Title: Gone Away

Author: Keir

Rating: R for swearing, violence, sexual situations

The Gist of Things: Kyou loves Haru, but will the ox realize it in time?

A/N: An update...finally...omg... Such a long, long time in coming. Words cannot express just how awful I've been at keeping up with my stories. Suffice to say that real life does not always go the way you want (or expect) it to be.

I was going to update "Million Little Pieces" first (which is in progress), or finish some of the requested oneshots that have been in the works for months and months and months, but "Gone Away" spoke to me first, and far be it from me to deny getting at least SOMETHING updated. A little bit rushed, but hopefully still satisfying.

Thanks for sticking with me, you lovely, lovely readers!

"Kyou, you can't avoid me forever," the ox said matter-of-factly, voice muffled by the door between them.

Kyou's shoulders hunched at the sound of another round of knocking. Not forever, no. Kyou knew that. But he could at least make it a few more days until the end of the week.

On Monday Yuki had shown up and that was when the cat had first locked himself in Hatsuharu's bedroom. The rat had sounded equal parts confused and irritated to find out where Kyou was, and the cat couldn't care less. The orange-haired man had listened through the door as the ox had told Yuki in no uncertain terms that he needed to give the cat some space and Kyou had been relieved. The rat hadn't been back in four days, but still the cat refused to relent in his seclusion. He bathed, ate, and used the restroom while the ox was at work.

Hatsuharu was willing to put up with it—to a point—but now he was done with Kyou living in solitude. The cat was coming out of the bedroom, he was doing it today, and that was that. The younger man had his own stubborn streak.

"Kyou."

The cat glanced balefully at the door then away, refusing to answer.

"If you don't open the door, I'll have to come in and get you," the ox said calmly. When the other man refused to answer, Hatsuharu lifted a hand above the doorframe, fingers questing for the long nail stored there. He grasped it, then pushed it into the hole at the center of the doorknob; when he felt the locking mechanism pin beneath the nail, he pushed down. The door snicked open and he replaced the nail at the top of the doorframe. When the door swung open the cat stared at him in open surprise.

"How did you get in here?" Kyou demanded.

Hatsuharu shrugged, still standing at the threshold. "It's not the most sophisticated lock in the world. It's dinnertime. If you don't come out by yourself, then I'll have to make you."

Kyou looked the ox over then scoffed and looked away, dismissing him without concern. He was the cat, a regional karate champion, older and stronger and faster. He didn't feel threatened by the black and white-haired man in the least, no matter how much taller he was.

"Kyou," Hatsuharu admonished. The cat remained looking away petulantly. "I didn't want to have to do this." The ox crossed the room to where the other man sat on the bed. He rolled up his sleeves to the elbow methodically before doing the unthinkable.

He picked Kyou up.

At first the cat was too shocked to react. His body tensed in those strong arms, eyes wide. His fingers clutched at the air as he tried to regain his balance. Then a hand clutched at the other's shoulder.

Haru felt nice, the cat realized. He was soft and warm and his scent was strong beneath his cologne. He had never really been touched like this since Kazuma had been so attentive to him. When he was so small and helpless.

Being helpless terrified him.

After the initial shock he twisted and kicked feebly until the ox set him down on a dining table chair. His fingers curled under the edges of the seat as if his body wanted to make sure he wasn't going to go airborne again.

Hatsuharu seated himself across from the cat and began to dish out food from the takeout boxes he had set out. The ox didn't look up at the furious cat until he had finished his task. Once he set aside the last box, he met the crimson-eyed glare placidly. "You're going to eat."

"I already ate," Kyou said with a scowl.

"You need to eat more." The ox reached out and laid a couple pills on the table in front of the cat. "Hatori told me you need to start taking vitamins. You'll also be eating more often."

"I'm not taking those," Kyou hissed vehemently. "Why the hell were you talking to Hatori about me?" he demanded.

"He's concerned about your health. When I mentioned that you weren't eating enough he gave me strict instructions." Hatsuharu stared over the table at the older man. "And we're going to start following them, starting now. If you don't get your body used to taking in more food than it's used to, it will keep rejecting it."

