ASH AND MARY-LYNNETTE: MY DECEMBER

THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO DIMKALOVER

WITH SHOUOUTS TO

VAMP

TEAM JAC-WARD 124

BUNPIRE

XXRIAHARDYORTONXX

SAMANTHA

JENNY 16

XX MYSTIQUEASHAXX

DISCLAIMED

-----------------------------------MARY-LYNNETTE POV----------------------------------------

WHEN you lose your soulmate, you lose yourself, your chest becomes a hollowed out stone that used to hold your heart and soul. Your throat is always aching with held back tears. You can't speak, because if you open your mouth you will scream. You cry yourself to sleep and wake up with dry eyes and a damp pillow, if you're lucky enough to get any sleep. When you dream, you dream of him, his ever changing eyes, his smile, his laugh… you forget to eat and stay in your room for days. In class you stare at the wall and turn at any slight noise in case its him. But it never is, so you sink into even deeper sorrow. Because he's gone, and its your fault.

I gave up any pretense of being happy. Kestrel gave me three more of the talks that snapped me out of my daze the first time, but now I avoid the sisters, because Ash hangs between us, like the smell of smoke, it never fully fades.

During lunch at school I drifted from empty classroom to empty classroom. I lived only for the night, when I took the old blanket and laid on our hill, no matter the weather.

Because maybe somewhere he might have been doing the same thing. Sometimes I would see the wink of his eye in a red dwarf, and I'd think it was his.

When I shivered, he held my in his arms. But when I looked down, I had wrapped my arms around myself to hold myself together.

And then I cried, because I sent him away.

-*-

"Mary-Lynnette?" Mark called from outside my room, "Can I come in?"

"Sure Mark." I called tonelessly, still staring at the wall, that I've been staring at the last four hours.

He came in and sat next to me on the bed. "Are you hungry?" he asked gently. I shook my head not taking my eyes off the wall.

"Its been three days Mary-Lynnette! You have to eat." Pain filled his eyes and he left muttering under his breath.

I still didn't move my eyes, but my hand closed over my cellphone. My fingers flew over the keys with the old familiarity of practice.

The phone rang twice and he picked up. "Hello?" he asked, his voice was dull and sad, so unlike the boy I knew. I clutched the receiver closer in a hand that shook as he asked again and again until he hung up, muttering about stupid prank calls.

Tears ran down my cheeks as the empty buzz came back on. I couldn't talk to him yet, but I allowed myself to hear his voice occasionally, so I didn't go insane, well more insane. But I sometimes wondered if it helped at all, because I dissolved into tears every time I heard his sad "Hello?" but I was addicted, and he was a drug I take willingly.

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