instantly becoming bored. She laid back against the firm pillows of the hospital bed. The starch of the blankets irritated her skin. She would give anything to be in her own one thousand count, Egyptian cotton, five hundred dollar sheets. Was that even possible at this point. As much as she hated to admit it, the thought of returning home struck fear into her.
She was coming to the realization that perhaps there was no stopping Dick Grayson. His determination was insatiable. He would stop at nothing- absolutely nothing- to have her submit to him. She changed the fuck damn locks and that still didn't stop him. No matter how much she analyzed the situation he found a way around it. It was as if he was reading her fucking mind. What if she went home and he was sitting in that wicker chair waiting for her. Raven almost wished he would just take her forcefully. That way they would both get what they wanted. He would get her legs apart and she could still keep her whatever dignity she had left.
It took a moment for Raven to realize that Dr. Wilson was still waiting for her to answer a question that she had failed to hear. "I'm sorry what?"
He dropped whatever it was that he had asked her. "What's on your mind."
She swallowed hard. "Nothing." she said keeping her voice as disguised from her emotions.
"Is this about what happened this morning?" He asked slightly more aware.
"No." She immediately lied. As soon as the words left her mouth she realized that her answer came too quickly. Dr. Wilson was a sharp man, she assumed, and there was no way a person of his profession would have missed the insincerity of her words. "I came here for an ashtma attack. That's all." Her words emphasized the finality of the conversation from her perspective.
Dr. Wilson glanced down at his clipboard. "Ah, yes asthma. When was the last time you had a severe asthma attack."
She shrugged. "I don't know...when I was fourteen I guess." Her voice sounded irritated.
He looked up at her. His one eye narrowed. "And this is the first asthma attack you've had in thirteen years?" His voice sounded skepticism, almost disbelieving.
"Yes." she bit.
Dr. Wilson remained silent for a moment. "The reports say that you were admitted for an attempted suicide."
Raven froze. Fuck! She cursed to herself, she had forgotten about that minor detail. She leaned back against the pillows. This was one of the few moments in life when she actually felt speechless. She was beginning to realize the very real possibility that she would have to spend seventy-two hours in the psych ward.
"The nurses said that you were pretty hysterical this morning." Raven closed her eyes and tried to control the rate of her breathing. "You made claims that he was 'trying to kill' you. Who is he?"
"It doesn't matter." Raven said quickly. "You won't believe me."
"Why wouldn't I believe you?" Dr. Wilson asked legal pad forgotten and clipboard abandoned.
She turned to face him. She meant to portray annoyance, but instead her eyes unintentionally conveyed weariness. Her throat began to burn again, and a series of hacking coughs wracked her body. Dr. Wilson quickly but calmly stood up and moved over to the pitcher of glass on the side table next to her bed. He poured her a cup of room temperature water into a small plastic cup and handed it to her. Raven took a few difficult swallows, before handing him back the cup. Dr. Wilson then handed her a small inhaler that had been left on the table by a nurse. Raven inhaled deeply and felt the burning in her throat immediately assuage. She leaned against the pillows again. The fit had left her feeling exhausted. The entire day had left her feeling exhausted. She was so exhausted.
Raven cleared her throat painfully. "I don't care anymore." her voice came out raspy.
"I'm sorry?" Dr. Wilson said slightly surprised.
"I don't care if you or anyone else believes me." The weariness and isolation was becoming too much for her to bear. He said he wanted for to tell him what happened, so she'd tell him. For once it would be the truth, but like always she didn't give two fucks if he believed her or not.
"For the past four weeks- well I think it's been about four weeks- this maniac has been stalking me. He told me he was going to ruin me, and I thought that he was so full of shit but he- he's determined to destroy everything that I have. He- well anyways after he got my boyfriend to break up with me I rejected him so he broke into my house last night and tried to choke me with a belt, and then he called the ambulance and told them that I tried to kill myself so that he would look like some sort of hero and I some sort of nutcase."
