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Song: "Your Hand in Mine" - Explosions in the Sky.
The sunlight is peeking in through your eye lids. You're awake and you're alive. But you can't seem to be able to move. Your eyes wonder under your eye lids as you see a jumble of colors and meaningless words.
Time passes and you still can't move. It's like there are bricks all over you. So you just lay there. Content, oblivious and heavy.
Then an obnoxious sound starts going off and the colors start to blur and something is seeping in through your serenity. The noise starts blaring through the room, into your ears that feel extremely sensitive.
It's loud and repulsive.
You try to ignore it, but it hits you.
FIRE ALARM!
Your eyes fly open and your automatically pulling sheets off of you. But you're pulling and your pulling and apparently you are wrapped in a cocoon of blankets!
Suddenly, you notice the blankets are piles of purples and a rich colored lavenders.
You know for a fact you haven't had purple blankets since you lived with Charlie years ago in high school.
You freeze. You're not at home. So where the hell are you?
Then you hear a loud "Oh fuck!" from a distance. A cluster of banging and racket follows that and then a voice starts letting out a trail of colorful profanities. It's almost kinda funny. Until you realize that the house you're in really might be on fire.
You're all tangle up when there's a knock on your door that makes you jump.
The alarm stops blaring.
You take the time to look around the strange room and take in the beautiful decorations. You don't know where you are, so you wonder...
What happened last night?
The knocking starts again but this time a little louder.
"Oh um.."
You look down and check if your decent.
"Come in"
The door opens and you look up to find Seth Clearwater carrying a tray full of...unidentifiable items.
Your eyes widen and you lose your breath as you watch him throw you a grin. It's unnerving. His eyes are bright and awake as he walks up to you. You claw the blankets in panic. Holy crap...Seth is...and he's...and..
"Oh fuck" you whisper.
You take in the room around you. There are towels by the bed and a white robe hanging on the door. You look out the window and you see it's pouring rain. You glance to your left and you see bags. A pile of them. Luggage stacked this way and that.
And then it hits you like a meteor.
You packed your bags and flew to Washington. You came here.
What the hell were you thinking...
Oh fuck, indeed.
"Seth" you manage out.
"Please..please tell me I'm dreaming. Please tell me I'm not here" you say, burring your face in you hands.
"Oh, um. Okay. You're not here right now Bella. There. How was that?"
You start trembling at his voice.
You hear a small clatter beside you as Seth puts the tray down.
It smells like burnt bacon.
"Bella..It's okay really. You..you weren't really stable last night so I brought you to my place"
Stunned you peek around your fingers and glance at his strange but familiar face.
"And where exactly is your house...?" you quietly ask.
He grimaces.
"In Forks", is his reply.
This time you grimace. And your stomach falls down to your feet.
You're actually here. In Forks. With Seth. Trying to...to make peace with Jake, you guess.
You look down and play with the beautiful lavender blankets.
You remember now how you almost bolted. It was very kind what Seth is doing for you, but you know you should just remove yourself from the picture once again. If only you could do it without hurting everyone in the process...
"I'm not suppose to be here, Seth. You should have just let me gone home...I don't belong here."
Moments pass before you feel a weight on the edge of the bed. You can feel Seth's curious eyes on you from where he now sits.
"Maybe", he says and then he grabs the plate off the tray and hands it to you.
"Don't be mad" he say's as he passes you the fork.
"I didn't mean to burn the bacon. In fact, I didn't mean to almost burn the place either. But you need something delicious to start the day" he adds with a sheepish grin.
How could you not forgive him.
"So just eat and get ready. No pressure. That door on your right leads to the guest bathroom. Make your self at home Bella" then he unexpectedly throws that brilliant smile at you that simply screams Jacob all over it and your grimacing again.
You nod and look down, instantly rejecting the food. You take in the variety and smile at how good it looks. If only your stomach could want it...
Seth pats you on your shoulder and walks out. You're thankful that he's being easy on you. You have no doubt in your mind that he has questions to ask of his own.
You stare at the food in your hands and manage to smile. Maybe you were kinda hungry.
At least if you had to run into anyone here, you're glad it's Seth.
No matter what, his heart is still made of gold.
You're sure Daniela and Seth deserve each other more than you'll ever know.
"Hey", he says peeking back in, making you jump once more.
"You do belong here, you know. You always will." he finishes with a sincere smile.
"Things are just complicated right now" he says and then closes the door behind him, leaving you to your own surprise and thoughts.
