Disclaimer: Naruto is still not mine.
This chapter has so much backstory information in it…it was hard for me to write. Hope you all like it. ^_^ Oh, and for those who didn't get why Genma didn't punch Raidou last chapter…the man has CLASS! He only kicked him in the ribs instead. ^_~
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The sun had yet to banish the deep purple shadows from the deepest corners and alleyways as it painted the remaining clouds from the storm peach and gold. Raindrops still clung to the grass wetly and the birds flitted from tree to tree as they greeted the morning. In the streets below vendors swept the puddles from the entryways of their shops in anticipation of the morning crowds. Everything was peaceful and idyllic as the sleepy village slowly came to life.
Still hidden in the deep shadows of a nearby rooftop, two ANBU watched as a certain blonde kunoichi left her apartment and swiftly took to the rooftops, heading toward the center of the village.
"That's her," Sarugaku Tsuzumi hissed bitterly from behind his red and white Ushi-mask.
From behind his Hebi-mask Hitomaru glanced at his companion from the corner of his eye, before continuing to watch the blonde's progress as she receded into the distance. Yamanaka Ino. She was more beautiful than Chigumo's memories had painted her, but then Hitomaru had always secretly suspected that his ill-fated former partner had had no interest in the fairer sex. Seeing the lovely kunoichi in person only reinforced that opinion. She was probably even more spectacular close up. Hitomaru couldn't wait to see her from kissing distance…and bleeding. Yes, red would definitely suit her.
Tsuzumi on the other hand was still staring towards the blonde's apartment and Hitomaru didn't have to see the other man's face to know he was furious, he could practically taste the other man's rage over the three shinobi he sensed in the blonde's apartment. One could even be seen on her bed through the window. Tsuzumi had an obvious grudge against the blonde kunoichi that Hitomaru hadn't bothered to ferret out the reason behind yet. He was still marveling at how easy it was to use that grudge to manipulate the other man to get what he wanted. In this case, Tsuzumi's cooperation in the infiltration of Konoha's ANBU.
"Three chakra signatures…" Hitomaru said mildly, feeding into the other's anger. "My, my, my…"
The fact that the fists tightened on the other man to the point of the knuckles cracking brought delight to Hitomaru's black heart. "Fucking slut…" he heard the other mutter under his breath. All too easy…
Hitomaru turned his attention back to the retreating figure of the Yamanaka, almost out of sight now and he nudged the angry shinobi at his side.
"Let's go," he ordered and the two melted into the shadows.
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The Tower itself was relatively quiet as Ino hurried inside. Her plan was to check in 'not dead' as soon as possible before anything really troublesome happened, like her family being notified. And then she needed to find Asuma-sensei and see Ibiki-taicho, not necessarily in that order. However, Ino was feeling that the miserable knot of worry in her gut wasn't going to loosen until she saw her Captain with her own eyes. Anxiety quickened her pace until by the time she reached the Administrative floor with the Hokage's office she was nearly running.
"Oi! Oi! Oi!" a voice called to her from the open door of the Mission Office as she ran past. "Yo! Ino!"
She skidded to a stop, even though she was so close to her goal of the Hokage's office and turned to face the two Chuunin that had come out of the Mission Office behind her.
"You are alive!" Izumo said, with no small measure of surprise and happiness. Kotetsu chuckled and grabbed her around the shoulders, giving her a friendly shake.
"What do you know! Aoba wasn't full of shit for once!" Kotetsu grinned. "Looks like we owe him drinks." Ino looked confused.
"Bwuh?" she queried. Kotetsu and Izumo shared a knowing glance before Izumo shook his head in dismissal.
"Never mind. We're just really glad to see you're all right. You gave us all a scare!" the bandana wearing chuunin said with a smile. Kotetsu nodded emphatically in agreement, his arm still draped over her shoulder companionably.
Ino was fairly touched. "Really?" she smiled up at them. She'd never known her Sempai's cared. Kotetsu gave her shoulder another friendly squeeze before letting go.
"Of course! Mission Desk Shifts are always more fun with you around!" Kotetsu winked. Ino face-faulted. She should have known better. Izumo and Kotetsu had a knack for suckering her into doing their share of the filing whenever she worked a shift at the Mission Desk with them. THEY called it "delegation of duties based on seniority", but Ino knew a snow job when she saw one. Even if they did usually bribe her into it with chocolate.
