Chapter 13: Coming Clean

It had been a few weeks since Severus had been called to the Dark Lord, he had all but died, or so it seemed; he became distant, colder. He was handing out more detentions, spending as little time in their rooms as possible and he was completely ignoring Hermione, in fact if it weren't for the questioning glares, she would have gone over and sat with her friends at Gryffindor table, but she didn't want to involve the students. She in turn attempted to talk to him but he would become short with her and refuse to answer any of his questions. Valentine's Day was fast approaching, and unfortunately Dumbledore had decided to distract the children from the war as much as living possible and he decided to have a dance. Hermione flat out refused to go by herself, and was determined to get Severus to open up to her. After a few lowly attempts to get him to open up to her, she turned to the only woman that knew Severus Better then herself, Odessa.

While she hadn't wanted to miss classes too much, she went and asked the headmaster permission to leave the grounds for the day, and requested that her husband not be informed unless she wasn't back by dinner. Albus reluctantly agreed but agreed none the less. Hermione smiled to herself as she flooed to her in-law's home.

"Mom?" She called from the sitting room.

"Oh Hermione dear, we weren't expecting you." Odessa stated from the stairs.

"I'm sorry that this is such short notice, but I really needed to talk to you, it's something that neither Minerva nor my own mother can help me with."

"What has Severus done this time?" Ryon asked from his place behind his mother.

"He hasn't done anything; I just need advice on something."

"Hermione darling settle down and I will get us some tea, Ryon I believe that this is girl talk so you can go do other things."

"Is that a request or a demand?"

"Both now go." Ryon smiled and kissed his wife before leaving the room.

After the tea arrived, Hermione decided that it was time to begin. "Odessa, I don't know what to do."

"Do about what dear?"

"Severus, after his last summons…"

"Sev got summoned?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"A few weeks ago."

"And no one thought to inform me?"

"I found out through a letter and then Albus and Minerva threatened the hospital if I didn't calm myself."

"Well, I don't believe that you came here to discuss that situation."

"No, he has become distant, colder; to be honest it terrifies me…"

"Because of your last marriage."

"Yes, I know he promised that he wouldn't hurt me but that doesn't make it any easier to forget."

"I understand completely dear."

"But that's not all, he refuses to talk or spend any form of time with me, in class he completely ignores me, and he hasn't… well there hasn't been…"

"Any physical contact."

Hermione smiled a shy smile at her mother-in-law, "Yes, and I can't help him if he won't talk to me."

"Hermione, I am afraid I am at as much of a loss for thoughts as to what to do as you are. The only thing I can advise is to force him, he isn't one for showing too much emotion, and he grew up believing it was weakness."

"I suppose that makes sense."

"That's not all that's bugging you is it?"

"No, I am scared that he isn't going to want a family." She said it almost too quiet to hear. "I know that a war is on the horizon but I want to become a teacher because I love children, and I would love a family of my own…"

"Hermione slow down, you're rambling. I know where you are coming from; Severus is obviously going to be hesitant of having a family because of his past. This is something else that should be confronted in time, maybe not when you decided to face him about his meeting but it should be talked about before you become pregnant."

"I know."

Odessa saw the hesitance in the young girl's demeanor, and placed a comforting hand upon hers, "Hermione, you are the only person that can get through to my son emotionally, something I have never accomplished and I am his mother. You will be just fine; he won't do anything to hurt you." Hermione smiled in return and stayed until dinner where she insisted that she had to be back unless they wanted an angry Severus on their doorstep.

She entered the great hall minutes later and decided that she would talk to him tonight. She went to her seat next to her husband and as soon as her plate was filled she leaned over to him, "we have to talk tonight, and it's not a request."

"Oh so now you are giving out orders?"

"Yes I am, do not make me duel you for my right to talk to my husband." And with that, she dropped the topic and didn't talk to him for the rest of dinner.

He offered his arm to walk back to their chambers and she took it but it was an awkward stance for both parties. When they got to their rooms and the door was shut behind them, she turned on him and magically locked and warded the door.

"Hermione…"

"NO! Severus you have avoided me for the past few weeks, you don't talk to me let alone touch me. I know what you said about not hurting me, but you are scaring me right now, this demeanor has to STOP!" Hermione paused more for dramatic affect then anything. "Severus I love you and I stand by my vows that I took, the ones that are attached to this ring," she held up her left hand where her wedding band shone brightly against the fire's flames. "I can help you carry this burden, but I can't help you carry something I don't know about, please talk to me." Tears had started to form in her brown eyes but her focus was on her husband.

"Hermione, you may want to help but you cannot help me carry something you don't understand."

"I understand…"

"No Hermione you don't, you think you do but you don't."

"Then HELP me."

Severus moved over to the couch and sat down, resting his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. Hermione hated seeing him so distraught and so she went over and sat next to him, rubbing gentle soothing circles on his back.

"Hermione I don't want you to know what happened at that meeting."

"Severus I would rather be prepared for the Order meeting with this information already of my knowledge then to have it sprung on me, I know that you wouldn't go ahead and keep something from the Order that could endanger any of us."

"Hermione, that meeting was horrible," he finally dropped his hands and hung his head.

"Severus, let me relieve some of the burden."

