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Bella, sitting in an old hippie van, shivered.

"BELLA!" A girly voice squeaked.

Bella saw a figure, a girly figure, running toward her with her arms out.

"Jacob?" Bella murmured. "Get a haircut, man."

"Walk with me and I'll tell you a weird story." Jacob said, pulling her upward and dragging her toward the cold sand.

"My tribe...we're descended from hamsters." Jacob stammered.

"Um, okay? Is that why you have a squeaky voice?" Bella asked him.

"Hey, puberty happens!" Jacob snapped. "Now, on with the story."

Bella imitated him under her breath as they continued to stroll.

"My great-grandfather, Chief Fuzzy Butt, found the Cullens hunting on OUR lands. They made a pact that if they don't advance on our lands, we don't poop on theirs. Because, believe me, we can make SOME kind of massive."

"JACOB! TMI!" Bella yelled, clasping her hands over her ears as she ran away.

"I'm so sad....I can't get a date."

An old boater sobbed. He plugged in the radio and started singing, badly, to oldies. There was a loud creak.

"Oh, boaty. You're my only friend." He said, patting the rusty sides of the boat. "Hello?" He called as the creak happened again.

A red headed woman, the same from the plant only days earlier, smiled and pulled the boat inwards.

"A DATE?" The boater gasped, hands to his grimy face.

"Hey, nice...um, nothing actually." A man with a ponytail smiled, sliding down from the ceiling.

"James. Don't insult our food. It hurts its feelings." A scary man with dreadlocks said, rubbing his fingers together.

Quickly, the woman lunged upon the boater, as screams echoed.

"Where can I get a book on Jacob's hamster story?" Bella asked herself, googling it. She found the perfect bookstore, right where Jessica and Angela wanted to shop for dresses.

"Does this dress make me look fat?" Jessica asked, twirling in a dress shaped like an inflatable clown.

"Yeah, a little." Bella stammered. "Actually, I just really wanna go to this bookstore..."

"Jess, stop finding dresses that scream 'fat suit', okay?" Angela called from the dressing room.

Bella got up and left, heading for the bookstore. The sign, swaying in the wind, read "Stupid's Bookstore...Overly Dumb Books at Overly High Prices!"

"Great." She grumbled as she paid twenty dollars for a skinny book on Hamster Legends.

Bella then turned down a dark alley, stupidly. Two guys looked at her and began to follow her, letting their arms scrape the ground. As she walked, more of them collected, following.

Bella stopped dead as ten of the creepers circled around her.

"We are aliens!" One of them cried, eyes wide.

"From a distant planet!" Another shouted.

"Meeboop, meeboop." They all chanted, shaking their arms.

Suddenly, a silver dumpy car came screeching around the corner. It crashed into a trash can as a boy flew out the front window.

"Are you okay?" Bella cried as the alien-men closed in.

"Never mind me." Edward said, walking into the light. He then let out a noise that sounded like a cross between a barking dog and a teenage girl.

The aliens fled as Edward threw Bella into a broken seat.