Complicated, you think, picking up the fork and swallowing the tasty eggs.
But then all you can imagine is a Jacob you once knew cooing and holding a tiny baby girl in his large hands.
You drop the fork loudly against the porcelain plate.
You're not hungry anymore.
You avoid a long shower. Your thoughts are just a jumble mess as you wash, scrub, and shave. Your repeating what Charlie told you on the phone yesterday. You're imagining scenarios of your old best friend and his wife. You're trying to figure out whether you're okay with him having happiness. You're just all over the place.
So you get dressed quickly and rush down the stairs.
You need to find Seth. You need help talking this out because it's just too much for you to handle.
Deep down you know that most of all, you're just hoping Seth spills a little bit on Jacob too.
If you leave Washington today, you'll be okay knowing that your Jacob is okay and well. Even if it breaks you're heart.
But when you look past every strange but beautiful room, you can't seem to find Seth anywhere.
You note the titanic size of the house and admire the small things. It's filled with furniture and warm colored decorations. There are obvious hints of a woman's touch here and there too.
You find a weight room that looks like it has never been used and also an office with high tech equipment.
Seth must have some sort of great paying job.
But you're not sure how that works him being a full time werewolf and all.
You sigh giving up and throwing yourself on a soft couch.
"There you are" a voice calls from behind you.
You jump and gasp, clutching your chest in shock.
"Oh god Seth, don't sneak on me like that" you say, but there is a smile creeping on both of you're faces.
"Sorry" he says sheepishly as he sits across from you.
The act causes you to stiffen and panic.
You're not ready to talk about him. Not yet...
But Seth just lays against the sofa and stares at the ceiling .
It's not long when he starts sniffing the air. For some reason it makes your skin crawl.
"Still use the same shampoo, I see"
You look at him confused.
"I um...yeah. I do" you say slightly embarrassed.
"It smells good" he nonchalantly adds.
He sniffs again.
It reminds you of Edward, someone you think less and less of as the years go by.
He used to say you smelled like a field of lilies...
"Like lilies?" you ask
He glances at you strangely and shakes his head.
"No, you've always smelled more like strawberries."
You nod and look down.
Jake used to love how you always smelled like strawberries.
Before you know it, you're both sitting on the back porch talking for hours as you watch the rain. He makes you almost forget. His character is so carefree and so much like your best friend. You only start to miss him more. How could you live without Jacob all these years?
Seth is nothing but kind to you.
You thank him every time time you can for his hospitality.
He brushes you off. You know any other person would have sent you home.
Sue and Leah must be so proud. Even Harry.
The afternoon goes by faster than you think.
"It wasn't until I walked in on them having wild sex in our house that I found out! How they managed to keep it a secret a whole year within the pack is still beyond me."
You gasp in shock as he continues.
"I tried not to, but I couldn't help it when I phased. Can you imagine that? My sister, her naked boyfriend, and a phased werewolf under one roof. Not only was I scarred for life, but I was really upset. I mean, back then Leah used to try and protect me and she babied me till I was 18. Then she wants to turn around and do that."
You're mouth is still hanging open.
"Leah and Embry?" You try to clarify once more. That can't be true. Leah hates e v e r y o n e.
He nods, his repulsed expression saying it all.
You just continue to shake your head in disbelief.
"It's true." he says. "The scars I left on his back are solid proof"
You gasp again.
"What has this world come to?" you mumble.
"Tell me about it" he trails off, muttering something about the months of therapy and prayer he had to go through after that...
For a while things are simple.
But life never stays simple for too long.
When things quiet down and you've started to doze off to the real reason why you're here, Seth doesn't stall anymore. It's past 4 now and the clouds are still a dark blanket over Forks when Seth gets up silently and walks back inside.
Before you have enough time to get yourself together and follow, he's already coming back out.
There are objects in his hands which he holds against him as he takes his seat again. You can't see what they are, but you refrain from looking nosey.
He sets them under his seat and acts like they were never there when he turns back to you.
His eyes aren't as soft as they were before.
They seem hesitant and anxious.
You're chest begins to hurt as you know the inevitable is coming.
You're going to tell Seth everything.
So you manage to take a deep breath, determined not to let your emotions get the best of you when you hear the back porch open again.
By the time you turn around to see who it is, Seth is already on his feet running towards her.
Who else would Seth run to like that.