Izumo chuckled at the expression on Ino's face. "So what happened?" he asked the blonde. Ino straightened up fast, she'd been expecting this after all.
"I was scheduled on duty last night with my primary unit," she informed them. "However, Ibiki-taicho allowed me to trade shifts with Sarugaku Tsuzumi-kun and work his mandatory Gate Shift consecutively after my own. You can check the Logs. I was at the Eastern Gate with Mozuku-kun and Shimon-san yesterday from 0400 hours to 1700 hours, sir!" she reported properly and remained at attention.
Izumo just blinked at her and Kotetsu grinned again as he ruffled her hair. "She's just so precious when she gets all proper and official and calls us 'Sir'," the spiky-haired chuunin cooed. Ino frowned and swatted him away playfully.
"Leave off!" she scolded. "I'm trying to check in 'officially' so everyone will stop flipping out about me! I'm gonna be lucky if I don't end up with Desk duty for a year over this…" she whined.
"If your Captain okayed the switch he neglected to change the duty roster or inform the Chuunin on Duty," Izumo told her. "Ibiki's pretty good at remembering, but he has forgotten in the past," Izumo shrugged. "I wouldn't sweat it too much yet."
"How is he?" Ino asked, holding her breath. Both Chuunin sobered.
"Not good last we heard. Tsunade-sama hasn't come back from the hospital yet though," Kotetsu said.
"I want to go and see him," Ino said, but before she could make her exit from the Hokage's Assistants, they were joined in the hallway.
"Ah, Ino-chan… I take it Shikamaru was the one who found you?" Ino swiveled her head around to see Shikaku leaving the Hokage's office, followed by Genma.
"Yes, sir," Ino bowed politely. She'd known Shikamaru's father for as long as she had known Shika, but he always slightly intimidated her with his gruff manner and super shrewd brain. He was like Shikamaru PLUS.
"Precious…" Kotetsu teased under his breath. Ino slanted him a look from the corner of her eye, assuming she was the only one who heard the spiky-haired Chuunin's exhaled remark, but when she glanced up she noticed Genma -who didn't look like he was in the best of moods to start with- narrow his eyes slightly in Kotetsu's direction.
"I'm not surprised," Shikaku continued, ignoring the ocular exchange going on beside him. "He's a resourceful one. How?" Shikaku prompted in that testing way that he had. Ino tore her eyes away from surreptitiously watching Genma glare at the Chuunin standing next to her to give her father's teammate her undivided attention.
"Oh! He…um, used an Inuzuka, sir," she informed him. Deciding against sharing the full details of how said Inuzuka was put onto her trail. It was mortifying enough just thinking about how both Kiba and Chouji had been handling her unmentionables. When she had time Chouji was definitely due for another lecture on boundaries, that was for certain. And Kiba… well Kiba might still be losing a couple of teeth for being nosy just on principle.
Shikaku chuckled briefly. "They sniffed you out, eh?"
Literally.
Ino could feel the hot blush crawling up from the neck of her uniform shirt against her will. God, how she hated being embarrassed! Especially in front of Genma. She'd rather face down a pack of Rogue nin any day. She resolutely kept her eyes off Genma, Izumo, and especially Kotetsu, who was always looking for ammunition to tease her with whenever they worked together.
"Yes, sir," Ino ground out between her teeth when she heard Izumo and Kotetsu snickering under their breath.
Shikaku, bless his heart, decided to take pity on her then and turned his attention to the two Chuunin that flanked her. "Desk is minding itself, is it?" he asked mildly. With some muttered excuses the other two beat a hasty retreat back to their stations, leaving the three alone in the hall. Shikaku looked Ino over with careful scrutiny before asking, "A scheduling mix up?"
Ino nodded in relief. "I traded shifts. Ibiki-taicho approved it, but evidently the duty log was not correctly updated. It's my fault. I'm so very sorry," she apologized bowing her head.
Shikaku patted her on the crown of her head, much as he'd done when she was a little girl. "We're going over to the hospital to check on the injured ANBU. Come along, you can make your report to Tsunade-sama there. I'm sure she can use some good news," the Elder Nara said, dropping his hand away.