Kyou sneered, refusing to pick up his chopsticks. "I'm not going to follow orders, not from you." He felt the uncontrollable rage rising within him, hatred burning deep and hot for himself. Why did the ox have to bother? What did it matter if Kyou wasted away? "And least of all from Hatori."

"Hatori is a doctor, Kyou. He knows what's best."

Without warning, the cat violently shoved his plate off the table. It shattered on the floor, shards of glass and his meal scattering everywhere. "Hatori is a traitor, just like Shigure! I'd rather die than listen to anything he has to say!"

Hatsuharu sat calmly in the face of the storm, not budging an inch. His face remained that impassive mask while the cat raged. "What do you mean?" he asked as the other's shoulders shook with labored breathing.

If Kyou had another plate he would have smashed it. "He was there when they locked me away. He drugged me!" he spat.

"Why would Hatori drug you?" Hatsuharu asked. His mask never cracked, but inside his heart beat faster.

"So that I couldn't fight," Kyou hissed. "He watched while they beat me. He drugged me so they could beat me!" The cat was almost hyperventilating now.

"Kyou…"

The cat picked up his chair and threw it against the wall. One leg broke off, splintering as the pieces clattered to the ground. Kyou's chest heaved as he fought to suck in every breath. "They tied me up…" The older man was staring at something only he could see now. Hatsuharu sat perfectly still, aware that his lungs were beginning to burn as he held his breath. "She had them beat me. He put something in me so I couldn't fight back. They tied me up and then they beat me. And he watched. That's why I can never forgive him. I'll never forgive him!"

The ox found himself on his feet without thinking. He felt as if he were in a dream as he walked around the table. His hand reached out, fingers curling into his own oversized shirt on the other's thin frame. Crimson eyes flashed upward, meeting grey. In them Hatsuharu saw a churning sea of pain, years and years of frustration and loneliness that were usually hidden so well behind Kyou's walls. The hesitation between them lasted only a moment, the span of a breath. Tears sparkled in the cat's eyes, unshed. It was the closest the ox had ever seen him to crying. Fear and anger and mistrust were building fast and Kyou's walls were going back up.

Hatusharu didn't know what he had meant to do now that he was there. As he finally took a breath, he realized the situation seemed familiar. He looked down; he used to tangle his fingers in Yuki's shirt just like this. He felt something unfamiliar blooming inside his heart in that small moment. Kyou moved to speak when the ox felt his body take over again.

Those pale fingers yanked and the black and white-haired man felt a thrill run through him at the shock on the cat's face. Then their bodies collided, an electric jolt racing along every nerve. Hatsuharu knew it wouldn't last—even then the usual spark of anger was kindling in the cat's eyes—so he did something previously unimaginable to prolong the feeling.

His arms wrapped around the cat, pulling him into a swift embrace. His hands rested on the small of Kyou's back. He felt the other man's body, tense and taut, little shivers shaking through him. The ox leaned down and pressed his lips against the cat's forehead and breathed in the scent of Kyou—refreshingly simple, the cat's own scent not covered or smothered by anything else. He smelled his own shampoo in Kyou's hair.

One last shudder shook the cat's body and then he went limp, letting the ox cradle him. Hatsuharu felt Kyou let the tension go in a deep exhalation, felt the hot breath release over his own collarbone. They stood there for a moment before Hatsuharu let the dazed cat go. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed another plate from the cupboard, then placed it in the other's hands. "We'll clean up later, but for now, we can eat." Then he smiled. "You're just lucky I bought more than we needed."

Hatsuharu sat in his recliner, staring. The cat had fallen asleep halfway through a random movie on the television. The ox had not seen the cat sleeping since he came to live with him, not once. It seemed private and…mysterious.

It was fascinating, watching the cat sleep. Fascinating to see someone that was usually so fractious at peace. The cat was curled up under a heavy blanket on the couch, orange hair splayed across a pillow. His face was slack, one hand curled up next to his chin. He didn't have his guard up.

He looked…sweet. Like there were no more worries or fears.

The ox was brought out of his reverie by the buzz of his Blackberry. The bright screen flashed in the darkness: Yuki. The ox picked it up. "Good evening, Yuki," Hatsuharu said softly, mindful not to wake the sleeping cat.

"Haru," Yuki said on the other end of the line. "I'm just calling to check in, since I'm no longer invited."