Daniela had her arms outstretched by the time he reached her. He embraced her as if he had gone a whole month without her and not a day. He picked her up silently and held her close. They didn't even kiss, they just stared at each other for a moment, there eyes searching deeply into one another as if trying to reconnect after their time apart.
You just stand there frozen. Transfixed by their display, you can't look away. The way they look at each other screams devotion and selflessness. Its something you have only seen here in Forks.
You can't help but feel cold and empty and jealous because you can't seem to have what they have. But then again, you probably wouldn't deserve it.
Finally, Daniela closes her eyes and blindly crashes her lips against Seth's. It's a short kiss, but nothing less than passionate.
It's over quickly and Daniela acknowledges your presence with an embarrassed wary smile and a wave.
"Hi" you whisper out.
She just warily smiles again. The gesture suddenly reminds you of Jared's imprint Kim. Except Daniela seems a lot sadder and pensive.
Seth leads her towards the seat next to his and pulls out her seat.
She looks at you once again and frowns.
"I really hope I'm not intruding Bella" she says mellifluously.
You shake your head immediately.
"No, of course not Daniela. After all, Seth wouldn't want you anywhere else but here next to him" you add knowingly with a smile.
For once her face lights up and she gives Seth a smitten smile.
"Well I hope not" she says laughing. "After all, this is my house"
You raise your eyebrows in question.
"I thought it was yours and Seth's home?"
"It is" they say together as they lock stares.
"Actually...I made it for her" Seth says as he grins and scratches his head sheepishly.
You can't help but gasp and look around. Your noticing designs and arches now.
They're delicate, beautiful and intricate.
"You really made it Seth?" you ask in shock.
He nods embarrassed.
Your more than impressed.
"I guess that's the way the wolves are trying to tell their mates they want to spend forever together." Daniela says laughing and reaching for Seth. He nods.
"It really is" he says.
You freeze.
From what you know Jake built a house for his girl too.
You're now remembering how talented Jake is with his hands and his art.
You start to imagine what it might look like.
You can't. All you see are doodles of huge, beautiful homes with a pool in the backyard and a tire swing hanging off a large oak tree.
"Would you like something to drink or eat, Bella?" Daniela asks. Although she seems forever shy, you know that she is nothing but friendly.
You shake your head, but feel a wave full of gratitude.
"No thank you. I'm more than full. Your Seth here has been feeding non stop. In fact you guys have been too kind for allowing me to stay in your home. I'm in your debt really" you say trying to alleviate the air for yourself.
Daniela smiles softly and pats Seth shoulder.
"My only hope is that you feel at home" she says and then stands up to go inside.
You really do need to get these two a wonderful Christmas present.
"Dani" Seth softly calls out to her.
She turns around in question.
"How..how did it go?" he pauses. "How's Marie?"
Your ears perk up.
At the question, Daniela's smile is completely obliterated. She looks over at you quickly and then back at Seth as she looks down and bites her lip. Once again, your intruding.
"I...I've never seen her so distraught Seth" she begins sadly.
"I wanted to help her and tell her things were okay, but she wouldn't hear it."
Seth nods sympathetically and pulls Daniela close.
"She's blaming herself, you know?" she adds as she sits on his lap. "Figures. She's just so stubborn." Daniela looks like she wants to cry. So Seth locks his fingers with hers and kisses her knuckles. The sight just makes your heart swell.
"It's okay honey. She'll eventually pass this." he mumbles. "They have before. They can do it again..." he adds sadly.
You wish you knew this Marie. You wish you could help. You wish Daniela wasn't hurting.
"I know" she says, bringing their locked hands to her lips and taking her turn kissing their locked hands.
"But that's the thing Seth. How can she. This is her second time. That's too much pain for a person" she says, her voice cracking at the end.
Seth pulls her close and sends you an apologetic look. You just wish you could do something.
"I'm sorry I don't mean to...to intrude. It's just I was wondering who Marie is. I know I probably can't, but I don't know... I wish I could help" you say softly.
Daniela and Seth both look at you. Daniela smiles at you sincerely nods.
"No it's okay. That's very kind of you Bella." she says. "Plus I'm sure you'll eventually meet her too"
You nod.
"Marie is my older sister. She's pretty much the only blood related family I have here. She's the older sister I've kinda looked up to. It's just that she's been trying to have kids for a very long time and she..." her voice gets low as she tries to hold the tears back.
"And she just can't. I have been looking forward to becoming an Aunt for a long time, but she can't keep a pregnancy. She's so distraught and torn up about it. Everyone around her is." she pauses and tries to keep her composure.
