Author's Note: *NeonDaisies shuffles into view, uncertain of how much groveling is necessary, then throws herself at the feet of her readers* Sorry about the disappearance, folks. I'm sure most of you out there know how it is: working 30 hours a week while going to school full time, then preparing to graduate. It's honestly been forever since I've had the time to write, or even the inclination, since most of my creative juices were being wrung out of me at school. But here I am, a graduated, fully minted graphic designer, and I have time for HOBBIES again. It's life changing, I tell you.
Anyway, I really am sorry that I haven't updated in forever, but hopefully this makes up for all of that. The next chapter is in progress, and as I'm only working 40-45 hours a week (it's a VACATION, compared to school AND work), I should have it next (and possibly last) part up in a few weeks.
Um, and might I suggest re-reading the rest of this, because it's entirely possible you've forgotten what's going on. I know I had to go through and reread everything. :)
As predicted, Tony did not finish his funnel cake. Pepper, however, polished hers off in record time, earning his awe, admiration, and a certain amount of shocked fascination. Where did she put it all? he couldn't help but wonder. Of course, considering all the salads and whole wheat sandwiches with sprouts that she ate during the week, maybe she splurged like this every weekend.
He hoped she did; he wanted to watch her indulge herself as she'd been doing today.
This time when she caught him staring at her, she smiled and wiped at her face with the tips of her fingers. She missed a smear of powdered sugar and Tony carefully brushed it off her cheek with his thumb. Her eyes held his as he fought an internal battle about what to do next. With any other woman he would clean his thumb suggestively before saying something that rode the line between lewd and merely inappropriate. But this wasn't just another woman. So he slowly and carefully rubbed his fingers together, brushing the sugar off while acknowledging everything he was thinking with a lopsided smile. After all, Pepper knew better than anyone but Rhodey what he "normally" did.
"Com'on – there's something here you're going to love."
The words weren't really necessary; it didn't really matter what it was that she had to show him. He would follow her just about anywhere and usually did with a lot less incentive than the anticipation currently sparkling in her eyes.
She led him to the penny arcade and their collection of vintage games. The authentic clockwork pieces were in perfect working order. Pepper lingered over them with him, fishing loose change out of the depths of her purse. He fed the coins into the machines like an eager child, even pouting a little when she ran out.
"Maybe if you save up your own change you can play longer next time," Pepper said as soon as she managed to stop laughing.
Tony smiled in contentment, not only at her easy mention of a "next time" but because of her easy laugh.
He loved the sound of her laughter. Working with her for the last seven years had proved how rare a sound it was. Her professionalism had often seemed to override her ability to express amusement freely. All her smirks, quirked lips, and even her scowls when he pressed a little too far all served to make her personable, approachable. Her laugh made her human though, and not just approachable but attainable.
"Next time," he agreed, claiming the glimpse of the future she offered.
Tony got more and more nervous with every step they took away from the raucous levity of the boardwalk. The lights, and laughter, and the tinny calypso music provided a screen of sorts. They encouraged participation in the fun, to think no farther than the next ride, the next attraction. But the soft dusk they were walking into encouraged thoughts of another kind…
His steps slowed without conscious direction from his brain. He didn't want to keep going, didn't want to get into Pepper's car and go home. The future was suddenly an unknown and unquantifiable variable in which he could lose access to all this as soon as the clock struck midnight. Monday could sweep the dreamy wonder of this weekend away under the pressures of "real life."
Tony suspected that the only way to calm his fears was to find the answers to the questions that had driven him from his bed that morning.
His steps slowed again…came to a stop. It took Pepper several more steps before she realized he wasn't beside her anymore. Then she stopped too, and turned to look at him. The quizzical look on her face arched one eyebrow high and curved her lips into a small, solicitous smile. Looking at her made Tony's heart thud alarmingly in his chest. This thing with Pepper ought to be mild when weighed against his experience….except it was anything but. This thing with Pepper wasn't a high speed car chase where rumpled sheets were the final destination. It was a tightrope act, and he was a novice.
"Tony?" She was waiting for him. Not impatiently, but with a touch of concern. "You alright?"
"I need to talk to you." The words left his mouth without any grace, but Pepper just nodded and came back to him. He held out his hand, relieved that it at least was steady when he suddenly felt anything but. Pepper looked even more curious, but she put her hand in his. Her hand was so small compared to his, but it helped to calm the wildness growing inside him.
He tightened his grip so that she couldn't easily pull away from him and take this renewed sense of calm with her. Pepper didn't comment, though her hand squeezed back as she looked around them.
"Let's go for a walk on the beach." She made it more than a suggestion as she led him away from the pier and towards the boardwalk.
The farther they got from the pier, the louder the night's quietness became. The soft whoosh and hiss of waves hitting the shore and retreating and the sound of flip-flops hitting wood as people passed them were all that filled the silence as they walked, and walked a little further. Finally they came to a place where they could access the beach, and Pepper pulled him down the steps and further away from any curious eyes that might recognize him.
Another few minutes passed before Tony realized that Pepper was waiting for him to break the silence, but now that the threat of imminent separation was past, he didn't know how to phrase his questions. He didn't even know where to start. So he let his questions boil down to the two things that bothered him most: why now, and "You called me a whore."
When he heard the hurt in his voice, Tony cringed, and wished he could take the words back. But Pepper's soft sigh was already loose on the breeze and her hand shifted in his until their fingers were entwined. She was going to answer, and it was too late to bluff his way out of his emotions and pretend like she hadn't pared him back to his very core –
"If I remember correctly, Tony, I said that you were whoring out something I found precious, not that you yourself were a whore."
