Talking is overrated
Chapter 3
A little bit of stress isn't necessarily a bad thing. Because stress pumps adrenaline through the body. And adrenaline keeps you on top of the game, makes you forget that you're hungry, tired, even hurt, and lets you focus on the task at hand. But the very best thing about stress, is when it falls on you.
Cristina stepped under the shower after a hectic shift and let the warm water run down her body. The workload she put on herself took its toll on her. Just for one moment she wasn't thinking about anything but the water that was pouring down on her. Nothing else mattered. A blissful second of not-thinking. A few stress-free minutes, more she didn't want. She wasn't thinking about the patient she had had with Shepherd today, who was as far away from out of the woods as you could be, without actually being dead. He probably wouldn't survive the night. But she didn't want to think about that or about anything at all. She just wanted to focus on the water, that washed away the stress.
X
When Burke came home he had been through one hell of a day. Three emergency surgeries in less than five hours, and worst of all, a ten year old girl died on his table and he had been unable to do a freaking thing about it. He came home to a silent apartment, to Cristina, who he still wasn't talking to. For one moment he thought about turning around and just leaving. To run. To hide somewhere, anywhere, but he just took a deep breath and stepped in.
When he heard the water he went to the bathroom. Even if they weren't talking, right than, he needed to see her, to hold her in his arms and breathe in her scent. So he stepped into the bathroom and saw her in the shower, how she massaged her left shoulder with her right hand. When he saw this his eyes became softer. Her whole body was stiff and it was obvious that she hadn't had a great day either. He undressed himself and soundlessly stepped into the shower with her. He startled her a little bit, when he gently pushed her hand away from her shoulder to massage her himself. Under the loving touch of his hands she started to relax and a low moan escaped her lips, when he began to place soft kisses on her neck and shoulders.
She just enjoyed to feel him close by and slowly turn around in his arms.
His eyes said all that his lips wouldn't say out loud in that moment.
I want you.
I need you.
I love you.
She answered by pulling him down to kiss him, with all the longing and desire in her. To let him know, that she felt the same way.
This was a moment far away from their stressful reality. To hold and to feel each other; that was where happiness laid. While kissing each other there was no fatigue, while touching each other there were no hunger, while being one with each other there were no hurt in the world. Completely without stress.
X
The worst thing about stress is when it comes back full force after a short escape from it. They rested in each other's arms for a long time, just staring into each other's eyes. Her fingertips rested against his chest and felt his heartbeat. He carefully let his thumb run over her lips. When his neared her to steal an other kiss her lips moved hesitantly as if she wanted to say something, but he never would find out, because their pagers went off.
A 911 called everyone back to the hospital. It must have been something big. Again! For a split second Cristina wondered if there was a god and what the hell he/she/it had against Seattle. Burke was absolutely sure that there hadn't been so many catastrophes before this problematic intern-set showed up there. It didn't matter, they put on some clothes, grabbed their pagers and keys and were out of the door.
The stress was back. Oh joy.
X
Cristina arrived first at the hospital and saw five ambulances at the entrance. She hurried in to change. In the locker room she met Meredith.
"What's going on?" She asked while putting on her scrub top. The call came at the most un-welcomed moment, but when she at work, with the mixed smell of body liquids and disinfectant, she was anxious for what lied ahead of her. She was back in the game and she was always on top of the game.
"Derek." Not exactly the answer she had waited for.
"What?"
"Derek. He had a dinner, with candles and wine and all this stuff. And he had a present, earrings, and when I asked him why he did all that he was all hurt for forgetting our one-month-anniversary of being re-together again or something. I mean one-month-anniversary. It's stupid. Seriously!"
"Seriously? That's your answer to my question? I mean, what's going on here, now. You know with the 911 that called us here."
"Oh that."
"Yes. That."
"I don't know."
"Great." The annoyance was easily recognizable in both her face and voice.
They met Alex front of the elevator and they stepped in together.
"Any idea what's going on here?"
"She means in the hospital, not what destroys your peace of mind." Meredith informed Alex and then turned her head to the side to fixate on Cristina.
"Exactly that." While she said that she stared back into Meredith's eyes. Alex was slightly confused by their exchange and answered.
"Ehm... What's up with you two? Do I even want to know? But about the call, across town a gas line blew up in an apartment building."
"See Mere, that is interesting. A blew up gas line with lots of victims, yes. McDreamy, not so much."
"What had he done this time?"
"Why did Alex have more interest in my life and problems, than my person?"
"Because evil spawn is a gossip, and he wants to know so that he can later suck up to McDreamy by saying that he totally understands him or something."
