Thanks for reading, everybody! When this is done, I'll begin my New Moon and Eclipse pardoies! Anyone think that Eclipse was awesome?

"Yes, I understand..." Carlisle was saying as he flipped his hair.

"Like, what's going on?" Edward asked.

"Some guy who never got any dates was killed in his boat...animal attack." Carlisle giggled.

"Same animal that killed that weird security guard?" Bella asked as the two walked away.

Of course, no one responded.

"Bella, take this sugar spray. It distracts killers long enough for them to have a wonderful taste in their mouth and wonder about it." Charlie said when Bella entered his office.

She grumbled as she left the office and went home with the Hamster Legends book.

"The hamsters and the teenage girls feuded always." She read aloud. "Teenage girls? I mean, I know a few hamster killers, but..."

She quickly typed "teenage girls and hamsters" into Google.

"Some teenage girls love blood, because vampires are all arage these days. But this kind, they're fast, strong..."

Bella gasped. "Edward is a TEENAGE GIRL! Wait...is he gay?"

Bella then took out her diary and wrote, "Of three things I was almost sure. One, Edward was a teenage girl. Two,there was a part of him...that was a creepy stalker and wanted my blood. And third, I wasn't sure if I hated or loved him. Wait, then I'm only sure about two things. Oh, well."

"Hey, Bella. How are ya?" Edward asked the next day at school.

"IEEEEE!" Bella screamed, running away with her arms in the air.

"What the heck?" Edward muttered, following her into the woods.

Bella threw her bookbag up in the air. It landed right by Edward's foot.

"You're fast, strong, pale, cold..." She stammered.

"Whoa! Slow down and let me give a cheesy explanation for each one!" Edward gasped.

"You talk like you're a teenage girl!" Bella screamed.

"Aren't you a talker?" Edward huffed.

"I know what you are." Bella gagged. "A...a...a MOOSE!"

"I'm, like, a vampire, you IDIOT! Oh my gawd!" Edward said, fanning himself.

He then scooped Bella onto his back. "You better hold on tight, spider monkey."

"I am not a monkey!" Bella screamed, right as her head was thrown back by the sudden rush of speed.

Edward was running so fast that he was almost flying.

"Why don't you try out for track?" Bella called over the wind.

"Shut up." Edward scowled. "You need to see what I look like in the sunlight."

He stepped up on a rock where the sun was shining and leaned his head back. He began to sparkle and his face was instantly covered in makeup.

Bella clasped her hand over her mouth. "You're beautiful..In a popular girl kind of way..."

Edward snorted and jumped up in the air. "I'm designed to kill."

"Kill what? My eyes? Turn off the sparkles!" Bella grumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"AS IF YOU COULD OUTRUN ME!" Edward said, keeping time with a snail on the ground.

"0.1 miles an hour..." Bella said, holding her pocket speedometer.

"AS IF YOU COULD FIGHT ME OFF!" Edward bellowed, throwing a few twigs in the air and kicking them with his foot.

"I...can't take your smell, it's like a drug to me."

Bella smiled and stuffed her arm in his face. Edward's eyes crossed and he fell from the tree.

"Kiss me, I know you can." She said.

Edward trembled on the ground.

"Sweet, sweet, blood." He said, tearing out parts of his hair.

"KISS ME, DANG IT!" She snapped.

The next day, Edward stepped out of his car and put on his Barney sunglasses.

"Edward, please..." Bella begged, stepping out of his car.

Edward wrapped her arm around her.

"Please." He said. "We're a thing now."

"Oh my God!" Angela gasped, dropping her camera.