"Seems like a pretty fine line to draw, Potts." His voice was gruff in an attempt to appear aloof. In an attempt to salvage part of his pride.
"But an important one. An essential one, even. One that separates the man from the behavior." The tone in Pepper's voice made it clear that this was essential indeed. That this was at the core of what had driven her the other night. Her hand convulsed around his, proving that though her voice was assured, she understood the significance of this conversation. "I've been waiting on the man."
Tony rubbed the back of his neck, as uncomfortable as many man in the face of this kind of conversation, but unable to back away from it completely. "I know you work hard, but you're hardly a servant, Potts."
"Not the kind of waiting I was talking about," Pepper said with just a little too much patience. She had to know he's being purposely obtuse. "Waiting as in 'Waiting for Godot.'"
"You mean your life has become a nearly incomprehensible series of conversations occurring while you wait in a metaphorical middle of nowhere for someone you might not recognize when you see him?"
"That's exactly what I mean. Not to mention that was pretty impressive. I didn't think existential dramas were really your thing." She looked absurdly proud, as if he'd figured everything out when all he'd really said were the "right words."
"Who's this man you've been waiting for?" He needed to be absolutely certain of her meaning.
Pepper's eyes glimmered softly in the light of the half moon as she glanced at him. There was a funny quirk to her lips and she breathed out a little forcefully. It's as if he'd finally confounded her. "You really don't know."
"Pepper, I am absolutely clueless here." He watched her shake her head and look out at the dark grey vagueness of the water in front of them.
"I was waiting…" Her voice was soft when she finally started to give an answer. "…for the haphazard kindness to turn into genuine regard for the difficulties and situations of other people." She nodded, but Tony didn't think it was for his benefit. It's as if her actions are nearly as incomprehensible to her as they have been to him. "There are allowances of course, but I've tried not to hold you to standards that I wouldn't hold anyone else to."
"You were waiting for me to act like a human being?" Despite the unaffected tone of his voice, Tony felt the sting of her words.
"You've always been that, Tony. Sometimes especially so."
"Ah, so to err is human, then. You know, I'm not sue I like this honest side of you, Pepper. It's not so good for my ego."
Her next sigh was surprisingly impatient. "More like no man is an island. No man is so isolated from others by his wealth and his intellect and his accomplishments that the repercussions of his actions effect only himself."
"Chaos theory?"
"In a manner of speaking. Which I always thought you should have had a better grasp of, considering just how much chaos your quick changes of mind and direction have caused over the years." She shook her head. "That's what I was waiting for. Something more than a momentary sparkle of empathy. I was waiting for you to set standards for yourself instead of accepting that the ones I set were nice but somewhat out of reach. Somewhat quaint and impractical." Pepper shook her head at herself again, pulled her hand from his grasp and cupped it to the back of her neck. Her sigh made her shoulders rise and fall heavily. "I'm not explaining things right, even though I spent all day yesterday trying to decide what I would tell you when you started asking these questions." Her voice turns melancholy, as if she thinks her honesty has driven a wedge between them. "I've always liked you much more than it currently sounds as if I did."
Tony was silent as he watched her and considered the way she was holding herself. "You wanted a man you could be proud of, not just a boss you could take pride in."
Her wrist hid the lower part of her face when she glanced at him next. "You're a very good boss, despite the antics." He almost couldn't stand it when she returned her gaze to the sea. "But yes. I knew that if you were going to be more than my boss, I needed to be proud of the man."
"And you chose the other night?" Tony felt more than a little incredulous. He bent down, picked up a rock, and after considering its coolness and its fit in his hand for many silent seconds, he threw it as far as he could towards the ocean. The repetitive thrush of water meeting sand drowned out the sound of the stone's landing. Almost drowned out the sound of Pepper's reply.
"No. You chose the other night." The sand on his fingers transferred to hers immediately when she reached back out to him. "You have to understand: I've seen you make resolutions to change your ways, Tony. Usually made when you had a hangover, and usually lasting only until the memory of that hangover faded. Which isn't to say that I didn't want to rush into anything after you came back, because I did. You were actually back." They were facing one another now; Tony could see Pepper's throat move as she swallowed. "You were back. And making all sorts of promises, and changes, and my head won out. In one sweep of your hand, you declared you were going to change your entire lifestyle, practically, and I didn't want to get hurt when the memories faded." The hand not squeezing his occasionally – almost spastically – reached up in a nervous twitch to brush her hair out of her eyes. Despite the outward nervousness, her voice was steady as she rushed back into her narrative before he could ask more questions, or the same one again as she hadn't actually answered his original question yet.
"So that's been the last year. This week has been…it's been me not dealing well with my cautious nature. I got mad when you treated me like a trusted employee after I told you that's all I wanted to be. And I took it out on you." Her eyes were shuddered, her face apologetic as she shook her hair back of her shoulders, tossing her head again to keep the breeze from blowing her bangs back into her eyes.
He was lost again, uncertain of where this was going. Had today been a test of some kind? Had he been too much of what she wanted, or not enough? Was it okay to feel the hope he couldn't completely suppress because this had to mean something to her if it meant so much to him?
"So Friday night was…?"
"Me realizing that there's no such thing as an unlimited time offer." The reply was prompt, and stronger than everything else she'd said because of it. "It was me realize that even though good things come to those who wait, that fortune also favors the bold…" She laughs softly, somewhat humorlessly. "…and that I'd been living behind too many clichés and faulty relationship advice from women's magazines that contradict themselves regularly from one month to the next. That sometimes change only lasts as long as its encouraged and that silent encouragement doesn't count."
Tony was alarmed when two matching streaks of silver shot down Pepper's cheekbones.