BSN Prompt: Silence
It used to scare the shit out of him, the discordant and unnatural separation of living and yet not living in one's own body.
In the muffled quiet, he had sight, but without the act of seeing; sound that bypassed hearing. Trapped in the hallows behind his eyes, he'd voicelessly scream to a tongue that would not answer, limbs that would give him no response, while the ghost-hands would puppet his - their - body.
During seldom self-awareness in the Fade or those rare white-hot rages, Anders used to shudder at the prison their own body could make of him. Too much like a abomination, when there's blood on their hands. Too much like solitary, thrust back, helplessly, and caged in darkness, beating soundless against the bars in his mind. Too much to handle, and thus, too much to reconcile; they rejected their nature, and did not realize that they are something entirely new.
For he is as much Justice's jailer as the spirit is his own, she reminds him, with such sympathy that few others would share. Two pieces of a greater whole, and in understanding that he'll never find peace with himself if he's constantly at war, something, subtly, shifts.
Nowadays, it's easier. Still awkward, bleeding into each other as they are - separate, and yet the same - but when the haze of righteousness descends, and sensation veils, falling sway under the spirit's strength, there's an odd, freeing tranquility that follows in the disconnecting stillness. For even though this body is not entirely his own, he is learning to trust his other half with it; even though he cannot speak when the shadows shroud, Justice can always hear him, and neither of them are truly imprisoned friendless or alone.
A intense hush blankets the battlefield, and the mages that follow them keep their distance. Their body shakes with anger over Vael's latest attempt on their lives, and the old self-loathing for the life they have condemned on her, but there's fewer vengeful outbursts this time, as they breathe deep and reflexive, willing it all to subside.
"I'm proud of you," Hawke's whisper breaks the silence, taking their face in her hands, and they kiss her until Anders once more finds his voice.