AN: This chapter focuses really on the characters before the break up. It's more about how the break up happened and all that good jazz. I really want to thank you guys for reviewing and reading this story. It encourages me to write chapters faster. I don't know where I'm going with this story but hopefully we can figure that out together. Thank you guys!

Chapter 4

I wonder if it's different the second time around for everyone. I mean for people who decide that their previous relationship is worth giving another try.

From what I'm experiencing right now, things are different. There the same but different. I don't want to, but sometimes I find myself questioning whether to believe Ashley or not when she tells me she can't hangout because of something with her parents. I sometimes I feel bad about not fully trusting her anymore. But then again I remember I gave her my heart and she sold it for a make out session with some girl. That's another thing, the whole Amber situation.

Ashley hasn't been talking to her. I've seen Amber approaches her but Ashley brushes her off and continue down the hall or walks over to me. I can tell Amber knows Ashley and I are no longer fighting. But I still wish Ashley and I was out about are relationship, because that way I can really tell Amber and any other girl or boy who's hitting on Ashley to fuck off. But we're not. So I can't. My parents would probably shit their pants is they find out I'm gay.

Ashley and I meet our freshman year. Erin, my best friend since 6th grade, and I was having lunch when Ashley came and sat down with us. Erin being a social butterfly start to talk to her and next thing you know we all became really good friends and started hanging out. It wasn't just the three of us. Ashley introduced us to some of her friends and we introduced her to some of ours.

Sometime during all that hanging out with our friends, Ashley and I started to hang out alone more. I started to notice things about her more and admire her more. We kissed three months before we got together. Ashley was over my house watching a movie with Erin and me. Erin's dad called and said he needed her home. Next thing you know we're playing around and Ashley kissed me. She completely freaked out and left. She later own explained that she thought I was going to freak out and tell everyone. We started to go on little dates and kiss more. I asked her to be my girlfriend.

Everything we did was kind of sneaky. The only person that knew about us was Erin because she walked in on us one time. We were at my house and I had forgotten she said she was coming over. And like usual Erin just walked right into my room. She stood in shock at what she walked in on… her best friend kissing another one of her friends that happens to be female as well. But then she told us it was okay. I loved that she didn't freak out because now I have someone else to talk to about my relationship and all these feelings.

The hardest part about keeping something like this a secret is not being about to tell anyone how special it is. The feeling of hiding the best part of your day… a special part of you…

Before Erin knew, the only person I could talk to was Ashley. I had no one to turn to when Ashley and I were having an argument or I if I just want to rant about my relationship and how much I love Ashley. But then it was like a little of the weight on my shoulders was lifted. I could express myself…even if it was just a little. I have one person that I don't have to hide my true self around. And just that one person counts for a lot.

Ashley was my first experience with a girl and I am hers. Ashley is my first love. It hurts when your first love breaks your heart.

I remember the day we broke up like it was yesterday. We had been arguing for the past two days. Ashley father is abusive. He had been drinking and hitting on her a lot at the time. I had begged her to just go stay with her aunt for awhile. Her aunt Jessica was so nice. She would let Ashley come over whenever. But Ashley refused to leave her dad. She always says he needs someone there with him so he doesn't do something crazy. Like hitting her wasn't crazy at all. Anyway…we argued about it the night before I found her cheating on me at a party a mutual friend through. I didn't even know Ashley was at the party because we hadn't talked all day and I was still mad at her. I remember walking into the restroom and seeing hands running up and down someone's back. I instantly knew who hands they were because Ashley wears on her middle finger a gold ring with an A on it that her mom gave her. I slammed the door and they broke the kiss. When Ashley moved her head to see who slammed the door her face went pale when she saw it was me.

"Spenc…" I didn't even let her finish the sentence before I was running down the stairs and out the front door. By the time I got to my car I was crying freely. Ashley caught up to me just as I was climbing into my car.

"Go away." I said when she tried to open the passenger door. I gave her the middle finger and started my car and left. My phone started to go off with phone calls and text messages. I quickly texted Erin and told her I had left and to make sure she stayed close to Tasha, another close friend. I was mad but I was also concerned about my friend's safety. You always should have at least one buddy when you attend parties, so you can watch over each other.

When I got to my house I turned off my phone and put it in the glove compartment in my car before going in the house. I didn't even want to even look at it.

Ten minutes later Ashley was at my house. My mom let her in. My mom at the time was use to Ashley and Erin always coming over so she thought nothing of it.

"Let me explain…" Ashley said as soon as she walked into my room.

"Explain?" I sit up in my bed. "You…how do you explain that Ashley?" I said through tears.

"Spencer…it just…it was a mistake."

"How long have you been cheating on me?" I stand up from the bed when Ashley walks closer.

"I haven't!" She yells. I give her a look. "Sorry..." She apologizes for raising her voice. "It was just a kiss and it shouldn't have happened."

"I don't want to be with you anymore." I looked her in the eyes and said. "I can't believe you…" I push her away when she tries to grab me.

"Please…baby I'm sooo sorry." She keeps trying to touch any part of me she can.

"No." I try to push her away when she gets a hold to my hand but she just pushes me onto the bed and pins my wrist to the bed.

"Don't break up with me." She whispers into my ear. I can feel her tears when her cheek touches mines.

"Ashley…" I close my eyes when she kisses my ear and then my lips.

"Please…" She says against my mouth.

When I don't say anything Ashley let goes of my wrist and slides off of me. She snuggles up into my side and buries her face into my neck. Ashley apologies over and over again until I stop her with my words.

"Go." I choke out. "Please leave…" I turn my head to face her. "Give me this please…just leave."

She stares at me for two minutes before quietly getting up and leaving. The next day when I get my phone I have a couple of missed text and calls from Erin and a mail box full of voice mails from Ashley. She called me over 20 times and texted me over 30. I deleted everything without reading or listening to them. I sent her one text message that day and it simply said: I hope it was worth it. We're done.

Of course she didn't give up trying to get me back. For weeks all she tried to do was talk to me. And sometimes I gave in and talked to her. But just long enough to tell her to leave me alone. I got my number changed and that was it.

Today marks the third month we have been broken up.

"Hey," I look up when Ashley puts her try down onto the lunch table. The other people at the table say hi to Ashley. Erin on the other hand just glares at her.

"Stop." I pat Erin's arm and smile at Ashley. Erin just frowns at me and goes back to talking to Tasha.

Lunch becomes kind of awkward, at least for me. Ashley stopped sitting at our table way before we broke up, but now that we are trying to be…friends, I guess, she thought it would be good for us to have lunch together.

"Sooo…" Ashley slides up next to me at my locker after lunch. "That's was…awkward." She grins.

"Yeah," I agree and take some books out of my locker. "You don't have to have lunch with me. I mean you didn't before, so it's okay."

"Well before I wasn't in middle of trying to get back with you." She whispers close to my eye. "I want you. Only you." Then she backs up and smiles. "See you later?" I just nod and watch her walk away.

"Are you sure about this?" Erin voice comes out of nowhere.

"No." I answer honestly. "But I have to try." I sigh and close my locker.

"Okay than." She grabs my arm and we walk off to our next class.

Maybe different is good. Maybe different means she'll actually appreciate me and our relationship more.

TBC