Ino trailed along behind Shikaku and Genma as they made their way from the Tower to the Konoha Hospital. She tried to keep her presence minimal and not seem like she was listening as the two quietly discussed the condition of the Squads…or what was left of them. It seemed that there was no team that hadn't been affected with at least a member injured, and several of them had had members killed. Ino's Squad being the one to suffer the most casualties. The gravity of the situation weighed on Ino, making the knot of anxiety in her gut worsen.
"I suspect Godaime-sama is in her office," Shikaku pointed the way once they'd arrived at the hospital. Ino nodded her thanks.
"When you're finished we're assembling on the Tower roof at eleven hundred hours," Genma spoke to her directly for the first time. "Full gear, we're going out."
Ino's face must have conveyed her puzzlement at the statement because Shikaku explained: "Tora-taicho was killed in the explosion. Until a permanent replacement is decided upon, Genma is assuming command of all the Squads. He's your Captain now." With that, Shikaku turned and headed down the hospital corridor toward the rooms where the injured ANBU were recovering.
She raised surprised, questioning eyes up to Genma's hooded ones, but he revealed nothing. There was no familiarity in his expression at all. She could have been any other shinobi in the village. "Don't be late," he told her before turning to follow Shikaku down the hall. Ino glanced at the clock above the Ward's doors. 9:50 a.m.
"Yes, Taicho!" she called before Genma got five steps away from her. If he could be professional. So could she.
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Ino found Tsunade easily, the Godaime Hokage was right where Shikaku had told her that she would be, in the small office she maintained at the Hospital. The room was cramped and hardly seemed befitting the medical genius that Tsunade was, but Ino realized that the tiny room was more about function. It was a lot like Ibiki's office, and Ino paused at the threshold as worry gripped her again. She raised her hand to knock on the partially open door, but pushed it open farther instead.
Tsunade sat behind her desk with her head resting on her folded arms. A cup of tea sat forgotten at her elbow, and she was sleeping on a pile of medical scrolls. Ino bit her lip in hesitation about disturbing the obviously exhausted woman, but despite her natural inclination to let the woman rest, she was also now on a timetable before she had to join the other ANBU at the Tower. She had to make her report before then, and besides…she wanted to see Ibiki if she could.
"Tsunade-sama? Ma'am…?" Ino said softly, rapping her knuckles lightly on the doorjamb as she eased into the small room. Tsunade didn't stir, and Ino leaned over the desk, reaching out to nudge the Hokage's arm. "Tsunade-sama?" she repeated a little louder.
The Hokage's head came up off of her folded arms so fast that Ino nearly jumped out of her skin. One moment the woman was drooling on her medical texts, the next she was pinning Ino to the spot with her amber brown eyes.
"Ino," she stated with no confusion or query. Like seeing her there was the most natural thing in the world. Tsunade blinked at her several more times and then yawned behind her hand. "I think I'm still asleep," she mumbled to herself before rubbing her eyes.
"No, ma'am. Yamanaka Ino, I.D. 012604, reporting," Ino told her. Tsunade nodded at her tiredly and waved her in, indicating she wanted her to shut the door and sit. When she settled into the chair, Ino gave the Hokage the same information she'd reported to her Admin's shortly before, again accepting the blame for the scheduling mixup in her Captain's stead. "I'm very sorry if I've worried anyone," she said quietly, bowing her head again.
"I can't tell you how glad I am that you weren't one of our casualties, Ino. Too many died last night," Tsunade sighed.
"Ibiki-taicho…" Ino asked, her heart slamming into her throat. "Is he going to be all right?"
Tsunade had her hands folded in front of her mouth as she rested on her elbows and looked thoughtful. "He's stable now, but I won't lie, he has a long road ahead of him, and likely several more operations. There is only so much that can be done at once to repair the damage. Still there have also been advances in medical ninjutsu since I treated Rock Lee for his crushed limbs, so I feel good about Ibiki's chances of a full recovery," Tsunade told her and gave her a spare smile. "You haven't lost your Master yet, Ino."
Ino could taste salt in the back of her throat, but it was only her will and training that kept her from letting tears fall. "Can I see him?" she asked. Tsunade shook her head.