Hatsuharu's lips quirked; Yuki almost sounded bitter. For once maybe Kyou had the upper hand over the rat. "Kyou's fine. He's sleeping right now."

"How has he been? Has he settled down since the incident with Shigure?"

The words were out of his mouth before he knew what he was doing. "I kissed him." Hatsuharu cursed himself inwardly. He was always careful, even meticulous in his words and with revealing emotions, but not so now it seemed. What was Kyou doing to him?

"You kissed Kyou?"

"Aa. On the forehead."

The line was silent for a moment. "Haru, I've been meaning to speak with you about something." The rat didn't pause for the ox to acknowledge him. "When things went wrong with Shigure…" Yuki paused again to gather his thoughts and the ox waited patiently; they were both men of carefully chosen words. He barely caught the sound of Yuki's soft sigh. "Have you told Kyou how you feel about him yet?"

Hatsuharu waited a few breaths before replying slowly, "What do you mean?"

"That day with Shigure, you looked at Kyou a certain way."

Hatsuharu thought about it for a moment, examined Yuki's sentence in his mind. "I don't believe I understand what you're saying." The ox stared at the sleeping man on his sofa. His heart seemed to beat faster.

Yuki sighed louder now. "Stubborn idiot. Do you know how many people have kissed Kyou in his life?" When Hatsuharu didn't answer, the rat filled in the blank for him. "His mother, Kazuma, and Tohru. All three of them had something in common that had to do with Kyou, something you share now too." Yuki paused and the ox could hear something in the background. "I have to go; Tohru needs my help. Just think about what I've told you. I'm stopping by in a few days whether Kyou likes it or not," the rat said decisively. "Goodnight, Haru."

The younger cousin sat with the phone still to his ear half a minute after the rat had hung up. Even afterward he stared at the phone itself as if it could give him answers. What had Yuki meant? Kyou's mother, Kazuma, Tohru...and himself. A mystery. But what did it mean? He certainly couldn't ask Kyou himself.

Or could he?

He glanced back over at the cat. The orange-haired man was still asleep. He had heard of being able to ask people questions while they were asleep and receiving lucid answers, all while the dreamer was unaware. The ox set the phone aside and stood. He crossed over to the sofa and knelt. The cat's pink lips were slightly parted. The ox's breath caught as heat roiled low in his belly. "Kyou," he whispered. "Kyou."

The older man stirred, brow furrowing. "Haru…"

"Kyou, I have a question. What do your mother, Kazuma, and Tohru have in common?"

The cat's breathing was still deep, half of his mind still in dreams. "They were the only ones who loved me," the cat murmured, fingers curling tighter in the blanket.

Hatsuharu blinked, digesting the information; the mystery's pieces were coming together. "Sleep well, Kyou," he murmured. The lines on the cat's face smoothed, his face going slack again. The ox gathered an extra blanket and stretched out on the recliner, his eyes still on the cat. He didn't fall asleep until much later.

In his dreams, Kyou was bleeding and broken, left all alone. His spirit was gone as his wrists burned. And then, out of the darkness, there was a soft, deep voice calling to him, and it soothed his wounds. He slept peacefully for the first time in years.

Hatsuharu set the sponge aside as he washed out the last cup. He glanced behind himself. The cat sat on the couch and although the ox couldn't see anything but the other man's head and shoulders, he knew Kyou was fidgeting. The cat had never been the type to fidget—as far as the ox knew—but for the past few days (ever since Hatsuharu had kissed him), Kyou didn't seem capable of remaining still. The ox imagined it was because he still thought of Kyou as so volatile, so full of energy like in the past, that he had to just do something or he would explode.

Maybe it was a good sign. A sign that the old Kyou was finally showing through.

Yet it was also another worry for Hatsuharu to process. The past few days had brought on more than one change. Kyou never looked the ox in the eye any more. The cat was also melancholy; the sadness in his eyes had replaced the dull, lifeless look. The thought of the cat becoming depressed almost made the ox feel ready to fidget himself.

And Hatsuharu was not the type of man to fidget.

He set the cup on the drying rack and toweled his hands off. He moved into the living room and sat on the opposite side of the couch from the cat. The ox watched as the other man tensed, fingers digging into the material of his pants.

The silence stretched on until the cat said, "I haven't heard you play yet."

