Here's the next chapter! Sorry about my abstence, I've been out and about. Here we are!

"You know, I was dying in the 16th century..." Edward mentioned to Bella the next day.

"Oh my god, this is your second life?" Bella screamed, jumping away from him.

"Yeah, duh! Idiot." He grumbled, sitting down on a rock.

"Hey, if you farted, would it be strong enough to snap that rock?" Bella asked, fingering her pocket camera.

"Maybe...haven't eaten any beans, like ever..." Edward said thoughtfully, placing two fingers on his chin. "But you know I'm a veggie vampire."

"You're made out of vegetables?" Bella gasped again, barely changing her expression.

"NO! Golly, why am I dating you? No, that means I only eat animals!"

"Oh..." Bella nodded. "Got it."

"Doesn't mean I won't eat YOU if you tee me off!" He joked, tickling Bella.

"Ah. Stop it." She said, still not tweaking her face.

"You know, how I can read minds? Well my sister Alice can see the future."

"Did she see me with you?"

"I won't answer!" Edward grumbled.

Bella was washing her exploded car remains when she heard a loud thump.

"AAGH! FREDDY KRUEGER! DON'T EAT MEEEE!" She screamed, throwing her hands over her head.

"Chill, girly. I am a killer, but I'm not a wrinkled old creeper." Edward said, combing through his hair with a pink bejeweled comb.

"Yeah, I know. Guess I should be smarter..."

"There's always room for knowledge. You know, I want you to meet my family."

"But...they'll eat me! No, they'll hate me! Plus, they're all super weird!" Bella panicked, stammering and running her fingers across her face.

"Um...CRAP SHOOT!" Edward screamed, quickly running from Bella's dump to his own cruddy car.

"I hate how he does that." Bella muttered, dipping her sponge in the ice on her sidewalk.

She realized why Edward had left as she saw Jacob driving the family truck into her driveway. Her father ran out in a long baseball jersey.

"WHOOPEE! BEERS, FISH, AND A FAT TV!" He screamed, waving his foam finger in the air.

"DON'T FORGET DORITOS!" Billy Black cheered as Charlie bumped him up the stairs.

"Are you gonna join them, Jacob?" Bella asked, jabbing her mittened thumb over her shoulder.

"It's all just fatness to me." He said, shaking his long hair. As he shook his hair, he grabbed a tangle. "UGH! I HATE BAD HAIR DAYS! You know, the frizz this morning was just UNbearable!" He cried, digging out a pocket comb.

"Good luck with that, Jacob." Bella said, backing away.

"Esme?" Edward called. A short, manly haircut faced Bella.

"Oh, Esme! You and Carsisle..." Bella stammered.

"My hair? Yes...it's a bit of a gender reversal." Esme smiled.

"My beautiful hair!" Carisle cried, flipping it.

"Go, Rosalie, go!" A voice chanted.

Bella peered into the next room and saw Rosalie, the mean blonde sister, squeezing a salad bowl as hard as she could. It popped right as Bella entered the room.

"Yeah!" cheered Emmett, the tall, muscular one.

He was wearing a coat of his own hair.

"Um..." Bella said.

Rosalie flipped her hair and stomped out of the room. Emmett shook Bella's hand.

"Hey, I like to wear hair when I'm with the family." He chuckled.

A tree creaked and a beautiful girl with a pixie cut entered.

"Hey, I'm Alice." She said. "And you smell wonderful."

Edward roled his eyes but Bella smiled. "Finally, a normal family member!" She said, hugging Alice.

Jasper appeared behind her, face pressed as usual.

"Hey, Jasper! Farted yet?" Bella asked.

Jasper shook his head. "How...how do you do?" He stammered.

"Okay! Let's go see my room!" Edward grabbed Bella and pulled her toward the stairs.