Almost!

There was a time where i took a different aproach, i wasn`t sure what made me try it but i was glad i did. It made everything so much easier, i dipped a flat cheese grader in peroxide and then ran it across my skin.

Watching flesh come away in perfect curls, pink from blood, the peroxide burned, but it was a welcomed burning, when the cuts started foaming because it was being cleansed.

I was hopeful, maybe i would be clean now. So i moved beyond the arms, to the legs and rising higher and higher to the goal. The neck, but that never happened.

My brother came, he wanted to talk of trade, and Arizona got the shock of his life to find me like that. I attacked him, it was my land i could do what i wanted while at home. He managed to get the grader though, i never bothered to buy another..

I was wondering, no destination and no real place to go back to. I ran into this boy, i`m not sure what he thought- didn`t really care either- of me, but i hated him instantly, as i hated crazy boy wanted to be my friend, i`ve no idea why but he did, i`m happy he did though.

I looked forward to when i saw him. He spoke until i was silent, and then until i replied. By that time i didn`t have much of an urge to cleanse myself, and i re-started eating properly.

When i told him what was wrong, it was only a half truth. I loved nature but it wouldn`t drive me to such an extream at its dimishing.I shouldn`t have lied to him, i should have told Richie the truth strait off.

He made all the difference, i had a home. It was in that same place where One-eye found me, and where he protected me. I found Jay then, she was with one-eye for some reason, then Blue returned with a pack.

Even though there is no south without a north, i remained.

I don`t think i`d have gotten better without Richie, i wasn`t alone thanks to him, i had an actual home. I was speaking to my siblings again.

I wasn`t fixed but i was mending. I cast my, i guess it could be called `maiden`, name aside and took up my brother`s. I was- am- violent when called Cassandara because i had taken Calvin`s name as a reminder.

Only two people knew there were two of us, and i refused to let him fade away to be forgotten so i took his name. So as long as i shall live, so shall his memory.

I fell for Richie. I was always afraid of quicksand, the feeling of sinking and nothing you can do, but i welcomed it this time. I wanted to love him, and i did- do.

I never want him sad, or upset.

I want to be someone he`s proud to know.

I want to be fixed for him.

I want him to never be dirtied, never to fall as i had.

I want him to fly like i did, but always remain soaring.

I want to protect him from anything that could hurt him, even though i know i cant.

I want him to be comfortable with me, for it to always stay as easy as breathing.

I gave him my heart, wether he noticed or not, and i didn`t need his in return, i was fine for things to
remain the same. So long as i was able to stay by his side. So long as i can stay with him, i`ll be fine.

I love you.