Her words came out rushed, but the purging felt oddly satisfying. For a long moment Dr. Wilson just stared at her with his mouth slightly agape. "Uh, okay." he said trying to keep her story straight. "This maniac why is he trying to ruin your life?"
Raven sighed. "At first I thought it was just about sex, but now I see that he is testing his own strength. He considers us equals and by seducing my or breaking me down or whatever the hell he is trying to do it would prove, in his eyes, that he is the most superior being. He's a narcissistic asshole."
Dr. Wilson leaned on the footboard of his bed. His face was blank and Raven couldn't tell if it was because he didn't believe her. "Does this maniac have a name."
Raven's word stopped in her swollen throat, as if it were some horrible new curse word. "Dick Grayson."
Suddenly Dr. Wilson's head shot up, his one eye was bewildered. His position became very erect and his mouth hung open in genuine shock. Forgetting his professional demeanor and slowly backed away from Raven's bed as if she had some sort of contagious disease. He grabbed his clipboard, papers fluttering to the floor unable to keep up with his speed.
"I'm sorry Raven." He said as he fumbled to pick up the papers, scooping them up in no particular order. "I think that this was the result of a misunderstanding and keeping you in this hospital would be a terrible mistake and a crime to your individual rights as a person. You are free to leave as soon as the asthma specialist says that it is okay."
Raven was perplexed and startled by the sudden severe shift in his carriage. "Wait-" she tried to interject.
Dr. Wilson throw the door open with such force that it crashed against the opposite wall leaving a black scuff mark. He turned around to face one final time. "I wish you the best of luck in the future and please be careful."
With his final eerie words he swept out of the room, leaving Raven feeling much more scared than she had before.
The asthma specialist gave Raven another inhaler and released her from the hospital. She called a taxi and felt her heart thumping in her chest for the entire eighteen minute drive home. She stood at the front doors staring at the doorknob. Finally she unlocked the door and slowly entered. The entire house of dark and quiet. Raven quickly crossed kitchen and flicked the lights on. She remained still listening carefully for any sounds of movement.
When the coast was supposedly clear she took slow steps upstairs. Raven slowly pushed the door open and waited for any sign. When she was comfortable enough she moved into her bedroom. It looked pretty close to how it looked before she had left, except Dick had cleared the evidence of his intrusion. Raven did not have the eerie feeling that she wasn't alone, but something did seem off. She just couldn't put her finger on. Shaking the paranoia from her mind she dropped her bag on the bed and moved cautiously into the bathroom. She flicked on the lights.
Her hand flew to her mouth to stifle a gasp that was caught in her throat, and her eyes widened in shock. There hanging from the ceiling by a string was her the lifeless body of her cat. Her legs were suddenly unable to hold her up. Raven wavered to the side as bile rose in her throat. She leaned over before she could stop herself and wretched violently onto the floor.
When her stomach was void she stumbled backwards into her bedroom, surprise tears welled up in her eyes. Buffy was the closet she had come to actually loving something. She kicked the door closed unable to bear the sight. Her head was swimming. The sound of the phone ringing startled her. Her eyes fell onto the phone on her bed but she refused to move from the spot on the floor. The phone rung three times before going to voice mail. A few seconds passed before the caller tried again. Raven regained strength in her legs and stood up across from her bed. A wave of relief washed over her as the phone went to voice mail again. A long minute passed before the phone rang again.
Raven reluctantly picked up the phone in her shaking hands. Her voice seemed paralyzed.
"Listen bitch," came Dick's rough and serious voice before she could even say anything. "I'm getting real fucking tired of this game. Real fucking tired. I'm giving you one more chance same place tonight at ten. And next time I won't be so nice."
With that the phone went dead. Raven listened to the sound of the dial tone before letting her thumb automatically press the 'end' button. Her eyes fell on the clock. It was already a quarter to nine. Her mind ran through her options, which were scant at best. She could call the police. And tell them what? Some charming and attracting sociopath had invited her to his hotel room. She didn't dare try to run, she knew he would find her. Hell he was probably watching the house at that very moment.