Hatsuharu's gaze followed the cat's and landed on the guitar resting on its stand next to the television. "Would you like me to play for you?" he asked. The ox noted the way the orange-haired man's jaw tightened, knuckles going white. Despite the cat's silence, Hatsuharu retrieved the guitar, not failing to notice that the other man tried to scoot backwards when the ox stood.

When Hatsuharu sat back down, he made sure to leave space between himself and the cat. He took a few minutes to tune the guitar, which he hadn't picked up since before Kyou had reentered his life. "What would you like to hear?"

The cat glanced at the ox then away. "It doesn't matter."

The younger man stared at the older. "There must be something you want to hear."

"I don't know! I don't pay attention to names and artists, you idiot!" Kyou snapped, cheeks turning red even as he scowled.

Hatsuharu allowed himself a small smile; an angry Kyou was better than a sad Kyou. His fingers began to move, picking out random notes and chords. He didn't feel like playing anything in particular, so his tune rambled as he made it up. He glanced up from time to time, noting that Kyou's muscles were slowly relaxing.

Hatsuharu's mind drifted as he played. Slowly over the past few days, the mystery Yuki had presented him with had evolved. He had tried his best to put the pieces together, but there were still questions. "Kyou, I'd like you to do something for me." He could sense the other's tension begin to grow again.

"What?" Kyou grated out.

"I'd like you to close your eyes."

The cat looked over at the ox, crimson eyes finally meeting grey for the first time in days. Hatsuharu could see the surprise and terror there, and then the growing fire of anger.

"Why?" the orange-haired man snapped.

"Please, Kyou. Trust me."

The cat hesitated but looked away first. His jaw clenched before he let his eyes fall shut. He hated feeling vulnerable, literally blind to what the ox might do to him. But he didn't feel the other man make any move, and that made him feel easier.

Hatsuharu kept strumming as he collected his thoughts. The curve of cinnamon lashes against tan skin distracted him. He was using a common method employed on skittish animals; if they couldn't see then there was less to be fearful of. Of course, he would never tell Kyou that he was comparing him to an animal. He wanted to study the cat, to really look at him, and such a thing would be impossible if the cat knew he was being stared at. Orange bangs swept over the other man's forehead, those beautiful lashes, a straight, strong nose, and a stubborn jaw. His cheeks were beginning to fill out—or perhaps that was the ox's own wishful thinking—and Kyou had been following through with the new diet plan.

Even now, after so long, the cat still held himself as a martial artist, his back stiff and straight, and his legs were curled beneath him. His shoulders were pushed back, giving the illusion that he was the old Kyou, the one so strong and defiant. He wished he could see the lines and the curves of the other man's body but once again they were hidden beneath the ox's own clothes.

"How long do I have to do this?" Kyou asked, not trying to hide his annoyance.

Hatsuharu ignored the question, eyes now fixated on the cat's lips. He played a few notes while he formulated what he wanted to say; he wanted to hear from those lips words that would conclude the mystery for him. "That day at the pond…"

Kyou jerked as if he had been slapped. "Don't open your eyes," that deep voice said, followed by a few soothing notes on the guitar. The cat shut his mouth, not even realizing that he had opened it. His shoulders strained with tension. What was that idiot making him do? He hated being in the dark. He hated not being in control. And now the ox wanted to bring up the past. The last thing the cat wanted to do was relive the past.

He hadn't even realized how much the music had been soothing him until he had tensed again. Haru's deep voice added to that… A shiver went up the cat, through his body, and he squeezed his eyes shut tighter.

He didn't want to feel this way any more. He didn't want to have that constant longing every day. Ever since Haru had done that to him a few days ago, he couldn't even look directly at him. Now he wanted to talk about the last time something like this had happened, a time when his heart had broken into pieces. He had been waiting for the final blow for days; he knew that at some point Haru would want to talk to him, explain away the kiss like before. He was prepared. He was tough.

He didn't know if he could survive breaking apart again.

Hatsuharu's voice startled him out of his tortured reverie and forced him to suck in the breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"That morning, you jumped the wall."

Kyou's fingers curled tightly in the fabric of his jeans. He had forgotten almost everything about that day until it had narrowed down to that single moment with Hatsuharu at the pond.

