I guess i kinda own this..

It's my OC's story

So yeah.

It wasn't enough for him to die, but for him to die for me? California was progressing, and one of us needed to step down for everything to go smoothly.

"..because your life is worth more to me then my own.."

He gave his life so i could live, so i could become stronger. He wanted me to be happy, to no longer have a burden like him.

That stupid, idiotic, moronic boy! How could he think of himself as a burden! I loved him, he was my everything. And i would have given my life for him, it wasn't supposed to happen like that! We were supposed to be together always, he even said that it didn't matter what anyone else did because together we could take on the world.

I-i god..he left me, i was alone. I wasn't even sure who i was. Was i the girl named Cassandara but called Calvin? Or was i the boy Calvin named Casandara? I didn't know...I-i don't know.

I couldn't look at my reflection, it terrified and angered me, but i was drawn to it anyways, it was the only time i'd see him again.

I punched a mirror once, the glass shattered and my arm was cut in multiple places. I enjoyed it, i like the blood running from me. I relished the pain, it made me feel alive and it was a punishment. I was the reason he died, for his hurt, did i not deserve to hurt myself as i hurt him.

But i couldn't do that to mirrors, that was my window. My only place i could still see him again. So i cleaned myself, as i had when i came back from war or when i met with my sister. Rubbing obsesively until the skin worn away, sometimes i couldn't wait for nicessities as soap. When that happened i'd scratch myself until they bled.

I couldn't stay there in our heart, it was no longer our, just mine. I couldn't stay north, that was my brothers land, i went south. There was my very own 'sin city', i deemed it apropriate, i killed my brother was that not a sin? It was nicknamed Devil's Den, brother always said i was dramatic.

I got worse, i wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep without either seeing him dying or acusing me for killing him. There was a brief period where i was an addict, i wasn't even sure on what, i just knew i needed it. I stopped when i was hospitalized, i wouldn't shame my brother by continuing such things.

Kansas tried to help and i lit him on fire, broke his left arm and tossed him out of my land. It made me happy to hurt him, but it wasn't satisfying. Only selfinflicted violence could satisfy me.

I knew for sure because it was no longer satisfying to attack my sister, it gave me no more pleasure to hurt the one i broke, the one whom i had made accustom to that treatment. She found her brother though, and Delaware was helping her.

I broke bones, i would force myself to throw up after every meal. Nothing was as good as bleeding. Just watching it taint the sink, turning the water red. I loved my accelerated healing, it ment i could do it again sooner then i would if i was human. I painted a room for him with it, one wall had his tribal name 'Goldenwing', another had his colony name 'Anthony' another had his state name 'Calvin' and the final wall was 'Brother'.