She fell onto the bed. Harsh reality took over as she began to realize that he wouldn't stop. He would never stop. She head fell into the palms of her hands and she nervously ran her fingers through her hair. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She could consent to Dick and let him have his way with her. There were no consequences to saying yes. Should it would have devastating effects on her dignity, but that was something that could be built back up. Right?
Before she could think about anything else she untied Buffy from the bathroom ceiling and buried her in the backyard. She came back into her bedroom and changed her clothes. On the drive to the Palace she focused on her driving instead of her thoughts. She arrived ten minutes early and stepped into the lobby. It was a lot less busy than the last time she had been there. She took a deep breath and made her way over to the front desk.
"Hi," she said softly to get the secretary's attention. "I'm suppose to meet a...friend of mine in his room."
"Name?" he asked without even looking at her.
Her voice caught in her throat. "Richard Grayson."
The man typed something in the computer. "Raven Roth?" he asked tossing her a glance. She nodded. He opened a desk drawer and placed a room key on the desk. "He left this for you."
Raven grabbed the key without really looking at it and walked slowly over to the elevator. Time seemed to slow from there. Her heart began to bleat in her ears as the elevator finally made it to the lobby. The doors slowly slid open. Raven hesitantly stepped inside. Her heart only seemed to increase as the lift moved up.
The doors slid open on the appropriate floor, but Raven's feet seemed to be glued to the floor. She couldn't will herself to move. After a long moment a doors began to close. She quickly grabbed the edge of the doors and forced them back open. There were more consequences to saying no than there are for saying yes. She tried to convince herself.
She felt like she was in some sort of horrible nightmare. The hallway seemed to getting longer and longer with every step she took. Her heart was pounded and the sound of her shoes echoing off the walls filled her eyes. Finally she made it to the room. Her hand held the key in front of her, her hand was shaking badly. Just get it over with! Her mind screamed at her.
She forced the key into the slot. The light flashed green and she pulled the doorknob down and slowly stepped inside. The room was completely dark and silent. As soon as the door shut behind her Dick materialized from behind her and grabbed a handful of her hair. Raven yelped in pain as her hair was lifted from her scalp.
"Nice of you to finally join me." He said gruffly in her ear.
Raven felt herself being pushed. She stumbled over her own heels and an unknown object on the floor. She knees buckled against the edge of the bed. Dick climbed on top of her before she could react. She tossed her small body over and held her down by her neck. Dick's rough and needy hands fumbled with the top. Patience abandoned he ripped her blouse off and pulled her skirt down. He tossed her clothes to the side. Raven could barely breathe from a combination of Dick's weight on top of her and the pressure from the mattress.
"It's a real shame that it had to come to this Kitten." Dick's voice sounded harsh with the speed of his undressing.
He pulled her bra strap apart and lifted it above her head. He turned her over and ripped off her panties. His body straddled her waist while he lifted his shirt above his head. The malice in his eyes were horrific. Raven squirmed underneath of him. She wanted out. She couldn't do it. Dick calmly rested on top of her and grabbed the sides of her head and forced her to look at him.
"Say it." he said calmly. She shook her head vigorously. "SAY IT!" he shouted slapping her across the face.
The fear Raven was feeling was overwhelming and tears welled up in her eyes as she felt herself breaking. Breaking just the way he wanted her to.
"Say it! Say it!" he screamed over and over again punching her repeatedly in the face. Raven sobbed helplessly. She just wanted this nightmare to end. "If you would just say it, it would all be over!" He yelled punching her once in the stomach.
Something in Raven's mind clicked. If you would just say it, it would all be over. For the first time everything seemed so clear. Something about his promise gave her strength. Her tears subsided slightly and she swallowed hard.
Her voice came just above a whisper. "Yes."
I could run down my list of excuses but they are not important to you. This chapter was much longer than I had anticipated. I realize how selfish it is of me to keep you guys waiting when I already know how it ends.
Forgive any mechanical errors I will go back and fix them later.