"He's still unconscious now. Perhaps this evening if he's awake he can have a short visit. He's asked for you, you know…"
She straightened up in the chair from where she'd almost allowed herself to slump in relief at Ibiki's condition. Hearing that he'd asked for her though brought her to attention quick. "He did? When was that?"
"When they brought him out. He was in bad shape, collapsed lung, crushed bones, and yet he called for you," Tsunade said, watching Ino closely. "Do you know why?" the Hokage asked quietly.
"No, ma'am. Not until I can see him," Ino replied cagily. She may not have the same years of experience working with Ibiki that she had with Asuma-sensei, but because of the level of intense training that she'd done with Ibiki, Ino felt she knew him better than she did her first sensei. She and Ibiki had been inside each other's minds and in many ways that was something far more intimate than anything physical. As a result of that knowledge, Ino knew that if Ibiki had asked for her when he was in that bad of condition, he must have a damn good reason. And she wasn't speculating out loud until she found out what it was. Her Captain had taught her well about Interrogation…from both sides.
Tsunade sighed. "I know I'm going to have those two old Busybodies breathing down my neck before the morning is out about this whole thing, so I'm just going to ask it now and get it out of the way. Where were you between the hours of 9 p.m. last night and six a.m. this morning?" Tsunade questioned.
"After my shift ended at 1700 hours I met Asuma-sensei, Chouji and Shikamaru for a quick drink. From twenty hundred onward I was with…a friend," Ino hesitated.
"A friend?" Tsunade asked with a raised eyebrow. Ino blushed slightly.
"A male friend," she amended reluctantly.
"Care to tell me who"?
Ino shook her head. "No, ma'am. Not unless ordered to do so," she murmured. Ino, ever Ibiki's dutiful apprentice could be as tight-lipped and taciturn as her Master if the occasion warranted, Tsunade noticed.
"Is he married?" the Hokage asked with a frown. Ino's mouth fell open in shock.
"NO!" she blurted loudly. "How could you think that?"
"Someone else inappropriate then?" Tsunade continued, ignoring Ino's outrage.
The blonde nin's mouth shut with a snap at that and she hesitated a fraction too long before answering: "N-No…"
The Godaime Hokage sighed heavily, which Ino interpreted as disappointment. Her fingers dug into her knees as she fought down the urge to defend her choice of lover, but perceived disapproval or not, Ino knew this wasn't about her. She was glad that Shikamaru had warned her, otherwise it was possible she could make a fool of herself. Flying off the handle without all the facts. Ino knew that she was innocent, but she also understood where the suspicion could come from. She may be blonde and only half as smart as Shikamaru, but she was clever and intuitive.
"Ino…the Council has initiated an investigation into the incident. I'm sure you can grasp the severity of the matter. Beyond this direct attack on ANBU -in one of the most inaccessible places in this village- there is still the matter of the missing-nin Chigumo and the failed interrogations, the reports of unknown shinobi in the surrounding forest. There are too many coincidences here for these things not to be related," Tsunade explained.
"Clearly they are," Ino agreed.
"Everyone who had contact with Chigumo is either dead or incapacitated. Except for you, Ino. Are you certain that you don't want to tell me who you were with?"
"No, ma'am. I don't." The Hokage slammed the palm of her hand down on her desk top as she scowled at Ino.
"Damnit Ino! Why are you being stubborn about this? If you have an alibi you should just tell me. It doesn't need to go any further than this room, but I'm going to need to tell the council something to placate them," Tsunade argued.
"Tsunade-sama, I assure you that I had nothing to do with what happened. Yes, my jutsu failed during his Interrogation, but it shouldn't have. I asked Ibiki-taicho to let me try again, he refused. Now I have no way to find out why whatever information I learned from that man is locked up in my head, or how to get it out. I'm the last person that would want to see Chigumo dead. As for needing an alibi…well, if the council asks for it, I will comply with their request of course, Tsunade-sama, but not until," Ino said firmly.
"Are you afraid that this lover wouldn't come forward if called upon? That he would hang you out to dry?"
"No, ma'am. I don't believe he'd do that. I know he would back me up, but I don't want to drag him into my problems. Not to mention I don't want us to end up as fodder for the gossips," Ino fisted her hands on her knees tightly.
