A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. The beginning of this chapter was so hard to write. Workign on chapter four now so hopefully that should be up quicker :D

Chapter Three

"Isn't it exciting?" Christian enthused as he showed Syed a copy of Roxy's scan. "I can't believe this is actually happening."

"Me neither," Syed sighed, his voiced filled with more disbelief than Christian's. It's not that he was completely unhappy with things but ever since Roxy had announced she was pregnant he had been feeling more than a little left out. It seemed that now everything revolved around Christian, Roxy and the baby to be, leaving Syed on the sidelines. He didn't know how he fitted in to this new situation. He didn't know if he wanted to.

It had been a week since Syed had seen Christian and Syed was still trying to figure out the best way to approach things. He had constantly been thinking about Christian, it consumed his every waking moment and there was no way that David hadn't noticed there was something on his mind. He hadn't said anything to him though, which Syed was grateful for. He didn't want to tell him anything.

Syed wondered if it was weird that he hadn't told David anything about this, he was supposed to be his boyfriend after all. He'd managed to reason it in his own head that he just wasn't sure where all this was heading and he didn't want to tell him until he was completely sure. Deep down though, he knew it was because if Christian asked him to then he would leave David in a heartbeat and would never look back.

He had been on the verge of calling Christian a hundred times in the last week but something always stopped him. However strong his feelings were towards him. The one thing he just couldn't work out was why now? Why had he waited an entire year and then contacted him? That one thought alone was almost enough to contact Christian back. He really hated feeling so conflicted.

In the end he decided that he needed to do this so he swallowed his nerves and called Christian and arranged to meet him. Once again it would be nowhere near Walford. He definitely wasn't ready to face that place yet.

It was a warm and pleasant day perfect for a trip to the park so that is where they decided to meet. Syed arrived before Christian so he decided to sit on a park bench and wait for him to show up.

He smiled when he saw Christian walk up towards him, holding a small girl in her arms. He looked so happy it made Syed's heart jump just to look at it. He stood up and greeted Christian.

"Glad you decided to meet up again," Christian grinned as they both sat down. He placed his daughter on his lap. "This is Laura."

"She's even more beautiful than in the photo," Syed said.

"Do you want to hold her?" Christian asked.

"Okay," Christian picked her up and handed her over to Syed. "How old is she?"

"She's eight months old now."

"I can't believe how much time has passed since I left. Some days I wake up and I still think it's a year ago and when I look over you're going to be lying next to me," Syed confessed. "It never is though."

"Tamwar told me you're seeing someone."

"Yeah, I am."

"How's that going?"

"Okay, it's nothing serious," Syed explained.

"As long as you're happy," Christian replied, though the tone of his voice did not manage to match the sentiments.

They both sat in silence for a few moments, neither really knowing what to say to the other. It had never been this hard before. It felt as though they were strangers, two random people sitting next to each other with nothing to say. Syed hated feeling this uncomfortable.

"So what's it like being a father? Is it everything you hoped it would be?"

"It's great."

"How do the pair of you fit into that small flat? It's tiny."

"She's doesn't live with me. She lives with Roxy," Christian confessed.

"But I thought the whole plan was so that you could have a child, not be a part time dad."

"Something happened."

"What happened?" Syed asked, now feeling frustrated.

"It's complicated."

"Does this have something to do with why you wrote to me?" Christian didn't answer. "I need to know what made you get back in contact."

Christian closed his eyes and sighed. He didn't know how to tell Syed what he needed to say. "There was something I needed to tell you," he finally responded.

"What is it?"

"I don't know how to tell you."

"Christian, you're not making any sense. You need to tell me what's wrong, you're scaring me."

"About six months ago I went to see the doctor because I found a lump."

"A lump?"

"It was cancer. Testicular," Christian sighed. Syed was stunned into silence. Of all the things he had imagined as to why Christian would contact him he had never imagined that something might have been wrong, that he was sick.

"Are you okay?" He asked uncertainly.

"They caught it early so everything looks good but the treatments were hard going and I wasn't in a fit state to look after a child so I had to let Roxy take over. I'm getting better now though, the doctor said that the cancer hadn't spread so the prognosis was good."

"I'm glad. Why are you waiting until now to tell me? Why didn't you tell me six months ago when you found out?"

"I don't know. I was scared about being ill and I wasn't sure if you would want to see me after everything we said. Then Tamwar told me you had met someone and I realised that I couldn't just barge back into your life and tell you something like this. I felt like it would make you feel obligated to forgive me or take care of me and I just didn't want you to make any decisions you would regret."

"That wasn't your decision to make though. The funny thing is, even after I left I always hoped you would call me and ask me to come home. I would have done too because I was so in love with you. I never wanted to leave you in the first place."

"Then why did you?"

"You were so happy about becoming a father, you were always with Roxy and I felt so left out. You said you wanted to have a baby for us but I was never included in your plans. I started to feel so resentful and it was completely unfair on you because I knew you weren't doing it deliberately, you just got caught up in it all. I had to leave because I could never ask you to choose between me and your child so I made the decision to go.

"I regretted it every single day after I left. I would sit in the awful flat I'd rented and cry because all I wanted to do was be with you," Syed felt a tear drop down his cheek but he didn't wipe it away. "Then one day I saw you on the street. I nearly went up to you but I saw you with someone so I just ran home. That was six months ago."

"He didn't stay. I told him about the cancer and he left," Christian explained. "It wasn't that serious."

"After that, I realised that I couldn't spend the rest of my life hoping that you would call or write so I decided to move on. Then I met David."

"I wanted to call you. I wanted to tell you that I still loved you and for you to come home but after that last fight I just felt that you would never want to see me again. So I stayed away."

"Then why now? Why after all this time did you want to see me again?"

"Because life's too short for regrets and I regretted losing you most of all. I know I have no right to ask you to come back so I'm not even going to try but I always regretted how we left things. I know I'm never going to have your love again but I thought that if you wanted to then we could be friends. I miss you, Sy. I miss everything about you and I hate living without you in my life. What do you say?"

Syed thought for a moment about his answer. He was in two minds whether or not to accept Christian's offer as he didn't want to put himself through all that again. On the other hand, he wanted nothing more than to be with Christian. In the end there was only one answer he could give.

"Yes, I'd like that."

"How was your day?" Syed was greeted by David as he walked through the door. "Did you get up to anything interesting?"

"I went to see my friend, Christian," Syed replied. It was true enough, they were just friends now. "The one who wrote to me the other day, he wanted me to meet his daughter and to catch up," he elaborated.

"Did you have a nice time?" David asked as he leaned in and kissed Syed gently.

"It was nice. I haven't seen Christian in a long time so it was good to catch up with him."

"Your brother called while you were out, he wants you to call him back."

"Okay, I'll go and do that now," Syed replied as he headed to the bedroom. He closed the door behind him and sat down on the bed, thinking over everything about the day. He trembled as he thought about what Christian had said. He'd had cancer and Syed hadn't even known. He felt so guilty about that. He wished he could have been there for him.

"Are you okay in there?" David's voice broke Syed out of his thoughts. "You've been in there ages."

"Yeah I'm fine," Syed replied, rubbing the tears away from his cheeks. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Don't be too long, I'm cooking."

"Great," Syed stood up and looked in the mirror. It was time for a new start, he decided. No more moping about wondering what to do. Instead he was going to act. He was going to try his hardest to be a good friend to Christian and maybe that could lead to something more.

First things first though, he had to end things with David.