"She keeps blaming herself. And I know she's hurting. It's just...no one can really help her on this"
You nod, your heart breaking at the story.
Its almost every woman's dream to bear children. Even for you, although it wasn't always like that. You have always been an only child. You were the only product of your parents. But secretly, you always wished that you had a sibling. When Charlie and Renee go divorced you had no one to relate to. No big brother taught you how to play football. No sister tried to dress you up in girlier clothes. You missed out on all that.
Edward and Jacob made you realize that you someday wanted a child. And not only one, but a good handful of them.
You can only imagine how you'd emotionally be if someone told you you couldn't have that dream.
And here you are crying over some mistakes you've made. You frown and look down.
What Daniela's sister was feeling made you look at your own problems and be thankful that at least you haven't missed out on the things life has to offer yet.
Your suddenly looking at things in a different way. Although the thoughts are only beginning, you start to feel a bit heavy again.
You just need time...
"That is sad" you say, getting up and looking past Seth and Daniel who are tangled in their intimate embrace.
"Excuse me. I just need to go lay down"
You're rushing through the back door looking for the stairs. Of course, you don't find them so you go back ask Seth to help you.
When you're walking out you see Daniela picking up the plates off the table and making her way towards the house.
"Seth bring in the cups, will you?" she says.
"Right behind you dear" he says in a sing song voice which manages to make her giggle.
But as he moves to get out of his chair, the legs of the seat crash against something underneath him. It sounds like something broke.
"Crap" he mumbles as he bends over to pick up the objects.
"What is it Seth?" asks Daniela as she is making her way back out.
Looking closely your able to see that the objects are two picture frames. The frames scraped against the floor as he moved and broke the glass. Daniela is now trying to help pick the pick up the pieces.
"No, it's okay. I got it" Seth says to her. "Just hold these. I don't want you to get cut. Who knows.." he says as he's picking the glass. "..A vampire might smell you and take you away" he jokes. She just takes the frames and laughs"
"I hope not" she says. "I prefer the werewolves"
As Seth is getting up and putting the shards of glass on the table, Daniela gives him a strange look.
"Why are these out anyway" she asks.
Seth glances your way and sighs. He then flips the two frames over so she can see them.
You strain your neck, but it's impossible to see them. You know at one point Seth took them out for you. You know it's Jake related, and the suspense kills you. You just don't know what those frame hold.
You refrain from marching over there and snatching the picture frames.
Suddenly Daniela gasps and then lets a warm smile emanate off her face.
"She's a lot prettier in person" she says.
Seth just sighs and pulls a chair out for Daniela.
Then he beckons you over.
"Sit" he demands.
Oh no. You're not ready for this...No not now. Please.
"I'm tired, Seth and I-"
"Sit." he demands again and you know you can't question this Seth.
"Please" he asks, softening up.
So you do. You walk over as Seth takes the revealed picture from Daniela's hands.
Your hands begin to tremble.
You don't even know why your nervous. You don't even know why you're starting to hurt. All you know is that you want to go back to the old times...
"When Jake was about to get married," he begins.
You lose your breath.
Hearing someone else say it makes Jacobs life so much more realistic.
"When he got married...he asked me to hold this for him"
He says as he hand over the picture. You're dying to see the picture, but you can't seem to make your hands move and take the frame. It almost feels like he's asking you for too much.
He beckons you to take it. But .can't.
So after a long moment he just places it in front of you on the porch table.
You can't believe your eyes.
Its a picture of you and Jacob.
"He said that it probably wasn't a good idea to keep around this picture for obvious discreet reasons."
In the picture Jacob and you are both standing on the cliff. You catch a glimpse of Seth in the background, and although you notice how much older Seth looks now, your eyes don't stay on him.
They glue on the image of you and Jacob. Together.
"I know it meant a lot to him," he continues, but your barely listening.
"He had it right on his dresser next to his bed when he still lived with Billy. I know Sam had the picture laying around for a while. He didn't give it to him until you had been...long gone."
Jacob is holding your hand and pulling you towards the edge. Your stiff and leaning back, obviously afraid of the height and the waves bellow.
You remember it clear as day now. All those times you snuck away from Edward, just so you could go cliff diving with your pack family and your Jacob
It hurts.
It hurts so fucking much, you realize.
"Sometimes when the pack would go see him, Leah or Paul would roll their eyes and put it face down in revolt. But as soon as they were gone, we all know he'd just stand it back up"
Your hand is shaking as you manage to reach for the picture. You're breathlessly trying to absorb this.