Ino had definitely had enough of the shinobi rumor mill. It was just like she'd told Genma the night of his birthday, she'd been the topic of speculation and ridicule ever since she'd become a Chuunin. Always the whispers and derogatory comments about her competence as a shinobi, just because she was blonde and her chuunin outfit showed skin. It was assumed that she was weak, more concerned with her looks than her jutsu's, when Ino's logic was that if the enemy was looking at her body and underestimating her, they granted her the advantage and weren't watching what seals she made with her hands. Still the rumors had prevailed and in response she'd tried to change. She'd worked herself nearly to the bone to make the unkind comments and gossip about her die. She'd smiled through every shit mission she got sent on because the higher ups thought she was flighty and weak. Swallowed the hurt every time Asuma had chosen Shikamaru or Chouji to partner with over her. Met every criticism with kindness and more hard work. She'd about turned herself inside out to make herself better and stronger. And finally it had paid off with her promotion to Ibiki's Squad, only to now have it hanging in the balance before she could prove to her Captain that he'd made the right decision when he'd chosen her to be his apprentice.
Even worse to Ino was that despite her relative inexperience with men, rumors had continued to spread that she was easy. And no matter how many advances she gently rebuffed from the ninja who asked her out, that rumor never died. It was assumed that she was a slut, though before Genma, she'd only ever had two other lovers in her life. The first was Hyuuga Kou, the man with whom she'd done her Special Kunoichi training. He'd been an exceptional teacher, and she was glad that her first sexual encounters had been with Hinata's kind Branch Family cousin. Even more glad that so far she'd been lucky to not have to use what Kou had taught her in the line of duty. Her second lover; Sabaku no Kankuro, had also been her first serious, yet short lived relationship. She'd grown to care deeply for the Puppet Master during the ten months they'd dated, but in the end the distance had just been too great between their villages and personal goals and they'd parted as friends. Now there was Genma, a man who seemed to see her as a competent shinobi -worthy of his ANBU fiancée's blade- and a trusted friend, instead of just some blonde bimbo with a kunai. There was no way she'd drag Genma down with her when the inevitable rumors started. Not if she could protect him. And the rumors were inevitable…she was reminded of how quickly they had sprung up when she'd began training with Ibiki.
"Ino…" Tsunade said gently, as she watched the warring emotions on the blonde's face. She probably knew more of the Mind Walker's thoughts than Ino would be comfortable with. She'd heard the various rumors about the blonde over the years as well. She could even say she was guilty of underestimating Ino herself considering how reluctant she'd been when Ibiki requested her for his Squad. The blonde was always being compared unfairly with her own apprentice, Sakura. Ino could appear soft and biddable when the occasion called for it, but Tsunade had also seen that the Yamanaka had a backbone of steel that put Sakura to shame. Ino had proven herself over and over, she deserved the benefit of the doubt.
The eyes Ino raised to Tsunade from her inner reflections were the same eyes that had so troubled Shikamaru earlier. Her focus was like a laser beam as she awaited the Hokage's orders.
"Report to the Interim Captain as ordered, Ino. Do not leave the village unless accompanied by your Squad until this matter is resolved. I'll handle the Council, don't worry," Tsunade told her. Ino dipped her head briefly.
"Thank you, ma'am," she replied quietly and stood.
"Dismissed!"
Between one breath and the next the blonde was gone from Tsunade's office like she'd never been there. The Godaime Hokage sighed again at the mountain of work before her and took a sip of her cold tea. She knew she was going to have to fend for herself for at least the next couple of days without her assistant, because Shizune had pretty much planted herself at Ibiki's bedside and showed no signs of leaving. What a mess for Ino to find herself in so soon after realizing her goal of becoming ANBU, what a mess for them all. Tsunade still couldn't help but wonder again if she shouldn't have left Ino in the Intelligence Division under the command of Inoichi and Aoba. Tsunade's eyes widened momentarily in recollection and she scrabbled for a report that a Chuunin had dropped off earlier before she'd taken her cat nap. Tsunade scanned the scroll and then groaned inwardly at what was noted there: Yamanaka Inoichi - Jounin 005492/Assignment: Assist Suna ANBU Intelligence Unit, Recalled due to Death in Family (Yamanaka Ino - Chuunin 012604).