"What kind of view to you have of me?"
This input earned a disparaging glance form Cristina. "That was a rhetorical question, right?"
"You would use my problems to your advance?"
"Well..."
"How could you?" With this Meredith slapped his arm. Cristina just rolled her eyes.
"Mere, you act as if it wasn't obvious."
The elevator doors opened and they stepped out to find Bailey. They didn't need to search for long, Bailey stood some meters away form them with Izzy and George. She welcomed them quite harshly.
"Thanks a lot for joining us." Before one of them could word a single syllable she continued. "OK, every one of you will get a patient and you will try not to kill them. Understood?- Good."
The doors opened and they stood in the middle of hell. They heard people screaming and crying and the noise of too little staff trying to take care of too many patients. They were hit with the heavy smell of burned flesh mixed with the strange metallic smell of blood that you could nearly task on your tongue.
Cristina quickly chose a middle-aged woman whose right arm was partly missing. Two paramedics shortly informed her what they had done and what they knew about the woman, which was next to nothing, except the blood type. She quickly examined the injury and came to a very good diagnosis. The arm had suffered too much damage. They probably wouldn't be able to save it, but hopefully they could save her life. She called over a nurse.
"Try to page a general or an ortho and we need a OR immediately. And get me some blood, B+, and I need to set an infusion. Quick!"
The nurse hurried back with an infusion and helped Cristina to set it.
"OR 4 will be free in 15 minuets and 5 more for disinfection, the blood is on the way, but it will take some time."
"A third of her arm is missing. We don't have time. She is bleeding out!" Cristina took a deep breath and collected her thoughts. "Well, get me some saline solution, till we get the blood."
Oh god, she loved stress and adrenaline. She felt like all her senses were working 110 percent as she wheeled her patient to the elevator.
Once they were on the surgery floor, the patient was prepared and she stepped into the scrub room, where she met Dr. Appelboom, a resident from Bailey's year. Cristina never worked with him before and was curious if he was any good.
After some time they had amputated the arm right under the elbow and the patient was stable when Dr. Appelboom became quit talkative.
"So, you are one of Bailey's interns?"
"Well, yes."
"The one with the dead patient-fiance or the one that sleeps with Shepherd respectively, or Burke?" He asked cheerfully.
The urge to smash the stupid grin from his face nearly made her jump over the OR-table to do it. She controlled herself.
"Burke."
"Oh... How is he? He was out quite some time."
"Fine. He is fine again.- Is this a bone fragment there?" She never thought it was possible, but she wanted to leave the OR as soon as she could.
"You're right. Tweezers, please. Bailey wanted to exchange you guys with the rest of us a million times, because you're constantly so much trouble."
"I would too, if I would be in her shoes." Cristina answered truthfully. It animated him to laugh out loud.
He wasn't very good looking. Neither bad or ugly. He was normal, nothing special, like is surgical skills. He wasn't nearly as good as Bailey, but he wasn't bad at his job. But his laugh was true and even Cristina had to suppress a smile while hearing it.
"She says it all the time that she wants to swap you, but in the end she wouldn't give up a single one of you. With her you have a resident for life. One day you will meet her at a conference and she will berate you or praise you, and if needed, defend you against anyone."
"Why are you telling me this?" This way he was talking started to make her aggressive, but on the same time his eyes showed that he thought that it was important that she understood this.
"Everyone knows that you and Burke are on the rocks right now..."
She clenched her teeth and wanted to interject, but he stopped her.
"No, wait. Everyone knows that and if you're only with him because you don't know how to break up with an attending, Bailey would defend you, if needed. He wouldn't be able to pull you off from surgery for long."
"I don't remember asking for your opinion about my love life. Could we now maybe concentrate on the patient again?" The response was very harsh and cold.
X
Burke just had removed a one feet (~30,4cm) long drill head from his patient's lung. The patient's best friend had presented his new drill when the gas line blew up and the fell forward into his friend. It was a long and messy surgery, because the drill was actually running when it drilled itself through a man's chest.
The surgery was successful, but the man never will able to do much sports again, or work physically. Not the greatest prospects for a craftsman. A look on his watch told him, that in little under a hour his shift would start, which meant, that he needed some coffee, lots of coffee.
In front of the coffee cart he saw Shepherd with hanging shoulders and this indicated that
a) his patient died and he needed to talk about it, b) he had problems with Grey and needed to talk about them, c) both…and he needed to talk about it. For some seconds Burke entertained the idea of getting his coffee from the cafeteria to avoid the talk. But he wanted, needed, his coffee now and didn't have the energy to go another meter without it.