In the picture the visible side of your face is flushed. But you're eyes are on his and the smile your giving him is unsure.
"Once he moved out he couldn't keep it" he says, more softly now.
"He said there was no reason to keep it."
You're heart breaks.
Into a million gazillion pieces.
"He gave it to me for obvious reasons." he adds. "I'm the only other party in this picture."
The picture your staring is at is suddenly becoming blurry.
You can't stop the tears that are inevitably going to fall down your face.
Your viciously trying to wipe them, trying to see the image before you as much as you can.
"When he comes and visits, he always passes through the den and stares at it for a while."
You heart is now constricting between pain and a small teeny bit if hope.
"I know he misses you, Bella" Seth says softly.
In the picture his arms is securely around you.
The way he holds your hand proves that he wouldn't let you go. Not ever.
The look he's giving you only says one painful thing:
Give it a chance...
And then you start losing the picture again to a blur of colors.
The sobs that escape your mouth are sounds that you have never heard before.
You feel a hand on your shoulder and you look up to see Daniela holding a napkin against the side of your hand.
You manage to free a hand off the frame and try to get yourself together.
But you have a feeling that this isn't the end.
"Bella", Seth starts off hesitantly.
"Jacob would have fought tooth and nail for you five years ago. He would have given you whatever you wanted. He made you part of our pack family. He would have gone against his father and his heritage. We all knew, Jacob would rather be disowned by his community than to be neglected by you. When you left...you didn't just disappear from out lives Bella. He kept you alive in his head. Not for weeks. Not for months Bella, but for years. For years..."
You've hit rock bottom. You know, you will suffer the guilt for the rest of your life. This unbearable pain you feel in you chest. The unbearable yearn you feel in your soul; you deserve it.
Your heart stops beating as he takes the other frame from Daniela's hands.
"Bella your absence caused a lot of changes. And I know you probably are seeing things you have never seen before. Deep in my heart I knew you'd someday come back. I think most of us did, but as time passed, so many things changed" he says as he takes one of Daniela's hand in his.
"I know you're not capable of coming here and trying to destroy Jacobs life again. I know you don't have it in you. But I know you wont ever be satisfied until you've rekindled your relationship with Jacob...and you need to know Bella, that there is a possibility that wont happen.
You gasp. That's all you can do. You can just sob, and gasp for air. You can't breathe. You can't wrap your mind around the truth.
"Jacob...he isn't the same anymore. He hasn't been in a long time."
How could...how could that be...
"You need to know who he is today Bella. And the only man who walks in Jacob's shoes today is this one" he says as he places the other frame on top of the picture of you and Jacob.
The sounds seem to all be echoing now.
This is the final nail in the coffin. You know it...
So you stare at the picture, and you stare some more, and more, until the tears ruin it for you again. You've never wanted to run from life itself so much until now. You're legs are begging you to leave, but your just too paralyzed. You've lost...so you just stare at the picture, and absorb the image that is swallowing you whole.
In it, Jacob is wearing a suit. His hair is shoulder length, shiny and smooth. He has that radiant smile which steals the spotlight for a second. His shoulders look broader, if that were possible. He's so familiar to you, like a drug. Like a want you have had for years. So you follow the length of his body, of his legs, of his arms.
His arms that lead to the body of another. A girl. His arms are around the most stunning girl you've ever seen. You can't help but notice everything about her. Her cinnamon complexion, her rich brown hair. The curve of her hips and her legs in the white flowing dress.
Her hands are wrapped around his neck and her lips are curved into a smile as you're sure Jacob had said something that made her laugh.
You can't help but look at the picture in awe. He doesn't look like your Jacob. The way he's standing, the way he's looking at her. That's not your Jacob...he'd never do that...
But then again he was never yours
"Wh-whats h-her name?" you whisper out looking up at Seth for once.
He's silent.
Then he reaches out for you but you flinch back.
"Tell m-me her na-name, Sa-Seth" you cry out.
Seth doesn't acknowledge Daniela when she squeezes his arm, he just stares at you in the most tortured way.
"Tell me!" you scream out, losing it for sure this time.
"Ju-just tell me!" you say knowing it will make it real.
"Marie" he whispers. "Her name is Marie."
Confused on Marie? Don't worry, things will come together and made more sense later on
Oh fuck. Not only did I just write all that. But I'm breathless. Just review. Please! :)