Bureaucracy had done it's job in her stead while she'd been working to save the injured. In this case, a little too efficiently, as they'd notified Ino's father of her deceased status before they'd even confirmed it. Tsunade rubbed the bridge of her nose between her eyes. Brilliant. Inoichi was going to come unglued…because if Tsunade recalled correctly, Inoichi had been assigned to assist the Suna ANBU before his daughter's transfer out of his Department had been made official. She wasn't looking forward to THAT conversation...
"Godaime-sama?" a respectful male voice accompanied a soft knock to her office door.
"Come!" Tsunade called, still chewing her lower lip over the mess her Intelligence and Interrogation Divisions were in at the moment as she reviewed the latest report of the dead and injured ANBU.
"Hai! Sarugaku Tsuzumi, 010965 Reporting!"
Tsunade raised her eyes from the list of the dead to the NOT dead ANBU member of Ibiki's Squad standing at attention before her in a standard Konoha uniform. The one that was supposed to have been replacing Ino on her shift the night before, was now here looking as fresh as a daisy and completely unharmed. Tsunade frowned and waved the shinobi in.
That mess was getting worse by the minute.
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Separating herself from her feelings had always been her best survival skill.
Too bad it wasn't helping her very much now.
In the silent stillness of the empty ANBU locker room, Uzuki Yuugao donned her uniform with a methodical slowness that was unlike her usual quick efficiency. Normally she could change from civilian wear to full ANBU gear in two and a half minutes, but now she'd spent three times that long just fastening her shin guards. The whole previous night- the attack on the ANBU HQ, arguing with Raidou, Shizune's fear and despair- was making her feel as though she were sinking through quicksand.
She hated fighting with Raidou the most. They almost never did, their personalities complimented each other's so well, she often took it for granted that he would always see something her way. So she knew that Raidou had no idea why she had reacted the way she did during their discussion at dinner. She'd just been so furious at his stubborn dismissal that Genma showing a romantic interest -hell, any interest beyond just a quick fuck- in their young blonde friend was positive progress for him. But then, unlike she and Genma, Raidou had been lucky in the fact that he'd never lost a lover. Friends, yes…they'd all lost friends, but Raidou hadn't had his heart ripped out while it was still beating the way she and Genma had. Raidou hadn't seemed to notice how his best friend had retreated from them behind his wall of jokes and one night stands after he lost Shiori. He hadn't been around to see how it had been her friend Genma -the only one who understood the depths of her devastation when she lost Hayate- that had helped to pull her back from the brink when she wanted to follow him. For that alone she'd do anything for Genma to see him be happy again…she just wished Raidou could understand why that was more important than how old Ino was.
Yuugao sighed as she dropped heavily onto the bench behind her and rested her elbows on her knees, giving up on changing for the moment. She knew the assembly time was creeping up on her, but she just couldn't get past the shock of seeing Raidou -her safe, dependable, loving Raidou- in his ANBU gear. She'd been hiding in the locker room for hours since he left, too much of a coward to go and face him. She leaned forward, letting her long violet hair hang down over her face to spill between her knees. Hayate had loved her hair long, had always liked to coil it around his fingers and use it to pull her closer for a kiss, or to whisper in her ear… Raidou loved her hair too, he liked to comb his fingers through it whenever she rested against his scarred chest after they had sex.
Hayate and Raidou, Raidou and Hayate…
Yuugao lifted her gaze to the inside of her locker. Here was where she chose to store her memories. She kept no photos from her past displayed in she and Raidou's apartment. They were all kept here, the inside of her locker covered with photos of the one who had meant the most to her. It was almost a shrine. Hayate's katana and bandana hitae-ate were stuffed into the very back behind her rarely used green-Konoha issued vest. Her eyes went unerringly to her favorite picture of Hayate as they always did and she could still feel the loss of him in her life, even after all these years. Her hatred and resentment of Suna might have faded over time, since as a shinobi she could understand that they had been deceived too and there was no mercy in war; but as Hayate's woman she still felt as if something vital had been ripped out of her forever with his death. Losing Hayate had nearly destroyed her when after his funeral she'd thrown herself so fully into her work, taking on more and more risky missions, like she wanted to follow Hayate into the next world. She'd felt that without him she'd had nothing. So Yuugao could understand the despair she'd seen in Shizune's eyes the night before all too well.
Because now she had Raidou. And Dear God…what if she lost Raidou too?