"You were angry. And then you became scared. That was when Yuki showed up. I thought you were fighting. Well, more than usual."

Kyou could hear the laughter in the other man's voice and he scowled, but in the darkness behind his eyelids he saw his tie fluttering on the wind and the graceful way Hatsuharu had caught it. The way he had smiled.

He would do anything not to have these feelings.

"When I talked to you at the pond, you told me you loved someone, someone besides Tohru. I thought that because of the way you fought with Yuki that it meant something was going on between you. I let you know about my assumption and you lashed out. I thought that I was right about my conclusion." The cat could hear the ox pause a moment before beginning a different tune two octaves lower. "When Shigure was here, you told me that you didn't love Yuki. I think that only leaves so many options, barring the conclusion that you loved someone outside your particular social circle."

Kyou's heart beat felt like it was going to burst. His face flushed red. What did it matter to Hatsuharu about any of this? Why did he have to ask questions? Why did he have to act like he cared?

"I want you to tell me who it is, Kyou."

"It's none of your business!" the cat snarled. He wanted to run away as fast and far as possible, but his whole body felt like it was made of stone. He heard the sound of the ox setting the guitar down and panic crawled through him.

"Who is it, Kyou?"

The cat felt the ox shift toward him. He opened his eyes, snarled at the man who was closer than he liked. Closer than he could stand. "Why do you care? Fuck you, Haru!" Kyou stared at the ox, into those storm grey eyes. He shuddered at the look there, like the ox already knew. He couldn't possibly know!

Hatsuharu lifted a hand, fingertips brushing Kyou's cheekbone. The cat jerked backward, slapped at the intrusive hand, but Hatsuharu gripped his wrist. "Stop it!"

"Tell me, Kyou," the ox coaxed. "Let go of the burden."

Kyou wrenched at his hand, but he was still weak. He stared at the ox, loathing for himself crawling along his skin. The younger man had been letting his hair grow out; it caressed his cheekbones the way Kyou loved, the way he remembered. Only this time Hatsuharu wasn't a teenager, but a grown man. The last of the baby fat was gone from his cheeks; he was slim and tall and his voice was a soothing, deep rumble. He was perfection.

And Kyou was a fool. A ragged, starving fool. He was the Cat and he wasn't allowed to love; Akito had made sure that he knew that. Why would someone like Haru ever want him? He had nothing. He was adrift in a world he didn't belong in.

Kyou didn't deserve him. He just wanted Hatsuharu to go away, to leave the pitiful creature he had become alone. The cat writhed, trying to break free, but it only brought the ox closer.

Suddenly, Hatsuharu placed his other hand over the cat's eyes. "Don't be ashamed," Kyou heard the ox say somewhere in the dark. "Don't think about it. Just let it go."

Kyou squeezed his eyes shut, even though Haru's hand had already put him in darkness. It was the only way he could let the truth escape his lips.

"You! I love you!" he yelled. His throat felt raw. He tried to clamp down on the wave of despair rising in his chest. Now the ox knew. He knew. There was no turning back. He had nothing left. The whole world would shatter and he would tear apart at the seams.

"Kyou."

Hatsuharu's voice cut through him like a hot knife. Then there were lips on his, pressed so firmly, so demanding. They were burning him. He still couldn't see. His body bucked and shuddered convulsively, and Hatsuharu rode the waves as he cried out. The ox's kiss was insistent and it took everything from Kyou, every single breath and mewl. The cat felt his own tears fall free beneath the other's hand; they burned. When Hatsuharu's lips finally released his, he gasped, body bowing upward.

The lips came down once more, but this time they kissed away the tears running down the cat's face. They were so gentle. Loving. Then the hand covering his eyes was gone.

Kyou opened his eyes. They were wide, his body still shaking with shock. Hatsuharu was above him as the cat suddenly realized he was lying down. Grey eyes met crimson, and they were warm, so warm. Kyou felt himself melt, his body going limp.

A little smile quirked Hatsuharu's lips. "That's good, Kyou, because…" He leaned in, invading the other's space once more to plant another kiss on orange hair. "I love you, too."

I have additionally discovered that, once again, FF Net has EATEN some of my space dividers in my stories, so now I have to go back and edit those so that they make SENSE. Arrrrgh...