Here we are again! Only three more chapters to go! If anyone has a snazzy name for a New Moon parody, lemme know!

The truck bumped into the shiny garage. Each of the Cullens sat on top of a counter that seemed to be installed for no apparent reason. Shiny sports cars were parked at random angles, sticking out. Bella bumped into one as Edward helped her inside.

"Why do we have to save her?" Rosalie asked, flipping her still-perfect hair.

"Why are we escaping in the shiny sports cars?" Esme asked. "Doesn't everyone know that vampires are attracted to shiny objects?"

With that, her eyes locked on the headlights of the red car in a seeming trance.

"Isn't my hair so beautiful?" Carsisle crooned, flipping it in Bella's face yet again.

Alice rolled her eyes. Esme popped out of her trance and pulled scissors from her skirt pocket. As Carsisle ranted about his hair, she slipped behind him and cut it all off.

"As I was saying..." He went to flip his hair and brushed the short ends.

"IEEEEE! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!" Carsisle sobbed. Then, he hit the floor with a crack and passed out cold.

Alice tried to hide her laughter. As they were all giggling about the event, Laurant stepped into the garage.

"It's the dreadlocks man." Bella said flatly, not realizing that the danger of death was suddenly upon her.

"I came to warn you about James. He...picks the strangest places for a fight. Oh, but he isn't stupid. He'll trick your half-alive, sullen soul into traps like you'd never imagine. 'CUZ YOU'RE STUPID!" He screamed, jumping and pointing, then running away laughing.

"That does it!" Emmett said, hitting the purple 'Never Say Never' car and making a gigantic dent. Rosalie screamed as he did this.

"We need to get Bella out of her straightaway! Alice, will Jasper be okay?"

A distant flush was heard, followed by a long, slow, "Aaaah."

Alice nodded. "He finally crapped. He'll be fine."

Emmett picked up Bella and her suitcase like a football over his head. Then, he tossed them through the window and into the black sports car. Alice jumped into the driver's seat.

Jasper walked outside, trail of toilet paper hanging from his black pants.

"Should we tell him?" Rosalie whispered to Emmett.

"Nah, see how far the paper rolls before it snaps." Emmett giggled like the monkey boy he was. Rosalie nodded and giggled along with him.

Edward walked up to Bella's window and hit the base multiple times with a pained, constipated expression.

"Bella." He growled. "I just want you to know..." He bent lower as tears began to drip from his eyes.

"YOU'RE MY BOX OF TWINKIES!" He lost it, doubling over with sobs.

"Alice, could you step on it?" Bella asked, tapping her lightly on the shoulder. Alice nodded sweetly, blowing dust on the sobbing Edward and the passed out Carsisle.

About 1500 miles in, when the sun was just rising, Jasper heard a rip. He looked over his shoulder and saw a waving white flag.

"Huh." He shrugged, turning around in his seat.

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