Dear Fanfictioneers,
I—what? Did my life not suck enough for you? Malfoy, of all people. That slimy greaseball? And Snape? Hello, he hates me!
Sincerely,
Harry Potter
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
Bash me all you like, but I got the best girl in the series, so suck it.
Sincerely,
Ron Weasley
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
If I punch Ron in the face, will you drop this whole Malfoy thing and let me get on with my life? Also, keep Snape away from me, damn it!
Sincerely,
Hermione Granger
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
Even I think what you have to say on my personal life is going too far. What does that say about you? Time for a long, hard look in the mirror, my friends.
Sincerely,
Luna Lovegood
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
No, seriously, I don't want to be in Slytherin. Go away.
Sincerely,
Albus Severus Potter
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
You heard my name once in the first book, and you've paired me with Harry Potter, Anthony Goldstein, Severus Snape, and Draco Malfoy? You never even knew me as a character! Go write your own story!
Sincerely,
Sally-Anne Perks
(The Girl Who Was Forgotten)
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
The only reason you know I exist is because of a freeze-frame from a JK documentary. Leave me alone.
Sincerely,
Su Li
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
No, I didn't have twins, triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets, or sextuplets (I'M A WOMAN, NOT A SHOWDOG FOR BREEDING). I had one son, and you should be grateful you have him, because if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't!
Sincerely,
Lily Evans Potter
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
For the love of Merlin, if I don't talk like Lucky the Lucky Charms Leprechaun in the books, you can bet I don't talk that way when the focus isn't on me, either.
Sincerely,
Seamus Finnigan
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
Winky is not liking Kreacher. Winky thinks Kreacher is bad elf, very bad elf, for Kreacher does not love his master. Please to keep Winky away from Kreacher. Winky loves her master, but Winky does not love Fanfictioneers.
Sincerely,
Winky
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
What?
Sincerely,
A character known as "Karkaroff's Aide," who seems to appear only in M-rated fics
~xoOox~
Dear Fanfictioneers,
Who the hell am I?
Sincerely,
Ùrsula F.
MAJOR CREDIT TO HORCRUXESANDHALLOWS, and her story, "Dear Writers of Fanfiction." It's brilliant.