She clasped her hands together and brought them to her forehead, almost as if in prayer as raw terror gripped her again. This was a fear she lived with daily. Normally kept buried so deep she hardly acknowledged it. She didn't know if she could survive it if she lost another lover.
It had crept up on her so slowly…loving Raidou. She hadn't wanted to, hadn't meant to…she'd fully intended to love only Hayate for the rest of her life, whether he'd been there to share it with her or not. But Raidou had been so persistent, so there, as a couple of years or so after Hayate's passing he'd started asking her out. She'd refused him so many times it almost became a joke, but in spite of how many times she told the scarred shinobi that she didn't want to get involved, that she just wanted to stay friends, how many times had he looked at her with that endearing half smile and said: Okay, I can wait. He'd frustrated and simultaneously terrified her with his kind nature and gentle patience. In the end after months of refusing him, it was finally Genma of all people who had asked her what exactly she was afraid of by giving Raidou a chance. She still heard Genma in her head sometimes saying that she had nothing to lose and only happiness to gain.
So she'd finally said yes to Raidou. It had been surprisingly easy and natural, falling into a relationship with him. They were so compatible, and Raidou never seemed to resent that at first Hayate's memory was always there between them. Over time, Yuugao had let herself be lulled and comforted by the depths of Raidou's love for her, yet she still felt guilty for how much of herself she held back from him. Hayate's death had scarred her, and like it had with Genma, it kept her from letting anyone get too close. Genma dealt with his fear of letting anyone back into his heart by spreading himself around. At least Genma was honest, Yuugao felt she was somehow worse for denying Raidou the knowledge of how she truly felt about him. He wasn't Hayate's replacement, he'd become so dear to her in his own right, but the thought of something happening to him -of Raidou leaving her alone like Hayate did- strangled any confession that would ease the longing she sometimes saw in Raidou's eyes whenever he told her he loved her.
Yuugao wiped the wetness from her cheeks with the back of one gloved hand. Tears she hadn't been aware of shedding clumping her eyelashes together. She was a coward. A coward for hiding…not just in the ANBU locker room, but in her relationship. Raidou was a good man. He deserved better than what she gave him, but she was so selfish. Selfish for wanting to keep him for herself no matter what. She knew she was hurting him by trying to protect her own heart, but who was she kidding? It was too late…he was already in there. Sniffling, Yuugao scrubbed at her face with her hands and raised her head. She was better than this. Better than giving into self-pity and fear. She was an ANBU Kunoichi, best of the best. Raidou was elite as well, she'd do well to remember that. How many times had he already come home injured from missions? Yet he still came home to her. She needed to stop being afraid of things she couldn't control. It was ridiculous if you thought about it…how hard could it be to tell her lover, the man she'd lived with for the last two and a half years, that she loved him?
"Raidou…I love you," she mouthed silently, trying it out. "I love you," she whispered a little louder. Perhaps it wouldn't be as hard as she'd imagined. True, she was saying the words to a locker full of Hayate's photos, and Raidou was nowhere in sight. It had always been easy to tell Hayate that she loved him. Once she'd even screamed it to the entire Village from the top of the Hokage monument. Much to Hayate's mortification and Genma and Shiori's amusement. She could do this. If she could give the best of herself to Hayate, she could do the same for Raidou. She would tell the man she loved her true feelings, he deserved no less.
With a new resolve, Yuugao quickly finished putting her uniform on and closed her locker firmly after retrieving her mask and sword. "I love you," she said to her Neko mask, trying to imagine it was Raidou. "You're the most important person in the world to me, Raidou…I love you," she expounded. Theorizing that every time she said it it'd get easier. So far so good. She smiled widely. "Raidou, you are my heart. You mean everything to me, and I love you," she practiced. It almost made her giddy to say it out loud and she flung her arms out to the sides.
"I love you!" she all but shouted to the empty locker room.
"Gosh, I love you too, Senpai…"
Yuugao whipped around embarrassed as Ino walked by to her locker. A sly, knowing grin playing around the blonde's lips. "Ino-chan!" Yuugao exclaimed. "I…uh…err…" she stammered as she blushed. Ino just laughed.
"I heard what you said, I know you weren't talking to me, don't worry," the blonde chuckled. Setting her kodachi into her locker and untying the sash at her waist before she shrugged out of the long violet tunic she was wearing.