"A coffee, please. Black." He normally liked cappuccino better, but right now he needed caffeine, lots of caffeine, if it weren't so damn toxic he would eat it pure.
"Preston, didn't seen you there. How are you doing?"
"Quit well. And you?" This was one of the moments where he cursed his good manners that forced him to ask, even when he wasn't interested in the answer.
"Not so much. My patient from yesterday died, and the one right now doesn't look too well either. And I had a fight with Meredith."
Damn it was both! He really, really didn't want to ask. He wanted to grab his coffee and leave, but he couldn't. He still didn't have the energy to avoid him, and maybe a tiny little piece of his soul wanted to hear that his relationship wasn't the only shaken one.
"She forgot our one-month-anniversary. We were good and happy and shiny and she forgot it. As if it didn't matter to her, as if us together again after everything isn't a reason to celebrate!"
While Shepherd ranged about this Slone and Addison arrived at the coffee cart. Everyone seemed in a serious need of coffee tonight, well, more like this morning. They ordered their coffee too and Slone interrupted the conversation.
"For real. Derek. You complain about this to Burke? Of all people?"
"He happens to have some experience in relationships and can give good advice." It wasn't obvious who he defended more. Burke, or his choice of conversation partner.
"Even if, and I say if, his girlfriend remembered that his birthday is in three weeks, she wouldn't congratulate him on it. And you complain about your girlfriend forgetting your anniversary? Come on, please."
"Mark!" Addison interjected him. "Stop it!"
"But it's true!"
"Thanks a lot, Dr. Slone, for pointing that out. Addison, Derek, I'll take my leave now." Burke grabbed his coffee and left. After some steps he turned around once more. "Oh, and Derek. It probably didn't matter to her. It is one month and she isn't trusting this whole renewed and improved relationship, again. She is still waiting for the next catastrophe to happen. So one month, doesn't mean a thing."
The disbelieving look on Derek's face nearly made it worth the stress to put up with him and listen to his problems. Other relationships sucked too, but for less important reasons. He didn't know if this nasty idea came from the lack of sleep or because Cristina started to rubbed off on him.
X
Cristina had grabbed some snacks and made herself comfortable on one of the beds in the tunnel when Meredith came through the door.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Is this bed taken?"
"No… Do you want it to be? That sounds so wrong." They shortly giggled about it together.
"It does." Meredith sat down on the bed next to her.
"Tonight sucked." Cristina looked over at Meredith.
"It did." They felt like there was no energy left in them and all reserves were used up.
"You know what else sucks? Derek and his stupid one-moth-anniversary."
"The people in the hospital think I'm still with Burke because I'm afraid to break up with him."
"That's stupid. You aren't afraid of anything, much less Burke. If you guys ever broke up with each other he would need to run, fast, because you would totally kick his ass."
"Exactly! So McDreamy made a big deal of this one-month-whatever?"
"Yeah, I mean one month. We were together longer the first time, before the McWife showed up and didn't made such a big deal out of it!"
"Because now you're the girlfriend and not the mistress. Or because he became more stupid and clingy since his divorce. And a one-month-anniversary is really, really stupid."
"Absolutely! I mean how can you make such a big deal out of it and on a Tuesday evening?"
"Today is Tuesday."
"No it isn't. Yesterday was Tuesday. Today is Wednesday."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Why do I think it's Tuesday today?"
"Because you work too much."
"I don't."
"You forget what day of the week it is."
"Okay.. Maybe. Do you what some?" Cristina offered Meredith some of her snacks.
"Is this from the vending machine? I mean like, today, and not from your locker?"
"From today. And there is nothing wrong with the stuff from my locker."
"That's good. And there is. The day before yesterday you had to puke from the junk."
"No...Wait...Yeah...You're right. Damn! And today is really Wednesday?"
"It is."
"Ok."
After that they just sat there some time and ate snacks, till their pagers went off and stress and adrenaline put them back in the game.
X
She would have never thought that it was possible to feel so much stress and panic because of three little letters. Three little innocent letters just sent her in a state of unbelievable panic. When she had arrived an hour ago to her home, she had only wanted to change and fall into the bed. But now she stood wide awake there, staring down at the three letters. Her hands started to shake a little bit. She had just went to the bathroom to get ready for bed, brushing her teeth, taking her pill. After that she had looked at the package, where the three letters stood.
TUE.
Damn.
Damn Burke.
Damn everything.
Damn the stress.
A.N. OK, I hate dialogues. I never manage to stay in character, or at least I feel like it. Please tell me what you think about this chapter so I can improve myself.