"I don't want to scare you…"

"Severus your behavior now is scaring the living daylights out of me."

"I don't want you to hate me."

"Severus I am not one of the Maurader's kids, I could never hate you. Think you are being ridiculous now yes, but I could never hate the man that saved my life." She reached forward and grabbed one of his hands in hers.

Severus took a deep breath before he continued:

Begin Flashback (Severus POV) (A/N: Severus speaking is underlined, memory is italic and memory voices are italic and bold, Hermione interrupting is in normal text)

"I began my night as I usually do, grading papers while I wait for you to join me in the rooms, I was going to surprise you with a wonderful night but my dark mark began to burn. I didn't know what to do, you had never had to deal with something like this with Goyle as your husband so I panicked and left you a note before I left."

Severus jotted down the short impersonal note and then left through the flames, when his world stopped spinning he stepped out of the Malfoy fire place and knelt before his fake master. He knew where his loyalties lied and who else fallowed those loyalties, those who were chosen could be trusted.

"My lord." He knelt and kissed his hem.

"Severus, join the others."

"Yes My lord."

After Severus took his place, the Dark Lord continued. "My followers, things have changed, some of us have decided to stray from the path that we had laid out prior to this change and take matters into their own hands."He turned his attention to Severus, "Severus, what have you done?"

"Sir I was just fallowing orders so not to draw attention to myself, I know where I am needed and I can't afford to jeopardize that position."

"Severus, if you had left her alone, she would have been fine, Goyle was on strict orders not to kill her."

"Sir if I didn't do anything despite knowing about it, Dumbledork would have had my head, possibly fired me."

"So you took matters into your own hands and marry the bitch."

"Sir she chose me, I had no choice, if I had refused I would have had my wand snapped and been banished, I can't live among those muggles, I'd die."

"I would have brought you back!"

"Yes my lord, I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough… CRUCIO!" Severus withered in pain as the curse ran through his body. Finally the curse was released and then he was allowed to stand once more. "Severus, if you were so willing to marry her… there must have been something worth your while."

"No sir, I chose for my own gain, to get information on Potter for you."

"Well then, if there was nothing then you won't mind doing a simple show for your brothers…"

"Nothing sir, what is it that you are asking of me?"

Voldemort smiled an evil smile, "Nott, bring her forward. Certain sources tell us that this one here is very close to Granger, someone that could turn on her and ruin her." A pause for a reaction, which Severus refused to give. "Her brother's girlfriend." The Dark Lord gave the signal and Nott removed the bag from the girl's head revealing the face of Annie, Peter's Girlfriend. He inwardly sighed and waited for his next command. "Take Her Severus, right here, right now." An inward groan but he did as he was told. He sent a ligamins message apologizing for everything he was about to do and for her to eventually forgive him.

He positioned himself over the girl and swiftly entered her, pumping in and out of her tight core, successfully raping her. When he was done, his brother's come in and joined in on their own fun. Soon after however, there was more business to discuss, so he knocked the girl out so that they didn't have to talk over her screams. They discussed the final battle and the Dark Lord's plans for getting Goyle back so that he can finish what he started with Hermione; Severus couldn't object even if he wanted to, the Dark Lord wouldn't hesitate to kill both of them. After the meeting was done, Severus was to return Annie to the Granger home.

"I know what I was supposed to do but I couldn't take her straight to your family home, she needed to get treatment or she probably would have fallen into a depression or she could have gotten pregnant. I couldn't bear what I did Hermione. I took her to the hospital and had them call both her family and yours. I haven't heard anything since and I assume you haven't either since you are asking me about the meeting."

End Flashback

Hermione was stunned, her parents had told her that Annie had been attacked but they didn't say anything more. She should have seen the signs that it was Voldemort's doing, but she didn't, she was too wrapped up in her own self pity. She laid a comforting hand upon his once more and said, "Severus, you were fallowing orders, we all know what happens when the Dark Lord is refused." He nodded but she didn't' think he believed her, "Does Annie know it was you?"

Severus thought about it for a moment, "I honestly don't know, I told her I was sorry but I don't' know if she registered that it was me or not; I'm not sure how much of the meeting she overheard."

"Well, we will just have to wait and find out."

"Why are you being so kind to me about this, I did something completely unforgivable?"

"Because as I said earlier, you were doing what you had to do to stay alive, it had nothing to do with the fact that you wanted to rape Annie." She put a hand on his cheek to force him to look at her, "You are my husband, I may not fully understand what goes on inside these meetings but I know that your loyalties lie with us in the Order, I can trust you."

"Hermione…"

"Severus, don't; I have one question."

"What is your question?"

"Can we get past this?" she looked into his eyes before she continued. "Will you make love to me tonight?"

Severus could help but smile, "That's two questions dear."

"Shut up and answer them." He leaned into her and kissed her with all the passion in his body; he loved her and at the moment, that was all that mattered.

That night as they lay in each other's arms, Hermione absentmindedly rubbed small circles on his arm that was draped across his chest. "Severus?"

"Yes Hermione."

"You aren't going to make me go to that stupid ball by myself are you?"

Severus laughed, "No I don't suppose that would look very good now would it?"

"No it wouldn't."