Yuugao cleared her throat nervously. In the grand scheme of things if she had to humiliate herself in front of a colleague by practicing her love confession, a confession meant for her own boyfriend- Really, how dense could she be? she wondered- she was glad it was her favorite little kohai.
"So…" Ino prompted as she took her vest out of her locker and turned to face Yuugao. "You can't let that go by unexplained," Ino teased with a grin.
"Well," Yuugao started thoughtfully, "I suppose you could say I had an epiphany."
"Oh?" Ino replied, though her attention was more on trying to put her ANBU vest on properly. "What kind?"
Yuugao stepped forward and helped the blonde settle the vest on her torso properly and adjust the fit so that the garment would go on and off easier. "Just that I finally realized how amazing what I've had right in front of me is," Yuugao told her friend quietly. Ino's grin looked fit to split her face she was smiling so widely.
"Yeah?" she questioned happily. "Good for you, Senpai. I'm happy for you," Ino said. "When you gonna tell him that?"
"First chance I get," Yuugao laughed, her eyes still sparkling with tears as she gave Ino's vest one last adjustment and then stepped back from the blonde. "There. That should work better."
"Thanks," the blonde replied, then turned back to her locker to don her gloves and gauntlets. On a whim she grabbed a hair tie and pulled the front of her hair up and back into a top knot, leaving the back down. "This doesn't look completely ridiculous, does it?" Ino pointed to her hair. "Gen- I mean, I was told that I should look more…inconspicuous," she said by way of explanation.
Yuugao shook her head as she settled her Ninjaken onto her back. "No. It's a good idea to wear your hair differently than you do day to day. I never do because frankly, short of covering it up everyone knows it's me anyway. I'm the only purple-haired ninja in the Village," Yuugao laughed.
When Ino pulled the kodachi she'd set aside out of her locker to attach to the back of her vest, Yuugao again stepped up to help her. She froze however, when Ino passed the blade to her over her shoulder.
"Wh-where did you get this?" Yuugao asked hollowly. Ino turned around slowly. She hadn't given any thought to her senpai's possible reaction to seeing her with Shiori's blade. The two had evidently been close, judging from the picture Ino had seen at Genma's. In fact they would have been sisters by marriage had Hayate lived. Ino bit her lip at her potential faux paux.
"Genma gave it to me," Ino told her softly.
Yuugao clutched the blade to her chest a moment and closed her eyes. Tears once again breaching her eyelids. She had no words to express to the blonde how it gladdened her heart to see her with Shiori's sword. That the first chinks in the armor around Genma's heart were finally starting to show thanks to the young blonde.
"I'm sorry," Ino apologized, taking Yuugao's happy tears for pain. "I didn't mean to upset you! I don't know why he gave it to me, anyway. I told him not to," Ino explained plaintively. Yuugao shook her head once the blonde started apologizing and put her hand on the younger woman's arm comfortingly.
"No, no…this is a good thing, Ino-chan… A very good thing." Yuugao turned the blonde around and attached the scabbard of the blade to Ino's vest, where she would be able to reach over her shoulder and draw the short blade. "It's time he started letting go of her," she finished under her breath. Ino turned back around, still looking unsure.
"It doesn't make you mad? Me having Gekkou-san's blade?"
"Makes me hopeful," Yuugao smiled. Ino smiled back tentatively.
"With any luck I'll never have to use it before I can get my own. I had basic bladed weapons training, but I'll probably be horrible with it."
"You'll be fine. If you want, after patrol let's go over to the Training Grounds and I'll work with you on it. Okay?"
"If you have the time, that would be great! Thanks, Senpai!" Ino said happily.
Yuugao tugged at the elbow of her kohai, pulling her with her towards the door. The violet-haired kunoichi grinned at the blonde as they made their way out of the locker room.
"So…how was dinner, Tiger?" Yuugao drawled slyly. Ino's eyes widened in embarrassment.
"Senpai!"
Her heart much lighter than it had been all night, Yuugao just threw back her head and laughed.
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Footnote: This chapter threatened to be another monster, so I've decided to split it up into 2-3 parts.
As always, thanks for reading. Reviews are the icing on the cake to a writer. I'd love to hear from you! Until next time…