I'm Back! Only two more chapters before this story wraps!

The Cullens ran through the forest at top speed. Carsisle was jogging slowly, pausing to touch his short ends and cry.

Edward stopped, extended his hands to look manly as he sniffed the air.

"He's already been through here. In fact, it smells like he crapped."

Rosalie strode up beside him. "Didn't Laurant say something about his major gas attacks?"

Emmett decided to sniff, too. "No, I think that's Jasper's leftover stench."

They all nodded.

Rosalie smiled to herself and slowly licked the tree. She would send that vampire to eat Bella's flabby thighs. Oh, wait. She was skinnier than twigs.

"What are you doing, Rose?" Emmett called.

"Oh, just...sampling the fungus."

"Okay, then."

Later on, James trekked through the woods. He sniffed the tree and swore. His snacky had escaped. He hit the tree with his fist and broke a nail.

"Oww!" He wailed before running off at top-vampire speed.

Alice and Jasper kissed softly as Bella moaned with depression.

"There's no need to be depressed, Bella!" Alice smiled. "I mean, you're only 1500 miles away from your love with a crazy vampire after your blood!" She giggled. Then, she screamed.

"A VISION! I SEE A ROOM FILLED WITH BLOODY ICE. A TURKEY BURGER DRIPPING FROM CRAZED FANGS. AND A TEENAGE GIRLY MAN RUNNING AND FLAPPING HIS HANDS. THAT IS ALL. NOW WE RETURN TO YOUR SCHEDULED PROGRAM...TWO CRAZY VAMPIRES IN A ROOM WITH A GIRL WHO MIGHT AS WELL BE A BRICK!"

Bella gasped. The visions has never been this clear...nor strange...before. Just then, her phone rang.

"Heyy, honey! Guess who's gay voice this is?" The ringtone sang. Edward's pre-recorded love note. She scoffed and answered.

"H-h-hello?

"Bella, we lost him. Rosalie started making out with a tree and probably led James closer toward you than ever before."

She heard Emmett gasp. "That's what you were doing? Rose! I can't believe you'd cheat on me with a freakin' plant!"

"It was to kill the girl!" Rosalie screamed. The reciever filled with screams and snarls.

"I'LL CALL YOU BACK...PROBABLY AT LEAST 100 MORE TIMES!" Edward shouted as he hung up.

"Hey, Alice?" Bella called, turning around. She saw Alice and Jasper making out heavily on the pink couch.

"Okay then."

Her phone rang again, the rigntone of a dull office phone. Home. As in Home in Phoenix. Wierd.

"Hello?"

"Bella! Bella, don't make me come there! I'll shower you so bad with the hose that you..."

"Mom?" Rene' w

as the only mother in the world who had ever carried a hose as punishment.

A low chuckle was heard.

"Sounds like you're in trouble. Sweet mama will be too, if we don't meet alone."

"Is this a sex line?"

A hand smacked to a face. "Look, just give me a time so I can finally eat you...I MEAN! Meet you...properly." The voice smirked.

Bella bit her lip and looked at her bracelet. Stenciled across a pink rubber band in blue letters...What Would Edward Do?

She thought long and hard before saying, "WWED? Okay!"

Read and review please! Let's get this story back on the map.