A/N: One more chapter after thie

Chapter Ten

Christian groaned after having spent a night sleeping on the sofa, not wanting to disturb or scare Syed by sharing the bed with him. He understood that Syed needed space and he was willing to give him that.

He sat up on the sofa and saw that Syed was not in the bed. Christian felt a pang of fear run through him before he heard the shower running. He headed towards the bathroom to check on Syed. The door was slightly ajar so Christian pushed it open. He saw Syed curled up on the floor of the shower, the water beating down on him, his skin red raw. He was sobbing.

"Syed?" Christian said gently, not wanting to startle him. "Sy, are you okay?"

"I wanted to feel clean," Syed cried. "I don't feel clean."

"Come on, let's get you out of there," Christian turned off the shower and handed Syed his robe. Syed slowly stood up and hobbled back into the living room. "Maybe it would be best if you spoke to a professional. They might be able to help."

"Yeah, because my last attempt at speaking to a therapist went so well."

"That was different, he was trying to cure you of being gay. A proper therapist would be able to help you talk things through, work things out in your head."

"They can't. How can they help me when I don't know how to help me?"

"Then maybe they can help you work it out."

"I don't want to speak to anyone, I just want to be left alone," Syed almost shouted.

"You need to talk to someone."

"No, I'm fine! I'm okay!"

"You're not okay, you can't be okay. It's okay to not be fine."

"Just leave me alone, please," Syed begged, his voice cracking from the emotion and Christian knew he had to leave it for the moment.

"Okay," Christian sighed. "How about I go and get us some breakfast?"

Syed didn't speak but he nodded slightly so Christian took that as his cue to leave. "I'll be back soon," he promised. Syed just stood and stared as Christian grabbed his jacket and headed out of the flat.

Syed immediately felt a wave of panic rush over him. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to push Christian away, he needed him there with him. He felt as though he couldn't breathe, his chest had tightened to the point where he thought he was going to pass out. Syed collapsed to the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees, his head resting on his knees as he tried desperately to gain control.

Christian felt guilty leaving Syed alone in the flat but he didn't know what else to do. Syed was shutting him out and he didn't know how he could get through to him. He needed to get Syed to open up to him, Syed needed to confront what had happened to him head on and talk about it. All Christian had to do was convince Syed of that.

Roxy had been calling him but he didn't want to speak with her. He didn't want to speak with anyone except Syed and he was the one person who wouldn't open up. Christian made the decision to make Syed talk once and for all. He didn't know how he would do it but by the end of the day he would have Syed talking about what happened.

"Oi Christian!" He heard a voice calling out behind him. It was Roxy. "I've been calling you for ages. It would have been nice to tell me what's going on."

"I'm sorry, Rox, but I've had some other stuff to worry about."

"Is everything okay? You don't look like you've slept. Did you find Syed?"

Christian couldn't find the words to answer his best friend, instead he broke down crying.

"Babe, what's wrong? Come on, let's get you back to mine and we can have a proper talk," Roxy led Christian back to her flat and deposited him down on the sofa. "You gonna tell me what's wrong," she said as she handed him a glass of vodka.

"I don't know where to start," Christian croaked as he took a sip of the strong alcoholic liquid.

"Is it about Syed?" Christian nodded dumbly. "Is he okay?"

"He's not okay."

"So I take it he was missing and didn't just wander off."

"His ex took him… erm took him back to their old flat. He…he called me so I went to get him and… and… oh God… Rox…" Christian couldn't finish as he dissolved into tears again. Roxy understood and sat down next to him, pulling her best friend in to tight hug.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," she soothed. "Did you call the police?"

"Yeah, I took him straight to the hospital and the doctor called the police."

"How's Syed coping?"

"He's not. He's not coping at all. I don't know what to do. I can't say anything or do anything that's going to make him better because there are no words. I don't know what he's going through and I can't help him. He won't even talk to me."

"Maybe he can't talk to you because he doesn't know how to, or maybe he hasn't worked everything out in his own head. It's a horrible thing to have to go through, you should just be there for him and when he's ready to talk he will."

He wanted to scream out in pain but the gag stopped him. It hurt so much, he never thought he would ever experience pain like this. It wasn't just the physical pain that ripped through him every time David pushed into him, the emotional pain was far worse. He felt like his soul was being torn to shreds. The tears flowed down his face but there was nothing he could do to stop them.

"Hush, don't cry my love. Just relax and enjoy it."

Syed woke with a start and ran to the toilet to throw up. Every time he closed his eyes he was transported back to that flat. Every movement, every action was as clear as day in his dreams and it terrified him. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't even eat because the smallest morsel of food made him feel ill. He wanted Christian, he needed Christian.

But Christian wasn't there. He'd gone and Syed was all alone. He started to panic and he felt as though he couldn't breathe, his chest felt so tight. He made his way back into the living room and sat on the bed, hugging his legs tightly as he tried to calm himself down. He didn't want to be alone, he wanted Christian.

Christian knew something was very wrong the moment he re-entered the flat. Syed was curled up on the bed sobbing desperately and he didn't even notice Christian's presence.

"Syed? Sy, are you okay?" Syed didn't respond. Christian felt the worry wash over him once more as he rushed over to the bed and sat down near Syed, but not touching. "Sy," he said gently. Syed seemed to notice him this time.

"Christian!" He cried out and threw his arms around his surprised lover. Christian didn't know how to act for a moment but eventually he wrapped his strong arms around Syed's waist and began comforting the younger man.

They didn't move for a long time, Syed clung onto Christian as though his life depended on it and Christian just sat there, allowing him to cry but offering him as much comfort as he could. After a while the sobs died down and Syed simply lay in Christian's arms silently.

"Thank you," Syed said some time later, his voice hoarse and cracked from crying.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired mostly," Syed confessed. "I keep having nightmares and I don't want to sleep. I think maybe you're right, I do need to talk to someone."

"The doctor who treated you gave me a number, we could call them if you like?" Syed didn't speak but he did nod. "I'll phone him now," Christian moved away from the bed and grabbed his phone while he looked for the number.

Syed lay down on the bed and for the first time since he had left the hospital he felt peaceful. He felt like eventually things could be okay.